THE ART OF LOVE
INTRODUCTION
The art of love is an extensive work of Maina Ngeru which is yet to be published. Maina Ngeru who goes
famously as Profesori has B.A in social work and vast experience on relationship and marriage counselling.
He is yet to receive any award or recognition by best institution but insha-Allah he will get one. The art of
love explores all avenues of forming and maintaining a relationship. It curtails all underhand and dubious
methods by underlying factual and tangible evidence of these processes of forming and maintaining a
relationship.
CHAPTER ONE
RELATIONSHIP
Oxford dictionary(2010) defines relationship as link or connection that exists between people or groups.
Each and every person has that special relationship that he/she considers special. Research has proven man
can not live alone hence he is a social being. His happiness depends on the level of connectedness he feels
towards a certain relationship. In retrospect, those who have difficulties in forming a relationship tend to
have a hard day on their day to day activities. The society considers such a person deviant especially African
communities.
Therefore, a human being with no relationship is considered lonely and to some extent dangerous. Man only
affirms his existence by passive communication with others, linking with others, actively participating with
others and building connections with others. Family forms our first relationship, our parents being the
primary caregivers, tend to form strong bonds with us as we grow. Hence, we form the first basis of our pilot
relationship. As we grow and develop, our network of relationship starts to build as we interact with outside
world. Remember, changes occurring in our body during adolescence tend to dictates new kind of
relationship. Body attraction towards opposite sex initiates at this stage while others, attraction to the same
sex. Orientation to sexual identity depends on various variables. As a single factor, sexual attraction seem to
be defined by religious institution hence same kind attraction considered deviant behaviour.
The quality of relationship depends on cost benefit factor. A healthy relationship is considered when both
parties costs and benefits are at equilibrium. Unhealthy relationship is when only one party benefits while
the other foots for cost, this is kind of host-parasite relationship. A true relationship means trying to
satisfactory and manage each other vulnerability (Salemi,2006). Does it mean to go all the way persevering
promiscuous weakness? Of course NO! , y each other vulnerability we mean derailing factors like when
your partner is in need of emotion support or any other form of support. You should work as team therefore
set your mind as ”I” in “WE”.
ELEMENTS OF GOOD RELATIONSHIP
1. Commitment
Commitment is an obligation you have to someone. Based on promises, commitment is the process and state
of maintaining and fulfilling these promises. Hence, if a person exists in the present it becomes a mandatory
statue to exist in the future. This means, if you commit you mean it. Committing in relationship therefore
means sticking with it all times -good or bad.
2. Communication
Communication is the act of conveying message from one point to another in that the conveyed message is
understood. Hence is the process of passing information and understanding from one person to another. In simple
words it is a process of transmitting and sharing ideas, opinions, facts or value.
3. Responsibility
Is the state of having duty to deal with something or someone in that you must have control of these
demands. Love comes with a responsibility hence you cannot vouch to get committed in a relationship
without partaking in responsibilities. Managing a relationship requires patience and knowledge on how to
handle demanding situation that likely to bring conflict.
4. Liking and Loving
Liking and loving is the forth element of relationship. Generally liking is different from loving in that liking
involves admiration while loving intimate. Love, is a beautiful thing. When you are in love with someone it
means that someone is special. Love takes time to develop. Sometimes you can make a mistake thinking you
love someone but in actual sense you don’t. If you know you don’t mean it when you say, “I love you,”
when you know deep down you don’t mean it.
*signs to know you are in love
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S/He is the first thing you think of in the morning and the last thing you think of at night and all time
in between.
You miss him/her when you two are not together
When you receive sms/call you wish its from him/her
A nice romantic song or just good music reminds you of him/her
You smile when you remember the last time you were together
You can talk for hours either over the phone or together
You lough more than you ever laughed before
You start having fantasies about being with the other person
You always want to dress your best and then wish that he/she sees you
You feel like a changed person.
You feel life is worth living
There is always that voice telling you that you are in love
NB: Being in love doesn’t mean all your problems will disappear overnight and you will be happy all
times. You still have your own life to live. The difference is once you fall in love you feel sense of
belonging.
THANK YOU FOR READING. IF YOU HAVE A QUESTION EMAIL ME AT mainangeru@gmail.com
or mainangeru@yahoo.com