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Understanding Shyness
Does your child peek between his fingers to
look at people he doesn’t know (or even people
he does know)? Does she turn away from
attention or hide from people? Are you afraid
that your child was just “born shy?”
Shyness is a feeling that everyone experiences at
one time or another. Some children seem to be
naturally shy. Studies about shy children point
out that it is part of a child’s “temperament.”
Temperament is part of a child’s personality that
they are born with and that is special for each
child. Studies have shown that when children
are more reactive to sights, sounds, smells, and touch, this might be a
part of why they feel shyer. They may just take a little longer to feel
comfortable.
Shy children might not be fearful. They just might take longer to feel
confident in trying new things, meeting new people or going to new
places. It is important to respect a child’s feelings. If you discount or
deny her feelings, it puts a lot of stress on her. If he isn’t able to
control the pace of what is going on, he might become fearful or lack
self-confidence. It is important to respect shy children.
Here are some tips from experts who study shyness:
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Accept your child’s feelings of shyness. Do not push your child
to be outgoing.
Let your child have time to adjust to new situations. Ease her
into new situations. When meeting new children you may have to
help her play for a while before she is comfortable.
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Ease your child into social activities slowly. Build friendships
slowly with one person at a time.
Your child looks to you for confidence. Your acceptance of your
child’s feelings will help her feel more confident.
Help other people who are with your children to understand
him. Talk to teachers about what can be done to support your
child. Sometimes shy children are overlooked or misunderstood.
Avoid saying that your child is “shy.” Use more positive words
like, “It takes a little time to get settled,” or “Becky likes to watch
everyone first.”
It is important to support your child’s feelings of being shy while at
the same time exposing him to new situations. Try not to overprotect
or “save” your child from all situations. Be sensitive to a child’s sense
of comfort, but allow the child to be in control and feel comfortable by
himself.
According to McClellan & Katz, 2001, “unless shyness is severe
enough to prevent a child from enjoying the ‘good things of life,’ such
as birthday parties or picnics, it is reasonable to assume that, when
handled, sensitively, shyness will be spontaneously outgrown.
Source: Assessing Young Children’s Social Competence, McClellan & Katz,
2001, Eric Digest. Champaign, IL, EDO-PS-01-2.
Revised: Janice McCoy, Family Life Educator, Whiteside County
Editor: Patti Faughn, Family Life Educator, Springfield Center, Spring 2007
For additional information contact:
Angela Reinhart, Family Life Educator
University of Illinois Extension, Champaign County Unit
801 N Country Fair Drive, Suite D
Champaign, IL 61821
217-333-7672
areinhrt@uiuc.edu
www.extension.uiuc.edu/champaign
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