Student name
ESL 262
Himes
9/30/08
Response Journal 1
Page 8
While Tita was singing and waving her wet hand in time, showering drops
of water down on the griddle so they would “dance,” Rosaura was cowering in
the corner, stunned by the display. Gertrudis, on the other hand, found this game
enticing, and she threw herself into it with the enthusiasm she always showed
where rhythm, movement, or music were involved. Then Rosaura tried to join
them…. The momentum carried Rosaura’s hands onto it.
(Comments: You may want to shorten up the passage to which you are
responding. Use three ellipses [periods] to delete information within a sentence.
Use four ellipses to leave out information within a paragraph but across one or
more sentence boundaries.)
Sample Response 1
I remember doing this as a child. My sister and I said the water was ice-skating. I
tried to do it the other day but it didn’t work.
(Comments: This is related to the topic, but it is too short. It lacks depth of
thought and development. To me this entry looks a little confused, lazy or rushed.
This response would receive about 2 or 3 points.)
Sample Response 2
Tita was showing her sisters how to have some fun dropping water onto a hot
cooking surface to see the water drops float across the surface. Gertrudis
enjoyed this activity because they did it while dancing. Rosaura was afraid to try
it, so when Tita tried to force her, Rosaura burned her hands. I think Tita and
Rosaura are very different people and will not get along very well.
(Comments: This student looks confused to me. The first part is a summary. It is
not a response at all. Many students write responses like this and they only
receive about 2 or 3 points instead of 10. The last sentence is a response. It tells
the writer’s thoughts. My advice to this student would be to delete the summary
keep the last sentence and then start explaining why he or she thinks Rosaura
and Tita will not get along well. What evidence does he or she see?
Sample Response 3
I rember doing this as a chld. I must of bin about eight or nin when my
mom first called my sister and me over to the stove where she had a pan so hot I
culd feel and smell the hit coming from it. First she domonstrated by getting her
own fingers wet and sprinkling water onto the pan. I was amazed how the silver
balls skated across the surface. They didn’t evaporate quickly like I expected
aither. Instead they lingered untill they eventually disappeared in tiny puffs of
stim. My sister and I did this again and again until my mom eventually had to take
back the pan so she could cook. I wanted to show this to my daughter recently,
so I sprinkled some water in a pan before I through some meet in, but it wasn’t
hot enuff and the water just boiled rapidly away. I didn’t even bother calling her
over and just went on with my cooking.
(Comment: This response has excellent content, but the spelling errors are so
distracting and even confusing, I have trouble understanding what the reader is
trying to tell me. Nine of the errors the spell checker will catch. The others you
will need to proof read for.
I will tolerate a few errors, but if they become distracting or cause
confusion, it can affect your grade. If you know that you have such a problem
with spelling, keep an extra spelling journal for yourself. Also, find a friend who’s
English is better than yours or a tutor who can help your proof read.
Grammar Errors are similar. A few grammar errors are acceptable, but if
they are distracting or if they affect the meaning, then they will also affect your
grade. Use your grammar checker, proofread and use a friend or tutor.)
Sample Response 4
I remember doing this as a child. I must have been about eight or nine
when my mom first called my sister and me over to the stove where she had a
pan so hot I could feel and smell the heat coming from it. First she demonstrated
by getting her own fingers wet and sprinkling water onto the pan. I was amazed
how the silver balls skated across the surface. They didn’t evaporate quickly like I
expected either. Instead they lingered until they eventually disappeared in tiny
puffs of steam. My sister and I did this again and again until my mom eventually
had to take back the pan so she could cook. I wanted to show this to my
daughter recently, so I sprinkled some water in a pan before I threw some meat
in, but it wasn’t hot enough and the water just boiled rapidly away. I didn’t even
bother calling her over and just went on with my cooking.
(Comments: This response demonstrated depth of thought. The entry is long
enough; a full story has been told. The writer has obviously reread the journal
and edited so the writer’s ideas are clear.)