Love, partner choice and culture
Prof Robin Goodwin
Social Sciences and Law
Brunel University
What are the top 6 things you are
looking for in a boy (girl) friend
(casual partner)?
What are the top 6 things you are
looking for in a husband (wife)?
Who we choose (partner
preferences)
• An old topic: at least 60 years of questions
• Western research: ‘abstract qualities’
(honesty, kindness)
• More traditional, rural communities in
collective societies: pragmatic qualities
(money, family connections, religion)
• Of course, choice is often non-existent, or
limited.
But it does depend…
• Partly on type of relationship (boyfriend,
husband). Hofstede (1996) in 8 Asian cities
– Boyfriends with humour
– Husbands with status, and wealth
• This particularly the case in masculine
countries (sex-role orientated) e.g. Japan
rather than Thailand.
Migrant populations
• In the UK considerable variation amongst ethnic
groups in
–
–
–
–
–
–
Opportunities for mixed sex contact
Who is allowed to date at all
Choice of boyfriends (if any)
Timing of marriage
Pre-marital meetings (if any)
Marital choice (religion/ caste/ family connections)
• Asian parents maybe more protective towards
daughters and who they meet
Migrant relations (2)
• Often this expressed in individualistic
terms: less the ‘union of families’ as the
finding of a ‘suitable’ ‘like-minded’ partner.
We get evidence from personal
ads
• Education and income frequently mentioned
in more collectivist societies
• GSOH etc in Western societies
• But sex dependent: not good for a Chinese
woman to be too educated (Honig &
Herschatter, 1988): she should be beautiful,
with poise, and good household manager.
Being beautiful helps…
• An old notion: “what is beautiful is good”
(Dion et al, 1972)
• But depends on the judgement made (Eagly,
1991, Feingold, 1992): we don’t necessarily
think beauty = modesty
• Stereotyping on beauty might depend on
culturally important beliefs (e.g. integrity
maybe ~ beauty in collectivist countries)
On Love: Contrasting cultures
• Burgess & Wallin (1953): “The expected,
approved, and sanctioned precondition to
marriage in American society is falling in
love. According to our mores, love is the
only right basis for marriage”
• Hsu (1981): “An American asks ‘how does
my heart feel?’ A Chinese asks ‘What will
other people say?’
In reality…
• Love is probably important everywhere
(Jankowiak & Fischer, 1992).
• Just because authorities oppose it, doesn’t
mean it doesn’t happen!
• But may be a fairly recent phenomenon:
love and marriage only really together in
Western literature for last 300 years.
Expression of love depends on
culture
Not much at all
Taliban
A great deal
Hollywood ideal
Love as disruptive
• Goode (1959): stratification and lineage
challenged by effects of love
• Where extended family is important, love
relationships must be kept to minimum
• Love only sanctioned within certain situations,
and then encouraged as ‘social glue’. Love as
fusion
• Individualism seen as damaging as self interests
put before those of the community (Beck & BeckGernsheim, 1995).
Love as the basis for marriage
• Love as fission: an exciting emotion that is the
logic behind sexual union
• Passionate and intimate, rather than just
commitment
• Individualism seen as a complement to this: love a
retreat from a cruel world, and reflective of true
selves (Dion & Dion, 1993).
• Although self-choice, emotion not necessarily
longer-lasting or more intense.
But the story often complicated
• Work in African and West Indian societies on love
scales (e.g. Stones, 1986; Payne & Vandewiele,
1987) shows importance of traditional beliefs,
local conditions (e.g. employment).
• Chinese societies love often seen as sad. Holding
hands in public traditionally scorned. Yuan-fen
scores similar in Chinese and British students
(Goodwin & Findlay, 1997): reflects Hollywood?
• In traditional Indian literature, infatuation and
romantic love reported, but not necessarily
relevant to marriage
Discuss…
1. If a boy (girl) had the qualities you
desired, would you marry this person if
you were not in love with him (her)?
2. If love has disappeared from a marriage, is
it best for a couple to make a clean break
and start new lives?
3. Is the disappearance of love a sufficient
reasons for ending a marriage?
Some answers showing love as important: Levine et
al (1995)
90
80
70
60
Brazil
England
India
50
40
30
20
10
0
Q1 (no)
Question 1
Q2 (yes)
Question 2
Q3 (no)
Question 3
90
90
80
80
70
70
60
60
50
50
Brazil
England
India
40
40
30
30
20
20
10
10
0
0
Q1 (no)
Q1 (no)
Q2 (yes)
Q2 (yes)
Q3 (no)
Q3 (no)
90
80
70
60
Brazil
England
India
50
40
30
20
10
0
Q1 (no)
Q2 (yes)
Q3 (no)
1 (no)
Brazil
England
India
Q2 (yes)
Q3 (no)
Love styles (Lee, 1973)
•
•
•
•
•
•
Eros (romantic, passionate)
Ludus (game playing)
Storge (friendship)
Mania (obsessive)
Pragma (logical)
Agape (altruistic)
Discuss: Which are men? Older people?
Cultural differences in love styles
UK/US students Asian students

X
Storge
X

Mania
X

Pragma
X

Eros
Ludus
Agape
Hendrick & Hendrick (1986); Dion & Dion (1993); Goodwin & Findlay (1997)
Attachment styles (and other
individual-level variables)
• Maybe more important than culture?
(Doherty et al, 1994)
• Anxiety-ambivalent high: highly passionate
love
• Secure styles: less passionate, but
comfortable and companionate.
• Avoidant styles: less passion, and less
commitment. Pretty sad, generally.
But social change is happening,
fast!
• Rapid industrialisation in India, China changing
communities and limiting ability of parents/
family to ‘control’ partner choice
• Migration, internet exposure etc opening
individuals to new ideas and partner choices (e.g
through internet dating)
• At same time, resistance: Traditional values being
reinforced in some parts of world, largely through
religious influence. New adaptive strategies
developed (e.g. Gujarati partner choice in
Leicester)