Des Moines Register
08-27-06
Cell phones help prolong dependence on parents
By LISA ROSSI
REGISTER AMES BUREAU
Eighteen-year-old Adam Kent was getting a laugh with his new Iowa State
University roommates.
One roommate calls his parents daily. Another one received no fewer than four
letters in the mail from his mother and father. And, since Kent has been in Ames
to get ready for his freshman year, his parents have visited twice.
"It's just nuts," he said last week.
Media experts say adult children are more in contact with their parents than a
generation ago, due to lower long distance phone costs and the fact that more
people than ever have a cell phone.
But for freshmen just leaving home, some university professors and counselors
warn, prolonging dependence on parents can rob them of a university
experience: meeting new friends, making their own decisions for the first time
and fighting their own battles.
ISU freshmen - and even some upperclassmen - interviewed during the first
week of school said they call their parents up to several times a day for
friendship, advice and crisis control.
Hillary Renaud, an ISU freshman from Pella, said her father called her five times
the first two days she arrived in Ames.
"At first I thought it was too much," she said. "I just wanted to be on my own and
leave it alone."
Then, things started to get complicated. She met her roommate from another
country who was shy and awoke early to talk to her parents. She lost her keys
the second day in Ames.
Now, it was her parents' turn to set some boundaries.
"My parents say, 'It's up to you to figure out,' but I don't know what to do," she
said, adding that she has found an older student now to help her navigate college
life.
In 2005, 42 percent of adults interviewed for the Pew Research Center study said
they see or talk to a parent every day, compared with 32 percent in 1989, when
the average cost per minute for long distance calls was 28 cents, compared with
7 cents in 2003.
Too much contact with parents can hinder social development, psychologists
say.
"The more a student calls home and relies on Mom or Dad, the less likely they
are to reach out and make new friends on campus," said Mark Harris, a
psychologist who is the assistant director of clinical services at the University of
Iowa.
Such reliance can also disrupt problem-solving skills. As students call parents
more, parents call and e-mail the university, said Lisa Ludovico, assistant
director for assignments and communications at ISU's Department of
Residence.
She said her office gets about 200 calls a day with various concerns about
residence issues; 80 percent of those are from parents of both younger and older
students. Four years ago, parents were not calling in those volumes, she said.
"Last week, I had the father of the student call me to say he was inquiring about
his son and son's wife," Ludovico said.
She said cell phones have created an expectation for immediacy among parents
that can't always be met.
"A student will walk into office and ask a question. If they are not content with the
answer, they will call their parents on cell phone and hand us the cell phone and
say, 'You need to talk to my mom now,' " she said.
ISU Greenlee School of Journalism and Communication director Michael
Bugeja, who studies how technology affects face-to-face communication,
maintains that despite all the chit-chat, students aren't telling their parents the
stuff that matters.
He said he asked a journalism class of about 50 or 60 students during the first
week of school how many of them lie to their parents.
"Just about everybody raised their hands," he said. "To be truly independent,
you've got to be able to tell your parents the truth: 'Look, Mom, I do go to the
bars. I go to bars and I'm underage. I should be attending class, but I'm with my
partner,' " Bugeja said.
"The increased contact is putting you in a situation where the virtual contact is at
odds with physical reality," he said.
Some parents said they have to fight the urge to call their college-age children
daily.
"It takes a lot of restraint on the part of the parents not to do that," said Carolyn
Kent, Adam Kent's mother, in Fort Dodge. "It would be comforting to me to call
him every day and find out everything he's done. I think it's important to have that
independence to make their own decisions and not be discussing everything with
Mom and Dad every day."
Reporter Lisa Rossi can be reached at (515) 232-2383 or lrossi@dmreg.com