DEVELOPING EFFECTIVE
LISTENING SKILLS
FOR MAJOR AND PLANNED
GIFT FUNDRAISERS
Property of William T. Sturtevant
Fundraising Consultant
No reprints without permission
THE IMPORTANCE AND ESSENTIALS OF
COMMUNICATIONS
CREDIT TO SARAH A. ARCISZEWSKI OF WMET, NEW YORK
TWO MODES OF COMMUNICATIONS:
• SURVIVAL – TYPIFIED BY PAUSES, INSECURITY
AND CONCERNS WITH SELF (E.G., THE NEXT
QUESTION OR STATEMENT); ME/ME
CONVERSATION.
• CONNECTION – NATURAL, FLOWING
CONVERSATION BETWEEN TWO PEOPLE
WHO FEEL COMFORTABLE WITH EACH
OTHER; ME/YOU CONVERSATION.
ESSENTIAL ELEMENTS FOR CONNECTION MODE
•
EMPATHY – FOCUS ON THE OTHER PERSON.
•
ACTIVE LISTENING.
•
SINCERE INTEREST.
•
ENTHUSIASM.
LESSONS IN ACTIVE LISTENING
FROM SALES EFFECTIVENESS TRAINING
FOUR MAJOR REASONS WHY WE ARE NOT EFFECTIVE
LISTENERS:
•
WE HAVE NEVER LEARNED HOW TO LISTEN
•
WE BELIEVE THAT FUNDRAISING IS TALKING
•
LISTENING REQUIRES FOCUSED CONCENTRATION
•
OUR PARADIGMS DISTORT WHAT WE HEAR
LISTENING SKILLS CAN BE BROKEN DOWN
INTO THREE BASIC COMPONENTS
1. ATTENDING BEHAVIOR –
NONVERBAL COMMUNICATIONS THAT SHOW THE
OTHER PERSON YOU CARE ABOUT WHAT THEY
ARE SAYING.
2. PASSIVE LISTENING –
SILENCE IS POWERFUL BECAUSE IT:
(1) SHOWS ATTENTION TO THE SPEAKER
(2) AVOIDS JUDGEMENTAL OR DEFENSIVE RESPONSES
(3) CREATES MILD PRESSURE FOR THE SPEAKER TO
KEEP ON TALKING
PASSIVE LISTENING HAS TWO ELEMENTS:
(1) ACKNOWLEDGEMENT – AN EXCELLENT WAY TO
ENCOURAGE CONVERSATION
(2) “DOOR OPENERS” – INVITE THE PROSPECT TO
OPEN UP, E.G., “TELL ME MORE”
3. ACTIVE LISTENING USE OF QUESTIONS TO CONCENTRATE ON WHAT
PROSPECT IS SAYING, CLARIFY INFORMATION,
AND TO PROVE YOU UNDERSTAND AND
EMPATHIZE.
SOME GOOD TECHNIQUES
FOR THE ACTIVE LISTENER
WHEN YOU ARE CERTAIN YOU UNDERSTAND
WHAT HAS BEEN SAID
• “YOU FEEL . . .”
• “WHAT I HEAR YOU SAYING IS . . .”
• “IT SEEMS TO YOU . . .”
• “AS YOU SEE IT . . .”
• “I REALLY HEAR YOU SAYING THAT . . .”
WHEN YOU FEEL LESS CERTAIN YOU
UNDERSTAND
• “I THINK I HEAR YOU SAYING . . .”
• “IT APPEARS YOU . . .”
• “CORRECT ME IF I’M WRONG, BUT . . .”
• “LET ME SEE IF I UNDERSTAND; YOU . . .”
THE GOAL OF THE EFFECTIVE LISTENER/FUNDRAISER
IS TO ENCOURAGE THE PROSPECT TO TALK, THEN
LISTEN TO UNDERSTAND HIS/HER VIEWS AND
UNIQUE NEEDS AND FEARS RELATING TO THE GIFT
DECISION. THIS MEANS LISTENING WITHOUT AN
AGENDA. ONLY IN THIS MANNER CAN YOU TRULY
BECOME PARTNER/CONSULTANT.
WHY QUESTIONS ARE SO HELPFUL
CREDIT TO MAJOR ACCOUNT SALES STRATEGY BY NEIL RACKHAM
• QUESTIONS REVEAL NEEDS.
• QUESTIONS EXPOSE PROBLEMS.
• QUESTIONS REVEAL VALUES.
• QUESTIONS UNCOVER MOTIVATIONAL “TRIGGERS.”
• QUESTIONS REVEAL STRATEGIC INFORMATION.
• QUESTIONS CONTROL THE DISCUSSION.
• QUESTIONS ARE AN ALTERNATIVE TO DISAGREEMENT.
• QUESTIONS GIVE THINKING TIME.
TYPES OF QUESTIONS YOU CAN ASK
TO SECURE INFORMATION
• CONFIRMATION – VALIDATE DATA OR POINT OUT INACCURACIES.
“ARE YOU STILL CONCERNED ABOUT ESCALATING RATES OF LUNG
CANCER IN WOMEN?”
• NEW INFORMATION – TO UPDATE INFORMATION AND FILL IN
GAPS. MAY TELL YOU THE RESULTS THE DONOR WANTS. “HOW DID
YOU SETTLE IN THIS BEAUTIFUL PART OF THE WORLD?”
• ATTITUDE QUESTIONS – IDENTIFY PERSONAL NEEDS, VALUES,
ATTITUDES AND SENSE OF URGENCY. “WHAT IS YOUR OPINION?” OR
“HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT ________?”
• COMMITMENT QUESTIONS – HELP YOU LOCATE YOUR CURRENT
POSITION IN THE SALE. “AM I CORRECT IN MY UNDERSTANDING
THAT WE SHOULD FINALIZE THE ARRANGEMENT FOR YOUR GIFT?”
QUESTIONS WHICH WILL UNLOCK EMOTIONS
FROM SCOTT WEST OF STORYTELLING FOR FINANCIAL ADVISORS
• WHERE ARE YOU (OR YOUR FAMILY) FROM?
• HOW AND WHY DID YOU SETTLE ON YOUR LIFE’S WORK?
• WHAT ARE THE GUIDING PRINCIPLES THAT ALLOWED YOU
TO BE SUCCESSFUL?
• WHAT IS THE BEST BUSINESS DECISION YOU EVER MADE?
• WHAT IS THE BEST PERSONAL DECISION YOU EVER MADE?
• IF YOU COULD PASS ALONG ONE LESSON TO YOUR
CHILDREN OR GRANDCHILDREN, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
• WHAT DO YOU EXPECT FROM THE CHARITABLE
ORGANIZATIONS YOU SUPPORT?
• HOW DO YOU MEASURE SUCCESS?
TIPS FOR ASKING QUESTIONS
FROM NON-MANIPULATIVE SELLING
• ASK PERMISSION TO ASK QUESTIONS.
• START WITH BROAD TOPICS, THEN NARROW THE FOCUS.
• BUILD ON PREVIOUS RESPONSES.
• AVOID JARGON OR VERNACULAR.
• IF YOU HAVE TO ASK A SENSITIVE QUESTION, EXPLAIN WHY.
• PHRASE QUESTIONS SO PROSPECTS ANSWER IN A POSTIVE
FASHION.
• ASK WHAT GENERAL BENEFITS ARE DESIRED.
POSSIBLE QUESTIONS TO ASK PROSPECTS
FROM THE RELATIONSHIP EDGE IN BUSINESS
BY JERRY ACUFF AND WALLY WOOD
• WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU’RE NOT WORKING?
• WHERE DID YOU GO TO SCHOOL (AND HOW DID YOU CHOOSE
IT)?
• WHERE DID YOU GROW UP AND WHAT WAS IT LIKE GROWING UP
THERE?
• WHAT DO YOU ENJOY READING?
• HOW DID YOU SETTLE ON YOUR PROFESSION?
• PLEASE TELL ME ABOUT YOUR FAMILY.
• WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PLACE TO VACATION?
POSSIBLE QUESTIONS TO ASK PROSPECTS
(CONTINUED)
• WHERE WOULD YOU LIKE TO TRAVEL THAT YOU HAVE YET TO VISIT?
• WHAT COMMUNITY AND/OR CHARITABLE ORGANIZATIONS ARE
YOU INVOLVED WITH?
• HOW DID YOU DECIDE TO SETTLE IN THIS AREA?
• IF YOU WERE TO CHOOSE ANOTHER PROFESSION, WHAT WOULD
IT BE?
• WHAT SPORTS DO YOU ENJOY WATCHING?
• WHAT SPORTS DO YOU ENJOY PARTICIPATING IN?
POOR LISTENING HABITS
• YOU DO ALL THE TALKING.
• YOU INTERRUPT.
• YOU AVOID EYE CONTACT.
• YOU TOY WITH AN OBJECT WHILE ANOTHER PERSON IS TALKING.
• YOU PUT WORDS IN SPEAKER’S MOUTH.
• YOU PUT PEOPLE ON THE DEFENSIVE WITH YOUR STYLE OF
QUESTIONING.
• YOU START TO ARGUE BEFORE THE OTHER PERSON FINISHES
THE CASE.
POOR LISTENING HABITS
(CONTINUED)
• YOU DIGRESS WITH STORIES.
• YOU FINISH SENTENCES.
• YOU WAIT IMPATIENTLY FOR THE OTHER TO FINISH.
• YOU ARE ARTIFICIAL WITH YOUR ATTEMPT TO MAKE EYE CONTACT.
• YOU OVERDO FEEDBACK – TOO MANY NODS OR UH-HUH’S.
• YOU MAKE JUDGEMENTS ABOUT PEOPLE WHILE THEY SPEAK.
• YOU BECOME DISTRACTED (E.G., FOCUS ON WORDS AND MISS
THE MESSAGE.
LISTENING TIPS
1. TO TRULY UNDERSTAND WHAT THE PROSPECT/DONOR IS
TELLING YOU, YOU NEED TO KNOW:
• WHY IS THE PERSON SAYING THE THINGS SHE IS SAYING?
• WHAT ARE MOTIVES UNDERLYING THE MESSAGE?
• HOW DOES SHE REALLY FEEL ABOUT THE ISSUE?
LISTENING TIPS
(CONTINUED)
2. USE THE “FUNNEL” APPROACH TO ACTIVE LISTENING:
• MOVE FROM BROAD TO NARROW;
• BUILD ON RESPONSES;
• CLARIFY;
• EXPAND;
• REDIRECT TO NEXT TOPIC;
LISTENING TIPS
(CONTINUED)
3. CONCENTRATE BY FOCUSING ATTENTION ON PROSPECT – AND
ONLY ON PROSPECT;
4. DEMONSTRATE YOUR INTEREST AND ATTENTION;
5. RESEARCH BY ASKING QUESTIONS AND MAKING STATEMENTS
WHICH ELICIT RESPONSES;
6. OBSERVE AND INTERPRET NONVERBAL CLUES;
7. ORGANIZE THE INFORMATION YOU OBTAIN.
LISTENING TIPS
(CONTINUED)
8. IMPORTANT GUIDELINES IN THIS REGARD:
• RESPECT THE OTHER’S POINT OF VIEW.
• UNDERSTAND FULLY WHAT WAS SAID BEFORE RESPONDING.
• USE PARAPHRASING TO CHECK YOUR UNDERSTANDING.
• EXPLORE RELATIONAL AS WELL AS CONTENT MEANING –
EXPLORE FEELING.
LISTENING TIPS
(CONTINUED)
9. BE SURE YOU UNDERSTAND FIRST AND SEEK TO BE UNDERSTOOD
SECOND.
10. RESTATE WHAT YOU HEAR, BUT AVOID REPEATING.
11. MATCH TEMPO AND TONE.
12. EVALUATE BUT AVOID VALUE JUDGEMENTS.
13. SEEK TO UNDERSTAND FEELING AS WELL AS VERBAL CONTENT.
METHODS TO IMPROVE YOUR SKILLS AS A LISTENER
FROM MAKING LISTENING WORK FOR YOU
• SEARCH FOR POSITIVE AND AREAS OF COMMON INTEREST.
• TAKE THE INITIATIVE.
• WORK AT LISTENING - EXPEND THE ENERGY AND ENTHUSIASM.
• FOCUS ON CENTRAL IDEAS.
• TAKE MEANINGFUL NOTES.
• RESIST EXTERNAL DISTRACTIONS.
• KEEP AN OPEN MIND.
METHODS TO IMPROVE YOUR SKILLS AS A LISTENER
(CONTINUED)
• ASK QUESTIONS TO CLARIFY.
• CAPITALIZE ON THOUGHT SPEAK BY SUMMARIZING.
• PRACTICE.
• ANALYZE NONVERBAL CUES (CAUTION!).
• EVALUATE AND BE CRITICAL OF CONTENT NOT
THE SPEAKER’S DELIVERY.
IF YOU SEEK TO COMMUNICATE CLEARLY
REMEMBER THESE PRINCIPLES
• WHEN YOU ARE MAKING ONLY ONE POINT, PEOPLE PROBABLY
NEED TO HEAR IT ONLY ONCE.
• IF TWO OR THREE POINTS, REPEAT OTHERWISE PEOPLE MAY
NOT REMEMBER.
• IF FOUR OR FIVE POINTS YOU NEED TO REPEAT AND USE
ANOTHER SENSORY TOOL.
• SIX OR MORE POINTS MEANS YOU WILL NEED REPETITION AND
TWO OR MORE SENSORY TOOLS.
THE EFFECTIVE LISTENER
FROM MAKING LISTENING WORK FOR YOU
• HAS AN OPEN, CURIOUS MIND.
• LISTENS TO NEW IDEAS.
• LISTENS WITH FEELING AND INTUITION.
• IS TOTALLY AWARE.
• LISTENS FROM THE HEART TO STAY NON-JUDGEMENTAL.
• LOOKS FOR IDEAS AND THE ESSENCE.
• PROVIDES FEEDBACK.
• CLARIFIES AND RESTATES TO HELP UNDERSTANDING.
• UNDERSTANDS OWN PARADIGMS AND HOW THEY AFFECT LISTENING.
• FOCUSED ON OTHER PERSON.
WHAT DOES LISTENING ACCOMPLISH
FROM THE POWER OF CONSULTATIVE SELLING
• PROSPECTS MAKE CLEARER TO THEMSELVES THEIR FEELINGS AND
REASONINGS.
• PROSPECTS MAY SELL THEMSELVES.
• PROSPECTS ARE ALLOWED TO THINK MORE CREATIVELY.
• PROSPECTS ENJOY THE OPPORTUNITY TO EXPRESS THEIR OWN
IDEAS.