Chapter 7 – Liking, Love, and Other Close Relationships
Sub-chapter
Internal sources of liking others
Objective
Describe psychological factors that causes us to
like others.
External sources of attraction
Explain how frequency of exposure and physical
attractiveness enhance interpersonal attraction.
Sources of liking based on social List factors that lead individuals to like/ dislike
interaction
each other.
Close relationships: foundations Describe three main types of close relationships
of social life
formed by people.

Interpersonal attraction → evaluations made of other people; the positive and negative attitudes formed
about them.
A.
Internal sources of liking others: needs and emotions
1.
Needs to belong: affiliation

Need for affiliation → the motivation to interact with other people in a cooperative way.
2.
Emotions: does mood play role in liking others?

Both positive and negative emotions (affect) influence attraction in both direct and indirect
way.

Direct effects → when another person is responsible for arousing positive emotions.

Indirect effects → when emotion comes from another source; another person is simply
associated with its presence.
B.
External sources of attraction: proximity, familiarity, physical beauty
1.
Proximity: unplanned contacts

Proximity → nearness to each other in physical space.

Proximity is the basis for the initial contact between two people.

Proximity → repeated exposure effect → produces familiarity → increased attraction.
2.
Physical beauty

Physical beauty is one form of observable characteristics that can influence attraction
toward others.

In addition to physical attractiveness, other observable characteristics that influence
interpersonal evaluations include physique (body build), weight, and even the color red.

We’re more likely to project positive interpersonal traits onto people we find attractive.
C.
Sources of liking based on social interaction
1.
Similarity

Attitude similarity → similarity to an individual in terms of the way we think and feel.

Attitude similarity includes beliefs, values, interests, and many more.

Matching hypothesis → the view that we tend to choose romantic partners who’re similar
to ourselves in terms of physical attractiveness.
2.
Reciprocal liking or disliking: liking those who like us

It’s when people respond positively to those who’re similar to them and negatively to
those who’re dissimilar.

The larger the proportion of similarity, the greater the attraction.

The balance theory and social comparison theory supports the powerful effects of
similarity in attraction.
D.
3.
Social skills

Social skills → a combination of aptitudes that help individuals who possess them to interact
effectively with others.

People high in social skills have more success in romance. They attract more partners and have a
wider range of choice among them

Social skills include the components such as social astuteness (social perception); interpersonal
influence; social adaptability; expressiveness.

Social astuteness → the capacity to perceive and understand others (traits, feelings, and intentions)
accurately. People high on this dimension recognize the subtleties of interpersonal interactions, a
skill that helps them develop effective, positive relationships with others.

Interpersonal influence → the ability to change others’ attitudes or behavior by using a variety of
techniques—for example, persuasion and subtle techniques such as the “foot in the door” tactic
(starting with a small request and then escalating to a larger one).

Social adaptability → the capacity to adapt to a wide range of social situations and to interact
effectively with a wide range of people.

Expressiveness → the ability to show emotions openly, in a form others can readily perceive.
4.
Liking based on personality

People high in agreeableness and extraversion receive higher ratings of interpersonal attractiveness.

People who show traits such as narcissim also perceived as attractive, but only at first. They’re liked
by others in the initial stage because they appear charming, extraverted, and friendly. Later, when
they are seen more accurately they are disliked very strongly. Narcissism is the tendency to have
inflated views of oneself and little or no interest in the feelings of others.
5.
Desiring others: gender differences & changes throughout relationship

Characteristics find desirable in others differ between men and women: men in physical
attractiveness; women in financial stability.

Men focus more on physical attractiveness than women. Women, too, are interested in physical
attractiveness, but they weigh this variable as somewhat less important than other
characteristics.

Women assign greater importance to traits related to forming stable relationships, such as a
partner’s potential future earnings.
Close relationships: foundations of social life
1.
Romantic relationships and love

Love → a combination of emotions, cognitions, and behaviors playing a crucial role in close
relationships.

Two basic features of love—desire and commitment—grew out of out of conditions that made
love an important adaptation for our species.
a.
Components of love & consummate love

Sternberg’s triangular model of love consists of intimacy, passion, and
decision/commitment.

Intimacy → the closeness two people feel and the strength of the bond that holds them
together.

Passion → the sexual motives and sexual excitement associated with a couple’s
relationship.

Decision/commitment → cognitive factors such as the decision to love and be with a
person, plus a commitment to maintain the relationship on a permanent/ long-term
basis

Intimacy + passion + commitment = consummate love.
b.
Companionate love

Intimacy + commitment = companionate love.

Companionate love is another type of love that’s based on friendship, mutual attraction, shared
interests, respect, and concern for each other’s welfare.
c.
Passionate love

It’s an intense emotional response to another person in romantic attraction.

When this love is unrealistic, it may become unrequited love: when love is felt by one person for
another who doesn’t feel love in return.

Passionate love includes sexual attraction, strong emotional arousal, desire to be physically close,
intense need to be loved.

Passionate love requires the presence of 3 basic factors: concept; love object; physiological arousal.

Concept → one must have a concept of passionate love; a basic idea of what it is; believe that it
exists.

Love object → an appropriate love object must be present. Appropriate means a physically attractive
person of opposite sex who isn’t currently married.

Physiological arousal → one must be in a state of physiological arousal (sexual excitement, fear,
anxiety, or whatever) that can then be interpreted as the emotion of love.
2.
Things sought in romantic partners

The traits we seek in a romantic partner are influenced by gender preferences and by expectation of
future roles.

Gender preferences → women physical appeal and youth play a stronger role in men’s preferences
than men’s physical appeal and youth play in women’s choice of romantic partners.

Expectation of future roles → the future roles we expect our partner and ourself to occupy.
Ex: individual who plans to pursue a career outside the home might seek a mate with the skills
necessary to be a homemaker. Likewise, an individual who anticipates being a home-maker might
prefer a mate who’s likely to be a good provider.
3.
Relationships with family members
a.
Relationships with parents

Attachment style x —the degree of security an individual feels in interpersonal relationships.

Attachment styles include secure, fearful-avoidant, preoccupied, and dismissing which influence
the nature of other relationships and play important role in many life outcomes.

Infants acquire attachment style based on two basic attitudes during their earliest interactions
with an adult: self-esteem & interpersonal trust.

Self-esteem concerns an attitude about self whereas interpersonal trust concerns other people
and involves general expectancies and beliefs about the
Attachment style
Components
Characteristics
Secure
High esteem + high trust
Able to form lasting, committed, satisfying
relationships.
Fearful-avoidant
Low esteem + low trust
Tend to not form close relationships/ have
unhappy ones.
Preoccupied
Low esteem + high trust
Want closeness excessively, readily form
relationships, clingy but expect to be rejected of
unworthiness.
Dismissing
High esteem + low trust
Believe they’re very deserving good relationships
but fear genuine closeness due to the low trust;
kind of people who say they don’t need close
relationships with others.
b.
4.
Relationships with other adult family members and siblings
In addition to parents, interactions with siblings and other relatives are important for attitudes
development related to: trust, affection, self-worth, competition, and humor.
Friendships: relationships beyond the family
a.
Close relationships
Close relationships show some characteristics: exhibition of modesty when interacting; spend increasing
amounts of time together; self-disclosing; providing mutual emotional support.
b.
Gender differences in friendships
Women tend to place greater emphasis on intimacy; they expect to share and dicsuss emotions and
experiences with their friends and receive emotional support from them. In contrast, men tend to form
relationships on the basis of activities such as working on joint projects or sharing hobbies.
c.
Similarity as the basis for friendship
Research findings indicate that perceived similarity plays a more important role than actual similarity when
individuals are first becoming acquainted.
Types of love :