
Encourage your child to think about how others feel.
Empathy is an important skill that can be practiced and learned. Ask
questions like “How might Jill have felt when you pulled her hair?”
Have your child play-act both parts of what it feels like to be an
aggressor and a victim in a fight. Facilitate the art of a sincere apology
but do not expect that to come easily. Practice will be necessary.

Practice sharing and taking turns. You may experience less
resistance by preparing your child ahead of time (“Remember that
everyone will have a turn with the blue truck this morning”). Remind
children to share and take turns during group play. When set-backs
occur, take them up with your child afterwards using the strategies
above.

Practice positive ways your child can express her feelings,
especially strong feelings such as anger, frustration, or even
exuberance. Help your child realize that she can tell the other child
how she feels without lashing out (screaming, hitting, biting, etc.).
There are many ways to express strong feelings for example, draw
pictures, play out dramas with toys, run around the playground, if
outside, and talk to you or others.
Social Readiness
As children first enter school, parents often
worry about their academic readiness. An
equally important area is their social
readiness. At school, children must learn to
get along with other children, especially in
large groups. Some face these issues quite
early in child care settings. For those who
have stayed at home or in small child care
settings, this transition can be more
challenging.
Challenges can include:
 Fewer adults per child to mediate conflicts
 Children are less likely than most adults to give into demands
 Children are forced to learn compromise and self-control
In the months leading up to the start of pre-school or kindergarten, you can
help your child prepare for this transition using the following strategies.


Create opportunities for your child to play with other
same-age children. Meet other parents at homes or parks. Take
advantage of groups like religious classes and free library reading/play
groups. Try to not over-control the interactions. Let your child
experience playing, getting frustrated, making choices, and even
mistakes during the group time.
Help your child plan for group interactions. Ask him to think
ahead with “What can you do if you and another child want the same
toy?” If you observe a conflict or aggressive behavior on the part of
your child, ask “What could you have done differently?” Consider
having them act out their ideas or draw pictures of them.
The transition to larger peer-group environments is a normal one. These
strategies can help your child make that change as smoothly as possible.
You are your child’s best model for how to get along in the social world.
Let your child catch you treating others as you want him/her to do.
Resources: Heart Start: The Emotional Foundations of School Readiness
http://www.zerotothree.org/sch_read.html, The National Education Association:
http://www.nea.org/parents/preparechild.html
Written by: Angela Wiley, Ph.D., Extension Specialist, Fall 2006
Editor: Patti Faughn, Family Life Educator, Springfield Center, 2006
For more information contact:
Angela Reinhart, Family Life Educator
University of Illinois Extension
Champaign County Unit
801 N. Country Fair Drive, Suite D
Champaign, IL 61821
217/333-7672
University of Illinois  US Dept of Agriculture
Local Extension Councils Cooperating
University of Illinois Extension provides equal opportunities in programs and employment.