Pseudolus 1.5
SIMO
If now a dictator were to be appointed in Athens of Attica out of the spendthrifts or out of the gallants, I think that the
obvious choice would be my son. For now, the only thing the city is talking about is to the effect that he is trying to set
his mistress free, and is seeking money for that purpose. Some people bring me word of this; and, in fact, I had long ago
perceived it, and had suspected it, but I was unsure of it.
PSEUDOLUS
(apart) Already is his son suspected by him; this affair is nipped in the bud; this business is at a stand-still. The way is
now entirely blocked against me, by which I had intended to get the money. He has discovered my plan before I could
enact it. There's no prize for the marauders.
CALLIPHO
Those men who carry about and who listen to accusations, should all be hanged, if it were up to me, the speakers by
their tongues, the listeners by their ears. For these things that are told you, that your son in his love is desirous to cheat
you out of money, the chance is that these things so told you are all lies. But suppose they are true, seeing how boys are,
now-a-days especially, what has he done that is so surprising? Is it a new thing for a young man to love and want to free
his mistress?
PSEUDOLUS
(apart) A delightful old gentleman.
SIMO
I don't want him to follow the old-fashioned habits.
CALLIPHO
But still, your objection is pointless; or you yourself shouldn't have done the same thing when you were young. The
father who wishes his son to be immaculate must have been immaculate himself. But the mischief and the extravagancy
you were guilty of in your youth is so great that it might have been distributed throughout the whole population, a share
for each man. Are you surprised then, if your son does take after his father?
PSEUDOLUS
(apart) O Zeus! how few in number are you considerate men. See, that's being a father to a son, just as is proper.
SIMO
Who is it that's speaking here? Looking round. Why, surely it is my slave Pseudolus. It is he who corrupts my son, the
wicked scoundrel; he is his leader, he his tutor. I long for him to be put to extreme torture.
CALLIPHO
This is a mistake now; it is better to keep your anger in check. Much better to accost him with kind words and to ask him
questions, whether these things are true or not that they tell you of?
SIMO
I'll take your advice.