hdStureofMtuory 45r
In a Stateof Memory
TununaMercado
SincetueniEtedth cdtury, pliti&lexikha:beda
@monyaaitr amongArgdtidatu. meloli.tical edl6 whoweab ChiledntrUntgu! to 5axl€Rasdssa hdi
tunaristu begana tratinoh foLlo1\,en
by Wo@ts of twdtidLcearury lictatoial
go\' i,,nellLs.The rsthl*sBs of the ry6-8j dbtatuqti.! f6ced k\narcA: af peopb
itutoedb to aro l politicltl peneeti.n atu1int lbctxal cen6w
As Tittwa Md
canostutesin thit conlelingtext onh.er*ptituT
ir Mui6, exileaidnotproidt
a safttxLry liee ofnonies. Feebgsoftlostalgiaannroorl$siss wet bothtroxwihg
adfectrcnt. waiti"gfora etMbgaelafea,
tha erilesliredifanene
eAstuE
of Mnory, i'olaea in itlaxb of AtgdtiB'A
while *a tuetidlo1t:q relijed the
ererydaf ntuak of a gestll cMhy
My life in dne appearsbefore me like a huge mural by Rirera, composedof
protagonists and extras,leadm dd bu$oo6, rhe living and the dead.the sick
ed the dispossessed,
the cormded and the corropted; rhe mual is the dense
color oflead, with heary dd di.k brushstrok€s.Tlrcre js mguish in the ooc
doa ud, though I genuinely try to find somemomdt ofco ecti.!€happiness
in the tableau (for thft must hare bed some), a senseof mdaocholy predominates,nothing escapesthe nelancholy feeling oftbis gray, aibeit iarese,
mmoly. -Ihis rnuJal has a width dd a height, a begiming dd d end, ard
vhat stands out most in rhis delinear€dcan%s, what undoiably vibratd in
the landsepe. is melancholia.
NothingcouldbemoredodFeddsmpidthantossy:'Thesileshadit
good." This trivbl remarL, asa sort ofsGe, is all mo oftdpassi€ly accepted,
Iike irs comtdpan ofdE same suit, 'Those who sra)€d in Argmdm had ir
worse," dd other simplisricrEimrs that can only causeofetre by conparin&
asifit vere a competitio4 situatiotr that neiihd admir to, nor ftsiit, pla@tin8
ddsifications strch as edle/intelior dile, which de intdded ro di$eElriate
and qualiq' the subsrance,dE dough, so to speak, that has nmr been bro
ken alown or tom apart, nmr been Euly explord, but hd been naintained
\€ry n€at dd compact ercr) thou€h it embodies rhose destructire md alevai,
tating l€ars fiom r97autil rhe resroration of dmodacy, nor to mention the
aftdefi'ecrs that e!"eDtoday evoke terror.
Time spot in exile has a traj€ctory lke a $€ar sweepingbruslsrroke, ir has
a broad open rhl,-tbm, irs offes are ljk€ tle oced wa1€shr from the cocts
whoe dm are no breakm adE'l1ere theyble iato the horizodj rime takes
place in the far beyond. in some other place, ir is he1rd in the siloce ofrhe
night, butit isbruhed aside,one prefels not to perceir€ itbecause one assmes
fiat the balbhmeflt vi end, lhar it has aI been some kind ofpafenthesis
rtrelated to the tutue.
Time is provisional, pa$ing week by veek on a train ofsuccessir stopsj
one readsthe n€m, one codidds ercnts, oft thinks in terbt ofoptions, in the
imagimtion one conftonts the adlEsart rhar ha! iDredered lqith rle passage
oftime, one imaginB accumulatiDsforce wirh which to conftonr rhe superior
semy who occupies,alsoveek by vr€ek and wirh comtandy inffeasing tus
pover, the terrain that siles havelost by beiDSabsent.
Disdssions de dldless, s!3picioro ae odiesq in the thickets md d6iry of
rhar iimelessjungle there {e no embarknents to holdbackthe flov, the tems
do not fa[, tle cold does not come, the prsot never palses into rhe tutuie.
Eventsare illumiMted asifin atl€ater. then significece exalred;paranoia has
n@tr had sucha \jbilb, bodyar in lhjs seasoiless
sojoun.
one could not hM imagined rhe dEr once rhe palothsis had ended,
if in fact it were flr going to d4 what had €nded would be percei!€d d a
denseed variegatedwhole, d one single mdsive entity coNed rbrcugh wirh
multiple lab}'intbs whose dos, seciionsvould pr@oke such a gnNing so,
sation; the layds or snata thus exposed,in etrect, rise up lte dcienr mrhils,
now abddoDed, )et producing dre sMe sensationofterror asifthey:rere still
Tdrcr is alsoprovoked tuou8h socatiof, ofnhe$ay ntrwhich zo percent of
our time vas spst ftetting d/er coflditions in Argmtina, thar w1€tched coutry rhat had eipeled us ald ofwhose situation se a4tr sropped talkingthe sm ne\€r set, there vere no ns da*'rts -fi ing the aacks dd hollol,r of
ou reality, so to speak,with Argotirc $bsrdc, plugging all possibieperfo
rations vith Argentine putty, stufiry the body dd sod vrith that substane
that prodcced neither pleaMe nor fond memodes, that only added a quora
of deth by enrering or qiting ou conscidce (dd stil more wbne we siepr,
this quota otered our Dconsciolli mind, idding imediate and magnined
results, ever more powefii dd hofible dan while aEEke).
In 4 SrfieofMtuory
one almost alwaysdremed ofdeath; onei dreamswere constandyirnaded
by images of @iction md destitutioni .he sleeperrrodd e.perioce nights
without od. naked, er?osed, pdseoted by iNincible forces, tumbling into
si.nLiag tormts, mising one's train, leaving the hollle barefoot, losing one's
dol]nmtq being ilriRn in cars to unnamed destinations; a pdson lost stat
in clouds dd layers of gaue, to roonr
uq returned to an infancy ilmded
1it by distdr eiling lights ed suddenly transforrned into forests of shadows;
people, in short, did not ha\€ sweet abeas. And in onds wakng hous the
drcur like gustsofwind. intefering\dth any fom
efiectoffiesedftamsvor
oftraffitory happiness.
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Very naivdy. many exilesin Metico .ontinued ro beum that, in gite ofel€lytiing, they rlere rhe wortd's best, and, t\us, they failed to mix into or mdge
with rhe populatioo at iarge-thei! neighbon, coneagues,or th€ lik€-tut
persisted in diinraining rery mtional traits 3nd gesturesdhr t€nded to prc\Dke a kind ofviceious shamefelt by other uiles who, our offeai o! timidity,
had opted to be as inconspicuos d possible.At gorernment ofices, the im
migration ofice, for emple, they might speat srrogddy oi insisrody, inciting a sudden obsrina.t' or defsi\€nes, in respo$e to rheir petulmce by
the Mdicd onicial attending dlem. The civil serut's exFession wodd sud
deDly change, d if &awing an internal curtarn and at the sme rime dosi!8.
ihe gatesleading either in or out; he or she\a,ouldneither lisren nor resPond
the dgments ofthe clainMnt; he or shewould withd's into e she , playing
possm, which is a common strategy,ledned 6rough the ages,among ndy
speciesof dimals in respo$e ro extdnal thieats.
This abilty ro play dead, which a fan number of psychoualysts ha\e
adopted foll@ing Lacanian rdes in d eecdotal and rcproductive fNhioa
js pdt of the Mdicd cdture ad bureauaacl, almost pan of its m!ue,
rlu irb neilherde.dorJ no, alTe.redbur.ruther.inheren,,o rhespnr.
ftonted with aj} dogant Argentine, the Mexican's eyesgo bbd, the ears
cone deai ed dE lips are sealed,leading to a senseofabsolute imPotence
ihe part ofthe daimant. lt cm rate d Argdtine Fds to learn tht method
distancing oneseFftom dE eeggerations aad vaities ofonet fel(M, and,
indeed the method is leaned, ir is not ulikely that it rtll cdy with it a
tain comotation ofdisdajr, somefiing that dre Mdi@ 4oi.lsi taLing ihe
sq. to goeralize, it seem to me rhat the Msican Puts into Piacti.e,
a merhod for protecting one's mental health or on€'s
uwittinglt
digniq.. In its extreme form, rhis weapon can be rtry etrectivemd desnucn
rhus, t\ere are many Argentines e4lo, Me ofthemsehes dd lheir social
by it,
tioA ha\€ $fered this rype of attack and havebeen mNhdned
453
logica]ly engendersbifter cornmentaries agaist the aggnso4 that is to say,
Our bond to rhe coutry we v€re forced ro le{e conditioned our tircs; there
wre ercn some who rme never $le m bear the sxm of their tosses,who
pased then days rememberiry drcii old oeighborhoods dd idealizing o1stoms dlat, one might vonder rhy, wde considered paradigmatic of a lost
pdadisej n\at subsrdce ofArgdrina tlat they missedseemedto be mbedded
in nlthologies oflittle inieresr.Viewed roday,both ftom near dd,Ar,prior
to the period of{ile and aftd having r€tumed ro $e coMtry _that -iconog_
raphy" snd mrshiping ofobjecrs dlat pdvaded ou fdtasies, judged ul)emo_
tio@Iy, would seem i$ignifiqnr, a panimony wirh neither inrellectual nor
Thde were atrmarions ofArgorine fsith that l,ere nothing but farcesof
patriotism, as,for example, the rapacity thar .o!rd be prodDcedby the Argentine flag a! i! hug ftom the r€ rogerher with the so-calkdMexjcanLtba,M
latia in the "house' of dne, which was twice broughr forrl with feraor dd
dcitement. The 6rsr time being after the Argenrine vicrory in rhe World Cup
soccd champiodhip rrhen an dodomly
chdged gloup paraded the flag
dmugh $e sdeers of dr ciry raising thet voices in vicrory chdrs; the other
occasionwa5 who rhis samegloup suffounded dle British embass, waving
the flag, after the Argenrine militar/ regime waged a
vith which they
't,
identified, ro reco\€r the Malvina Islands.
Thoselolgings for Argentine sbsrsnc€ gm no respite, rhey adheredto one,s
body, suffi$ed the mind, absorbedrhe bodjly tiquids, and teft behind a desdt
\,!ateland; vhoelrr could escapethem, vhoe\tl could dimiDish rheir longings,did so with e iron vil and detdninatioa to inreelare rhds€tves into
thei new eNiionment. They had to leam a difiercnt way of life, that is, rhey
hadto learn to sayhello ro their neighbor, to yidd the righr ofwa]., not to pss
two people who were engagedin coDvsation, not to p*s plates in
of people at dle tablej ro say plerre if rhey lleted someriing, dd the
coMntions, idloe tu dd .ncx-{en., ro erpressglatitude whel1
md evenmore than ws nec€ssary respondiag ro soneonet rlarfr
vith Joa'r rcl.drra; not ro interrupr people engagedin conversatioa m4
s+lenin conEol ofthe floor, ro rone dowl asmuch aspossibletheir verb{ the; to say blcJJj/o, who
someone sreezed dd erjol whd
others staned to
to ofer one: M food to a rcent arii\€l wirh a simple cne to join?(Dec
that fel out ofuse long ago in Argendna by consensusof r]E haugbry
dass); d|ey had to ledn to expres hotpitality with the @urtsy form
In a SraEof M%ory
coisistiDg in saying: we'll bed?ectitgyot ii tow hMe, which Mexics used
when inviting to their home an Argentine, vho at first belie\€d that tle Medcanswere amoucing a visit to the Aigentinei homei the mismderstdding
could go oD for quite some time, lePeating t]ie Pbiase ldr ftdae, or with the
atternpted dffification, /orroltd lioue, vith which phrde the Medcu wished
!o reatrm the goerous otrd of his home io rhe foreigneri Llis gendosity
was ne\€r quite understood by the Argdtine, whose intdprerarion
that
's
the Meaican@s assumingo*nership ofthe Argentinet hone, aDdthe pbrse
hdejot hleejowhow Nas ftler qulte rrcgnized, nor ftsponded ro with .or
reponding courtesy, which left the Argentine iDpoo! standing and contumed
his iDability to lbten to others unlike himself
These misunderstandings were like spdngboar& that required t\e €pid
dd ugdt leeing of civility, dd, afts seEal yeds, it may be said widl a
degree ofjuslice ihat sode Argentines indeed leamed to incorporate thse
lavs of coedstenceinto dreir behryior, and they could be seenin friodly gettogethers with Mexi.s making special etrorts to allow otheis to speak,yet
vrth epr€ssions on tleir facesofarduoi* restraint ofthea latural impulses
to 6.[ the silent spaceswith rhe solmd oftheir o$'rl \oices, arld wi$ an air ofinrde frsrnrion at fnding rhetrelves obliged to giE up the floor ed mploy
At times lhey had ro humbly dimimte cdtain linguistic forms ftom their
o*.rt rnaDnerofspeech, such ar the use of.tu and the informal ror ford ofad&es; so, thm they vere, hmbled eren in the My they spoke dE spaish
lmgMge, though it was almost impossftle for rhem to codpletdy dase their
porrdfo accent,that of Buoos Anes, so dedly distinctive.The humiliation indudedhavingto replacedE rigorous BuenosAires srreet rough pionmciatid
ofrle ]' with a kind ofio4 which people from C6rdoba and nordward can
do with such e8e but, on the lips of a porE,ia, causesextrme discomforr becauseit simply doesnot conform, ,nd ercn whd the speai@believesthat he
has it mastded, in no wy doesit resmble the Mexicm eilem4 mn less,the
ld; thus could be heard some \€ry meager and starvedtotol?oilos (chickd.s)
dd gai"a/Sanira! (hens), hmgry for a sse of belonging, vhich were like
ftoDbed stitchesin the fabric ofcoN€rsation.
It cmot be denied thar the impldtarion of d Aigenrine in Mdico is itr
deeda rare hisrorical phenomenon. And ir continues to be a rather iidiclous
spedade, assed ovd the ]ears, asifdtrough some secretmgeance Msico
va5 constmdy rgisring.I attdpts at apprcpriation by foreignss- The Argo
rines anived dd, vith great care, dected their cmgiomerate living qudts,
theso-caledco ominiums, wheE. for gregariousa5wel asfinancia]
they $ouped togethea accommodating thenrseh€siix Argentine style whjie,
455
at the same time, dedaring how much rhey loved Mdican dts md crafrs. I
alm)-s felt ashamedofmyseli as I ha!€ said before, bur particularly ashamed
oforbe|s.eweryLimerheard$chpbrase\ in Lbetrourhsoft" **ntty
in Mdico, a Lind of litany thar defelred for a few mom€nrs the tment -.i*a
of rhe
erile. I bdieve that, viewed flom a disBnce, alwa]-sftom a distance,we knew
very ritde aboui Mexican dt and that rhe mdsiR, if reiatiE. acouisition of
lhor dnirJ goodsir rhe \ arouq rnarkers$€s hdrdtygdernedbya crireriob
for qualiry. This may nor sit well with thosewho readthis, bur rllere was incredible homogeneiq. in the firnishings ofrhe housesofAlgflrines in Mqico; in
alnost evert case,one encountered Tarco firninrre or, mor€ s@erally, ru$ic
.olonialan Ie tuntue:acryLc rapesrn6sr! desjgn o,cbjtdtra
rclmu
nities, serap€sftom Oaxaca,also s)'nthetic, and rhe atmosr obsssive persij_
ts.e win\ which fiey are,ar 1ea5tin the errly stages,fron oockery @ntaining
lead; all ofthis aeated the sdsarion ofbeing pe+erualy in rhe samehouse,
$.hether one's(rm or someoaedset, ofalways sining in the samesearr,.lrinking ftorn the sameblom-glass rumblds, seeingthe samepaLnleafplac@ts
and Michoacrn tabledorhs, and using the dact sa$e leather se*s, as ifrhele
wde no differenc$ in raste or intenrions fiom one family to another, md as
ifthey aI inhabired rhe same space.
These houses,in which a legitimate dr objed would onry rarely apped,
were rery oten trsporred to Argentntra,*cdy asthey vrere, in enoimou
fteight containds. This mdk ofmiformity, recognizablein ]]@y homes, har
a meldcholic etrecr becaue, alrhough it may hare beo part of a defensire
ideologicai unity whne Lving in exiie, in Argentina ir sen esno cted purpose
bur. rrlher. g've,
ro dos,lgid dd ongng. Md one feets,oms hd-,,X)
'jse
or beli.mg LhaLtne.e smal rirualsol serrlinSb,ck onro Argocine roil wil
saveone ftom the diD oflosr idetrtity.
It mal<esme lau8h now to seehow we a1lararge our templeq virtual Mdi,
canalras to ihe deaal,with otrdings tharindude crockr wirhout mole, frcrionat
flour ofritzftai
od cbiles, and the perfidcrory coqversationsabout wher€
one cd get cbiles or tomatillos strite me * pathetic with e!€ryone sayingtlut
it is posible to fad cilanEo who evertone, )€s e.!€rTone,knols thar, in fact,
cilartro makesArgentines sick, and the corn tortjUd used to frusriate erely
onebFcaure!he\ prefp,,edLbo'emrde from whearllour. md onty v*y ieu
Argqtins ever reaily djoyed earing ftijoles; also, n nuty upsers me to hear
ny compatriois, now caled ,{€ertua sking ayone who is rravdiog to bring
back some chne chipode bequse, for some mknown olimry r€don, ir is the
only kind $ey aliov on rheir meat; ir seemsa grear piry to me that their ie,
larion to olrile is suddenly much greatd than it evs was itr situ, dd rhat they
lostsomanyyearsdldngwhichtheycouldhaveappreciareditmdco dhm
ledned to dbcem betwed daepasill4 ndl&e dinoL nr h.atit4 Mdtl\e
v'ithout abandoaingiheir traditional hot $ound pepper.I g€t impati€nt
I hear d€m saydrat it is possibleto get childsend@for saucesin Bu€nos
when what Bolivianwomen se11
in rhe marker-seated on rhe eround
Mdi@
vome4 asjs the mmer
etrecton rhe Arge ner-is fealy cldr lrrol ard cannote\€n remotely
the same fldor
ro a salsa vdde; md it boes me to hed othds md myself
gagedin long d!.I co*€rsations about Mexican eatinghabits witi people
I suspect,nerer ate m)t}Iing odrer dd breadedftied real scalopini md
potatoes, dd it seemsincredible to me 1!+Ienlhey pronollnce the letter] t}
Meiic,n way nfiile complaining of how much th€y miss the
ftom their table, a fruit n'hose memory they cherish but in fact rejected,
den more tedios do I 6nd rhe fa.t that 6ee is nothnts with which w
dimiaish ou nostakia today,jusr aswe co!1d not dimldsh ou nostalgia
wi.l:.out dubcdetshe' ad orher oloroolourcasc.
Ttful4tuLb, Pcn Kahn
r DrLe dd b.h. is o Argentine c@el
orPses
of deir race, md having a srdding
Perbngher
Pdlonghd Oe4s e,)eas a sociologist,
gq alri'i:t, dnn oneofAtgtntini sb6t
nast prcAfc poea. Ifl o stfb that ftia the Mst coflohEd tuobatuqv ttorys
theptufanity of sd3l,,,lsodidn ss,hx poery rcgistdstheMin c,ltardl a n po.
ttLt1sfoflnnnolL'
in /trgentinal recmthi't6! -frfu nE rentrti,Mtj dredms
th. 196asanl sTosa .th? nnledkabb qi.hes ofthedi.tatotslLil t thefiffilh of
ana thz erd6iw s!rcaAof^rDs. In 1s81,
on d bs Iron Btflos Ai6 to
Pdltlo,Brail, Peilonghze'torE"Cd?fts;, atong?om dbola the dictdtotshi!.By
thetrytua lb$ torhed W pensire laliticalliolM,
"Corpss, de?icrs
socW 1th.e host irtitute a.ts ae taihtedbl the hnitg MoriEs of dtuth.
sprad.
r bridges
the na.k of a rain that nmr stoPs
de w€ke of a ship tha. sinks
a iipple that vdishes
quaysidesrailway halts fimpolines pi6
srrmbline in crab$xamps
shewhose hair b puled
hairdas? harging udone
the necessiryfor dls abse.e
what undedines rlat speech