Love & Communication
Which is most important,
making love, or being
loved?
Masters & Johnson
“The issue is not ‘making love’ but ‘being
loved’”
Questions
How many been “in love”?
How many hurt in past relationships?
What does it take for you to love
someone?
What does it take for you to stop loving
them?
What builds long lasting
love?
Accepting the person the way they are
Non-judgmental
Cleaning
Helping them to get what they want
Preschool
Help them feel good about themselves
Thank you
I love you
Experiences together build
trust and bonds
Positive
Negative
Being romantic
Surprises
How can I help?
“I love you”
Traditions
Rose story
What are the three most
important parts of love?
Sternberg’s Theory of Love
Three parts
Passion
Romance & Sex
Intimacy
Bondedness, closeness
Commitment
Decision to love & maintain the relationship
Intimacy & commitment - most predictive
of stability & longevity
Sternberg’s Theory of Love
Maintaining sexual variety
Sharing fantasies
Batman
Airline restroom
Avoiding routine time and place
Planning for intimate time
Characteristics of longterm successful marriages
Parents had happy marriages
Adequate, steady income
Similar attitudes and personality styles
Reasons for success of a
marriage in 300 couples
My partner is my best friend
Marriage is a long-term commitment
My partner has grown more interesting over
time
Commitment
Good communication
Shared interests
Ability to face and deal with conflict
Good sex was not given as a reason for
success
Communication
Why discussing sex can be
difficult
Clinical language is too clinical
Street language is too crude
Active and passive
listening
Active listening
Passive listening
Unconditional positive
regard
Dr. Bob’s “I love you” test
“No matter what happened, I still love you”
“Why” questions
The use of “why” in an argument:
Puts the other person on the defensive
Implies they must explain to your satisfaction.
“You” question (statement), not an “I” statement
“You” statements
Tend to be interpreted as attacks on the other
“I” statements
Express feelings without blaming the other person
Obtaining closure after
criticism or an argument
Focus on future changes both of you can
make
Do not focus on who was right or wrong