Association of Law
Officers of the Crown
LAW SCHOOL DIDN’T TEACH US
ABOUT OUR OWN CONFLICTS!
Cinnie Noble, C.M., LL.B., LL.M.
November 15, 2012
OBJECTIVES
 To explore what interpersonal conflict is about
 To consider the notion of conflict rulebooks
 To discuss the ingredients of ‘conflict
intelligence’
 To examine the ‘cycle of conflict’
 To increase awareness about the impact of
conflict on our brains
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What is first word
you think of when
you hear the word
conflict?
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Interpersonal conflict
has been defined as:
Any situation in which
interdependent people have
apparently incompatible
interests, goals, principles or
feelings.
4
Another definition:
A condition between two
interdependent people in
which one or both feel angry
at the other and perceive the
other as being at fault.
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3 Main Components
of Interpersonal Conflict
 At least one person perceives that
incompatibilities exist with another person.
 At least one person experiences negative
emotions about another person and a specific
interaction with him or her.
 The reaction to the other person prevails
indefinitely and often builds over time.
6
What is one message you
received as you were growing
up that still prevails about the
way to manage interpersonal
disputes?
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OUR
CONFLICT
RULEBOOKS
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Do you think we
can change the
way we engage
in conflict?
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Conflict Engagement
vs.
Conflict Management
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What does the expression
Conflict Intelligence
mean to you?
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Constructive Responses to Conflict
 Perspective Taking
 Creating Solutions
 Reaching Out
 Reflective Thinking
 Delay Responding
 Adapting
(according to the Conflict Dynamics Profile®,
www.conflictdynamics.org)
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Destructive Responses to Conflict
 Winning at all costs
 Displaying Anger
 Demeaning Others
 Retaliating
 Avoiding
 Yielding
 Self-Criticizing
(according to the Conflict Dynamics Profile®,
www.conflictdynamics.org)
13
When it comes to
conflict, what do you
think the expression
“Hot Buttons”
refers to?
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What pushes your “Hot
Buttons” that leads to conflict?
That is, what is one example of
something that someone says
(doesn’t say) or does (doesn’t
do) that provokes you?
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“HOT BUTTONS”
 Unreliable
 Self-centered
 Overly analytical
 Abrasive
 Unappreciative
 Untrustworthy
 Aloof
 Hostile
 Micro-managing
16
(according to the Conflict Dynamics Profile® www.conflictdynamics.org)
Conflict occurs when we
perceive a value, need, or
aspect of our identity is
being undermined,
threatened, or challenged.
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INTERNAL
Hot Button/Trigger Point
↓
Value, Need, Aspect of Identity
↓
Impact (Internal Reaction)
↓
Assumptions
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EXTERNAL
Boundary
↓
External Reaction
↓
Consequences
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© CINERGY® Coaching, www.cinergycoaching.com
Albert Einstein
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“Problems cannot be solved by the same
level of awareness, thinking and
consciousness that created them.”
Examining Your Hot Buttons
a) Name one Hot
Button
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b) Which value(s),
need(s) and/or
aspects of identity
was undermined
when provoked in
that way
c) What was the
impact on you
when provoked in
that way (give at
least 2 words to
describe)
d) What do you
think the other
person’s motives
were for provoking
you in that way?
e) Other
possibilities re: d)
“When you change the
way you look at things,
the things you look at
change.”
Wayne Dyer
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NEUROSCIENCE
Our Brains in
Conflict
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SCARF Model
Status
Certainty
Autonomy
Relatedness
Fairness
(according to David Rock, “Managing with the Brain in Mind”)
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You can change
your habits
(if you want)
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NEUROPLASTICITY
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Neurons that fire
together, wire
together.
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THANK YOU
Cinnie Noble
www.cinergycoaching.com
cinnie@cinergycoaching.com
Blog: http://www.cinergycoaching.com/blog/
Peacebuilding – one person at a time
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