Abbey
Weeds & Roses
Roses!
• Hooray! We’re analyzing
• Using details from the text: place, author’s
name, text title
• Mention of transcendentalism
• Use of 90/90 terms (anecdote, jargon,
allusion, flashback)
• Introductions had many little rose buds in
bloom!
Rose: Introductions
• Most introductions fulfilled all the SOAPStone
requirements and did so in a smooth,
organized way.
• Work on adding voice and not making it
sound like you’re completing a SOAPSTone
checklist (though you are…ish.)
• Remember: A sloppy intro suggests a sloppy
paper.
Some Rosy Introductions
• “Apavaipa Canyon inspired Edward Abbey to write “Down the
River” because of his wonder and amazement at its complexity.
This New Mexican canyon serves to display Abbey’s beliefs that
the earth is so vast and complex, it will never be wholly
understood. Abbey appreciates nature and is fascinated with
every minute detail, which he conveys using an anecdote,
scientific description, and allusions with famous philosophers.”
• What’s good about this intro?
• Where could this student work?
Rosy Intros cont…
• “In a world where time rules every aspect of our lives, the
beauty and isolation of nature can have healing powers
undisturbed by the hectic and stressful environment of the
modern world, nature, if left in peace, simply continues on in a
never-ending cycle. We often become so caught up that we
forget to look around at the beauty that surrounds us. Many of
us will often find a place that allows us to rediscover the
soothing calm of nature. For Edward Abbey, this place is the
Aravaipa canyon in New Mexico. In this piece, Down the River,
Abbey attempts to convey his feelings of awe towards the vast
expanse of nature.”
Rosey Intros!
• “Nature has always been a source of inspiration
to people. It is worshipped by many religions,
the base of early societies and as reflected in
this passage, a spark for philosophical thought.
In the passage from Down the River, Edward
Abbey uses anecdotes, figurative descriptions,
and philosophical references in order to
emphasize to the reader that nature is a
wonderous and beautiful thing.”
Weed #1--Read for specifics!
• Several people addressed Abbey as
“she”…
• Why is this a problem?
• Read the text--all of it!!
• This is not a Ms. Kitchens Conroy
passage!
Weed #2--Go deeper; answer
how/why?
“This ‘mutual curiosity’
between him and
the lion causes one
to take wonder in
nature’s ways and
maybe also find it
mysterious.”
“When Abbey describes
how the lion ‘melted
away,’ he portrays the
elegance of a vicious
creature. He portrays
this image in order to
show the audience how
to recognize that even
when nature may seem
intimidating, elegance
and fascination may
always be found.”
Weed #2--Go deeper; answer
how/why?
“She does this by
choosing words such
as glimpsed,
twilight, gloom and
the phrase ‘melted
away.’ These words
create a magical
scene in the reader’s
mind.”
• How can you go
deeper here?
Suggestion #1: Organization
• For a single passage prompt, consider
organizing your writing according to the
shifts in the passage.
• Look at what nice transitions can be
written using this technique:
Organization (around shifts)
“A shift occurs in the second paragraph from the past to the
present, to once again reinforce a reputation of having
experienced beauty…”
“The almost philosophical close to Abbey’s passage…”
“In the second half of Abbey’s passage, he changes tones…”
“Near the end of the passage, Abbey broadens his views from a
simple situation with a mountain lion in the beginning to an
overall and extensive view on the world and its existence.”
Possible shifts
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Time (past, present, future)
Tone
Narration
Diction
Perspective (broad to narrow or vice versa)
Others?
Suggestion 2: Keep working
on voice
Find--and use--your voice!
When AP Graders are reading, they’ve heard
1,000 sentences just like this:
• “Abbey reveres nature and doesn’t hesitate to stare into
the eyes of a mountain lion.”
• Imagine how you would tell your mom about this
incident--excited, engaged, etc.
• “Nature comes alive for Abbey as he identifies tracks and
comes face to face with a mountain lion; while most
would bolt from the beast, Abbey is not afraid, instead
he looks at the lion with “mutual curiosity.”
Examples of Voice
“For example, Abbey describes the setting of his
encounter with a mountain lion as “twilight.” The
reader now understands the rather mystical nature of
the occasion. Also, Abbey says, rather than just
leaving, that the lion “melted away.” Although the
audience knows that the mountain lion did not
actually turn into a liquid and disappear, this
figurative diction paints a perfect picture of the huge
cat slithering away into the boulders that it calls
home. Before even getting to any real commentary
by Abbey, the reader can understand how mystical
his view of nature is.”
Examples of Voice
“Within the cold winter day that seems to
have infinite time, a quick sprint to see
the stars and even the awareness of
animal life in a seemingly lifeless desert,
humbles any man big enough to see its
beauty.”
How to Work It
To encourage voice, try
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Similes/metaphors
Alliteration
Anecdotes
Find verbs with ZEST!! Active, meaningful verbs
Take a risk!
Any literary device you can work in
• Don’t be cheesy or over the top--remember, you have to
have credibility, but you want to have your voice heard!
Your turn
• By using the words “heart-shaped
tracks” it’s obvious he has a magical
connection with nature.
• Make this MUCH better. Use voice! SAY
SOMETHING! Two sentences of CM!
Again…
• Abbey alludes to Thoreau and Fuller to
show his appreciation for nature.
• Make this better. It doesn’t prove
ANYTHING!! Make it make sense and
AP!
Okay…one last time
• Talk about the last paragraph.
• What does it mean?
• WHY would Abbey include it? How
does it help to convey his ATTITUDE.
• Add voice! Don’t just write something,
have something to say.
Roses!
Here’s the scores
• Period 3
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
9
8
7
6
5
4
3
2
0
1
2
7
16
5
2
1
• Period 6
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
9
8
7
6
5
4
3
2
0
0
3
8
12
5
4
0