LET’S TALK
LET’S TALK
Lift Your Low Self Esteem
Week 1 – Introduction to Low Self Esteem
Written by Rebecca Emmerson, Dec 2010
adapted from Melanie Fennell’s book “Overcoming Low Self Esteem”
with kind permission from the author
WELCOME
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House keeping: fire exits, toilets, refreshments
Introductions, who we are
IAPT Questionnaires
Rosenberg Questionnaire
Keeping safe
Congratulations on making the first steps
towards making change!
Ice Breaker
Introduce yourself to the person next to you
Group Structure
• Weekly from 6.30-8.30pm (with some groups in the day
time) but not in any ‘school’ holidays
• Based on the Work by Dr Melanie Fennell
• Benefits of CBT effective for self esteem
• Psycho-educational group not a therapy group
• Not here to give you high self esteem, here to provide
you with coping strategies to allow you to improve your
own self esteem.
• Weekly tasks
• Week one effect!
Aims of the Course
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To provide an understanding of self esteem;
To gain knowledge of how low self esteem develops
and is maintained;
To strengthen positive beliefs about yourself;
To encourage self acceptance;
To learn to recognise helpful and unhelpful thoughts;
To identify our Bottom Line and Rules for Living;
To provide encouragement and support in learning
different ways of thinking and acting, that will help to
improve self esteem;
To facilitate a supportive environment in which
students may share experiences and learn from the
group.
Learn various Relaxation exercises
Group Rules
What rules would you like the group to agree to
over the next 8 weeks?
Ice Breaker
What is your favourite food?
Aims of Today’s Session
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What is Self Esteem?
How does Low Self Esteem develop?
How is Low Self Esteem maintained?
How does Low Self Esteem effect us?
Introducing the CBT model
The continuum of Self Esteem
Positive Notebook Exercise
Diaphragmatic Breathing
Group Exercise
1. What do we mean by Self Esteem?
2. What is Low Self Esteem?
3. Can we think of people in the media who
have Low Self Esteem?
A definition of Self Esteem
“The overall opinion we have of
ourselves, how we judge or evaluate
ourselves, and the value we attach to
ourselves as people.”
Melanie Fennell (1999), ‘Overcoming low Self Esteem’
A definition of Low Self Esteem
“(if you) feel your true self to be weak,
inadequate, inferior or lacking in some way, if
you are troubled by uncertainty and self–
doubt, if your thoughts about yourself are often
unkind and critical, or if you have any difficulty
in feeling that you have any true worth or
entitlement to the good things in life, these are
signs your self esteem is low”
Fennell, 1997
How Low Self Esteem develops
Negative Early Experiences
The Bottom Line (beliefs)
Rules for Living (assumptions)
Trigger Situations
Situations in which the Rules for Living are (or may be) broken
How Low Self Esteem Develops - 1
Negative Early Experiences
Events, relationships:
Rejection, neglect, abuse, criticism and punishment
Lack of praise, interest, warmth or acceptance
Being the ‘odd’ one out in your family or school
The Bottom Line
Negative conclusions about yourself, based
on these experiences:
‘I am bad’, ‘I am worthless’, ‘I am stupid’,
‘I am not good enough’
How Low Self Esteem Develops - 2
Rules for Living
Ways you think you should behave, because you
believe the Bottom Line
‘I must always put others first’, ‘If I say what I think, I will
be rejected’, ‘Unless I do everything to the highest
possible standard, I will achieve nothing’
Trigger Situations
Situations in which the Rules for Living are (or may
be) broken
Being rejected, the possibility of failing, feeling that you
might lose control
Group Exercise
Brainstorm early and later experiences
that could contribute to
low self esteem
Experiences Contributing to Low
Self Esteem
Early Experiences
Later Experiences
Punishment, neglect or abuse
Failing to meet parental standards
Failing to meet peer group standards
Being on the receiving end of other people’s
stress or distress
Belonging to a family or social group which is
a focus for prejudice
An absence of good things (praise, affection,
warmth, interest)
Being the “odd one out” at home
Being the “odd one out” at school
Work Place intimidation or
bullying
Abusive relationships
Breakdown of relationships
Persistent stress or hardship
Exposure to traumatic events
How Low Self Esteem is Maintained
Trigger situations
Situation which Rules for Living might be broken
‘I must not say anything as no one will want to hear it’
Activation of the Bottom
Line
‘I’m stupid’
Negative predictions
Depression
‘People think I’m stupid’
Anxiety
Self-critical thinking
Unhelpful behaviour
‘I’ll avoid the situation’
Confirmation of the Bottom
Line
Prediction left unchallenged, bottom
line remains intact
Break
‘The Jelly Baby Exercise’
Split into groups and discuss how
low self esteem effects:
Thoughts
Feelings
Behaviours
Physical
(split into 4 groups and take one each to discuss
Write on post it notes and place on the jelly baby!)
Thoughts and Feelings
Thoughts
Self criticism
Self blame
Self doubt
Negative thoughts
Discounting praise and compliments
Focuses on weaknesses and flaws
Lack of self acceptance
Feelings
Sadness
Anxiety
Depression
Guilt
Worthless
Shame
Frustration
Anger
Disabling self consciousness
Over sensitivity
Behaviour and Physical Symptoms
Behaviour
Not asserting needs
Reduced ability to speak out
Apologetic stance
Avoiding challenges and opportunities
Bowed posture - bowed head
Avoidance of eye contact
Hushed voice - Hesitancy - Shyness
Excessive drinking/smoking
Excessive eagerness to please
Being life and soul of the party
Excessive/lack of attention to appearance
Avoidance
Checking behaviours
Physical
Fatigue/Tiredness
Tension
Low Energy
Uncomfortable body sensations
Unable to concentrate
Changes in appetite and weight
Changes in sleep pattern
Vicious Cycle of Thoughts,
Feelings and Behaviours
Situation: You have received an invite to go to a party
Thought
‘I won’t be able to
cope everyone will
think I’m an idiot’
Behaviour
Decides not to go
– avoids the
situation
Feeling
Nervous,
worried
Group Exercise
1. What would someone be like if they had
high self esteem?
2. Can we think of people in the media who
have high self esteem?
Group Exercise
How would the following be different
if we had High Self Esteem?
Thoughts
Feelings
Behaviours
Physical
Positive Cycle of Thoughts,
Feelings and Behaviours
Situation: You have received an invite to go to a party
Thought
‘’I’m looking
forward to meeting
new people” “going
to have a good
time”
Behaviour
Goes to the
party
Feeling
Excited, happy,
Self Esteem Continuum
LSE
HSE
“At home and socially
I have low self
esteem”
“In my job as Sales
Manager I have High Self
Esteem”
Able to move back and forth along the continuum
Self esteem varies according to the situations we are in and the people
we are with
Self esteem varies throughout the life span
Continuum Course Objectives
LSE
HSE
Not here to give you “high self esteem”
Not here to rid you of “low self esteem”
Here to provide you with skills and techniques to lift your low
self esteem!
Where ever you are now the aim is to move a few steps forward
The course will allow you to move forward along the continuum and
be less vulnerable to falling backwards!
Positive Notebook Exercise
Think of our minds as two cabinets. One holds negative information,
the other positive information. The negative drawer is probably
jammed full!
Keep a ‘special’ notebook. Start keeping a log of all the good/positive
things that happen in your day.
The positive points you record have to be everyday things, things that
happen to you or things you do that are positive. Then write down in
a second column what each task says about you.
You will end up with a store of pleasurable and confidence building
memories
Positive Notebook Tips
• Buy yourself a nice notebook!
• Avoid using scraps of paper as
these are easily lost. Start
keeping a record of all the
positive things that happen to
you in a day.
• Decide on how many positive
qualities you would like to
record a day. Start small and
build up.
• Record everyday things that
are positive. In the second
column write down ‘what does
this say about me?’
Future sessions will refer to this
exercise!!!
Positive action
What does this
say about me?
Went for a swim
Keeping healthy
Cooked a Thai
meal Helping son
with homework
Adventurous cook
Being a good
parent
Buy flowers
Creating
welcoming home
Rang a friend
Sociable friendly
person
Relaxation
Deep Diaphragmatic Breathing
Diaphragmatic breathing, together with mental and physical
relaxation, has been found to reduce high blood
pressure and anxiety significantly.
Diaphragmatic breathing counteracts all the unfortunate
effects of poor breathing and is one of the most useful
tools in stress management. Diaphragmatic breathing is
completely ‘portable’. You can use it wherever and
whenever you feel stressed and no one will know you
are trying to relax as all you are doing is breathing
correctly.
Closing Exercise
Share with your partner your best
achievement to date!
Week 1 - Weekly Tasks
• Start Positive Notebook Exercise
• Observation of people with High & Low
Self Esteem, note what you think!
• Diaphragmatic Breathing Exercise
• Read Chapters 1, 2 and 3 of ‘Overcoming
Low Self Esteem’ by Melanie Fennell for
further supportive reading
LET’S TALK
LET’S TALK
Lift Your Low Self Esteem
Week 2 – Anxious Predictions
Feedback of Weekly Task
• Positive Notebooks
• Observations
• Feedback on Week One Effect
Aims of Session
• To explain what anxious predications are
• To explain how anxious predictions work
• To explain link between anxiety and
avoidance
• Group to learn how to identify anxious
predictions and the precautions they take
• Group to learn how to check out anxious
predictions
Predictions are ok
We all make predictions about things in
our environment.
“If I turn the light switch off I know the
room will go dark!”
We learn through this experience and
adapt accordingly.
Group Brainstorm
What do we mean by
Anxious Predictions?
Predictions in Low Self Esteem
When we have low self esteem we make
predictions about ourselves and view them
as facts.
We are referring to the fear we experience
when our bottom line is activated and our
rules for living are about to be broken .
We start generating predictions about what is
going to go wrong.
This triggers anxiety
We take precautions to prevent the worst from
happening.
Leads to confirmation of our bottom line!
The Vicious Cycle
Trigger situations
Situation which Rules for Living might be broken
‘I must not say anything as no one will want to hear it’
Situation: You
have to speak
out in front of
people in class
Activation of the Bottom
Line
‘I’m stupid’
Negative predictions
Depression
‘People will think I’m stupid’
Anxiety
Self-critical thinking
Unhelpful behaviour
‘I’ll avoid the situation’
Confirmation of the Bottom
Line
Prediction left unchallenged, bottom
line remains intact
How Anxious Predictions Work
1. Overestimating the chance that
something bad will happen
2. Overestimating how bad it will be if
something bad does happen
3. Underestimating one’s own ability to deal
with the worst, if it does happen
4. Underestimating outside resources
Anxious Predictions
Make you at risk to the things you are
scared of. So you take precautions to
protect yourself. Taking precautions
means you never find out what would have
happened and reinforces your belief
that you can’t cope.
What keeps anxiety going?
The “Fear of Fear” cycle:
(or worrying about
symptoms)
More
symptoms
More worry
Fear of fear
Symptoms of
anxiety
(e.g. shaking,
sweating etc.)
The Role of
Avoidance
Vicious cycle:
More
avoidance
More fear
Longer term:
loss of
confidence
Temporary
relief of
symptoms
Fear
Avoidance
Anxiety is Normal
• Natural response to danger or stress
• Helps us survive by preparing our bodies
to deal with threat
• Anxiety acts as the trigger for our bodies
to release adrenaline
• Adrenaline makes the body work faster
and harder so it can cope with danger by
either fighting or running away – ‘fight or
flight’ response
The Anxiety Curve
Anxiety reduces
naturally over time. If
you avoid things you
never get to check this
out
Anxiety
levels
Time
Exercise – Split into Groups
In groups discuss the following questions
1. Identify situations that trigger anxiety.
2. What do you notice happens to you
when you become anxious, what feelings
do you experience?
3. What goes through your mind when you
begin to feel anxious?
4. What precautions do you take to avoid
challenging situations?
Feedback to the Group
your facilitator will write down your points for each question
under each column
Q1.
Trigger
Q2.
Feelings
Q3.
Thoughts
Q4.
Precautions
Can you identify your bottom line or
rules for living?
“I’m stupid” “I’m worthless” “I unlovable”
Doesn’t matter at this point if you can’t
If you can, write them down for future
sessions
Break
PREDICTIONS AND PRECAUTIONS
RECORD SHEET
PREDICTIONS AND PRECAUTIONS RECORD
SHEET
Date/Time
27/11
Situation
What were you
doing when you
began to feel
anxious?
Emotions and body
sensations (e.g.
anxious, panicky,
tense, heart racing)
Rate 0 – 100 for
intensity
Anxious predictions
What exactly was
going through your
mind when you
began to feel
anxious? (e.g.
thoughts in words,
images) Rate 0 –
100% for degree of
belief
Precautions
What did you do to
stop your
predictions coming
true? (e.g.
avoid the situation,
safety-seeking
behaviours)
Feelings
Thinking
about meal
planned for
this evening
with old
school
friends
Anxious 80%
Worried 75%
Heart racing
80%
Nervous 65%
I haven’t seen
friends for ages,
wont know what
to say, they will
think I am
boring, they will
all be better
than me and
doing more
interesting
things.
Made and
excuse not
to go
Relief (ST)
(short term)
(Long term)
Let self down
(LT)
I am boring I
don’t go out
Lonely (LT)
Checking out anxious
predictions
CHECKING OUT ANXIOUS PREDICTIONS RECORD SHEET
Date/Time
Situation
Emotions and Body
Sensations Rate
intensity 0-100%
Anxious Predictions
Rate belief 0-100%
Alternative
Perspectives
(Use the key
questions on next
sheet to
find other views of
the situation). Rate
belief 0-100%
Experiment
1) What did you do
instead of taking
your usual
precautions?
2) What were the
results?
27/11
Thinking
about meal
planned for
this evening
with old
school
friends
Anxious 80%
Worried 75%
Heart racing
80%
Nervous 65%
I haven’t seen
friends for ages,
wont know what
to say, they will
think I am
boring, they will
all be better than
me and doing
more interesting
things. 96%
It is my anxiety
that makes me
think this way.
60% Whenever I
have seen them
in the past it has
been fine and
we have all got
on well. 65%
They are nice
people and have
known me most
of my life. 60%
I went to meal.
Really enjoyed
catching up with
friends, felt like
no time had
passed, like I
had only seen
them yesterday.
They too were a
little anxious
about meeting
up again.
Remember: key questions to help you
find alternatives to anxious predictions
• What is the evidence to support what I am
predicting?
• What is the evidence against what I am
predicting?
• What alternative views are there? What
evidence is there to support them?
• What is the worst that can happen?
• What is the best that can happen?
• Realistically, what is most likely to happen?
• If the worst happens, what could be done about
it?
Week 2 - Weekly Tasks
• Predictions and Precautions Record Sheet
• Checking out Anxious Predictions Sheet
• Positive Notebook
• Read Chapter 4 of ‘Overcoming Low Self
Esteem’ by Melanie Fennell for further
supportive reading on Anxious Predictions