Adding Voice to Writing
Show Not Tell
Telling…
The girls were excited.
Showing
Giggles and screams filled the arena. The
soft curls were now damp with perspiration
and the anticipation of the event. They held
tight to each other in a mock effort to contain
themselves. Arms flailed upward, and voices
echoed in varying tones. The moment was
here. They had beliebed and now The BIEB
was theirs for 60 minutes!
Telling
He felt ashamed when the minister spoke of
infidelity.
Showing
The man’s ears turned red and his eyes
darted downwards when the minister
mentioned the word infidelity. His wife tried to
squeeze his hand, but he pulled it away in
shame.
Telling
 He is angry.
Showing
Sitting at his desk, his jaw tightened. His eyes
flashed heat waves at me. The words erupted
from his mouth, "I want to talk to you after
class." The final hiss in his voice warned me
about his feelings.
Abstract Words =
Telling NOT Showing
 Love
 Hate
 Peace
 Hope
 Happy
 Sad
 Excited
 Afraid
 Mournful
 Overjoyed
 Scared
 Confused
Angry
Furious
Overwhelmed
Stressed
Awe-struck
Beautiful
Passion
Modesty
Interesting
Unique
Different
Sweet
REVISE:
Search through your
essay draft now and
circle any abstract words
that you find.
These are words that will
either need to be entirely
replaced OR expanded in
order to show and not
tell.
Make associations…
 Select ONE word that you circled, and in the
margins, write a list of people, places, things,
ideas, images, adjectives, actions, etc. that
you associate with the abstract word.
 Example:

Peace (abstract word)
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Ocean
Waterfall
Sleeping child
Wheat field
White dove
Revise the sentence
 Look over the list of associations and circle two of the BEST and
MOST UNIQUE items.
 Rewrite the entire sentence and DELETE the abstract word by
replacing it with the associations. Write the new sentence onto
the draft.
 Example:


I was full of peace. VS.
Looking at the lake was my white dove
moment.
Purpose: Give the abstract teeth!
 The writer or artist takes an abstract idea and
gives it concrete associations to affect a
reaction in the reader as well as enable the
reader to comprehend the writer’s tone and
purpose.
 Literary techniques to help with this are:
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Simile
Metaphor
Personification
Simile
 Select a different abstract word in the essay
and brainstorm a list of similes for it. Use the
following appeals to the senses, and write
your ideas in the margins.

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Hate looks like…
Hate smells like…
Hate tastes like…
Hate sounds like…
Hate feels like…
Revise the sentence
 Select the BEST simile from the list. Then
rewrite the entire sentence using that simile
to show and not tell.
 Example:


I was full of peace VS.
Peace filled my heart like warm pumpkin pie
on Thanksgiving.
Metaphor
 Select another abstract word from your essay, but
this time brainstorm a list of metaphors for the word.
Appeal to the senses as listed below:

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
Love is… (appeal to sight)
Love is… (appeal to sound)
Love is… (appeal to touch)
Love is… (appeal to taste)
Love is… (appeal to smell)
Revise the sentence
 Select the BEST metaphor from the list.
Then rewrite the entire sentence using that
metaphor to show and not tell.
 Example:


I was full of peace VS.
I was a white dove flying high in the clouds.
Personification
 Brainstorm:

Select a different abstract word from your
essay and brainstorm personifications for it.
Write them in the margins.

Example:

Hate
 Clenches its fists
 Frowns on smiling faces
 Screams at a child coloring rainbows on the sidewalk
Revise the sentence
 Select the BEST personification from the list.
Then rewrite the entire sentence using that
personification to show and not tell.
 Example:


I was full of peace VS.
The dove smiled its wings down upon the
mountains.