Assertiveness and
Interpersonal Conflict
Jill Phillips
Learning Outcomes
 Define assertiveness
 Differentiate between assertiveness,
aggression & submission
 Discuss how assertiveness can impact on
healthcare delivery
 Discuss assertive “I” messages
Misconceptions
 Assertiveness can be perceived as
-
aggressive
-
uncaring
Assertiveness
 To respectfully and clearly express your views,
observations or feelings, without any likely
negative consequences or implications for the
other person
 Behaviour which enables a person to act in his/her
own best interests, to stand up for him/herself
without undue anxiety, to express his/her honest
feelings comfortably, or to exercise his/her own
rights without denying the rights of others (Alberti
& Emmons, 1970 as cited in Rungapadiachy,
1999).
 An assertive person steers a middle course
between not doing anything and doing too much
 An assertive person gets the work of interpersonal
communication done but does so in a way that
respects both his or her own rights and the rights
of other people (Egan, 1977 as cited in
Rungapadiachy, 1999).
 Standing up for your own rights in such a way that
you do not violate another person’s rights.
Expressing your needs, wants, opinions, feelings
and beliefs in direct, honest and appropriate ways
(Back & Back, 1991 as cited in Rungapadiachy,
1999).
 “I win and you win”
 “I’m OK, you’re OK”
Submissiveness
 Lack of confidence in one’s behaviour
 Results in rights being violated
 I let you have your way even if its an
inconvenience
 Inability to say no to a request or feeling
guilty after having said no
 “I’m not OK and you’re OK”
 “I lose and you win”
 Saying sorry even when its not your fault
 Accepting the blame even if you are not
responsible
 Always behaving in a way which gives the
impression that others are superior to
yourself
 The word “no” does not exist in your
vocabulary
 A non-assertive person is likely to think of
an appropriate response after the
opportunity has passed
Aggressiveness
 Behaviour suggests a lack of respect for
others
 Emphasis is on satisfying ones own needs
at the expense of others, and violating their
rights in the process
 I stand up for my rights and that’s all that
matters
 “I win, you lose”
Behaviours
 Submissiveness
- You deny yourself
- You feel inhibited and guilty
- You get hurt
- You feel anxious
- You are dictated to by others
- You do not achieve what you want
- Others achieve their goals at your expense
Behaviours
 Assertiveness
- You enhance your growth
- You express freely
- You feel good about yourself
- You make your own choice
- You may achieve your goal
Behaviours
 Aggressiveness
- You deny others
- You bully others
- You tend to force others into giving in
- You choose for others
- You achieve your goals at the expense of
others
Aggressiveness Cont’d
- Being verbally abusive
- Being physically abusive
- behaving in a manner that conveys an
element of superiority towards others
- Being sarcastic (indirect aggression)
A question of rights
 ‘Rights’ at the heart of assertiveness
 If people don’t know their rights then they
are unlikely to know how to protect them
Some Basic Rights

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The right to say no if that is what you want
The right to be you
The right to change your mind
The right to respect
The right to make your own choices
The right to express your opinions and your
beliefs
. . . And many, many more
Benefits of Submissiveness

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Avoiding conflict
Being left in peace & quiet
Approval
Acceptance
Come across as nice & dependable
Benefits of Aggressiveness

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Venting feelings of anger
Fewer chances of your rights being violated
More often you get what you want
Feeling of domination
Feeling superior to others
Ignoring or dismissing the behaviour of
others
Benefits of Assertiveness
 Being respected for being honest & fair
 Developing a sense of self-respect
 Having a personal sense of value and positive
self-esteem
 Having the ability to establishing good
interpersonal relationships with others
 Being able to satisfy your own needs
 Not having to have to think of excuses to justify
your reasons for having said no
Cont’d
 Never having to be in the role of the victim
 Being in charge of your own feelings
 Feeling a sense of independence
Types of Assertion
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Direct or basic
Indirect
Empathetic
Discrepancy
Praise
Compromise
Therefore assertion . . .
 Does not necessarily mean a categorical
‘no’
AND
You do what feels right so long as you are not
inconvenienced and the other persons rights
are not being interfered with
 Correlation between self concept and
assertive behaviour
 Positive perception of:
- body image
- positive self-esteem
- congruence between ideal self & true self
If one feels confident about self they are likely
to behave confidently
Do’s & Don’ts
 Don’t be influenced by unrealistic goals
 Own what you say – “I” statements
 Own feelings and let others be in charge of
their feelings
 Confront others with factual information
 Be congruent between verbals & nonverbals (say what you mean and mean what
you say)
Cont’d
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Assertion may not always be appropriate
Display the “broken record behaviour”
Maintain eye contact
Use the correct paralanguage
Receiving Criticism
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Listen
Acknowledge
Reflect
Analyse
Accept or
Reject the feedback
Assertiveness & health care delivery
 The concept of caring suggests the health
professional has to safeguard the health &
welfare of the client
 By assisting clients to understand their
rights
 Role of client advocate
 Unassertiveness
- doesn’t install confidence
 Aggressiveness
- generates fear
 Submissiveness
- casts doubt re - efficiency
These are considered non-therapeutic states
References
 Rungapadiachy, D. M. (1999). Interpersonal
communication and psychology for health
care professionals: Theory and practice.
Oxford: Butterworth-Heinemann
 Stein-Parbury, J. (2005). Patient and
person: Interpersonal skills in nursing (3rd
ed.). Sydney: Elsevier