1
GRADE 6
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FRAMEWORK / CONTENT STANDARDS
ADDRESSED:
Massachusetts Curriculum Framework
for ELA and Literacy (2011)
“What should good student writing at this
grade level look like?”
The answer lies in the writing itself.
The Writing Standards in Action Project
uses high quality student writing samples to
illustrate what performance to grade level
standards looks like—in action.
Writing Standards in Action
Grade 6
English Language Arts
Opinion / Argument
Persuasive Essay
Athens vs. Sparta (Pro Sparta)
Massachusetts Department of Elementary and Secondary Education
Writing Standards in Action Project
www.doe.mass.edu/candi/wsa
SAMPLE B6-14b (Opinion/Argument—Persuasive Essay)
2
GRADE 6
FRAMEWORK / CONTENT STANDARDS ADDRESSED:
Massachusetts Curriculum Framework
for ELA and Literacy (2011)
Background Information
Writing Sample Title:
Athens vs. Sparta (Pro Sparta)
Text Type and Purpose:
Opinion / Argument
Grade level/Content area: Grade 6 English Language Arts
Type of Assignment:
Persuasive Essay
Standards Addressed:
(W.7.1), (W.6.1), (W.6.4), (W.6.8),
(L.6.1), (L.6.2), (L.6.3), (L.7.3),
(L.6.6)
See descriptions of these standards in the right column of the next page.
Important note about this sample:
This sample is the second of two posted opinion argument
essays (B614a—Pro Athens and B614b—Pro Sparta) written by
different writers in response to the same on-demand prompt. The
samples take opposite sides of the same issue and make use of
somewhat different elements of effective writing.
STANDARDS-BASED COMMENTARY
The student writing sample that follows
includes standards-based commentary.
The commentary in this column describes
how the writing meets the standards in the
Massachusetts Curriculum Framework for
English Language Arts and Literacy (2011)
and other content frameworks when
applicable.
Understanding the
Standards-Based Commentary
1. Grade-specific standards addressed
are:
 Listed in the column to the right of
student work by strand, grade, and
number (or number and letter, where
applicable)
 Marked by a letter code (in
parenthesis), also in the column to the
right of the student work
EXAMPLE:
(A)
2. The letter codes with a letter-coded
arrow beneath each standard in the
right column:
 Are of the same letter code as the letter
in parenthesis that marks the standard
being addressed
 Mark standards-based commentary
related to the standard being
addressed
 Appear in alphabetical order
EXAMPLE:
A1>
3. Corresponding letter coded arrows
within the text:
BACKGROUND CONTINUES….
 Set off sections of student work to
which commentary applies
 Do not necessarily appear in
alphabetical order—but where evidence
of a particular standard exists
EXAMPLE: (begin>) section (<end)
Massachusetts Department of Elementary and Secondary Education
Writing Standards in Action Project
www.doe.mass.edu/candi/wsa
SAMPLE B6-14b (Opinion/Argument—Persuasive Essay)
3
GRADE 6
FRAMEWORK / CONTENT STANDARDS ADDRESSED:
Massachusetts Curriculum Framework
for ELA and Literacy (2011)
Highlights:
This sample of student work meets grade level standards.
It demonstrates the following attributes of effective writing.
The sample:










Addresses appropriately the task, purpose and audience
Makes a clear claim and acknowledges the opposing
point of view
Organizes a mostly effective argument with a
compare/contrast structure
Embeds a mostly effective analysis in the argument
Supports and develops clear reasons with relevant
evidence
Integrates content appropriate to the indicated
assessment purposes
Establishes and maintains an effective style and
appropriate tone
Exhibits purposeful and strong control of a variety of
sentence structures
Includes precise, effective word choice
Demonstrates command of mechanics, grammar,
and usage
Writing Standards:
Grade 7, Standard 1 (W.7.1)
Write arguments to support claims with clear
reasons and relevant evidence.
EXAMPLES: (A)
Writing Standards:
Grade 6, Standard 1 (W.6.1)
Write arguments to support claims with clear
reasons and relevant evidence.
EXAMPLES: (B) (C) (D)
Writing Standards:
Grade 6, Standard 4 (W.6.4)
Produce clear and coherent writing in which the
development, organization, and style are
appropriate to task, purpose, and audience.
EXAMPLES: (E)
Writing Standards:
Grade 6, Standard 8 (W.6.8)
Gather relevant information from multiple print
and digital sources; assess the credibility of each
source; and quote or paraphrase the data and
conclusions of others while avoiding plagiarism
and providing basic bibliographic information
for sources.
EXAMPLES: (F)
BACKGROUND CONTINUES….
Massachusetts Department of Elementary and Secondary Education
Writing Standards in Action Project
www.doe.mass.edu/candi/wsa
SAMPLE B6-14b (Opinion/Argument—Persuasive Essay)
STANDARDS ADDRESSED LIST CONTINUES….
4
GRADE 6
FRAMEWORK / CONTENT STANDARDS ADDRESSED:
Massachusetts Curriculum Framework
for ELA and Literacy (2011)
Instructional Practices:
The teacher used the following practices:


Designed and administered an on-demand writing
prompt to assess writing skills and content learning
Designed and presented a pre-writing planning grid
Assignment Description:
At the end of a unit of study entitled Athens vs. Sparta, students
wrote an on-demand opinion/argument essay in response to a
prompt that asked whether Athens or Sparta would have been a
better place to live. The prompt was designed to assess content
knowledge from a unit of study and the ability to write an effective
argument.
Intended Audience:
Teacher
Time:
Unknown
Writing Process:
In class; pre-writing; organizing; drafting; revising; self-editing
(Revising and self-editing done in the process of writing a single
draft during the on-demand assessment process.)
Materials:
Unknown
Language Standards:
Grade 6, Standard 1 (L.6.1)
Demonstrate command of the conventions of
standard English grammar and usage when
writing or speaking.
EXAMPLES: (G)
Language Standards:
Grade 6, Standard 2 (L.6.2)
Demonstrate command of the conventions of
standard English capitalization, punctuation, and
spelling when writing.
EXAMPLES: (G)
Language Standards:
Grade 6, Standard 3 (L.6.3)
Use knowledge of language and its conventions
when writing, speaking, reading or listening.
EXAMPLES: (H)
Language Standards:
Grade 7, Standard 3 (L.7.3)
Use knowledge of language and its conventions
when writing, speaking, reading or listening.
EXAMPLES: (H)
Language Standards:
Grade 6, Standard 6 (L.6.6)
Acquire and use accurately grade-appropriate
general academic and domain-specific words
and phrases; gather vocabulary knowledge when
considering a word or phrase important to
comprehension or expression.
EXAMPLES: (I)
Please note:
The samples may contain inaccuracies in wording and content or
shortcomings in the use of standard English conventions
END OF BACKGROUND
Massachusetts Department of Elementary and Secondary Education
Writing Standards in Action Project
www.doe.mass.edu/candi/wsa
SAMPLE B6-14b (Opinion/Argument—Persuasive Essay)
END OF STANDARDS ADDRESSED
5
GRADE 6
FRAMEWORK / CONTENT STANDARDS ADDRESSED:
Massachusetts Curriculum Framework
for ELA and Literacy (2011)
STANDARDS-BASED COMMENTARY:
:
Understanding the Standards-Based
Commentary
Grade 6—Opinion / Argument
In this sample…
The writer organizes in a compare/contrast format an ondemand argument with an embedded analysis that
demonstrates knowledge of content from a unit of study.
Careful acknowledgement and rebuttal of opposing claims
strengthen the argument and give weight to the writer’s
analysis, and a logical progression of ideas creates
considerable coherence and clarity. Varied sentence
structures as well as precise general academic and
appropriate domain-specific language clarify significant
concepts and enhance the style and tone of the sample. The
effective concluding sentences affirm the analysis, complete
the argument, and suggest a course of action. In spite of some
difficulties with transitional elements and shifting pronoun
persons, this sample is a largely effective on-demand effort
to construct a convincing argument and to demonstrate
content knowledge.
The student writing sample that begins on
this page includes in this column
standards-based commentary describing
how the writing meets the standards in
the Massachusetts Curriculum
Framework for English Language Arts
and other content frameworks, when
applicable. Where they apply, substandards marked by letters are included.
Evidence for the commentary is noted
in the text of the student writing using
paired letter-coded arrows and colored
highlighting.
For example:
A1> Marks the beginning and <A1
marks the end of the relevant section,
which is also highlighted. Please note
that these labeled items in the text do
not necessarily appear in alphabetical
order.
---------------------------------------------------Writing. Grade 7, Standard 1
(A)
Athens vs. Sparta (Pro Sparta)
W.7.1.a
Introduce claim(s), acknowledge alternate
or opposing claims, and organize the
reasons and evidence logically.
A1> Examples: 1
Hey all you ladies out there! I know you would much
rather have a say in politics, but A3> A2>over in Athens, men
all the decisions. <A3 You were considered “invisible”, but
that exactly the opposite of what girls want.
Massachusetts Department of Elementary and Secondary Education
Writing Standards in Action Project
www.doe.mass.edu/candi/wsa
SAMPLE B6-14b (Opinion/Argument—Persuasive Essay)
A3>
Here in
The writer opens the sample with a clear
claim from which the rest of the argument
flows (As you can see, if you were a
woman in Greece in ancient times,
Sparta is the better choice.).
A2> Examples: 1, 2
The writer acknowledges and rebuts
opposing claims (...over in Athens, men
all the decisions. You were considered
“invisible”, but that exactly the opposite of
what girls want. Here in Sparta, girls can
own LAND! ... We were actually not
bloodthirsty, we were selfless.).
6
GRADE 6
FRAMEWORK / CONTENT STANDARDS ADDRESSED:
Massachusetts Curriculum Framework
for ELA and Literacy (2011)
Sparta, girls can own LAND!<A2 <A3 That means we could
STANDARDS-BASED COMMENTARY:
:
turn it into a spa or salon. Speaking of a spa, you can also take
Writing. Grade 7, Standard 1
(continued)
part in business. We took part in physical fitness training so
we could bear strong sons for the military. A3> We were born
into equal rights,<A3 unlike A3> Athens women, who had to
work their way up to equal rights, just like slaves. <A3
A1>
As
you can see, if you were a woman in Greece in I2>ancient
times <I2, Sparta is the better choice. <A1
C> B1>
But that’s not the only reason <C Sparta was a
A3> Examples: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8
The writer creates a largely clear and
effective compare/contrast organizational
structure (...over in Athens, men all the
decisions [AND] Here in Sparta, girls can
own LAND!; We were born into equal
rights [AND] Athens women, who had to
work their way up to equal rights, just like
slaves.; In Sparta, plague and disease
rarely came to us because we were all
very healthy [AND] ...1/3 of Athens’
population died because of a plague.; In
Sparta, your attitude was tough, silent
and grim. The city’s needs came before
your own [AND] Athens focused on
things less important than surviving, like
arts and poetry.).
better living environment. We also had outstanding health. <B1
B2>
We were very strong, physically and mentally, because of
a bootcamp for young soldiers. B3>The bootcamp was harsh,
but it taught us at a young age to survive on our own, and live
in times of
I1>
hardship <I1 <B3 Besides bootcamp, Spartans
took part in gymnastics, music and physical training.
Massachusetts Department of Elementary and Secondary Education
Writing Standards in Action Project
www.doe.mass.edu/candi/wsa
SAMPLE B6-14b (Opinion/Argument—Persuasive Essay)
Writing. Grade 6, Standard 1
(B)
W.6.1.b
Support claim(s) with clear reasons and
relevant evidence, using credible sources
and demonstrating an understanding of
the topic or text.
B1> Examples: 1, 2, 3
The writer supports the claim with clear,
although sometimes awkwardly
expressed, reasons (But that’s not the
only reason Sparta was a better living
environment. We also had outstanding
health ... Since we had such good
health, our military was strong ... In
Sparta, your attitude was tough, silent
and grim ....).
7
GRADE 6
FRAMEWORK / CONTENT STANDARDS ADDRESSED:
Massachusetts Curriculum Framework
for ELA and Literacy (2011)
A3>
In Sparta, B3>plague and disease rarely came to us because
we were all very healthy, <A3 whereas Athens was often
STANDARDS-BASED COMMENTARY:
:
Writing. Grade 6, Standard 1
(continued)
sick. <B3 Infact, F> A3>1/3 of Athens’ population died because
B2> Examples: 1, 2, 3
of a plague. <A3<B2 Including much of Athens’ population,
the plague killed their leader, Pericles. Pericles had a very
strong I1>impact <I1 on Athens, and I2>trade <I2 and businesses
relied on him for support. After his death, Athens struggled
with despair and loss of leadership, making it hectic. <F
H2>
I1>
Wouldn’t you rather live in a place where health
abounds <I1 and we are self-disciplined enough to stay
clam and I1>composed <I1 in situations. <H2
The writer supports the mostly effective
argument and analysis with relevant,
sometimes loosely connected, evidence
(We were very strong, physically and
mentally, because of a bootcamp for
young soldiers. The bootcamp was harsh
but it taught us at a young age to survive
on our own, and live in times of hardship.
Besides bootcamp, Spartans took part in
gymnastics, music and physical training.
In Sparta, plague and disease rarely
came to us because we were all very
healthy, whereas Athens was often sick.
Infact, 1/3 of Athens’ population died
because of a plague ... A part of Athens’
defeat was because of our strategies.
We formed a blockade at the Athenian
port for trade. It was one of their only
resources for food, causing most of
Athens to die of starvation ... The city’s
needs came before your own, and
members of the community were treated
as equals. All Spartans were selfless and
composed individuals who fought for our
city. If anyone got sick, which rarely
happened, we would care for them and
cure the illness.).
B3> Examples: 1, 2, 3
The writer provides context clues to
define terms that may be unfamiliar to
the audience (The bootcamp was harsh,
but it taught us at a young age to survive
on our own, and live in times of hardship
... plague and disease rarely came to us
because we were all very healthy,
whereas Athens was often sick ... A part
of Athens’ defeat was because of our
strategies. We formed a blockade at the
Athenian port for trade.).
Massachusetts Department of Elementary and Secondary Education
Writing Standards in Action Project
www.doe.mass.edu/candi/wsa
SAMPLE B6-14b (Opinion/Argument—Persuasive Essay)
8
GRADE 6
FRAMEWORK / CONTENT STANDARDS ADDRESSED:
Massachusetts Curriculum Framework
for ELA and Literacy (2011)
C> B1>
Since we had such good health, <C our military
was strong. <B1 H3>We dominated Athens, <H3 and most other
I2>
polis<I2, at war. This allowed us to conquer lots of land for
military camps. H1>The Spartan warriors were brave and stood
strong in war, playing a key role in many Persian Wars. <H1
B3> B2>
F>
A part of Athens’ defeat was because of our strategies.
We formed a blockade at the Athenian port for trade. <B3 <F
It was one of their only I2>resources<I2 for food, causing most
STANDARDS-BASED COMMENTARY:
:
Writing. Grade 6, Standard 1
(continued)
(C)
W.6.1.c
Use words, phrases, and clauses to
clarify the relationships among claim(s)
and reasons.
C> Examples: 1, 2, 3
The writer uses words and phrases to
provide largely clear relationships among
the claim and the reasons for it, creating
a logical progression of ideas (But that’s
not the only reason ... Since we had
such good health ... In Sparta...).
of Athens to die of starvation. <B2 Those who didn’t were
(D)
W.6.1.e
Provide a concluding statement or section
that follows from the argument presented.
killed and beaten by us Spartans. The Athenians relied mostly
D1> Examples: 1
on their navy in times of war, which could be a major con if
we were fighting on land. In most cases we won wars with
only a few Spartans killed. H1>In war, Sparta is the better
choice. <H1
The writer brings to completion the
compare/contrast organizational
structure in a mostly effective manner
that would benefit from smoother
transitioning among ideas (... your
attitude was tough, silent and grim. The
city’s needs came before your own, and
members of the community were treated
as equals. All Spartans were selfless and
composed individuals who fought for our
city. If anyone got sick, which rarely
happened, we would care for them and
cure the illness. Athens focused on
things less important than surviving, like
arts and poetry. We were actually not
bloodthirsty, we were selfless.).
D2> Examples: 1
The concluding sentences effectively
affirm the writer’s analysis, complete the
argument, and suggest a course of
action (Sparta is a safer, better place to
live in general, and we are happy to have
you. Just remember, you’re fighting for
the city, yourself, and freedom. Come
enjoy living in Sparta, you’ll love it!).
Massachusetts Department of Elementary and Secondary Education
Writing Standards in Action Project
www.doe.mass.edu/candi/wsa
SAMPLE B6-14b (Opinion/Argument—Persuasive Essay)
9
GRADE 6
FRAMEWORK / CONTENT STANDARDS ADDRESSED:
Massachusetts Curriculum Framework
for ELA and Literacy (2011)
C> B1> A3>
In Sparta, <C H3> D1>your attitude was tough,
silent and grim. <B1 <H3 B2>The city’s needs came before your
own, <A3 and members of the community were treated as
equals. H1>All Spartans were selfless and composed
individuals who fought for our city. <H1 If anyone got sick,
which rarely happened, we would care for them and cure the
illness. <B2 A3> Athens focused on things less important than
STANDARDS-BASED COMMENTARY:
:
Writing. Grade 6, Standard 4
(E)
W.6.4
Produce clear and coherent writing in
which the development, organization, and
style are appropriate to task, purpose, and
audience.
E> Overall text reference
In the process of completing an ondemand assessment, the writer makes a
clear claim and constructs a largely clear
and effective argument, while maintaining
an appropriate style and tone.
surviving, like arts and poetry. <A3 A2>We were actually not
Note: Comment refers to the piece as a
whole rather than a specific example
within the text.
bloodthirsty, we were selfless. <A2 <D1
Writing. Grade 6, Standard 8
(F)
W.6.8
Gather relevant information from multiple
print and digital sources; assess the
credibility of each source; and quote or
paraphrase the data and conclusions of
others while avoiding plagiarism and
providing basic bibliographic information
for sources.
F> Examples: 1, 2
The writer integrates, in a largely
appropriate manner, relevant evidence
from the unit of study assessed by the
prompt (1/3 of Athens’ population died
because of a plague. Including much of
Athens’ population, the plague killed their
leader, Pericles. Pericles had a very
strong impact on Athens, and trade and
businesses relied on him for support.
After his death, Athens struggled with
despair and loss of leadership, making it
hectic ... We formed a blockade at the
Athenian port for trade ..).
Massachusetts Department of Elementary and Secondary Education
Writing Standards in Action Project
www.doe.mass.edu/candi/wsa
SAMPLE B6-14b (Opinion/Argument—Persuasive Essay)
10
GRADE 6
FRAMEWORK / CONTENT STANDARDS ADDRESSED:
Massachusetts Curriculum Framework
for ELA and Literacy (2011)
H1> D2>
Sparta is a safer, better place to live in general,
and we are happy to have you. <H1 H2>Just remember, you’re
fighting for the city, yourself, and freedom. Come enjoy living
in Sparta, you’ll love it! <D2 <H2
STANDARDS-BASED COMMENTARY:
:
Language. Grade 6, Standard 1 AND
Language. Grade 7. Standard 2
(G)
L.6.1
Demonstrate command of the conventions
of standard English grammar and usage
when writing or speaking.
AND
END OF WRITING SAMPLE
L.6.2
Demonstrate command of the
conventions of standard English
capitalization, punctuation, and spelling
when writing.
G> Overall text reference
In an on-demand assessment setting, the
writer demonstrates command of
mechanics, grammar, and usage.
Notwithstanding some errors, meaning is
clear throughout the sample.
Note: Comment refers to the piece as a
whole rather than a specific example
within the text.
Language. Grade 6, Standard 3 AND
Language. Grade 7. Standard 3
(H)
L.6.3.a
Vary sentence patterns for meaning,
reader/listener interest, and style.
AND
L.7.3.a
Choose language that expresses ideas
precisely and concisely, recognizing and
eliminating wordiness and redundancy.
Massachusetts Department of Elementary and Secondary Education
Writing Standards in Action Project
www.doe.mass.edu/candi/wsa
SAMPLE B6-14b (Opinion/Argument—Persuasive Essay)
H1> Examples: 1, 2, 3, 4
The writer contributes to the clarity of the
sample and enhances its style by mixing
correctly formed sentences of varying
lengths and complexity (The Spartan
warriors were brave and stood strong in
war, playing a key role in many Persian
Wars ... In war, Sparta is the better choice
... All Spartans were selfless and
composed individuals who fought for our
city ... Sparta is a safer, better place to live
in general, and we are happy to have you).
11
GRADE 6
FRAMEWORK / CONTENT STANDARDS ADDRESSED:
Massachusetts Curriculum Framework
for ELA and Literacy (2011)
STANDARDS-BASED COMMENTARY:
:
Language. Grade 6, Standard 3 AND
Language. Grade 7. Standard 3
Continued
H2> Examples: 1, 2
The writer makes purposeful use of
interrogative, imperative, and exclamatory
sentences to reinforce the argument and
enhance style (Wouldn’t you rather live in
a place where health abounds and we are
self-disiplined enough to stay clam and
composed in situations ... Just remember,
you’re fighting for the city, yourself, and
freedom. Come enjoy living in Sparta,
you’ll love it!).
H3> Examples: 1, 2
The writer crystallizes ideas important to
the argument and enhances style with
precise and concise language (We
dominated Athens ... your attitude was
tough, silent and grim.).
Language. Grade 6, Standard 6
(I)
L.6.6
Acquire and use accurately gradeappropriate general academic and
domain-specific words and phrases;
gather vocabulary knowledge when
considering a word or phrase important
to comprehension or expression.
I1> Examples: 1, 2, 3, 4
The writer enhances the appropriate
style and tone of the sample with general
academic language (hardship ... impact
...abounds ...composed).
I1> Examples: 1, 2, 3, 4
The writer makes evidence more
authentic and effective by using
appropriate domain-specific language
(ancient times ... trade ... polis ...
resources).
Massachusetts Department of Elementary and Secondary Education
Writing Standards in Action Project
www.doe.mass.edu/candi/wsa
SAMPLE B6-14b (Opinion/Argument—Persuasive Essay)
END OF COMMENTARY