Sentence Expanding
Objective: As they begin Unit 2 (Reading Informational
Text/Writing Argument) swbat evaluate the basis of
sentence writing strategies and rhetorical devices,
ultimately utilizing select concepts to help strengthen
their own writing. Swbat to score a 5 or 6 on an
argumentative writing based on the NJ Holistic scoring
rubric.
Do-Now: On the “Haves and the Have Nots”/On Classism
Sentence Expanding is a process
for changing your sentences into
like those of professional writers. It
transforms reduced sentences into
fully developed sentences.
Reduced Sentence:
• There stood two squat old-fashioned
decanters of cut glass.
Reduced Sentence:
• There stood two squat old-fashioned
decanters of cut glass.
• In the center of the table there stood, as
sentries to a fruit-stand which upheld a
pyramid of oranges and American apples,
two squat old-fashioned decanters of cut
glass, one containing port and the other
dark sherry.
– James Joyce, “The Dead”
We could rewrite Joyce’s sentence:
• Two squat old-fashioned decanters stood
there. They were in the center of the table.
They were like sentries to a fruit-stand
near them. The fruit-stand upheld a
pyramid of oranges and American apples.
One of the decanters contained port. The
other one contained sherry.
What are your thoughts on this rewrite?
• The rewrite is uneconomical, using six
sentences to express what Joyce did in
just one sentence; it uses 44 words to
Joyce’s 37. It’s poorly organized, failing to
show as clearly as Joyce’s the
interrelationships among the various
objects described. It’s uninteresting,
beginning each of the sentences in the
same monotonous way.
Can an expanded sentence, like a
balloon filled to over capacity,
“burst”?
• As long as a sentence is clear in meaning,
it’s no over-expanded, regardless of how
many words are in the sentence,
regardless of how many different
structures are present, regardless of how
many ideas are packed into it.
•Among American writers,
William Faulkner is famous for the
ultralong sentences that characterize
his style.
• The French writer Victor Hugo is often
cited as having written one of the
longest sentences ever, one that has
hundreds of words, in Les Miserables.
• The Irish wrier James Joyce went
even further ending his novel Ulysses
with a sentence that runs over twenty
pages!
Even among professional writers,
however, such ultralong sentences
are rare. Still, on the average,
sentences by professional writers
are longer than those by students.
To practice adding expansions, substitute new ones for those in boldface.
Original Expansions
• In the center of the table there stood, as
sentries to a fruit-stand which upheld a
pyramid of oranges and American apples,
two squat old-fashioned decanters of cut glass,
one containing port and the other dark
sherry.
New Expansions
On a shelf in the china closet there stood, like
fragile sculptures which boasted an old age
and genteel birth, two squat old-fashioned
decanters of cut glass, one opened, the other
unopened.
• Now, in the morning air, her face was
still before him.
– Edith Wharton, Ethan Frome
• Al was out already, unscrewing the
steaming radiator cap with the tips of
his fingers, jerking his hand away to
escape the spurt when the cap should
come loose.
– John Steinbeck, The Grapes of Wrath
• With them, carrying a gnarled walking
stick, was Elmo Goodhue Pipgrass, the
littlest, oldest man I had ever seen.
– Max Shulman, “The Unlucky Winner”
Guided Practice: Expand the
sentence at the slash marks.
• She sprang dynamically to her feet, /(3),
then swiftly and noiselessly crossed over
to her bed, /(3), dragged out her suitcase.
– F. Scott Fitzgerald, “Bernice Bobs Her Hair”
Original Sentence
• She sprang dynamically to her feet,
clinching her hands, then swiftly and
noiselessly crossed over to her bed and,
from underneath it, dragged out her
suitcase.
– F. Scott Fitzgerald, “Bernice Bobs Her Hair”
Guided Practice: Expand the
sentence at the slash marks.
• He stood there, /(4), and Rainsford, /(6),
heard the general’s mocking laugh ring
through the jungle.
– Richard Connell, “The Most Dangerous
Game”
Original Sentence
• He stood there, rubbing his injured
shoulder, and Rainsford, with fear again
gripping his heart, heard the general’s
mocking laugh ring through the jungle.
– Richard Connell, “The Most Dangerous
Game”