Non-violent Communication
Key: AWL to Study, Low-frequency Vocabulary
Describe what you think violent communication might
sound like.
Non-violent Communication
• Fosters compassion and understanding
• Based on the premise that all humans are inherently
good and possess the same universal needs
 physical well-being,
interpersonal connection, and
personal autonomy
of all people.
Do you agree that all humans are inherently good
and possess the same needs? Explain.
Conflict
• Conflict is always the result of an unmet need.
 When parties acknowledge each other’s needs,
disagreements can be dealt with in an effective manner.
Do you agree that conflict is the result of an unmet need?
Origins
• Marshall Rosenberg
 creator of the NVC technique
 commissioned as peace-keeping negotiator among nations
 conflict resolution specialist in business
• Rosenberg claims we are raised on a language of
violence.
 we label, criticize, and judge
Why do you think people label, criticize, and judge
others? Explain.
Violent Communication
• An outdated use of language:
 historical remnant of hierarchical control-based societies,
where ruling class dispensed moral education and external
justice
• Individuals have come to
feel it is their right to label
and judge.
 They do not reflect on the
internal mechanisms that
are causing them distress.
Have you ever judged another person? Do you feel that
other people judge you unfairly?
NVC: Four-part Strategy
• Part one: Identify bothersome behaviors
 State behaviors in an unbiased and factual manner.
 Say, “The last three times we have made plans, you arrived
more than forty-five minutes late.”
 Don’t say, “How dare you
always make me sit and wait
for hours on end?”
 notwithstanding truth,
implication escalates
hostility
Why do you think that stating behaviors in an unbiased
way is a good idea?
Part Two
• Express feelings elicited by troublesome behavior.
 own your feelings
• Do not attribute your emotional
state to an outside source:
 Don’t say, “You make me angry…”
 flawed logic because a person’s
behavior can be the stimulus but not
the cause of your emotions
 Say, “I feel angry…”
Have you ever said, “You make me angry”? Do you agree
that this use of language is flawed logic?
Part Three
• An unmet personal need results in anger.
• Unmet need with unpunctual friend:
 the proper consideration of one’s time
• Say, “I’m feeling angry because I need you to
acknowledge that my time is just as valuable as yours.”
• Important for the listener to provide an empathetic
response.
 keeps channels of communication open
 sets the stage for the resolution of conflict
Do you find it easy or difficult to state your needs?
Part Four
• Make a request
 once feelings and needs have been clarified.
 differentiated from a demand, because the receiver has the
right of refusal
 Say, “I am asking that
you make an effort
to arrive on time or
call to let me know
you will be late.”
How would you react if a person refused to comply with
your request? Explain.
Autonomy
• Freedom to act autonomously
 No one has the right to coerce another person into doing
something against his or her will.
Do you have autonomy in your life? Explain.