Dear Ernesto, I know you have expressed sincere guilt for the way you responded to your son,
and I also know you feel as though it is your fault that your son is gay, and I thought I would
give you a peace of mind. I want to start out by saying that You did absolutely nothing to
make your son gay. You did a fantastic job raising an intelligent, educated young man,
especially under unforeseen circumstances. Most of all, you gave Bibi a voice. I also would
like to explain to you a little about identity, intersectionality, privilege, and oppression in
hopes that these definitions help you understand who your son is and why your rejection hurt
him. First, I would like to talk about identity and how we all are made up of different
identities that make us who we are. Such as you are a straight Latino male who likes to cook,
and I am an African American female student social worker. To understand Bibi, you have to
understand intersectionality. Intersectionality is the multiple identities I just described above
that come together and create certain privileges but also create hard to overcome barriers. Bibi
is a gay Latino, cisgender male lawyer. His identity as a male, cisgender, grants him
privileges such as using a public bathroom freely; his identity as a male lawyer grants him
privileges such as financial wealth and excellent healthcare. Now your privileges may sound
similar, but they are slightly different. As for you, Ernesto, you are a straight male, and people
like you and do not question your choices because you fit the social norm. However, these
same identities create barriers. Bibi is gay and Latino, creating double the barriers because of
his race and sexual orientation. The barriers you may face are absolutely different from your
sons but no less important. You are a male Ernesto, and you are a cleaner; your healthcare is
nowhere as good as your son's healthcare, but he is also gay, so him accessing that healthcare
and receiving culturally appropriate services will be more challenging for him than for you.
Therefore, by recognizing your own privileges and being aware of how they can hurt others
and keep barriers placed upon them, I hope you better understand how your son feels when he
is not only rejected by society but also by his own father. My advice is to learn to listen, be
open, and make sure he knows you love him. I wish you and your son nothing but the best!
Sincerely, Michelle