Love & Communication
Masters & Johnson
“The issue is not ‘making love’ but ‘being
loved’”
Sternberg’s Theory of Love
Three parts
Passion
Romance & Sex
Intimacy
Bondedness, closeness
Commitment
Decision to love & maintain the relationship
Intimacy & commitment - most predictive
of stability & longevity
Sternberg’s Theory of Love
Maintaining sexual variety
Sharing fantasies
Batman
Airline restroom
Avoiding routine time and place
Planning for intimate time
Characteristics of longterm successful marriages
Parents had happy marriages
Adequate, steady income
Similar attitudes and personality styles
Reasons for success of a
marriage in 300 couples
My partner is my best friend
Marriage is a long-term commitment
My partner has grown more interesting over
time
Commitment
Good communication
Shared interests
Ability to face and deal with conflict
Good sex was not given as a reason for
success
Communication
Why discussing sex can be
difficult
Clinical language is too clinical
Street language is too crude
Active and passive
listening
Active listening
Passive listening
Unconditional positive
regard
Dr. Bob’s “I love you” test
“No matter what happened, I still love you”
“Why” questions
The use of “why” in an argument:
Puts the other person on the defensive
Implies they must explain to your satisfaction.
“You” question (statement), not an “I” statement
“You” statements
Tend to be interpreted as attacks on the other
“I” statements
Express feelings without blaming the other person
Obtaining closure after
criticism or an argument
Focus on future changes both of you can
make
Do not focus on who was right or wrong
Traditions
The rose story