Love & Communication
© Robert J. Atkins, Ph.D.
Masters & Johnson
“The issue is not ‘making love’ but
‘being loved’”
What is Sternberg’s
Theory of Love?
What are the three parts of
love?
Passion
Romance & Sex
Intimacy
Bondedness, closeness
Commitment
Decision to love & maintain the relationship
Intimacy & commitment - most predictive
of stability & longevity
How do these change over
time?
Do you remember?
What are Sternberg’s three parts of love?
Which two predict stability?
What are the characteristics of
long-term successful marriages?
Parents had happy marriages
Adequate, steady income
Similar attitudes and personality styles
What creates success in the
marriage of 300 couples?
My partner is my best friend
Marriage is a long-term commitment
My partner has grown more interesting over
time
Good communication
Shared interests
Ability to face and deal with conflict
Good sex was not given as a reason for
success
Do you remember?
What is not needed to create a successful
long term marriage?
What are the characteristics of a
successful long term marriage?
What did the 300 couple study say?
Communication
Why can discussing sex
can be difficult?
Clinical language is too clinical
Street language is too crude
Are you an active or passive
listener?
Active listening
Listening for
meaning
Passive listening
Do you remember?
Why can discussion sex be difficult?
What is active and passive listening?
What is unconditional
positive regard?
Dr. Bob’s “I love you” test
“No matter what happened, I still love you”
What is the problem with
“Why” questions
The use of “why” in an argument:
Makes the other feel like they are being judged
Puts the other person on the defensive
Implies they must explain to your satisfaction.
How can you get closure after
criticism or an argument?
Focus on future changes both of you can
make
Do not focus on who was right or wrong
Do you remember?
What is unconditional positive regard?
What is the problem with “Why”
questions?
How can you get closure after an
argument?
How do love traditions develop?
The story of the
rose
Real love