Title: An Elephant in the House
Sub: Africans in the Diaspora discuss domestic violence at Sacramento town
hall meeting
By Ben Edokpayi
The subject of domestic violence or “intimate –partner violence” is
one many African couples feel uncomfortable discussing in public.
But on November 12 about 50 men and women of African descent
gathered for a town hall meeting at the California State University in
Sacramento (CSUS) to tackle the issue head-on, with the CSUS Center for
African Peace and Conflict Resolution as a host and co-sponsor.
The meeting was triggered by recent instances of domestic violence in
African communities in Sacramento and elsewhere in the United States.
In the Sacramento incident a Ghanaian man reportedly stabbed his
wife 22 times to death, after an argument between the estranged couple. In
another case, a Nigerian man drove all the way from Atlanta Georgia to stalk
his Ondo-born wife living separately in Dallas Texas. He eventually shot her
to death in her car.
Also in August this year a Nigerian man used a hammer to murder his
Sierra Leonean born wife at their home in a Dallas suburb. This callous
murder reportedly occurred in front of the couples’ seven-year-old daughter.
While incidents of domestic violence in African communities in the
Diaspora is only now coming into the limelight, the problem has long been
an entrenched epidemic in African countries where male chauvinism rules.
“It is like a normal thing for women to be treated by their husbands as
punching bags,” said Obong Rita Akpan Nigeria’s former minister of
women affairs, earlier this year in an interview.
A New York Times article last August by Sharon LaFraniere brought
the issue into sharper focus.
The article stated that although women suffer from violence in every
society, nowhere is the abuse more entrenched and accepted than in African
countries.
Lafraniere’s periscope on the epidemic scanned several African
countries, including South Africa where researchers for the Medical
Research Council estimated last year that a male partner kills a girlfriend or
spouse every six hours. Citing a 2004 study the NY Times article also
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revealed that nearly half of the women surveyed in Zambia said a male
partner had beaten them.
A Multi-country study on Women’s Health and Domestic Violence
released by the World Health Organization in November 2005 showed that
Ethiopian women recorded the highest incidents of sexual and domestic
violence at 71%.
The Study “ challenges the perception that home is a safe haven for
women by showing that women are more at risk of experiencing violence in
intimate relationships than anywhere else.”
The Study by WHO surveyed 24,000 women in 10 countries. African
countries included in the study were Ethiopia, Tanzania and Namibia. Others
were Bangladesh, Brazil, Japan, Peru, Samoa, Serbia and Montenegro and
Thailand.
Sadly, the study found out that one of six women in the countries
surveyed had suffered abuse, and that violence was more prevalent in poorer
countries. According to the study, it is particularly difficult to respond
effectively to this violence because many women accept such violence as
“normal.”
One of the respondents in the WHO study was quoted as saying: “
The beating was getting more and more severe…In the beginning it was
confined to the house. Gradually, he stopped caring. He slapped me in front
of others and continued to threaten me… Every time he beat me it was as if
he was trying to test my endurance, to see how much I could take.”
This renewed awareness on the epidemic has resulted in domestic
violence Laws in some African Countries. But even when these Laws are
enacted the law enforcement backing is usually absent or muted.
While domestic violence cases are deeply entrenched in many African
societies, cases in the Diaspora are seemingly isolated or sporadic at best.
Still, the gathering in Sacramento felt the issue was serious enough to
warrant a town hall meeting. And the calibre of attendees at the meeting
underlined the importance of the issue.
“We have an elephant in the room and we need to look at what’s
agitating this Elephant,” said Dr. Ernest Uwazie, as he used an African
metaphor to welcome conferees to the town hall meeting.
Aside from the host Dr. Uwazie who is Director of the Center for
African Peace and Conflict Resolution and Professor of Criminal Justice at
CSUS, the line up included key note Speaker and Clinical Psychologist Dr.
Kwessi Ngissah, a former Director of Behavioral Medicine with Kaiser
Permanente (America's leading integrated health care organization); Dr.
Boatamo Mosupyoe, a Professor of Ethnic Studies and Director of Pan
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African Studies at CSUS and Documentary filmmaker Chike Nwoffiah, who
was one of the evening’s moderators.
There were also nationals from the following African Countries: Nigeria,
Ghana, Uganda, Kenya, Liberia, Sierra Leone and Rwanda, as well as
several Christian and non-profit organizations. They included co-organizers
Newton Ekpo-Marriage and Family Life Consultant and Chief Lanre
Hassan- President of Sacramento Nigerian of Association.
The ultimate goal of the group was to create conflict resolution
models and solutions as well as identification of resources that can be used
by Africans not only in the Diaspora, but also in the Motherland.
Asking men not to see the discussion as an affront on their Goddivined roles as heads of the households, South African Moderator
Mosupyoe said, “ As an African woman I want you to know that when we
address violence it doesn’t mean we don’t love you. You are our fathers,
sons, uncles and brothers –you are all of these things to us.”
Echoing a similar sentiment Co-Moderator Nwoffiah chimed in: “
What is the Elephant in the room?” he asked.
“ Let’s discuss this realistically. We probably might not have our
hands wrapped around it at the end of this meeting but we want to start the
conversation. What is it? How is it manifested? How does it affect us here?
We want to frame the dialogue and take it from there.”
Before Mosupyoe and Nwoffiah’s stirring introduction of the topic,
Ngissah spoke elaborately on patterns, types and the definition of domestic
abuse.
“ Domestic violence knows no cultural, ethnic, race, social class, or
literacy boundary. The perpetrator may have no history of domestic abuse or
violence, and may be generally known in the community as a very gentle,
caring and loving individual or family person,” said Ngissah, who noted that
the issue is unfortunately downplayed in many African societies.
The Clinical Psychologist then went on to list types of abuse, namely:
Physical Abuse (Domestic Violence), Sexual Abuse and Exploitation,
Emotional Abuse, Economic or Financial Abuse and Spiritual Abuse.
Ngissah identified stalking, verbal and non-verbal attacks, yelling,
name calling, which he categorized all under Emotional Abuse, as the most
dangerous forms of the scourge.
“ We think stalking is harmless, but it is one of the most dangerous
and takes all kinds of forms. It is even dangerous for our friends and
families,” said Ngissah, a Ghanaian.
The dominant thread that ran through many of the evening’s
contributions on the subject was the juxtaposition of the African and
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American cultures and how the two can be effectively combined by recent
transplants from across the Atlantic.
Speakers on this issue were as interesting as they were varied. Three
sampling’s follow:
“ The support system you have back home doesn’t exist here. In order
to feel comfortable here we need to know our limitations. The rules of the
game are not the same as you might have say in Ghana, “ said Ngissah.
A Nigerian Auditor who’s been married to his wife for 30 years had a
different perspective. “ We already know the problem. First of all you can’t
put old wine into new wine. You can think you can bring your Igbo culture
and enforce it here? It just won’t work, “ he said, adding rather
humorously,” you go to our African parties and take a look at the face of our
women. They look worn out and don’t want to dance. Why? Because they
spend most of their time cooking, cleaning and taking care of the home all
by themselves. That’s abuse!”
Another Nigerian Dr. Sylvester Okonkwo presented an interesting
angle to the clash of cultures and how it frames the issue. “ Let’s not make
this sound as if it’s an African problem,” he said.
“ The African culture has its own pluses and minuses. Most of us
studied here and gained employment here. We have a proverb that says
when you are in a foreign land, ‘ learn all the good things there and leave the
bad ones alone,” said Okonkwo.
While many in the room agreed that it was tough to balance the two
cultures, all were in agreement that the African culture was intrinsically
sound and could be a good insulation against the pressures of today’s
microwave world where materialistic pursuits and the hurry for results tend
to obfuscate everything else.
Citing communication as key one Liberian man said: “ I think we
know the problem. How many of us communicate with our wives as much
as we do our workmates. How many times do we sit at the dinner table with
our families and say, ‘ How was your day today?” he asked.
Mrs. Marie Washington Maddy, a Liberian married to a Sierra
Leonean, blamed the problem on a lack of focus in many African families in
the Diaspora.
“ African families have to have a common focus. When it doesn’t
exist people tend to grow apart,” she said.
“We are talking but not listening to each other. We all want to
accomplish the American Dream and financial independence, but we don’t
have the same focus. Families have to work together financially,” said Mrs.
Maddy.
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While clash of cultures dominated most of the discussion, participants
also agreed that many other extraneous elements are involved in the different
manifestations of domestic violence. They ranged from the individuals
ability to manage anger, the negative influence of television, breakdown in
communication and abrasive personality of the culprits involved.
One Nigerian man also opined that it boils down to the level of
understanding between a man and his wife. “ My wife understands me. She
knows when to be quiet during an argument. I also know when to be quiet.
It’s not about culture but about understanding each other,” he said.
At the end of the discussion, the gathering was broken up into five
sub-groups to come up with panaceas for the problem.
The sub-groups focused on identifying resources such as uniquely
African support groups and utilizing clergies/other professionals to mediate
between couples experiencing problems with their marriages; developing
better levels of tolerance and communication among couples; helping
couples understand that marriages work better when it is partnershiporiented and ensuring that parental respect was maintained in the household.
The town hall gathering also suggested creating an intervention group/
elders council to mediate between quarreling couples; providing a regular
forum for people, especially men, to socialize amongst themselves; as well
as creating mechanisms to encourage and give recognition on occasions such
as high school graduations or even promotions in the African communities
and organizations.
Another town hall meeting will reconvene within the next three
months(February/March) to begin putting these thoughts into action as well
as establishing an African resources and referral network for domestic
violence.
The movement that took root in Sacramento on November 12 could
not have come at a more appropriate time. It occurred the same week the
WHO report on domestic violence was released.
Hopefully, both endeavors will stimulate a synergy that will put the
issue on the front burner, and eventually lead to a reduction in the problem,
especially among Africans.
As the WHO study states: “ Violence against women has a far deeper
impact than the immediate harm caused. It has devastating consequences for
the women who experience it, and a traumatic effect on those who witness it,
particularly children.
“It shames states that fail to prevent it and societies that tolerate it.
Violence against women is a violation of basic human rights that must be
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eliminated through political will, and by legal and civil action in all sectors
of society.”
Program Sponsors:
Marriage and Family Center
Center for African Peace and Conflict Resolution, CSUS
Sacramento Association of Nigerians
Association of Friends and Citizens of Liberia
Ghanaian Association of Sacramento
Sierra Lone Humanitarian Project
Friends of Rwanda Association
Igbo Development Union of Sacramento
African Christian Fellowship, Sacramento Chapter
Dunia United Congress, Roseville
Ugandan Association of northern California
USHIRIKA(Kenya)
Yoruba Heritage International
Ben Edokpayi, currently editor of the tri-weekly Dixon Tribune
newspaper in Northern California, has written for several publications
including Daily Republic Newspapers in Fairfield California, Newswatch
Magazine and also freelanced for the African Service of the BBC. ©
Monday, November 28, 2005.
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