Experiencing the Power
of the Holy Spirit in Your
Marriage (and Family)
Enrich It God’s Way
The Holy Spirit and Life

I do not need to tell you that the
main difference between Christianity
and all other religions is that Christ
lives in us. Paul said in Colossians
1:27 “To them God has chosen to
make known among the Gentiles the
glorious riches of this mystery,
which is Christ in you, the hope of
glory. “
Effects of His Presence

To have a Christian Marriage a
person has to be a Christian
– We must be able to confess with our lips
that Jesus is Lord and believe in our
heart that he has been resurrected from
the dead and we will be saved. (Romans
10:9-10). This begins the journey that
leads us on the way to become an
authentic Christian
Effects of His Presence
William James did not say this in his
writings on salvation, but the
authentic Christian loves everybody
 The song Give me That Old Time
Religion had a verse in it that says
“It makes you love everybody.” It’s
true. It does! Especially our spouse

What is Love?

Love is an emotion. Emotions
move people
– Love draws people to one another
– They want to get to know one
another
– So they make themselves
vulnerable and reveal themselves
to one another
Love?
– They reveal their vices and virtues
– Their perfections an imperfections
– Their Assets and liabilities
Now this process takes place both
verbally and by observation
 The best places to observe it is in
the loved ones family and social
settings

Why Know Them?
Because we have two
personalities
 We have:

– A public personality
– And a private (or intimate)
personality
Public and Private
It is the private personality that
we have to live with when we
marry
 Unfortunately our personalities
are often disparate

– Some men and women may be
charming and delightful in public
and devilish in intimate
relationships
Public and Private
My mentor used to describe some
women as drawing room (public)
angels and house devils
 Men can be the same

– The only way to find out all about a
person is to know them for a sufficient
length of time and in different social
situations
– It takes at least a year to know them
intimately
Love?
As we learn about one another we
psychospiritually install the other
person
 And when this process is complete
we are one. This is what God meant
when he told us to leave our father
and mother and become one with
our mate. (Genesis 2:24)

Back to Effects
Just as we install our mates in
ourselves We also install the
Lord in our lives
 We love because he first loves
us, and when he does our lives
are transformed
 He gives us a new personality
 We have:

Effects of His Presence

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A happy mood that comes from His
indwelling love
There is a loss of worry
We have an understanding of truths
not perceived before
There is changed behavior
The world is objectively changed
There is a sense of cleanliness both
inside and out
Effects of His Presence

In our post conversion life we
are more likely to:
– Live longer
– Have better health
– Heal more quickly
– Have better marriages
– Rear children of worth
– Be better citizens
Effects of His Presence
– Be more likely to communicate
–
–
–
–
with God regularly
Live by Gods commandments and
live moral lives
Be persons of integrity
Have stronger support
communities
Be more altruistic
Why?

The answer lies in the presence
of the Holy Spirit
– The Holy Spirit lives in us as a
controller that is over our mind and
guides our human nature into
Godly pursuits
Why?
 He
controls our human
nature!
 Without Christ we cannot
control our human nature.
We do what it tells us to do
 Satan uses this to make us
sin by tempting us
Why?
– “The acts of the sinful nature are
obvious: sexual immorality,
impurity and debauchery; idolatry
and witchcraft; hatred, discord,
jealousy, fits of rage, selfish
ambition, dissensions, factions
and envy; drunkenness, orgies,
and the like. “ Gal 5:19-21
Why?
But the fruit of the Spirit is love,
joy, peace, patience, kindness,
goodness, faithfulness,
gentleness and self-control.
Galatians 5:22,23a
 He provides these in our
marriages

Fruit and Marriage
Love is enhanced
 Joy comes from living together
and having children
 Peace comes from the security
we have in loving one another
 Patience comes as we work
toward the same goals

Fruit and Marriage
Faithfulness is a fruit because we
have become one with our mate and
have promised to be faithful and are
expected to be
 Gentleness is a derivative of love for
we do not want to hurt the object of
our love
 Kindness is also a derivative of love
as is goodness

Fruit and Marriage
When we love someone we put
their best interests and welfare
above out own
 We live our lives for them
 We deny ourselves, and are no
longer selfish and self centered
 We become their servant

Exercise
I want you to take one sheet of
paper and write a love letter to your
spouse listing all the things that
make you love them. Write only one
page. You may go over a little bit but
keep it short and concise
 It can be as mushy as you want to
make it
 We will take a 30 minute break when
you have finished

What do we want in our
Marriage
We want to be able to
communicate with one another
 We want to love one another
 We want a good sexual
relationship
 We want children
 We want to share recreational
interests

What do we Want?
We want intellectual stimulation
 Shared religion
 Having an orderly home
 Having in laws we can like
 Good food
 Possessions

What are we to do?
We are obligated as Christians
to grow in our faith and our
relationship with our spouse
 To do this we have to:

–
–
–
–
Pray with one another
Study the Word of God
Worship in Spirit and truth
And witness
Building Spiritual
Strength

Spiritual strength comes from
regular encounters with The Spirit of
God.
– We encounter God

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In our music
Our prayer
Our Bible study
In the Eucharist
And in the personal testimony of others
Building Spiritual
Strength

Personal testimony is what
Jesus commanded us to do in
Acts 1:8, But you will receive
power when the Holy Spirit
comes on you; and you will be
my witnesses in Jerusalem, and
in all Judea and Samaria, and to
the ends of the earth."
Building Spiritual
Strength
Witness is always relating what
we have seen and heard
 A testimony to the works of God
reveals his love for us and thus
he inhabits that testimony
 This is why we encounter Him
in witness

Building Spiritual
Strength

We need to encounter God because
our power leaks out
– Our encounters renew the power of the
Spirit in us and we are able to serve God
and witness for him
– We can tell of his wondrous works
– But we can also be be more loving
husbands, wives, fathers and mothers,
pastors, teachers and friends
Why?

“Those who live according to
the sinful nature have their
minds set on what that nature
desires; but those who live in
accordance with the Spirit have
their minds set on what the
Spirit desires. “
Why?

“The mind controlled by the
sinful nature is death, but the
mind controlled by the Spirit is
life and peace. The sinful mind
is hostile to God; it does not
submit to God's law, nor can it
do so. Those controlled by the
sinful nature cannot please
God.” Romans 8:5-8
What effect does the Holy Spirit
have on marriage?

The answer is that it makes an
enormous difference
– 50% of marriages in our country end in
divorce
– In the general church the divorce rate is
about 45%
– When two born again Christians marry it
is only 10%
– And when two Spirit filled Christians
marry the divorce rate is only1%
Why the Disparity?
The answer lies in the fact That
God’s presence in the lives of both
spouses enhances their love for one
another and they are able to use the
biblical guides to right living to be
one
 God began his instruction in the
beginning. “For this reason a man
will leave his father and mother and
be united to his wife, and they will
become one flesh. “ Genesis 2:24

What more does God say about
marriage and family?
The Bible says that the
scriptures are a guide to right
living
 They clearly address Marriage
an family with principles of
relating to our husbands, wives
and children

Principles

First it says that married and
later family life should have love
and order Ephesians 5:21-33
– The love should be unconditional
– And spouses should be submitted
to one another
Principles
Second there should be well
defined roles
 The husband is the breadwinner

– He is to be the protector of the
home
– The primary disciplinarian
– An the head of the house
– Attending to all his duties in love
Principles

The husband and father is also
to be:
–
–
–
–
–
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Hardworking
Trustworthy
Generous
Wise and knowledgeable
Frugal
A kind and fair disciplinarian
Principles
– The wife is to be the homemaker
and nurturer of the children
– She is to be one with her husband
in disciplining the children
– Her primary job is to socialize the
children
– She may also contribute to bread
winning, but her primary duty is
homemaker
Principles
There should be open and honest
communication Ephesians 4:17-32
 There should be agreement on:

– Management of finances

John Wesley’s principles
– Sexual activity
– Child nurturance
– And social and recreational activity
Communication
Rules
Listen
 Hear them out
 Talk only when it is your turn
 Try to understand how the other
person feels
 Don’t defend yourself

Communication Rules
Continued
State in love what you think and
feel
 Bring every argument to a
conclusion
 After the argument is over and
the emotion is out of it –
SETTLE IT!

Communication Style

In marriage the couple should
live an assertive life style of
communication
– This means that they confess their
thoughts and feelings
– The do not express their thoughts
and feelings nor do they
– Repress their thoughts and
feelings
Communication

A simple mnemonic to help you
remember how to be assertive
is
– When
– I think and I feel
– I would like
Communicating Love
Gary Chapman Says that love is
communicated in ways other than
talking. It is important, but other
things are necessary.
 We are to love our wives and
husbands unconditionally

– Do not be critical
– Do not condemn
– Heed Ephesians 4:29-32
Communicating love

Do not let any unwholesome talk come
out of your mouths, but only what is helpful
for building others up according to their
needs, that it may benefit those who listen.
And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God,
with whom you were sealed for the day of
redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage
and anger, brawling and slander, along
with every form of malice. Be kind and
compassionate to one another, forgiving
each other, just as in Christ God forgave
you.
Communicating Love

Spend Quality time together
– It should be free of distractions
– It should be a time for unrestricted
communication
– It should be a time where you can
have fun
– You should not have the kids
along. Park them with someone
else
Communicating Love

A third method of
communicating love is to give
and receive gifts
– These do not have to be expensive
– They should be something that
your mate can use and be
reminded of your love
– They should be something that
your wife or husband will like
Communicating Love

Have non sexual physical contact
– Men should hold their wives so that they
feel protected and secure
– They should be hugged and kissed and
not dragged off to bed
– Hold their hands, put your arm around
them when possible while seated
– Pats on the fanny, kisses on the neck,
stroking their head, and other non
sexual gestures qualify. Spouses should
receive these with appreciation
Communicating Love

Perform acts of service
– Women have a tough time raising and
–
–
–
–
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nurturing kids
Husbands should help them as much as
possible especially if the wife works
Cleaning the table, loading the
dishwasher, Putting clean dishes away
Taking out the trash
Bathing the kids if necessary
And many other things that show you
care
The Holy Spirit and the
Family

Application of Christian
principles in marriage should:
– Create stability in the home
– Create children of worth
– Bring happiness to all members
– And glorify God, for that is man’s
chief aim (Westminster Shorter
Catechism--Question 1)
What else do we need to do to
create a spirit guided family life
We should affirm our children, i.e.
love each of them unconditionally. I
cannot emphasize this enough
 We should teach them biblical
values. Deuteronomy 4:9,10; 6:6-9;
31:10-13
 We should be role models of spiritual
men and women

Family Life

Communicate our faith through
personal witness and example
– Teach Bible in a simple way through
Bible story telling and limited verse
memorization
– Teach children how to pray by praying
with them
– Teach God’s rules of moral behavior by
explaining why we obey them
Family Life
– Demonstrate your faith by living it
– Go to a church where Christ is
regularly encountered
– Be excited about your faith
– Make it seem desirable
– Communicate the benefits through
thanksgiving
Conclusions
Having a marriage and family in
the Spirit requires continuing
spiritual growth of both parents
 Both parents need to actively
use the means of grace to
facilitate their growth. They
need to pray together, study the
bible and worship together.
