Oxfordshire Children’s Diabetes Service
Children’s Hospital, Oxford OX3 9DU
Horton Hospital, Banbury OX16 9AL
Families and Diabetes
It is not uncommon for family members to see things differently from each other; this
can sometimes cause big problems. Teenagers in particular can find being in a family
very hard at times. You may have found that you are having more arguments than you
would like with your teenager, and that diabetes can be one of the things that you argue
about.
The aim of this leaflet is to help you and your teenager to deal with some of these
“conflict” situations. When you are able to negotiate well with your teenager families
can become well placed to support a young person with diabetes.
Diabetes is an unpleasant condition
Studies have shown that the vast majority of teenagers at some stage
 miss injections
 don’t do blood tests
 make up blood test results because they haven’t done any
 make up blood test results because the real ones are too high
 eat the wrong things
They do these things because diabetes is a very difficult condition to have during
teenage years. These are the years when children gradually seek to become more
independent from their parents, however having diabetes makes this much harder for
them than for their friends.
Talking about diabetes
Simply telling a teenager to do their injections and blood test is unlikely to work (at least
not for long). You will need to have some conversations with your teenager about what
they are actually doing and how they want to look after themselves. Their feelings may
be a surprise to you but do LISTEN to them!
Several studies have shown that the young people who do best in terms of diabetes
control and psychological health are those whose parents continue to be involved and
supportive with the diabetes management throughout the teenage years.
Look at the following diagram
Please email any comments you may have about this document to: Mary.Cheeseman@ouh.nhs.uk
Paediatric Diabetes Team, May 2013
Review May 2016
2
Mum’s really mad
at me! She’d be
happier if my blood
sugar were 7.5 or if I
didn’t check at all!
Mum, my
blood sugar
is 22.5
22.5! Why so high?
What did you eat?
That scares me! A
high blood sugar
like that could
cause problems!
When your teenager tells you that their blood glucose level is 22.5 it is often a natural
response to make an assumption that they have done something wrong, such as eaten
the wrong thing. This response will just set up a conflict situation, and may well prevent
them talking to you about their diabetes at all.
A better response might be the following
Mum, my
blood sugar
is 22.5
I’m glad I told Mum.
Now we can do
something so I can
feel better.
That happens sometimes.
It’s good you checked
because now we can
adjust your insulin dose
before dinner!
That’s pretty high.
But the diabetes
team said to expect
some out of range
blood sugars
If you can keep this up, then you can start to allow your teenager to talk honestly to you.
Agreeing about responsibilities
Again, it has been shown in studies that young people do best with their diabetes if they
and their parents agree on their responsibilities. For example, even doing a blood
glucose test can be broken down into lots of small parts, and here is an example of how
different people can be responsible for each “bit”.
Please email any comments you may have about this document to: Mary.Cheeseman@ouh.nhs.uk
Paediatric Diabetes Team, May 2013
Review May 2016
3
Job
Remembering to do test
Doing test
Looking at meter to check result
Writing result in book
Reviewing results at weekends
Who is responsible
Dad/older sister
Teenager
Mum
Mum
Dad and teenager
The same thing can be done with insulin injections, and it can be much more supportive
for the young person to have mum or dad there, particularly when there are problems
with the injections.
But he should be independent now!
Many parents think that once a child reaches around 13 or 14, they should be able to
look after their diabetes entirely on their own. Unfortunately this is rarely the case.
Look at the following examples of dependence/independence:
1. Carl’s parents take care of almost all his diabetes tasks. They’re worried that Carl
isn’t able to care for his diabetes.
2. Jamie’s parents work with Jamie as a team on diabetes tasks. The discuss conflicts
when they arise and work to compromise.
3. Mary does all of her own diabetes tasks and gets angry with her parents for
interfering when they try to help
Both 1 and 3 are not healthy situations. It is just as bad for a teenager to be entirely
independent as it is to be entirely dependent, and the best option is number 2.
However, this one probably takes the hardest work, as it involves discussion and
compromise, neither of which are easy.
Suggestions for you and your family
These can be used in every aspect of life, not just the diabetes
YOUNG PERSON




Try to remember that when your parents remind you, it is because they love and
care about you; they do not want you to become unwell.
Talk to your parents about how you feel and what might be more helpful when
they seem to be too involved
Work to find ways for parents to help that feel comfortable and not overwhelming
Find ways to compromise so that you can continue to do the things you enjoy.
PARENTS



Realise when your help is ‘too much’ and may be hurting rather than helping.
Take a step back and discuss with your teenager how to improve the situation.
Work to find ways to stay involved that your teenager is comfortable with.
Remember that it is natural for teens to want more privacy and control.
Please email any comments you may have about this document to: Mary.Cheeseman@ouh.nhs.uk
Paediatric Diabetes Team, May 2013
Review May 2016
4

Ask for help from friends, family, your GP or your diabetes team
If Conflict Happens
Every family has conflict. Here are some suggestions which may help in dealing with
conflict about any subject.






Schedule arguments – perhaps a Sunday afternoon when everyone has time!
Stay on topic – don’t allow anyone to wander off the subject
I NOT U – “I get worried when you lie about your blood sugars” rather than “you
lie about your blood sugars”
Never say Never (or Always) – because someone will always be able to come
back at you with the exception, e.g. “You never come in when I ask you to”, “You
always blame me for everything!”
Shut Up – Let everyone have a turn. Perhaps pass an object around the kitchen
table, and only allow anyone to speak when they are holding it
Mistakes Happen – and they can happen to anyone, so don’t always be quick to
blame. We learn from our mistakes.
Adapted from Chas Skinner, Psychologist
Please email any comments you may have about this document to: Mary.Cheeseman@ouh.nhs.uk
Paediatric Diabetes Team, May 2013
Review May 2016