Childless older women:
Combating a deficit identity?
Dr Jill Reynolds, The Open University
Symposium: Governmentalism through the
production of deficit identities
International Society of Critical Health Psychology
conference , Adelaide April 2011
What is a deficit identity?
An identity defined in terms of lack – what a person is not
– in the case of childlessness:
•
•
•
•
•
Not a mother
Not a parent
Not a grandparent
Without a family
Not a real woman
‘Not a real woman’
• Old women who never married or had children are
depicted as deviant in cultural narratives of womanhood
because they violate the norms of women’s traditional
family life course, and they are thus invisible in the
female life cycle (Allen and Pickett 1987).
• Allen, K.R. and Walker, A.J. 2006, in Calasanti, T.M. and
Slevin , K.F. (eds) Age Matters: Re-aligning Feminist
Thinking
‘Lost generation of abandoned
pensioners’ The Telegraph, 2010
Millions of divorcees could
find themselves alone, with
some effectively abandoned
by adult children who live
miles away. The "breakdown“ of
the family also means youngsters
no longer feel duty bound to
support their parents if they do
not get on.
Current generations are "unwilling“
to provide care such as washing.
dressing, cooking and shopping if
they live far away, or simply do
not get on with their parents.
Since the introduction of
means testing in the early
Nineties, the number of
elderly people receiving
residential care has halved.
Around 2.5 million people
have a care need – defined as
requiring help to carry out basic
tasks such as dressing, eating or
washing - of whom 1.2 million
receive support from council
social services.
Constructions of people alone
without family
51
I: A lot of family. You started to talk a little about the
different things you do. What do you think of when you
hear the words quality of life?
R: I suppose I’m quite lucky, I mean going out on a
Monday and my family around me more or less. I hear
other people talking and they are very lonely. So I think
I’m lucky.
Constructions of people alone
without family
28
Interviewer: Do your son and daughter live nearby?
Subject:
They live in Guildford; one lives in
Sheephook Road and the other lives in York Road.
Interviewer: You are very lucky aren't you?
Subject:
Well I am, yes. I am able to go and visit
them and make a fuss of them and leave them and let
the parents get on with it.
Constructions of people alone
without family
82
Interviewer:
But your grandchildren and your sons and
daughters how often do you meet as a family?
Subject 2: Christmas everyone would normally get together
Subject 1: They will all be here at Christmas anyway
Interviewer:
Yes and birthdays or?
Subject 2: birthdays
Subject 1: Celebrate in general you know
Interviewer:
You are very lucky having all your family round
Subject 1: Yes...
Do you have any children?
well I, I don’t like being asked if I’ve got children [mm] ’cos, I
just, it, I remember T asking me once, it was a stupid, it was
just one of those daft little things, it was kind of (.) ove over
Christmas lunch once, and it was kind of jolly conversation
[mm] you know, and then suddenly he sort of turned to me and
said ‘Have you got children?’ and I said ‘No, I haven’t’ [mm]
and he said ‘Oh’ (laughs) – that’s you done, that’s you finished.
I didn’t know what to say, and I didn’t know what to say [yes,
yes] and it was kind of, it, it just sort of changed the mood, and
we had to go on to something else ’cos [yes] I didn’t feel like,
he didn’t know what to, if he should ask anything next, and I
didn’t feel like, explaining, being def, having to defend [yes] my
position
Any children?
• Out of the 12 women now over 60 only three talked of a
definite decision made earlier not to have children.
• Several said ‘it just didn’t happen’
• Some did not have confidence in their marital
relationship at a time when they might have thought of
children
• One was sterilised because her husband didn’t want
children
• One told when 23 that the chances of having children
were very remote
The book is my baby –1
P In fact I remember when I got my first book published, I
took it home, as one does, you know, a copy home and
said ‘There you are mother, you know, look what I’ve’,
and we were sort of in the family front room, and she
picked it up, looked at the cover, and said ‘That’s nice
dear’, and put it on the table, that was it, this is my big
moment you know, this is like I’ve born this child, which
is the equivalent in the family terms, ‘that’s very nice
dear’, I was devastated, I went straight round to my aunt,
who I was very close to, and said ‘How could she do that
to me?’
The book is my baby – 2
C And I got a text book out of it which is still going so that is
like something I can hold in my hand and think well that came
out of it a – hah- and when I went away travelling two or three
years ago to see a friend who was doing VSO in [overseas]
and we went away for a weekend it was just with a group of the
people and she said I’d like you to meet these other volunteers
and one of them two of them were [health care workers in my
speciality] and I said ‘Oh I’d be really interested to talk to them’
so we were introduced and one of them said ‘Claire – what’s
your surname’ and this sounds really big-headed but she said I
thought it was so funny ‘You’re not the Claire X’ and she was
from Australia and she said it was a standard textbook on our
course [Oh terrific!] yes so I felt really pleased yeah that was
really good to hear that.
The book is my baby – 3
C So that was like my baby really. [yes] Yes won’t have as
long a life as a child who er grows up but I think the average
they say books last about ten years [yeah well that’s] I’ve
done a second edition since I was here but um dunno we’ll see.
The book is my baby – 4
J Well in view of your saying that this question’s my last
one [hh hh hh] you might like to know you may see
some links. I’m just interested in any sense you have of
legacy as in what it might be and who might be
important in terms of a legacy? I don’t mean financial
gifts particularly.
The book is my baby – 5
L Just in what you’ve done in your life? [yes] Something
that would remain? Um I think the thing that I’m most
pleased I did I wrote a book um and it was all about it
was about [text deleted] visually impaired people [mm]
and it was all based around oral history um with 61
people [mm] um from people in their it was published in
2006 it was people in their 80s right through to
schoolchildren now and they were all each one was
written up as a self-contained story um and there was a
certain amount of documentary history as well
surrounding the stories but it was basically an oral
history. And I feel pleased that I did that because I feel
that perhaps nobody else would have done it [mm] […]
The book is my baby – 6
L [...] I’ve written a lot of books I’ve written 23 books
[wow] um and it’s funny with books isn’t it because you
don’t know whether they’re having an effect on anybody
you don’t know what they’re doing but when I’ve met
people they’ve sometimes said to me ‘Oh I was really
[mm] you know really taken with your book or that
chapter’ or whatever so you just hope that perhaps
some of it will have contributed to disability studies
[yeah] helped in some way
Identity work 1
J Yes huh huh [huh huh huh] so that’s quite a few things
that [mm] that kind of make life good [mm] and make
lead you to think .. better than than ever
L I think I think I sort of feel a bit (.) er although I’ve got
lots to do and I’m busy and everything I do some I’m not
quite sure the direction I want my life to go in I um I kind
of feel almost that I need to have some substantial
project but then I think oh perhaps it’s just a habit of
having projects [huh huh] you know hm hm perhaps I
don’t need one at all hah hah [yeah] um and I sort of
think I look at other people and I think do I really want to
be one of these people that just sort of go on cruises or
just spend their days having coffee with people an. I’m
not I’m not quite sure what I want actually but I’m not I
think it’ll just evolve I’m not too worried about it [mm]
Identity work 2
J And er do you have a sense of feeling part of a
generation?
L Um I feel part of a generation of people that I I suppose
again it’s uh mainly it’s to do with uh when I’m with
people going out on these walks for instance I find that
an awful lot of people have got a life that’s nothing
nothing like mine at all. They’re talking about their
grandchildren and uh [mm] they’re very sort of family
orientated. I think I do feel a slight oddity. Um partly
because of my impair- my visual impairment and partly
because um my life hasn’t taken the course it does for
the majority of people my age.
Identity work 3
J [...] but is there anything that’s less positive in in the now
than the good things that give you good quality of life
anything that you see as more negative as bad
C Um I don’t think so I think with my friends having
grandchildren or th- those of my friends who have are
having grandchildren who are very tied up with their
grandchildren I (.) am aware I am aware that I haven’t
but I don’t feel it in the same sense of envy that I used to
feel when they used to be tied up with their partners um
so I can genuinely feel their pleasure at their
grandchildren and I can also think at the same time oh
something actually ‘goodness me I don’t know how I’d
cope with all these family ties and responsibilities’ so in
some ways I’m quite glad that I haven’t (laugh) [mm]
Identity work 4
[...] although no having said that then when a couple of
them they just rang up after Christmas and said we
fancy coming down to see you I was really pleased you
know I said ‘oh fancy them wanting to come and see
me-e-e’ you know [yeah] it’s like the aged aunt sort of
thing (hn hn hn) and it’s lovely that they do and they
don’t seem to think of people like me in the same way
that when I was their age like in their 30s I used to think
about [mm] my aunts of [mm] my age they don’t that
generation gap doesn’t seem as wide now
Conclusion
• An identity of childless older woman involves deficit to
the extent of being defined by what one is not
• Our cultural context expects some support from children
for those in older age and good support is highly valued
and contrasted with where it is lacking
• A possibility of being invisible in the female life cycle
may result in some rhetorical work to deal with
explanations and assert positive achievements
• Some claim to generativity can position the speaker as
successful and there are interesting comparisons to be
made with parenting.
Faculty of Health & Social Care
The Open University
Walton Hall
Milton Keynes
MK7 6AA
www.open.ac.uk
j.c.reynolds@open.ac.uk