STRATEGIES FOR DEALING WITH
DISRUPTIVE/DIFFICULT PEOPLE
Developed by: Norm Riggs, MA.
and Sarah Renner, M.A.
Reviewed by: Joel Rosenthal, Ph.D.,
Clinical Psychologist, Stanford University
& Diana McCann, M.A., Business and
Organization Consultant & Therapist
1
ANECDOTER
(Note: Anecdoters can make a positive contribution if their
stories are relevant, interesting, and not too long or
frequent.)
BEHAVIOR:
• Loves to tell stories, usually about personal
experiences.
• Stories often relevant to business at hand and throw
conversation off track, eating away at valuable time.
• Stories tend to flatter storyteller.
• Seeks humorous response or personal recognition.
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ANECTDOTER
NEUTRALIZING STRATEGIES:
• Acknowledge their contribution and move to refocus
discussion.
• If behavior becomes disruptive, point out time
constraints and suggest that anectdoter share stories
after meeting.
• If behavior still a problem, take person aside and point
out need to stick to agenda. Request help in keeping
discussion on track.
3
AVOIDER
BEHAVIOR:
• Hates controversy or conflict or doesn’t want to
commit to ideas or responsibility.
• When faced with conflict, will change the subject,
divert attention elsewhere, or plead for harmony.
• Seeks approval and tends to agree with ideas
prematurely.
4
AVOIDER
NEUTRALIZING STRATEGIES:
• Reassure group by pointing out that disagreement when exercised respectfully - is healthy and important
to good decision making.
• Ask open-minded questions to bring out discussion.
• Maintain focus - don’t let avoiders stifle or sidetrack
the discussion.
• Clarify individual assignments and responsibilities to
entire group. Set deadlines. Check on progress.
5
BLOCKER
BEHAVIOR:
• Negative. Cynical. “It won’t work.”
• Belittles others’ ideas and rarely offer
alternatives.
• Indifferent to others’ feelings.
6
BLOCKER
NEUTRALIZING STRATEGIES:
• Confront their negativism without openly opposing
them or quibbling over small points. (For example,
“You’re right, what we’ve tried in the past hasn’t
worked, but…”).
• Remain calm and maintain eye contact--blockers have
little respect for wimps.
• Be assertive and positive-don’t given in to their
negativism.
• Restate or summarize their point of view, but then
firmly state your own position.
• Use “I” statements to set your opinion apart from
theirs.
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COMPETITOR
BEHAVIOR:
• No matter what the idea, suggestion, or
solution, the competitor can always come up
with something better.
• Tends to feel superior to other members of the
group.
• Possesses a strong need to “win.”
• Resents those who contradict or question them.
• Tends to recite facts for their case.
• Enjoys pointing out others’ mistakes.
8
COMPETITOR
NEUTRALIZING STRATEGIES:
• Be polite and non-combative as possible competitors are often looking for a fight.
• Acknowledge their advice or opinion and then
move discussion forward.
• De-escalate the competition by refusing to
engage and pointing out that, while it is useful
to discuss the pros and cons of an idea or
suggestion, this is not a debate about who’s
right or wrong.
• Make sure to double-check your facts.
9
DOMINATOR
BEHAVIOR:
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
Monopolizes discussion
Interrupts others
Exerts power
Controlling
Finds fault with others & their ideas
Rambles
May lack focus
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DOMINATOR
NEUTRALIZING STRATEGIES:
• Do your homework - know your facts.
• Establish ground rules to promote a
democratic discussion process.
• Respond with facts without being
confrontational.
• Tactfully break in, thank the dominator for
his/her contribution, and ask to “hear from
others.”
• Ask close-ended questions that require “yes” &
“no” responses.
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DOMINATOR
NEUTRALIZING STRATEGIES (continued):
• Periodically stop and summarize what has been
said.
• Look for an opportunity to break in. (All of us
have to pause to catch our breath.)
• Promote wise use of time by scheduling
meetings before lunch or at end of workday.
• Apply peer pressure toward democratic
participation.
• Request that participants speak round-robin.
12
GOSSIPERS
BEHAVIOR:
• Derives power from rumors.
• Rumors usually negative, not substantiated by
facts, and harmful to others.
• Often has a hidden agenda--rumors promote
self-interest.
• Uses rumors to distract from focus of meeting.
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GOSSIPERS
NEUTRALIZING STRATEGIES:
• Ignore rumor -- quickly move back to focus.
• Don’t react -- change the subject.
• Be up front with gossiper that it is
uncomfortable and inappropriate to engage in
such discussion.
• Press gossiper for source and factual basis of
rumor.
• Confront the gossiper -- if rumor is damaging
to others, point this out.
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JOKER
(Note: Humor is sometimes welcome. In
moderation, jokers can add spice to a discussion
and may relieve tension, but a little of this
behavior goes a long way.)
BEHAVIOR:
• Craves attention.
• Wants credit for entertaining.
• Distracts and annoys group, especially the
leader.
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JOKER
NEUTRALIZING STRATEGIES:
• Initially, ignore behavior.
• If behavior continues, pause and make eye contact with
joker. This will sometimes exert group peer pressure
on joker to refrain.
• Set behavior limits -- ask joker to please help group
stay on task.
• Direct a question at or a request for input from joker.
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NITPICKER
BEHAVIOR:
• Unpleasant perfectionist.
• Worries and quibbles over little things.
• May be argumentative and critical of others.
• Distracts group from “big picture.”
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NITPICKER
NEUTRALIZING STRATEGIES:
• Acknowledges nitpicker’s point but don’t let
group get sidetracked from main focus.
• If nitpicking becomes excessive, request that
person visit with leader after meeting to discuss
fine points.
• Nitpickers tend to be serious types; incorporate
some humor or fun into meeting.
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RECOGNITION SEEKER
BEHAVIOR:
• Seeks credit for achievements.
• Anxious to please.
• Tends to be committed, active, and responsible
member of group.
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RECOGNITION SEEKER
NEUTRALIZING STRATEGIES:
• Usually satisfied when acknowledged and
complimented for their contributions.
• If behavior becomes distracting, give them an
assignment to make use of their energy.
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SABOTEUR
BEHAVIOR:
• Devious. Conniving. Often has a vendetta
against others.
• Plots and works behind the scene. May enlist
others.
• Concerned primarily with self-interest.
• Betrays confidence.
• May withhold information.
• Like gossipers, saboteurs create and spread
unpleasant facts or allegations.
21
SABOTEUR
NEUTRALIZING STRATEGIES:
• Handle with care! Such people are dangerous-can destroy lives and careers.
• There is seldom middle ground with saboteurs-confront them, either privately or in meeting.
In extreme cases, dismiss from group.
• Create and keep allies among group members.
Peer pressure may help neutralize saboteurs.
• Keep accurate records as proof in case it’s
“your word against theirs.”
22
SELF-CONFESSOR/
SYMPATHY SEEKER
BEHAVIOR:
• Shifts conversation toward personal needs,
problems, or misfortunes.
• Diverts focus by dumping personal, unwanted
information on group.
• Seeks feedback and sympathy from group.
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SELF-CONFESSOR/
SYMPATHY SEEKER
NEUTRALIZING STRATEGIES:
• If concerns have some merit, briefly and gently acknowledge
this person’s situation but quickly return to topic at hand.
• Explain that time constraints do not allow for group
discussion of unresolved personal concerns.
• If behavior resumes, ignore and stay focused.
• Take person aside and privately discuss concerns.
Sometimes such people are insecure and may need a little
understanding or reinforcement.
• If person is extremely distressed, privately suggest seeking
professional assistance to help talk through problems.
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SPECIAL INTEREST PLEADER
BEHAVIOR:
• Promotes personal interest over that of group.
• Often has a hidden agenda.
• Diverts attention and discussion toward
personal interest.
• Dominant and persistent; may bully others to
gain personal goals.
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SPECIAL INTEREST PLEADER
NEUTRALIZING STRATEGIES:
• Keep discussion focused and productive
(“What you’re saying is interesting, now let’s
hear from some others.”)
• Avoid confronting them with facts -- they will
usually try to refute facts in order to plead
their cause.
• Look for opportunity to dovetail the needs of
the special interest pleader with the focus and
needs of the group.
• Rely on peer pressure to pursue interest of the
group as a whole.
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WITHDRAWER
(Note: Withdrawers may fall into two categories: (1)
Individuals who are shy and may lack confidence. (2)
People who refuse to become engaged because they have
an “attitude.”)
BEHAVIOR:
•
•
•
•
•
Does not become engaged in discussion.
Often sends out “negative vibes.”
May be genuinely disinterested in topic
May disagree with majority opinion.
Withdrawing behavior may result from lack of
confidence.
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WITHDRAWER
NEUTRALIZING STRATEGIES:
• Ask his or her opinion.
• Establish eye contact.
• Ask open-ended questions (“what,” “how,”
“why,” “could,” or “would”) that encourage
discussion.
• Offer encouragement to their ideas and remind
them that their ideas are important to the
group.
• Like avoiders, clarify their responsibilities, set
deadlines, and check on their progress.
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