Response of St. Ignatius Parish, Chestnut Hill, MA, USA, to the
Questionnaire in Preparation for the Bishops’ Extraordinary Assembly,
October 2014
Questions
1. The Diffusion of the Teachings on the Family in Sacred Scripture and the Church’s
Magisterium
a) Describe how the Catholic Church’s teachings on the value of the family contained in the
Bible, Gaudium et spes, Familiaris consortio and other documents of the post-conciliar
Magisterium is understood by people today. What formation is given to our people on the
Church’s teaching on family life?

The Church position is known more through its opposition to other family structures that do
not fit the ideal. People know the Church teaches that the nuclear family is the ideal but also
know too many good families that do not fit this ideal: remarried, same sex couples in
committed relationships.

I, too, feel that the majority of my knowledge on the teaching of the family comes in
opposition to certain family structures. I do not know much of the teaching on the benefits of
living within a family, which probably could be applied to many families regardless of makeup! (Female, 31, single)

The Church’s teachings on marriage and the family are neither taught nor received and
understood in their fullness. Marriage is typically discussed and treated “prescriptively,” not
“descriptively” by the teachers of the Church, with a lot of “thou shalt not’s.” So there are
compound problems: The “theories” and theologies, some of which are very beautiful, but
often inaccessible, are rarely fully explicated. But the prohibitions--what Christian marriage
is not--are overplayed. Meanwhile, the lived experience of the faithful, bearing witness to
God’s faithful love through marriage–the “actuality” of married and family life, if you will–is
ignored, overlooked or inadequately grasped by the teaching authority of the Church. The
sacramentality of marriage is neither well understood nor broadly understood, by those who
teach about it as well as those who try to live it. Most of us in Catholic marriages have
received almost no formal catechesis, within a parish setting, since the pre-Cana classes we
were required to take pre-nuptially. There is limited pastoral care for marriages in most
parishes I know of, and the demands that ordained clergy and over-stretched pastoral staffs
already juggle do not allow much time for it, anyway. Still, most married Catholics can
testify that grace is certainly at work in their marriages, often despite their own weaknesses
and errors, and despite whatever gaps in catechesis, magisterial teaching or pastoral care may
exist. Marriage can be a wellspring of tender mercies. (Female, 52, married, with children)

In my opinion, this teaching is not really well understood by people today. The church could
really benefit from a simplified teaching on these values. (Male, 46, married)
Response of St. Ignatius Parish, Chestnut Hill, MA, USA, to the Questionnaire in Preparation for the
Bishops’ Extraordinary Assembly, October 2014
Page 1 of 53

I believe St. Ignatius works hard on the family in our parish with a special Mass and for
younger children and their parents along with religion classes,youth choir and a program
older youth. (Male,married with grandchildren)

We are not aware of the Church’s teaching, and nothing particular stands out to us. What we
know is not to have sex before marriage, to respect our parents, to not engage in adultery and
that the Church wants us to have children. (Juniors/Seniors in High School, Retreat Team)

Many years ago -- maybe 30 or so -- I volunteered to “sub” for a friend who was teaching a
class in preparation for Confirmation. When I asked the kids why they wanted to be
confirmed, one girl told me that if she wasn’t confirmed, she wouldn’t be able to have a
“church wedding.” I don’t know if that was true or, if so, is still true but it left me shaking
my head. So much of the Church’s teaching on family life seems (or seemed) to be about
control. (Male, married, 60, one adult child)

These texts aren’t known by people per say, but most people understand that the church
views marriage as a sacred rite largely geared towards procreation- whether they listen to this
teaching in their own lives is doubtful. (Male, 17, single)

I don’t believe we come any where near the potential that exists to support the formation of
family in our Church. There is a richness in Gospel truths and also in post-council documents
that if truly broken open can be a source of strength and hope for the lifetime commitment to
partnering and parenting that many people respond to as call and vocation. It is incredibly sad
that we have gotten stuck along the way, thinking that sacramental life for families is overly
defined by what a Christian family is not, rather than what relational love and commitment in
family actually is when lived out in the context of faith community. (Female, 52, married
with children)

I do not believe that the Church’s teachings have ever been effectively conveyed to the laity.
It seems that many of the clergy probably did not fully understand or were unable to convey
the teachings resulting in a narrow interpretation infused with negativity “thou shalt not” and
prejudice based on their own lack of understanding. (Senior, widowed with children and
grandchildren).

My belief is that those teachings are not widely understood by people today: the entire
concept of marriage has become, on most levels, a socio-economic institution, with only
nominal acknowledgement of the concept of marriage as sacrament. This separation is
exacerbated by the lack of visibility of the sacrament in the day to day liturgical life of a
parish community—the celebration of marriage takes place outside of the general daily and
weekly communal celebrations of the Eucharist, and the sacrament itself is celebrated only in
the presence of a chosen few, as opposed to a communal celebration. Even the conversations
that lead to the celebration of the sacrament are done on a limited one to one basis, which
focuses on the relationship of the espoused, with no reference or reliance upon the
relationship with the larger faith community. Thus, the community is not able to witness or
participate in the sacrament. Allowing that participation might re-instate or re-elevate the
power and witness of the sacrament and the meaning of family life. The Church should
acknowledge and embrace that, beyond the loving relationship of the espoused, that there are
Response of St. Ignatius Parish, Chestnut Hill, MA, USA, to the Questionnaire in Preparation for the
Bishops’ Extraordinary Assembly, October 2014
Page 2 of 53
other person who also manifest to the couple a loving relationship, based upon the love of
God for his people, including friends, godparents and extended family. One of the strongest
aspect of Christianity has been its ability to adapt to changing societal norms while still
preserving the essential message: perhaps it is time for the Church to widen its definition of
what is “family” to include those relationships, to acknowledge the reality that there will be
blended families, extended families and non-traditional families, including ones with same
sex couples at their center. (Female, single, no children)

Yes, in one respect the family is made of one man and one woman; and there is the need of
values, values are very important in marriage. (Hispanic subject #1)

Values, education, marriage has to be insoluble. (Hispanic subject #2)

The teachings of the church is to live according to Gaudium et Spes. (Hispanic subject #3)

In reality these are not well known, unless one is part of Catholic family movements. Of
what I know in my personal experiences, most parishioners only are given Christian
formation to receive the sacraments. Therefore, this formation ends either in childhood or
adolescence. (Hispanic subject #4)

First the love in the family, then teach [the children] the great love that we have to our
Heavenly Father. With this love to God and to our neighbor little by little our children will
see that, with love, we can reach our goals. (Hispanic subject #5)

The lack of information is a factor which does not allow us to learn the importance of church
documents. (Hispanic subject #6)

Most teachings of the Magisterium have about the same value as a financial prospectus that
the small investor receives re: a stock, annuity, IRA or the like. The content information is
presumed to be thorough and meaningful but most recipients rarely ever read it. In addition,
the dissemination of a “a Magisterial Teaching” never reaches the level of an investment
prospectus.

We know and understand why Jesus died for us. (Hispanic subject #7)

Other than the teaching to procreate, I am unfamiliar with these documents. In fact, I have
never actually been taught any of this! Very little information is given to our parishioners on
family life. As the definition of “family” has changed so much, I am certain the church
wouldn’t know where to begin. What I teach in my home, on this topic, I imagine is quite
different from the Church’s teaching.

I think that very few Catholics read documents like Gaudium et spes. With regard to church
teaching about the family, I think immediately of the church’s teaching on birth control and
abortion -- two extremely different realities. I think that most Catholics are opposed to
abortion and see it as the murder of an unborn child -- no contest with this one. The real
roadblock to Catholics today is its teaching on birth control. The rhythm method is one
Response of St. Ignatius Parish, Chestnut Hill, MA, USA, to the Questionnaire in Preparation for the
Bishops’ Extraordinary Assembly, October 2014
Page 3 of 53
method but very few people see it as effective or even practical. Since the intention of using
the rhythm method for birth control is to not conceive a child, it’s difficult to see why modern
forms of birth control are prohibited, since the intention is exactly the same. Mother Teresa
of Calcutta would preach, “Let the babies come.” But she didn’t have to raise those babies or
contend with extreme poverty, with lack of proper nutrition and clean drinking water and
sanitation, or abusive husbands, or lack of education. Quality of life needs to be seriously
considered in family planning. Why bring children into a world where they face starvation,
disease, illiteracy, and child slave-sex trafficking. Imagine the grief parents face when they
are forced to sell a child in order to feed the others?

I have never lived by the church’s definition of “family”. I am divorced and remarried in the
Episcopal Church as I refused to get an annulment because my marriage was real and we
created a child together. My ex was an alcoholic and I stayed with him and tried to save him
for as long as I could. I know the Church does not approve of divorce. I know the Church
does not believe in birth control. But that doesn’t matter to me. I continue to be an active
Catholic in my parish and my 17 year old daughter is too. Fr. Bob just doesn’t pontificate
about these “family teachings of the Church”. Rather he welcomes us all and tells us that
Jesus does too.

I don’t think people really follow those teachings. They seem very archaic.

I am a convert, through the RCIA program in another state. My most striking memory about
family teaching was that a deacon at a prominent RC church there told a friend of mine that
her three lovely children were bastards, because her Catholic husband had been married
before--very young and very briefly. Up until that point, this family had loved attending the
RC church, and the wife was going to convert. They never went back. I think the #1 lesson
is acceptance of those who come together in love, which should be nurtured. I know that
incident would never happen at St. Ignatius.

The only Church teachings on the family that are well-known by the U.S. laity today are the
“don’ts”: Don’t use birth control. Don’t get divorced. Don’t have sex outside of marriage.
Don’t have gay sex. Lay Catholics by and large react to these teachings in one of two ways:
1) Ignore them, or 2) Leave the Church.

I don’t know about these documents, I think the Catholic church has emphasized in my
community the union in the family.
b) In those cases where the Church's teaching is known, is it accepted fully or are there
difficulties in putting it into practice? If so, what are they?

There are many difficulties putting it in practice. Especially for those who have experienced
failure living the ideal. Gay men and lesbian women do not have a choice. It does not help to
pretend to be someone else.
Response of St. Ignatius Parish, Chestnut Hill, MA, USA, to the Questionnaire in Preparation for the
Bishops’ Extraordinary Assembly, October 2014
Page 4 of 53

Of what I know of church teaching, the majority of people have trouble putting it into
practice. In many cases, to fully accept the teaching would be to deny the full goodness of
God’s creation as present in the person and family. (Female, 31, single)

Of course, there are difficulties. There are difficulties in any Christian vocation. Welcome to
discipleship. Aside from the narcissism and materialism of the age, there are many factors
that make the practice of Christian marriage and family life challenging: prevailing cultural
mores around sexuality and (in)fidelity, regardless of sexual orientation; contentious
questions about the very nature of human sexuality, what makes for healthy human
relationships, and what marriage is or ought to be in the civil sphere; the unequal status of
women in many “traditional” forms of marriage and family life; the severing of mothering
from marrying, so that more young women today are consciously choosing singleparenthood; the vulnerability of workers and unjust economic systems that make it difficult
for men and women to earn a just wage, sufficient to support a family; the malaise and
marginalization of young adults, who face a world that neither encourages nor provides
opportunities for stable careers or committed relationships. All of these conditions make the
practice of Christian marriage difficult. And since it is necessarily set in a social and cultural
context, no theology can immunize married love against the individualism and indulgence of
our age. It is beset by the same social pressures that have made authentic community of any
sort difficult to form or find or preserve in our time. (Female, 52, married, with children)

It is accepted by those in traditional family situations and largely ignored by those in other
situations. (Male, 46, married)

Not all people follow these teachings: contraception within marriage, homosexuals. The
Church has out-of-date sexual ethics. (Juniors/Seniors in High School, Retreat Team)

I don’t know any Catholic adults who feel prohibited from practicing birth control. That
single issue and the laity’s widespread disregard for Church teaching makes all of the
Church’s teachings seem less relevant to ordinary lives. (Male, married, 60, one adult child)

I feel that the teachings on marriage are all too often forgotten in people’s strong reactions to
their teachings on life (including birth control). I believe that the Church’s teachings on the
sanctity of marriage, its role in society and how it is model after Christ’s relationship with the
Church, are clearly defined for us, and sometimes taught in the pulpits, but often fall on deaf
parishioner ears, which only hear the “cant’s” they think they hear in these lessons. I actually
think that most religious education as an adult is received by parishioners from the homily
and I don’t feel that my parish takes a lot of time to explain what the teachings are. I received
some good training in Pre-Cana but I wish I felt more supported in my choice to marry
young, within the Church in a sacramental ceremony, is undermined in my relatively liberal
parish, where I feel like the opposition to the Church’s other teachings shows disrespect for
my choice. (Female, 27, married, no children)

Often, modern people don’t like being told what to do by higher authorities, even if it is
rational. There are many practical obstacles to implementation, such as LGBT individuals
and contraception, not to say that either of these are bad in any way. (Male, 17, single)
Response of St. Ignatius Parish, Chestnut Hill, MA, USA, to the Questionnaire in Preparation for the
Bishops’ Extraordinary Assembly, October 2014
Page 5 of 53

I believe that the Church teachings are well known; and people, especially young adults,
marvel at the Church’s continued stance to disregard and dismiss the People of God
exercising the wisdom of lived experience and informed conscience, especially in the area of
responsible family planning. Many people with an openness to turning to the Church for
support with family issues simply do not as their is no institutional response that
acknowledges the realities of family life. On the ground level, though, I believe there is local
pastoral care that acknowledges and supports families at every stage. I have sensed a stance
that that is more compassionate and accepting than what is projected from the hierarchy. My
hope would be that the hierarchy might have openness to receiving from the lived experience
of families trying to put Gospel values into practice. (Female, 52, married with children)

The biggest difficulty is the current day societal norms: much emphasis is placed on the
secular part of marriage and family life and little emphasis is given to the spiritual
dimensions of family life. I believe that the general population knows only what they read in
the newspaper about the full teachings of the Church and what they hear, especially on the
opposition to birth control, has made it difficult for them to know and understand the other
teachings of the church. (Female, single, no children)
Yes. Now in the 21 century there are many factors to make it work, for example,
homosexuality and the use of children in homosexual environments. (Hispanic subject #1)

st

There are a lot of difficulties given the various kinds of spirituality. (Hispanic subject #2)

In many cases we have difficulties for challenging situations. (Hispanic subject #3)

This is not always the case since it is hard to follow all the teachings. A clear example is the
contraception. I understand the reason of this doctrine of the Church, but the challenges of
the modern world demands that a couple limit their number of children due not only to
economic circumstances, but also the time dedicated to such children. (Hispanic subject #4)

Yes, because there is a lot of rebellious youth, it is here where we have to rely on our faith.
(Hispanic subject #5)

The church does her work teaching us our responsibilities as Christians, but we are more
worried about material things. (Hispanic subject #6)

There are major obstacles to putting Church teaching into practice even when known. The
“Teachers” are often viewed as distant and out of touch with the day-to-day pressures and
concerns of the members of the local believing community. The crisis of trust in recent years
revolving around the issue of child abuse has substantially diminished any perception of the
teachings flowing from an “authority base”. When Jesus taught in the local synagogue, the
Evangelists would report that the congregants were taken back by the the fact that Jesus
spoke with “Authority”. With the rise of an educated laity, it has been many decades since
“authority” has been attached to the hierarchy.

The 10 Commandments, (Hispanic subject #7)
Response of St. Ignatius Parish, Chestnut Hill, MA, USA, to the Questionnaire in Preparation for the
Bishops’ Extraordinary Assembly, October 2014
Page 6 of 53

In the United States, the salient points of the teaching are accepted only by a small,
conservative minority. The biggest difficulties are: 1) we live in the contemporary and ever
more post-modern world, while much of Church teaching hails from post-New Testament but
pre-modern times; and 2) that the human harms arising from the teachings are seen as greater
than the human benefits (if indeed any benefits are seen at all), and hence these teachings are
seen as directly opposing the teachings of Jesus.

It is not accepted at all, by anyone I have ever known in my life...besides aunts and uncles
who raised children in the 50s and 60s. The obvious difficulties is a family’s need to control
procreation, for a number of reasons. Personally, I wanted to focus on my career before
marriage as well as childbirth. I also do not know anyone my age who was a virgin at
marriage. So birth control is practiced widespread by our youth today and was 30 years ago.
Gay families are accepted (well, in my circle in the Northeast). They are recognized as a
family and are able to adopt children. They are baptizing their children in more progressive
churches, which certainly exist in the greater Boston area. They are welcomed as parishioners
to certain churches, as well, but the church is not able to promote this...rather it is by word of
mouth. (White female, age 50, with children)

Most all of my Catholic friends practice birth control, accept and sometimes suggest divorce
where necessary for the health of the family, and accept gay people. It has never occurred to
any of us to stop being Catholics or raising our kids Catholic because the Church is “so
behind the times” on these issues.

I don’t see why those teachings are such a focus. They should not be. We should instead be
focusing on loving God, loving our family, loving our neighbors, strangers, the weak, the
poor, etc. The “Church” (not our parish) comes off as so judgemental, which is the opposite
of the readings we hear at mass each week. The main message there is love.

I haven’t read the documents listed in (a), but it seems we are talking here about birth control,
for a start, which virtually everyone practices. I have gay friends who have borne or adopted
children. Mostly, they are so alienated from the RC church; they find other places to go. I
would hope their children could be baptized in the RC church if they wished (as is noted
above--word of mouth). I can’t imagine Jesus would not baptize them. Divorce is often
absolutely necessary and needs to be accepted; no one should be pressured into living with
physical or emotional abuse. I lost respect for annulments when I saw that only wealthy
friends were getting them in any reasonable period of time.
c) How widespread is the Church's teaching in pastoral programmes at the national, diocesan
and parish levels? What catechesis is done on the family?

As a pastor the challenge is to find ways to be inclusive. There are so many parishioners in
second marriages or in relationships outside of marriage that is is not easy pastorally to hold
up the values of the “perfect” family.
Response of St. Ignatius Parish, Chestnut Hill, MA, USA, to the Questionnaire in Preparation for the
Bishops’ Extraordinary Assembly, October 2014
Page 7 of 53

I think we try to see the goodness and holiness in every family, and we try to teach this
throughout our parish and program. The understandings and misunderstandings of the
Church’s teachings in this area have caused a great deal of sadness, hurt, and guilt. Most of
the catechesis that I experience and see is through individual, pastoral conversations as well
as some that is done with high school students who bring up these issues. (Female, 31,
single)

Out of pastoral sensitivity to those who cannot or do not live in what the Church considers
authentic family structures, there is almost no catechesis on marriage and family life offered
in my parish. This may be an overcorrection, in response to the alienation and pain we see
among those who are lapsed, marginalized, or whose lives do not mirror the Church’s ideal
of the Catholic family. Yet, I wonder if, in our delicacy, we somehow fail to call young
people to Christian marriage, as traditionally understood, as a vocation to and for and within
the Church. (Female, 52, married mother)

Catechesis with students in the parish about family and respect of parents. (Juniors/Seniors
in High School, Retreat Team)

I think there is little education about this. I feel that my parish has trouble with the rules since
the people leading the parish are personally conflicted with the teachings of the Catholic
church. The fact of the matter is that this is a faith with rules. I think the Church is
responsible for teaching these and explaining why they are a belief and it is on the separate
ethos and conscious of each parishioner to decide if they are going to follow it. I don’t think
we do enough teaching on the family at the National level or the parish level, but I think quite
a bit is done at the diocesan level. (Female, 27, married, no children)

The closer a tier adheres to the Vatican, the more it is impacted by pastoral programs. As for
the family, the catechesis accepted and passed on is determined entirely by the family unit
itself- the Vatican can have very little impact unless the family decides that it should. (Male,
17, single)

Catechesis in this area must be done in a way that teaches as Jesus did: inclusive to all, and
accepting of where people are at. Unfortunately, some pastoral programs at the national and
diocesan level around family issues have been part of the problem, not part of a solution. A
local parish can not preach or be part of anything that excludes families or causes pain. Local
parish programs need to focus on healing and inclusion. (Female,52, married with children)

I cannot speak for other parishes, but I believe that our parish does a good job in trying to
encourage that parents and other family members play an important role in the faith
formation of the children. We have a strong, vibrant masses that welcome families and
encourage adults and children to not only participate in all aspects of the liturgies, but to
share their faith through active service to the parish, to the local community and to the world.
(Female, single, no children)

The teachings of the church about the family fall within a solid context. The first key
component is the love between one man and one woman then procreation of children who
Response of St. Ignatius Parish, Chestnut Hill, MA, USA, to the Questionnaire in Preparation for the
Bishops’ Extraordinary Assembly, October 2014
Page 8 of 53
need to be educated about justice as our fathers educated us in a society focused on family.
(Hispanic subject #1)

There is not a lot, there should be more catechesis focused on the family and family values.
(Hispanic subject #2)

Very limited. (Hispanic subject #4)

I believe that the most important teaching is knowing our faith and the love and respect
between family members. (Hispanic subject #5)

Parish level. (Hispanic subject #7)

I think most of us are aware of the Church’s teachings, which tend to focus on birth control,
divorce, and abortion...aware of them through teachings as children, or in later programs.
When I read a question like this, I feel more of a divide between what the hierarchy focuses
on and the loving and understanding message I get in my parish.
d ) To what extent — and what aspects in particular — is this teaching actually known,
accepted, rejected and/or criticized in areas outside the Church? What are the cultural factors
which hinder the full reception of the Church’s teaching on the family?

Despite what the church fears, the nuclear family in American culture is still valued and
celebrated. More and more people are sensitized to those who do not find their place within
this ideal. (Single, gay, lesbian, divorced and remarried)

What hinders the reception of the Church’s teaching on the family is that it is seen as being
against certain types of families. It seems that we should do what we can to support people
who are trying to manifest God’s love in the world through their family, regardless of who
makes up that family. (Female, 31, single)

The Church tends to “preach” (in dogmatic ways) more than “teach” (in pastoral ways) about
marriage and the family. Of course, this might be the unavoidable consequence of leaving so
much of the teaching and preaching, in general, to celibate ordained men. So there are
“delivery” problems, notwithstanding any challenges inherent in the message itself--that
marriage is the indissoluble union of one man and one woman. I wonder if the hierarchs’
tendency to take an all-or-nothing tack on marriage questions isn’t a mistake. Is it possible to
espouse Christian ideals about marriage without demonizing or diminishing other forms of
love and relationship? Without seeking to interfere in state and secular affairs on these
matters? And without unraveling into relativism? Can the fathers of the Church hold up a
vision of marriage, however narrow or however expansive, and still acknowledge that God is
the author of love of all kinds? And can they call us to fidelity in marriage while also
reminding us that God forgives and redeems the imperfections and failures of our
relationships? The Church’s teaching regarding divorce is often perceived as quite
unforgiving. And this is more than ironic since the failure to forgive is many times itself an
antecedent and contributing cause in the dissolution of marriages. I do wonder: How can the
Church show so little mercy and so little fidelity toward her own--when their marriages may
Response of St. Ignatius Parish, Chestnut Hill, MA, USA, to the Questionnaire in Preparation for the
Bishops’ Extraordinary Assembly, October 2014
Page 9 of 53
have fallen short of the ideal, and they are suffering deep enough wounds, as it is, as a result-by then exiling them from the Eucharist? It may be a sin against charity, to be honest. And
from what I was taught, that’s a graver sin than the “adultery” allegedly committed by any
divorced-and-remarried Catholic. (Female, 52, married, with children)

It is widely misinterpreted or “selectively interpreted” by those outside the church. A
simplified, clear and concise teaching to match the modern “sound bite” era would really
help. (Male, 46, married)

The Church has not matured fully to Christ’s way of accepting gay, lesbian, and divorced
relationship. Its time has not come, we have to keep working on it. (Male, married with
grandchildren)

Church’s teaching is not followed or respected by popular opinion; it is narrow-minded. No
more blind acceptance, but societal questioning and criticism. The definition of marriage has
changed, the reality of marriage has changed: people marry for love. (Juniors/Seniors in
High School, Retreat Team)

Family teachings are largely rejected by those not closely tied to the Church because they
don’t seem relevant or valid in a world full of so many obvious, yet equally moral, exceptions
to conventional marriage. (Male, 17, single)

The Churches teaching in not widely accepted in areas outside of the church. The teachings
seem judgmental. Not loving or empathetic. They do not take into account the complicated
nature of people’s lives today. The teachings do not make sense to many people because the
issues around cohabitation and same sex marriage in particular are not decisions that hurt
others so there is not understanding as to why the church feels they need to judge.

There is no perfect faith community. Yet people outside my catholic community often see
with fresh eyes the inherent sexism and clericalism that is so ingrained, and that we in the
community are conditioned to overlook. These “isms” right now greatly influence the way
we view sacramental family life. Until we can begin to acknowledge our own institutional
sinfulness, we will not get to the Promised Land-- that place where mutuality and co-laboring
informs how we think about families, parenting and partnering. (Female, 52, married with
children)

The teachings are not accepted widely outside of the church. The public in general only sees
the church from its negative public policy which is not inclusive to all. (Senior)

One of the factors that I perceive that effects the effectiveness of that teaching is the
perception that the Church is obsessed with rule setting and rule enforcement. Instead of
truly using Christ’s example of acceptance and love, too often the Church has become preoccupied with defining relationships using a narrow doctrinal explanation. (Female, Single,
No Children)
Response of St. Ignatius Parish, Chestnut Hill, MA, USA, to the Questionnaire in Preparation for the
Bishops’ Extraordinary Assembly, October 2014
Page 10 of 53

I am with the church in the education of our family and I do not accept a family of two men
and two women. Think, what would happen in the future? (Hispanic subject #1)

As the Church has relegated the family values, the importance of marriage has diminished.
(Hispanic subject #2)

When we do not have the same way of thinking. (Hispanic subject #3)

The incorporation of woman in the labor system, the advances in terms of social equality
makes the woman reflect on the type of family that she wants to form and educate. This is
not a negative factor but it changes the family dynamics. (Hispanic subject #4)

I think that what is most criticized is the union of homosexual people. (Hispanic subject #5)

I would agree. The Church’s teachings on birth control and divorce and gay people have
turned many Catholics away from the Church. Fortunately for my family, we have Jesuit
priests who just don’t focus on these issues. They never preach against the Church’s
teachings. They just don’t focus on them. There are so many more important things for us to
be focusing on like poverty, social justice and helping the old and sick.

A person who is divorced and remarried ought not to be refused the sacraments. People
make mistakes and there are enough penalties that a divorced person must deal with. We
ought not look only to church law, determined by men and then “set in stone.” Surely, the
Lord Jesus would not be gathering stones to hurl. Wasn’t his posture always unconditional
forgiveness and the gift of starting over? Would he refuse a divorced person entry into the
house of prayer? Why can’t the spirit of Christ be the primary source of Christian practice? I
feel the same with regard to a person’s sexual orientation. They ought to be welcomed in our
church.

Who would enter a marriage wanting to get divorced? Who wants to get an abortion? I
wouldn’t want either. I do not think divorced people should go without communion. They
may need it more. Also, I do not want to see the times return when women who were
determined to get an abortion went to back-alley butchers. We should do all we can to
support women with unexpected pregnancies so they don’t take that road.
2. Marriage according to the Natural Law
a) What place does the idea of the natural law have in the cultural areas of society: in
institutions, education, academic circles and among the people at large? What anthropological
ideas underlie the discussion on the natural basis of the family?

Psychology and understanding of the human person in psychodynamic ways holds more
sway in people’s thoughts than a natural law. Scientific advances in the understanding of the
human brain and why we act the way we do as humans is more interesting than what is
deemed as a “natural” law. For most people it matters more that you love, more than it
Response of St. Ignatius Parish, Chestnut Hill, MA, USA, to the Questionnaire in Preparation for the
Bishops’ Extraordinary Assembly, October 2014
Page 11 of 53
matters whether the person you love is the opposite sex or someone who has been married
before and is not free to marry.

I would have to go back through my philosophy class notes to bring natural law to mind. It is
not what factors into my head when I think about marriage or family. (Female, 31, single)

Natural Law is a flawed, antiquated paradigm for understanding sexuality, marriage, human
or even animal nature. (Female, 52, married, with children)

More and more skeptical, not much place for natural law. ( Juniors/Seniors in High School,
Retreat Team)

I think that in our secular culture there is a lot of separation of morality and science. I think
the church should stop using “Natural law” as an argument at all. It, scientifically, does not
hold up in the human/natural world. I think if the church wants to make a moral argument, go
ahead, it is a moral institution, but it should probably let this one go. ( Female, 27, married)

This is an age in which largely, if something works well, it will happen, even despite minor
ethical/religious concerns. If a company can legally profit from polluting the environment, it
will do so. Discoveries about the world make people reject the natural law of the 1600s
because it has been heavily contradicted and shown to be too simplistic, almost like the
previously rejected ancient ideas of Aristotle. The Church should consider changing this as
its underlying basis for morality, etc. (Male, 17, single)

I think the concept of natural law has certainly evolved, just as we no longer believe that the
earth is the center of the solar system. There is an appreciation, awe and wonder of the
biodiversity of the creatures loved into being by the Creator. As we come to understand more
about our human nature, body, mind, and spirit, we can come to understand “family” with
respect to God’s law of fidelity and relational love. (Female, 52, married with children)

The concept of natural law is under scrutiny, in part, this is due to the new technologies that
make possible things that were never imagined. Furthermore, there are studies revealing
new ideas on the essence of humans and human identity. These ideas are opening new
viewpoints. (Hispanic subject #4)

Outside of the Hierarchy, I don’t believe I can remember, going back more than 50 years, of
an instance when “Natural Law” was seriously discussed or employed outside of the Church
as the basis or a moral imperative. the term “Complementarity” when drawn out to its logical
end point would seem to me to throw in serious question a life of celibacy. If male and
female are made to become one, sexually and every otherwise then why is the withholding of
one’s procreative potential not seen as a vice? The idea or concept of a ‘Natural Law’ is
appealing and satisfying to individuals who prefer not to acknowledge the ultimate mystery
of human life. Additionally, it seems to be a poor substitute as a vehicle for explicating the
deeper reality and meaning of conjugal love.
Response of St. Ignatius Parish, Chestnut Hill, MA, USA, to the Questionnaire in Preparation for the
Bishops’ Extraordinary Assembly, October 2014
Page 12 of 53

Natural law is viewed as an obsolete and misguided concept in the cultural areas of society.
This is in large part due to how much of what was once considered natural has been shown to
be wrong and all too often influenced by the subconscious biases and cultural limitations of
those determining its content.

We have learned so much more about sexuality. Best I can tell, it is “natural” that some
people are gay, and they should be treated as well as anyone else.

The only time I might hear anyone talk about Natural Law is during an election!
Conservatives throw this around but that is the only arena in which I might hear it.

I am a political conservative and although I have nothing against gay people, I do believe that
God intended for a man and a woman to be a family. However, I am not gay and I don’t feel
I have the right to deny them the life of the family. For me, it is really not a burning issue.

I think the society is changing and the idea of Natural law in most cultural areas is changing
and is becoming a concept that it does not reflect the reality.
b) Is the idea of the natural law in the union between a man and a woman commonly accepted
as such by the baptized in general?

I don’t think people use this category of natural law as a primary mental construct.
Attraction, friendship, common interests are held up as priorities. That is why there is more
acceptance of nontraditional relationships.

No, not if the “natural law” automatically refers only to the concept of a man and a
woman with children.

Defining union between a man and a woman as “natural law” seems wrong to me. I am, at
this point, too accustomed to thinking of families in numerous other ways that seem very
natural to me (Female, 31, single)

No. Not at all. I think people understand and experience their relationships and attractions as
far more nuanced and complicated than anything envisioned by Natural Law. Also, in the
United States, sexual orientation is increasingly viewed as an innate trait, not a matter of
choice, so that homosexuality, for example, can be viewed as a form of natural variation, and
not a disorder. Natural Law does not really envision or accommodate this kind of thought.
(Female, 52, married with children)

In the most part - yes. But generally only by those in traditional family situations.( Male, 46,
married)

A lot do believe that (the majority) but changing, growing significant minority that does not
believe it. Echoes changes in science, research. This affects perception of natural law.
(Juniors/Seniors in High School, Retreat Team)
Response of St. Ignatius Parish, Chestnut Hill, MA, USA, to the Questionnaire in Preparation for the
Bishops’ Extraordinary Assembly, October 2014
Page 13 of 53

I don’t think I would think about it as part of the “natural law”. I think there are conservatives
who believe there should never be same sex marriages and there are people who understand
that the Church will not perform them but believe they should be available as civil unions
(since the Catholic church doesn’t recognize those as marriages anyway) and then there are
those that believe the Catholic church should perform same sex marriages. I think there is a
huge spectrum of opinion. (Female, 27, married no children)

To many, it seems natural (i.e. the anatomy fits), but many more are now open to other
interpretations. (Male, 17, single)

I believe that all baptized should agree on the union between man and woman and have a
family with love and educate the family. (Hispanic subject #1)

In general terms that is true. (Hispanic subject #4)

Yes, first is the law that God has given us; I have known since childhood that this is one
of the sacraments. (Hispanic subject #5)

Marriage must be between one man and one woman. (Hispanic subject #7)

Commonly accepted by conservatives and the older generation.

I’m 71 and in my view marriage is the union of one man with one woman. I don’t support
what’s strangely called “an open marriage,” meaning that each partner will remain married to
their original spouse but is free to seek sexual relationships with other members of the
opposite. I don’t support gay marriage, although I do feel that the state should recognize
their civil union with the same rights and privileges given to married couples (such as
inheritance, health insurance, etc). I feel strongly that there should be no ban against a gay
couple being able to adopt a child. I think Catholic Charities in the U.S. have been wrong to
go to the extremes of closing their doors and shutting down all their services totally because
they are unwilling to accept a gay couple’s adoption application.

I am 50, and don’t consider myself the “older generation” and most of my peers accept the
union of a man & woman as natural law.

No, I don't believe that is the commonly accepted specially around the new generation.
Depending of the country, that could be more or less accepted even among Catholics. I still
cannot find where the Bible say it is prohibited the marriage between two men or women
explicitly, however I respect the position of the Church as institution internally. I don’t agree
that Church has to try to put efforts in prohibited the civil marriage. Civil laws are nothing
related to religious beliefs. The civil gay marriage is a right of them.
Response of St. Ignatius Parish, Chestnut Hill, MA, USA, to the Questionnaire in Preparation for the
Bishops’ Extraordinary Assembly, October 2014
Page 14 of 53
c) How is the theory and practice of natural law in the union between man and woman
challenged in light of the formation of a family? How is it proposed and developed in civil and
Church institutions?

Natural law is challenged by the existence of a wide range of wonderful, vibrant, complex
families who do not conform to that mold. Forming a family is about shared values, ideals,
hopes, and a commitment to seeing the world through shared eyes, which is complicated
enough without throwing an antiquated philosophical notion into the mix. (Female, 31,
single)

I have not heard Natural Law seriously advanced on the parish level ever. It was an
“academic” subject for study in college, an arcane philosophical and theological construct,
even 30 years ago. It remains alive and well in certain rarefied quarters and intellectual
enclaves within the Church. And quite dead everywhere else. The people of God, for the
most part, don’t even know what it is. And their pastors and bishops probably recognize it
would prove fairly counter-productive to try to advance or assert it as a legitimate framework
for 21st century theologies of marriage or sexual ethics. So they don’t. Whoever is still
insisting on Natural Law as a defensible foundation or touchstone for Catholic thought is no
longer thinking with the living Church. (Female, 52, married, with children)

Church perspective on marriage and family is offered by celibate religious -- need more lay
voices in the matter. Civil sectors legalize same-sex marriage, offer a more inclusive
perspective while Church is perceived as narrow-minded. Civil is also still divided, Church
offers united perspective. American culture of equality vs. Church view. ( Juniors/Seniors in
High School, Retreat Team)

We live in a country that is culturally based in egalitarian community. Certainly, there was a
time when marriage between individuals of different races was not considered “natural” and
was illegal. I think we are moving to an understanding that marriage equality should be legal
and sacramental marriage should not discriminate on the basis of race, gender, orientation.
Most young people take a wider view and feel that sacraments in general should not
discriminate on the basis of a person’s humanity. Many young people view baptism as that
which is necessary to participate in sacramental life. Our church needs to evolve or we risk
not being able to reach the next generation in our country that views equality as natural.

Yes. It should be dealt with in depth not only in the family, civil institutions, but also in the
ecclesiastical institutions. (Hispanic subject #1)

We follow what Jesus said: man and woman form a family. (Hispanic subject #3)

I have a question: How can we include everybody as children of God? (Hispanic subject #4)

I don’t see it challenged in the formation of a family. And I don’t see it developed either, in a
church setting. While a union is more typical between a woman and a man, but it is no
longer presumed.
Response of St. Ignatius Parish, Chestnut Hill, MA, USA, to the Questionnaire in Preparation for the
Bishops’ Extraordinary Assembly, October 2014
Page 15 of 53

I believe that families come in many shapes and sizes and should be embraced by the Church.

While it is certainly true that that the natural biological basis for human life is the union of a
male sperm and a female egg, such unions often result quite naturally in people with samesex attraction. There are many wonderful, productive, healthy family relationships that have
been created (with the Church’s approval--adoption, for example) outside of Man A married
to Female B creating Child AB. So there is, at least, ample precedent and room for not
limiting our view of “natural law” to just what the Church has sanctioned up to this point.
d) In cases where non-practicing Catholics or declared non-believers request the celebration of
marriage, describe how this pastoral challenge is dealt with?

I think we try to meet people where they are. To my understanding, we welcome all those
who are coming to celebrate their marriage to our Church, whether they intend to stay or not.
Better to be welcoming than anything else, I think. (Female, 31, single)

“Progressive” parishes agree to these marriages - and rightly or wrongly are seen in a more
positive light by the wider community because they do so. (Male, 46, married)

Not dealt with; not sure. Convert or say no to marriage. But if we are taught to love all
people, why say no? Is it only “love all Catholics”? ( Juniors/Seniors in High School,
Retreat Team)

My understanding is that the church teaches that marriages between two baptized Catholics
are considered Sacraments, between a Catholic and a non-catholic, are considered Sacred and
civil unions and those performed among non-catholics or in certain religious ceremonies in
other faiths are not recognized at all. I don’t really have a problem with that. It is like “here is
what we have, we can marry you, but we don’t have to believe this is the best it could be”. I
feel like that distinction celebrates free choice while making the point that there are better
choices. (Female, 27, married no children)

Invitation and acceptance should be the root of what we do. If two people identify as “nonpracticing Catholics”, but are led by some desire to celebrate their marriage in the Church,
perhaps this is an opportunity to welcome. (Female, 52, married with children)

It is not easy if the issue is not clear to us. (Hispanic subject #1)

I believe that we have to accept them, then educate them. (Hispanic subject #3)

The pastoral ministers may be curious about those who are non- believers but are interested
to be married in the Catholic Church. In those cases, maybe the interested partners should
be oriented to be engaged in a civil union, instead. Only conscious people who take on the
responsibilities implied in marriage should partake in the religious, Christian marriage. This
should be done with respect and without hurt feelings. (Hispanic subject #4)
Response of St. Ignatius Parish, Chestnut Hill, MA, USA, to the Questionnaire in Preparation for the
Bishops’ Extraordinary Assembly, October 2014
Page 16 of 53

I think that this the moment of preparing them to begin their evangelization, with
patience and love, they will grow in faith. (Hispanic subject #5)

Ideally, they just do it and everybody goes along with their lives. (Male, 17, single)

I think a Catholic and non -Catholic should be able to be married in the church.

It is my experience that these people either marry civilly or in the ritual of another religious
faith. These people usually are not interested in a Catholic marriage.

I don’t know how it is dealt with. I assumed that non-practicing Catholics either fake it and
start attending Mass, or tell a priest that they will begin to attend? The church should refuse
a non-believer. I suppose this is difficult where one partner is practicing. I think more people
would, in fact, be practicing if Church teachings changed and all people, divorced, gay, etc.
felt welcomed back into the

I think Church has to analyze the different cases, couple of non- believers- they may still
believe in the main principles of any Christian and probably the blessing of God is important,
the same probably for non-practicing Catholic, I am a Catholic, but probably I could fall in
the non-practicing category, but I strongly believe in God and Jesus and I would love to be
blessed during my marriage. Also if the couple is one believer and one non-believer, they
should allow the marriage. I remember my cousin has that case, and they did something like
a marriage where she got married, but he only accept her religion but he didn't convert. I
think that is important to encourage, so still the believer can receive the blessing of the
church for this new stage and important part of her/his life.

The parish can speak more clearly about how they deal with it in practice. How I believe it
SHOULD be dealt with is that, as long as one of the people getting married is a believer and
the couple is willing to commit to raising the children within the Church, that should be
enough.

It’s challenged by the expanded idea of civil right to same-sex households.
3. The Pastoral Care of the Family in Evangelization
a) What experiences have emerged in recent decades regarding marriage preparation? What
efforts are there to stimulate the task of evangelization of the couple and of the family? How
can an awareness of the family as the "domestic Church" be promoted?

Marriage Encounter was very popular a number of years ago. In the US at least people are
usually too busy to invest a great deal of time getting away to focus on their marriage.

I think we try to help people to see the holiness within their family lives, in the every-day
situations and complexities and routines. ( Female, 31, single)
Response of St. Ignatius Parish, Chestnut Hill, MA, USA, to the Questionnaire in Preparation for the
Bishops’ Extraordinary Assembly, October 2014
Page 17 of 53

I don’t know if you can really raise awareness of the family as “domestic Church,” without
also addressing the role of women in the institutional Church. Where there is a domestic
Church, in any family home, inevitably a mother serves as one of its “pastors.” But this has
no analogue in the wider Church. Even though women, especially Catholic mothers,
fundamentally raise the Church, as soon as they step out of their homes and across the
threshold of a church, they are demoted. So how can this notion of a domestic Church be
regarded as at all concordant with the Church as a whole? I wonder if the question shouldn’t
be turned on its head, and instead of asking how the institutional Church can teach about the
domestic Church, we ask ourselves: How can the institutional Church learn from the
domestic Church? This hearthside Church, which is collegial, led by men and women
together, fiercely protective of children, and more preoccupied with love and service than
moralizing. There are lessons for Rome in this, most local of churches, I think. (Female, 52,
mother)

I know that marriage preparation is required to marry in the Catholic Church although, from
personal experience, I will say that the requirements and quality level in this preparation vary
widely among different dioceses (when I got married I had to meet the requirements of two
different diocese), but after that I don’t really think I have received a lot of support or
understanding on how to continue to foster my marriage in a way that Christ intended. I
know we are not supposed to use contraception (we do anyway) and that is it. I would love to
hear more about how my marriage is a “domestic church”. I have never been told that but I
feel like it would be easier to be active within the church if I had better teachings on things
like selflessness, generosity and fairness in relation to marriage. But who is going to teach
this because to be dead honest if a white, old, unmarried man, regardless how wonderful and
faithful, stands up there and tells me how to be a “good wife”, I am not only not going to
listen, but probably also walk out. (Female, 27, married, no children)

The first step is to stop using archaic language like “domestic Church.” Say what you mean!
It sounds too much like “republican motherhood.” (Male, 17, single)

In recent decades there have been more people co-habiting before marriage and many couple
use birth control.

There is need for couples and families to evangelize the Church. I think people live out
“domestic Church” and “Eucharistic community” in their ordinary lives, but sometimes it is
hard to see the sacramental principle at work. There are many ways the Church could raise
this up, help people see the goodness of their lives. Too much energy is spent by the
institutional Church in putting people down, excluding some from service. Families can be a
source of reform and renewal for our Church. We need to find new ways to get back to the
unity of God as parent, as one among us, and spirit always with us. (Female, 52, married with
children).

The Church should acknowledge and embrace that, beyond the loving relationship of the
espoused, that there are other person who also manifest to the couple a loving relationship,
based upon the love of God for his people, including friends, godparents and extended
family. One of the strongest aspect of Christianity has been its ability to adapt to changing
societal norms while still preserving the essential message: perhaps it is time for the Church
Response of St. Ignatius Parish, Chestnut Hill, MA, USA, to the Questionnaire in Preparation for the
Bishops’ Extraordinary Assembly, October 2014
Page 18 of 53
to widen its definition of what is “family” to include those relationships, to acknowledge the
reality that there will be blended families, extended families and non-traditional families,
including ones with same sex couples at their center. (Female, single, no children)

The experiences in the last decade about the preparation for marriage have been poor. There
should be mutual love between spouses and knowledge of the families. (Hispanic subject#1)

To practice our faith so that our children can see in us an example. (Hispanic subject #3)

The talks in order to prepare for baptism have been a great church effort of bringing couples
in contact with the Ecclesiastical laws of marriage. Though I believe htat there is more need
of pastoral work in this area. (Hispanic subject #4)

We, the parents, have to be the first educators of our children in the context of
evangelization. (Hispanic subject #6)

We are being evangelized. (Hispanic subject #7)

The Church needs a theology of marriage that first and foremost recognizes it as a
“Vocation” - a calling flowing from Baptism and “equal” to any other vocation. The term
‘vocation’ is once again being used exclusively as a synonym for priesthood. The laity, as
members of this Church, need to constantly remember that Jesus sent his Spirit to guide all in
a pursuit of a life lived for others - in peace and justice. The claim of the hierarchy to an
exclusive claim on the Spirit of the Risen Christ needs to be challenged. As we know from
our Scriptures, Jesus was called to minister to the lost tribes of Israel. He associated with the
‘regulars’ and the ‘irregulars’ of his time as we are called to do the same in our time. As
Church we need to “find Christ in all things and in all people.”

The view of the family as the domestic Church is itself outmoded. The Church model is one
of absolute medieval monarchy, without any discussion or consultation with the community,
with litmus tests for participation, and expecting unquestioning obedience. How would it
benefit the family to emulate this model?

I am not aware of any programs beyond Pre-Cana. A family member and her husband had
stopped attending church. They now have a child, and sought some counseling on coming
back to the church and their issues surrounding church teaching. They loved this one on one
sessions with a female parishioner...I am not sure what her role or title is, it was at a church
on the North Shore.

They began to attend Mass and have loved the welcoming they received.

I’ve been taught “the people are the church.”
b) How successful have you been in proposing a manner of praying within the family which can
withstand life’s complexities and today’s culture?
Response of St. Ignatius Parish, Chestnut Hill, MA, USA, to the Questionnaire in Preparation for the
Bishops’ Extraordinary Assembly, October 2014
Page 19 of 53

In our parish we try to foster prayer within the family. Parishioners appreciate the models of
prayer we give them and benefit from them. Family retreats have been a useful tool for
evangelization.

We try to suggest many things so that we can reach as many people as possible. Our family
retreats have been quite the success in helping people to pray together as a family. I think
that sometimes our prayer suggestions through homilies, emails, and family-focused liturgies
have helped this cause as well. (Female, 31, single)

Grace before meals and the daily practice of gratitude is a simple, accessible form of prayer
that seems to have been efficacious in our family. (Female, 52, married with children)

We pray as a family before meals and before we fall asleep and we make sure we go to Mass
together on Sunday. (Female, 27, married, no children)
Praying before meals, in the morning, at bed, etc. is nice and orderly. By establishing a
routine, worshippers may sidestep the obstacles life presents. (Male, 17, single)


We work very hard on this in our family and try to focus on a personal relationship with God
who loves and accepts us as we are.

Honoring the simple ways of sharing grace and breaking bead together. Time at meals just
listening and laughing together. Modeling ways to enter into stillness and minimize
distraction is increasingly important for everyone in a family. (Female, 52, married with
children)

I try to experience prayer with my extended families: praying at liturgy with my extended
biological family and my godchildren as well as trying to discuss with my godchildren the
effect of God’s love. (Female, single, no children)

Yes. To talk as a family to keep the current culture. (Hispanic subject#1)

I have not seen that. To the contrary there have been proposed idealized models not linked to
the difficulties of the reality of life. (Hispanic subject #4)

Dialogue in our family. (Hispanic subject #5)

I pray with my younger children nightly. We say Grace when we eat as a family (rare).
Otherwise, I do not pray as a family, accept perhaps on a holiday.

My daughter has an intimate relationship with Jesus and consults him often through her own
prayer, to which I am not privy. We have prayed together since her earliest days and now it
is part of her daily life, as it is mine.

Maybe not so successful, but I try to live my life as Jesus wants me to, and I think that has to
be part of prayer to/with/for my (adult) children.
Response of St. Ignatius Parish, Chestnut Hill, MA, USA, to the Questionnaire in Preparation for the
Bishops’ Extraordinary Assembly, October 2014
Page 20 of 53
c) In the current generational crisis, how have Christian families been able to fulfill their
vocation of transmitting the faith?

To many young people the church is irrelevant, especially in its teachings on human
sexuality. The Church seems archaic and out of touch with what really matters.

We try to get people to question what they see and hear, so that they can come to understand
what the Church teaches and what they understand to be true. Hopefully, more often than
not, these two things are in accord. We have seen many of our newly confirmed high school
students return to our Faith Formation program as catechists, so I think the message of their
vocation as people who hand on the faith is something that at least some of them take
seriously, but there are aspects of that faith, particularly as it relates to sexuality, that many
see as out of date and out of touch with the lived experience of people that they know and
love. Female, 31, single
Through a commitment to full, active, regular participation in the sacramental life of the
Church, and through a commitment to Catholic education. Those are the only two things that
we have found support any genuine handing on of the faith. (Female, 52, married, with
children)


I sit at the front of the church for Mass and from that vantage point, I see people in line for
Communion who cross their arms across their chests to indicate that they are not asking for
Communion but for a blessing. Let’s see some more of that. (Male, 60, married, adult child)

This vocation is more easily fulfilled by families in conservative parts of the US. It is more
difficult in more liberal parts of the US.

The major tool is how parents behave within our family as well as a strong, practical,
Catholic education and prayers. (Male, married, with grandchildren)

I am actually from a parish on the West Coast that didn’t have this problem. There were
almost 400 kids in the teen youth program every week. I think that the East Coast is a
different story. I think that there are huge issues with Catholic education of our youth here
because it has been over-intellectualized. Church isn’t just philosophy, it is also faith, which
can only be felt and experienced, not learned. I think we don’t provide our children with
enough experiences to do just that. We spend too much time teaching and not enough
creating experiences. Our parish in particular is bad at that and I really think our teenagers in
particular are left out in the cold unless they seek out these experiences themselves. (Female,
27, married no children)

They don’t make going to church seem like a huge chore and focus less on Church teachings
and more on God’s Love and Mercy (it’s a more positive and important message!) (Male, 17,
single)

I think it has been difficult. We focus on a God who loves us.
Response of St. Ignatius Parish, Chestnut Hill, MA, USA, to the Questionnaire in Preparation for the
Bishops’ Extraordinary Assembly, October 2014
Page 21 of 53

I do feel called to share the faith with my children and others. But I also believe in
encouraging critical thinking and asking questions from a gospel perspective. This is often
the dilemma, if you think too much about what and how the Church chooses to teach, you
might not want to be in this type of faith community. I think you have to dig deep to the heart
of the Eucharistic community that you may be lucky to find in your parish and at home. If
young adults are finding it hard to remain in the Church on a systemic level, we should pay
attention and listen to what they have to say. (Female, 52, married with children)

This is a difficult situation. Yet one of the parents has to continue with his/ her own voice,
and that way our faith is taught in our family. (Hispanic subject #1)

In the way we live. (Hispanic subject #3)

We have lived our faith, we have tried to bring our children to places where our faith is
shared, we have brought them to church. (Hispanic subject #4)

Love and the family united are important issues, having this, it is easier to talk about faith.
(Hispanic subject #5)

With our example, I believe, we have been able to inculcate faith in our family. (Hispanic
subject #6)

This has been a challenge mainly due to the presence of various ethnic groups in the USA.
(Hispanic subject #7)

Through our actions. My children see me volunteering in various venues. We make sure to
either physically assist at a charitable venue or purchase food, clothing, etc. around the
holidays. We also talk (and pray) at length about how fortunate we are and blessed with so
many gifts of health, opportunity and comforts. Church attendance is another avenue, along
with Faith Formation, retreats, and service projects for the older children.

After my daughter was confirmed she became a Eucharistic Minister and serves communion
at Mass a couple of times a month. It makes her feel very connected to the church.

Yes, through our actions. Some families may have more stable shared transmission of the
faith in their homes, such as times for prayer together.

Actions has to speak loud and show the honesty, love, help and compassion with everyone
else.
d) In what way have the local Churches and movements on family spirituality been able to
create ways of acting which are exemplary?

I think that the family retreat is exemplary as a model of family spirituality. (Female, 31,
single
Response of St. Ignatius Parish, Chestnut Hill, MA, USA, to the Questionnaire in Preparation for the
Bishops’ Extraordinary Assembly, October 2014
Page 22 of 53

They have not. (Female, 52, married, with children)

They haven’t. (Male, 17, single)

In my parish, there is a strong core of families and loving attention to liturgy that highlights
that being eucharist together, and then going forth to serve, is really what it is all about.
(Female, 52, married with children)

I have witnessed some families, who try to celebrate liturgy together, be more successful in
trying to be a witness of faith from their children, including getting involved in various
ministries the serve the parish and the world at large. Other families, who rarely attend mass,
struggle to understand and inform their children in matters of faith. Those families would do
well to reach out to non-family members who are comfortable in manifesting and sharing
their faith. (Female, single, no children)

Through family organizations, spirituality, conferences, retreats, Sunday homilies.
(Hispanic subject #1)

Praying. (Hispanic subject #3)

You cannot see much of that as local structures. We only see isolated cases. (Hispanic
subject #4)

There are many ways, but the key element in this case is that these spirituality movements
have helped us grow in faith and love. (Hispanic subject #5)

Through retreats of spirituality and prayer groups. (Hispanic subject #6)

Forming prayer groups. (Hispanic subject #7)

By engaging in charitable activities with the poor, the homeless, the sick, the elderly and
other social justice activities reflecting the preferential option for the poor.

Through volunteer opportunities, although not many exist for younger children. I think the
Giving Trees at Christmas is a start.

There are SO many ways to be involved at St. Ignatius….the whole family, even the little
ones. From age 8 to 15, my daughter participated in the Christmas Pageant on Christmas Eve
in every role, eventually playing Mary. It is still the most special time of Christma Season.

I think engaging in volunteer activities to help other people, I think that is the main teaching
of Jesus.

Volunteering is so important.
Response of St. Ignatius Parish, Chestnut Hill, MA, USA, to the Questionnaire in Preparation for the
Bishops’ Extraordinary Assembly, October 2014
Page 23 of 53
e) What specific contribution can couples and families make to spreading a credible and
holistic idea of the couple and the Christian family today?

Through their lived witness, and through more active and visible leadership of parish
ministries in this area of pastoral care and parish life. (Female, 52, married, with children)

I think they should continue to act what they believe. It is when our actions do not mirror or
purported beliefs that we lose credibility. Living a Catholic life quietly, without verbose
declarations of faith, is, in my opinion, the greatest evangelization. (Female, 27, married no
children)

Don’t cheat on each other. Love each other. Encourage each other to continue to love God.
(Male, 17, single)

Children are very astute at observing whether adults and families “walk the talk”. Along with
celebrating together, there must be visible ways to put faith into practice. (Female, 52,
married with children)

They should be encouraged to talk openly about their faith journey as a couple and as a
family, including their challenges and joy and to share that journey with others. (Female,
single, no children)

It is not easy. With love between the spouses a Christian family emerges, talk about the
Bible, the family Rosary. There should be clarity in what it is that is said. (Hispanic
subject#1)

Keeping, with the help of God, the integrity of the family for personal and social well- being,
but above all, with dignity for the well- being of the children. (Hispanic subject #2)

We are following Jesus. (Hispanic subject #3)

We need couples willing to share their own difficulties as a family, and as spouses, and how
they have overcome or dealt with their trials. (Hispanic subject #4)

One way of spreading a credible idea of the Christian family today is the suffering that the
parents go through in the Christian community. (Hispanic subject #6)

Through their life experience of the past. (Hispanic subject #7)

By engaging in charitable activities with the poor, the homeless, the sick, the elderly and
other social justice activities reflecting the preferential option for the poor.

By family prayer and outings which support helping those less fortunate.

By attending Mass together and stressing how blessed we are.
Response of St. Ignatius Parish, Chestnut Hill, MA, USA, to the Questionnaire in Preparation for the
Bishops’ Extraordinary Assembly, October 2014
Page 24 of 53
f) What pastoral care has the Church provided in supporting couples in formation and couples
in crisis situations?

There are some programs that are designed for couples who are struggling but often times it
too late. Most of us pastors are not marriage counselors. More often than not I would try to
make a referral to a counselor whom I know will take God and spirituality and sacramentality
seriously.

Very little, because pastoral staffs are over-burdened and often untrained for this kind of
ministry. But it should not necessarily be the responsibility of formal “pastoral staffs” to
provide untenable amounts of pastoral care to couples in troubled marriages. This is an aspect
of parish life where lay people might take a more prominent role in ministering to one
another.

I don’t know of any of these services at my church but I feel like I could call up my pastor
(Fr. Bob) if there was a major issue in my marriage and ask him to speak with us and I think
he would. I know he has never been married but he is a kind man, with good communication,
under the guidance of Christ with a vow of confidentiality. Plus I know he would make time
for us. That being said, he is a busy man so I feel like I could only use this in a true
crisis/emergency type situation. I do not feel close enough to any other members of my
Church staff or clergy to speak to them. (Female, 27, married no children)

Christian charities/counseling are awesome! (Male, 17, single)

There is great need for pastoral care for families. As we move into the next years,
restructuring the sacrament of ordination will be necessary to provide Eucharistic and
pastoral care to meet the deep need out there. Limiting Eucharist and care is really not the
path we want to go down. (Female, 52, married with children)

I am not aware that a great deal is being done on this, except for some individual spiritual
direction, which I know is done with compassion and caring. (Female, single, no children)

Yes, there is pastoral care. However, it has a lot to do with the interaction between spouses.
Also, the type of Christian formation the couple receives in preparation for marriage is
important. In addition, the marriage cannot be dissolved and the love within the marriage
has to be understood. (Hispanic subject #1)

Giving couples support in their formation and educating them and helping them in their trials.
(Hispanic subject #2)

Helping them as their spiritual guide. (Hispanic subject #3)

The help of the pastor. It would be a good idea to have psychologists/ psychotherapists who
are connected to the church to fulfill that function. (Hispanic subject #4)
Response of St. Ignatius Parish, Chestnut Hill, MA, USA, to the Questionnaire in Preparation for the
Bishops’ Extraordinary Assembly, October 2014
Page 25 of 53

The pastoral support of couples in crisis is key because that can help the couple re-establish.
(Hispanic subject #5)

I have received help from the Church in my moments of crises. (Hispanic subject #6)

By means of spiritual advice, counseling in marriage. (Hispanic subject #7)

I am not aware of any specific programs, though they must exist.

Other women in the church have been particularly supportive.

I had a Dominican Priest counsel me during my struggles with an alcoholic spouse. He
guided me to do what was right for my husband who was sick AND my daughter who needed
normality and safety in her home. I ultimately filed for divorce and although he would not
say it, I know he supported my decision.
4. Pastoral Care in Certain Difficult Marital Situations
a) Is cohabitation ad experimentum a pastoral reality in your particular Church? Can you
approximate a percentage?
There were 15 responses to these two questions. Fifteen said that cohabitation was common in the
parish and in society in general. Not everyone ventured a guess on the percentage. Of those who
did, the percentage ranged from 20% to 80%.
The actual responses are:

80% of the couples whose weddings I perform live together. 16 out of 20. More often than
not I am surprised when a couple is not living together.

In my family and friend group, only one couple has not lived together before marriage.
(Female, 31, single)

Yes. My estimate based on this congregation would be 20% . (Male, 46 married)

Absolutely. My husband and I did not live together before marriage and we were considered
backward and ridiculed and questioned by both our friends within and outside the Catholic
faith. Female, 27, married no children

A fairly large amount, I’d imagine. Don’t use such ARCHAIC LANGUAGE!! (Male, 17,
single)

Yes it is a reality. I would say at least 50% of couples cohabitate before marriage.

Absolutely! I can think of only one couple that I know got married without living together
before. (Female, single, no children)
Response of St. Ignatius Parish, Chestnut Hill, MA, USA, to the Questionnaire in Preparation for the
Bishops’ Extraordinary Assembly, October 2014
Page 26 of 53

No idea. However, that is the norm nowadays. (Hispanic subject #4)

Yes. I expect the percentage approximates that of the overall community, where the practice
is common.

I’m 31 and I have never even heard of a couple in my generation or younger that did not live
together prior to marriage. My parents’ generation yes (born in the 1950s), but I’ve never
heard of anyone younger getting married without having lived together prior.

I think is very common in the society on this country.

Yes, this is a big pastoral reality. Consider, too, that many years pass from the age when
people used to marry until the age they marry (or can afford to marry) nowadays. Not many
would agree to live alone during these years after they are physically ready to have a
companion/spouse, but economically not ready to marry.
b) Do unions which are not recognized either religiously or civilly exist? Are reliable statistics
available?
The actual responses are:
There were 16 responses to these questions and each one agreed that such unions “exist.” Many
responders said that statistics on this do exist but no one could say where to find that data.

Not sure about the statistics but anecdotally it seems that more and more people live together
without intention of having any civil or religious recognition of their relationship.

Yes. Statistics would be more readily available if the church were less hostile to these unions.
(Male, 46 married)

I am sure our parish is representative to the rest of the United States in the statistics of these
unions. (Female, 27, married no children)

Yes. Yes. Look online. (Male, 17, single)

Yes they do I don’t know the statistics.

Yes, there are committed unions, involving parenting and partnering, that thrive despite not
being recognized by the Church. (Female, 52, married with children)

Yes. I am not sure of the statistics, but it is clear that societal norms have removed the
stigma of persons living together as a union, although in this state, where gay marriage is
civilly allowed, I have observed a rise of civil marriages. (Female, single, no children)
Response of St. Ignatius Parish, Chestnut Hill, MA, USA, to the Questionnaire in Preparation for the
Bishops’ Extraordinary Assembly, October 2014
Page 27 of 53

Yes, there are statistical figures of unions not recognized either by civil or religious
institutions. These couples do not care about religious practices, they follow only their own
decisions. (Hispanic subject#1)

Yes, there are a lot couples who cohabitate so the Church must make an emphasis on this
phenomenon so that in the future we won’t lose the family values. (Hispanic subject #2)

Yes, there are couples living together and with no will to have any religious or civil
recognition of their union. There are no statistical data about this phenomenon. (Hispanic
subject #4)
c) Are separated couples and those divorced and remarried a pastoral reality in your
particular Church? Can you approximate a percentage? How do you deal with this situation in
appropriate pastoral programmes?
There are really three questions here. Fourteen participants responded to the first question and eight
said that there are “separated couples and those divorced and remarried” at St. Ignatius. The other
six did not answer the question directly.
Regarding the second question asking for a percentage, one responded said 25% are in this category.
The actual responses are:

Absolutely. Perhaps 25% of the community are divorced/ and or divorced and remarried.
Some people seek annulments. Others make conscientious decisions vis-a-vis receiving the
sacraments

Yes. People in these situations are welcomed by my parish in almost all pastoral programs.
(Male, 46, married)

Absolutely. I don’t think there is ever an exclusion of these individuals. I would say of the
“ever married” portion of the church probably 45-50% are divorced and a percentage of those
are remarried. How would you even exclude them? I don’t think we even know what the
marriage status is for the people walking around. Are you going to ask every person before
they take communion? It is simply not feasible. (Female, 27, married no children)

Yes. Many people in our church are divorced. The churches lack of acceptance can be very
painful to the adults and their children. This often causes them to leave the church.

Yes, they definitely exist. I cannot approximate a percentage. “With Open Arms’’ (I think
that is the name?), welcomes parishioners who are struggling with this.

I have been divorced and remarried in the Episcopal Church and NEVER have felt anything
but welcome and loved by Fr. Bob.
Response of St. Ignatius Parish, Chestnut Hill, MA, USA, to the Questionnaire in Preparation for the
Bishops’ Extraordinary Assembly, October 2014
Page 28 of 53

I don’t know the numbers. I’ve not heard of anyone being turned away. Can’t believe Jesus
would have turned away from any of us.

Yes, divorced and remarried are active and involved in all areas of parish life. (Female, 52
married with children)

Yes, we welcome all persons, including those who have been divorced and remarried. In the
programs that I work with, I try to welcome those who have estranged from the church
because of its traditional teachings on divorce. (Female, single, no children)
The divorced couples who remarry, as I understand it, they are in the same situation because
marriage insoluble. It is difficult to face these kind of decisions. (Hispanic subject #1)


The church has to take a leading role in this subject so that all people with these problems are
welcomed. (Hispanic subject #2)

Making this issue relevant and supporting them. (Hispanic subject #3)

It is a significant and numerous group of our assembly. They need the guidance of our
pastors to continue living their faith. I don’t see those programs for those people. I believe
these are necessary. (Hispanic subject #4)
d) In all the above cases, how do the baptized live in this irregular situation? Are they aware of
it? Are they simply indifferent? Do they feel marginalized or suffer from the impossibility of
receiving the sacraments?
There are four questions being asked here. There were twenty responses to these questions but no
individual answered all four questions. Responding to the first question, many cited pain, stress and
isolation as inherent to being separated from the Church.
Four responses indicated that divorced & remarried couples are likely to find another Church and two
indicated that some of the individuals will refrain from receiving Communion. Eight objected to the
question, in particular the use of the term “irregular situation.”
The actual responses are:


For many it is a source of great pain and stress. They would like to be accepted within the
Church without carrying the extra burden imposed by the Church because of a failed
marriage. Many others simply couldn’t care less.
I think the language around this issue is painful, including calling it an “irregular situation”.
Families which fall into this category are too common to be called “irregular”. I think that
most readily identify this as a source of stress, only added to by a church which seems to
neglect or shun them. (Female, 31, single)

The question I have heard asked is “What would Jesus do?”. (Male, 46 married)
Response of St. Ignatius Parish, Chestnut Hill, MA, USA, to the Questionnaire in Preparation for the
Bishops’ Extraordinary Assembly, October 2014
Page 29 of 53

I don’t think they are aware that they aren’t supposed to take the sacraments. Even if they do,
I think they take them anyway with a clear conscious because they don’t agree with the
Church’s teachings and believe them to be wrong. (Female, 27, married no children)

I think they do feel marginalized and do suffer which often makes them leave the church.

Most divorced and remarried do not experience themselves as irregular, most have found (or
are seeking) peace and healing in their situations. We should not add to their burden, but find
ways to support their healing process. (Female 52, married with children)

There is nothing “irregular” about loving one another! And I doubt that Jesus would
withhold his love because someone does not fit into a narrow definition of who is entitled to
a sacrament...in fact, isn’t that the central message of his teachings?? (Female, single, no
children)
The baptized live separated from the church, if they are conscious of what it is that is
happening to them, they cannot receive the sacraments, thus, they look for other churches
where they are accepted. (Hispanic subject #1)


A little of everything, but it depends on that person’s faith. (Hispanic subject #3)

They are not always conscious of their situation. This has been the way they have lived since
childhood. Their indifference surfaces when they feel rejected, marginalized. (Hispanic
subject #4)

They are saddened and suffer due to their situation. (Hispanic subject #5)

My experience is that they are aware that their state of life is contrary to Church teaching.
Some become a-religious. Some join another church. Some continue as practicing Catholics
and receive the sacraments regardless of their situation. A few attend Mass but do not receive
the sacraments. My experience is that some of those who continue to practice feel
marginalized and/or anguished, and some manage to be oblivious.

I am sure they feel marginalized, and therefore stop attending Mass and/or find a more
welcoming, Christian church in which to worship.

See my response above. Many of us have been divorced and we will not deny our kids the
example of our Catholic Faith just because Rome doesn’t believe in divorce. I believe I have
been a good catholic all my life, despite getting divorce.

I am married myself, but I feel that all divorced people are welcome in the Church. In my
opinion, no one even thinks about whether someone is divorced or not. My aunt separated
from her husband 10 years ago and eventually started dating someone new. She stopped
going to church because she felt like she’d be breaking a “rule”, which I think is very sad. I
don’t think anyone in our community would actually feel negatively about having divorced
or separated people included. Not that I’m planning on it, but if I ever got divorced I would
Response of St. Ignatius Parish, Chestnut Hill, MA, USA, to the Questionnaire in Preparation for the
Bishops’ Extraordinary Assembly, October 2014
Page 30 of 53
still continue going to church. I really don’t see how being divorced or separated is relevant
to loving God and participating in mass.

If I didn’t feel everyone was loved and included at my church, I wouldn’t attend.

There are conscious people in this regard, but they do not take the sacrament of marriage
seriously. (Hispanic subject #6)
e) What questions do divorced and remarried people pose to the Church concerning the
Sacraments of the Eucharist and of Reconciliation? Among those persons who find themselves
in these situations, how many ask for these sacraments?
There were eleven responses to these questions. The answers were split between regarding the
Sacrament of Penance in this situation as “amazing grace” and those who objected to the implication
that divorced & remarried require the Sacrament.
The actual responses are:

The Church needs to rethink the ways in which people are welcomed to the Eucharist. If the
Sacrament of Reconciliation could in fact be the way to be reconciled rather than a canonical
procedure it would be an amazing grace for people.

The catechesis around reconciliation has been a disaster for generations. Too many people
are scared into thinking that they have done so much wrong that they can’t be completely
reconciled; many also seem to focus too much on the fact that they’ve done something
“wrong” instead of focusing on God’s forgiveness. As for Eucharist, we do not promote the
healing power of God’s love through the Eucharist as much as we might. I have refrained
from taking the Eucharist at times in my life because of the relationship I have found myself
in, and that only served to cause more hurt in my life. I have always felt closer to wholeness
when I receive the Eucharist. (Female, 31, single)

I wonder why people can sin in other ways and be forgiven and receive Eucharist but not in
the case of divorce. I think many do not ask for the sacraments. How can the church be so
uncaring and non- loving in this area? There are very bad or unhealthy marriages. Why does
the church need to judge these people instead of love and support them so that they can be
healed?

Divorced people turn their backs on the church. They do not have a lot of interest in the
sacraments or the Eucharist. (Hispanic subject #1)

They ask for access to the sacraments, as any Catholic, without renouncing to love. The
second marriage could be more authentic than the first, for an error in youth a lot of us are
condemned to choose between the practice of faith or love. (Hispanic subject #4)
Response of St. Ignatius Parish, Chestnut Hill, MA, USA, to the Questionnaire in Preparation for the
Bishops’ Extraordinary Assembly, October 2014
Page 31 of 53

To me, it is inconsistent that those who commit sins like child sexual abuse can be forgiven
but those who remain in unsanctioned marriages for decades cannot, assuming those in
unsanctioned marriages have done something to be forgiven in the first place.

I agree with the post above. It is outrageous that those who commit child sexual abuse or are
complicit in protecting those who do can be forgiven and continue to receive sacraments,
while someone who is divorced for likely very good reasons is treated like a pariah. These
sacraments should be open to all Catholics.

I do not know. I imagine they find a Catholic church where they feel welcomed and where
they feel they can still receive sacraments. Or see (d), above.

I have been divorced for 13 years and never been denied a sacrament at any church.

I don’t think they pose any questions. They are accepted just as anyone else would be.
f ) Could a simplification of canonical practice in recognizing a declaration of nullity of the
marriage bond provide a positive contribution to solving the problems of the persons involved?
If yes, what form would it take?
There were 18 responses to these questions. Of these, nine thought that a more generally available
annulment option would be welcome news while six were very critical of how the Church defines
and approaches annulment (i.e. declaring that an annulled marriage never really existed).
The actual responses are:

Yes, absolutely. Let it happen in the sacrament of reconciliation.

100% agree. Let reconciliation be celebratory and common -- assuming we catechize people
well -- and that could really do some pastoral good. (Female, 31, single)

Absolutely. A clearly understood and prescribed process would help .( Male, 46 married)

It definitely should be aggressivelyexplored; I would like to hear from the priests first before
going this route. (Male, married with grandchildren)

Absolutely. I am not even sure what it means and I am married and my parents were married
and their marriage is annulled and I don’t think any of us could answer a question about these
practices. Female, 27, married no children

Yes! People could get divorce, and receive help, support, reconciliation and be able to be
active members of the church.

There are many people waiting for a declaration of nullity of the marriage to choose the most
ideal person for them to continue with a second option. (Hispanic subject #1)
Response of St. Ignatius Parish, Chestnut Hill, MA, USA, to the Questionnaire in Preparation for the
Bishops’ Extraordinary Assembly, October 2014
Page 32 of 53

I believe that this is the case. It would include a lot of our parishioners to actively participate
in the church, they wouldn’t feel marginalized. (Hispanic subject #4)

For the most part, those who go through the annulment process can find it a healing process
but more often than not there is a terrible burden put on them because of the requirement of
contacting the former spouse. Many do not pursue the annulment because they can not bear
to deal with a former spouse, even indirectly. Some fear for their life. For others many years
have elapsed and they do not even know how to find the person. Lots of challenges.
Like so many others, I find most annulments a travesty and an insult to those who work so
hard but fail to maintain an existing marriage. I also find that they are available to the rich
and sometimes famous but not to others.


Perhaps. But I still maintain that the church needs to welcome all into its fold, people have
such complex and personal struggles. Let them just move on and not have to seek some sort
of nullity or forgiveness, explaining and rehashing the whole trauma.

My experience of friends seeking annulments has also been a travesty. It plays favorites, and
it seems to work far better and years faster for the wealthy. It’s contemptible. One friend of
mine, a doctor in his 50s, had to divorce his first wife because of her serious mental illness;
he did everything he could to help her. Last I heard, his annulment was taking three years
and was still not done. As a matter of fact, they lost all his papers about two years out!
Couples should be able to present their reasons for divorce, have the existence of their
children respected, receive recognition that their marriage has ended (it did exist!), and be
allowed to move forward. Religious pressure to stay in my marriage harmed me and my
children.

Obviously no one takes divorce lightly. If two people get divorced, they obviously have
good reasons to and I don’t see why the church needs to weigh in. I don’t think it makes any
sense to have to call the marriage “null” as if it didn’t happen just because that’s the only way
the church will accept it. It doesn’t change what actually happened, it’s just a play with
terminology. I don’t think that the church suddenly accepting divorce would jeopardize the
institution of marriage. I don’t think it would have any (negative) effects at all. It would just
be acknowledging and accepting reality. If a couple needs to get divorced, I don’t think that
the Church’s rule is going to have any real effect on that. The only effect it might have is
turn people away from the Church. This whole thing seems very middle ages to me. In
certain situations, it is the necessary course of action.

Most of us divorced Catholics do not want an annulment. Our divorce was not done lightly,
we struggled for many years to make it work. The Church cannot call our marriages “nonexistent”, especially if we have children. DROP the ban on divorce period. Good people get
divorced….accept us and welcome us and our kids...that is the way the Church survives.
g) Does a ministry exist to attend to these cases? Describe this pastoral ministry? Do such
programmes exist on the national and diocesan levels? How is God’s mercy proclaimed to
separated couples and those divorced and remarried and how does the Church put into
practice her support for them in their journey of faith?
Response of St. Ignatius Parish, Chestnut Hill, MA, USA, to the Questionnaire in Preparation for the
Bishops’ Extraordinary Assembly, October 2014
Page 33 of 53
Only six participants answered these questions. Three indicated that this ministry exists at the
pastoral level at St. Ignatius.
The actual responses are:

It is difficult to attend these cases. (Hispanic subject #1)

I am unaware of such a ministry. Other than the program I mentioned, above. I believe St.
Ignatius has a program.

It comes from the pastor. Fr. Bob has always welcomed our family ( me and my
daughter...my 2nd husband is an Episcopalian) and we feel supported by him.

The RC church does not give enough support to divorced and remarried people. Recognizing
that sometimes marriages need to end would be supportive. That would be merciful.

That pastoral is at the individual level. I have not seen it generalized. There are no programs
that serve those people. (Hispanic subject #4)
 God is great, and He is the support so that our faith can grow. (Hispanic subject #5)
5. On Unions of Persons of the Same Sex
a) Is there a law in your country recognizing civil unions for people of the same-sex and
equating it in some way to marriage?

Yes, in many states. (6 respondents gave this same response)

Nearly a third of the United States--15 states to date--have legalized same-sex marriage.
Passage of these laws is expected to accelerate over the next 5-10 years.

In USA, in our state of Massachusetts, YES. (Juniors/Seniors in High School, Retreat
Team)

Yep. Woot! (Male, 17, single)

I agree with the civil union but not the spiritual union. (Hispanic)
b) What is the attitude of the local and particular Churches towards both the State as the
promoter of civil unions between persons of the same sex and the people involved in this type of
union? Antagonistic, working against social change which alienates more and more people and
breaks the hearts of Catholic gay and lesbians and their families.

This antagonistic attitude also hurts straight people who see God in all of creation and want
to celebrate the creation of families. (Female, 31, single)

The Church as the People of God--on the ground, in the United States, at least--is showing
herself to be either neutral to or favorable toward the marriage rights of people of same-sex
sexual orientations, and not opposed to civilly sanctioned same-sex marriage. Not sure what
Response of St. Ignatius Parish, Chestnut Hill, MA, USA, to the Questionnaire in Preparation for the
Bishops’ Extraordinary Assembly, October 2014
Page 34 of 53
their opinions may be regarding sacramental marriage within the Church, however. The U.S.
hierarchy, on the other hand, has shown itself to be hostile to it and politically active and
vocal in its opposition to secular same-sex marriage laws. So there is a widening disjunction
between the shepherds and the sheep on this matter. And this, not surprisingly, creates
pastoral problems. (Female, 52, married, with children)

It is really unnecessary how the U.S. hierarchy goes out of its way to oppose marriage
equality, when most people are moving towards social change (especially the next
generation). Most people find the argument that same-sex marriage poses a threat to
different-sex marriage either humorous or insulting.

People genuinely feel that if two people are making a commitment to be life companions, that
is something to be admired and blessed. (Female, 52 married with children)

Attitude is one of support for same-sex marriages and civil unions recognized by the state.
(Juniors/Seniors in High School, Retreat Team)

I think the US Catholic church has taken a strong stance against it which I don’t think helps.
We, as a Church, do not recognize civil unions so I am not really sure why the Church even
cares and I think there politically actions do more to drive people away from the Church than
actually make any change, political or otherwise. (Female, 27, married no children)

The Catholic church is strongly against it which seems unloving and unkind.

There seems to be a split in this: the people of God, who see such unions as an expression of
God’s love, manifested by one human loving another human; and the traditionalists in the
Church, who seek to limit the ability of persons to experience that love. (Female, single, no
children)

There are persons who want to ignore and accept these kind of civil unions but I really do not
agree with the unions of male or female homosexual couples. (Hispanic)

The attitude of the Catholic Church should be the same as it was 2000 years ago. (Hispanic)

In particular in our church, there is the will to welcome all those who want to be closer to
God, without making a distinction of sexual orientation. Our church does not promote gay
marriage but invites those who want to be closer to Our Creator. (Hispanic)

This kind of union is accepted by the state but God and the Catholic Church reject it.
(Hispanic)

Not favorable. (Hispanic)
c) What pastoral attention can be given to people who have chosen to live in these types of
union?
Response of St. Ignatius Parish, Chestnut Hill, MA, USA, to the Questionnaire in Preparation for the
Bishops’ Extraordinary Assembly, October 2014
Page 35 of 53


The reverse is true. We have a lot to learn from people who are created by God in a particular
way and struggle to remain faithful to God and to themselves.
Again, I say meet people where they are. The question should be how we support unions and
families, not the sexuality or sexual orientation which plays a role within them. (Female, 31,
single)

I think they should be welcomed as being loved by God and an important part of our
community. They could be active and add a depth of understanding of life’s struggles.

It is very important that the Church, in her mercy and in her mothering love for all, avoid any
teaching, preaching, policies or pastoral practices that discriminate against or marginalize
these families. Instances where this has occurred have proven scandalous here in our local
Church in Massachusetts in the United States. There have been cases where children have
been barred from Catholic schools because of the sexual orientations and same-sex marriage
statuses of their parents. Teachers in Catholic schools have been dismissed from their
positions because of same-sex unions or relationships. Even though these unions are legal
under civil law in this state. And even though similar sanctions are not directed at others who
may be living contrary to the Church’s teachings on marriage and divorce. These actions by
the institutional Church have placed it at legal risk and also demoralized and alienated the
faithful. (Female, 52, married, with children)

Acceptance. Give them Eucharist, participate in sacraments, and care for their children.
Make marriage valid. Treat bond of love as bond of love. All are welcome!
(Juniors/Seniors in High School, Retreat Team)

Honestly? Leave them alone. The church is very clear about what it teaches. They know what
those teachings are. God gave us free will to make those choices. He will judge us on those
choices either way. Why should the Church position itself as a “punisher” here on Earth?
How is that acting in Christ’s image? He never rolled up to Mary Magdalene and was like
“you can’t stay for this homily or eat at this table because you sold sex for money”. It was
more like “you can stay and hang out but by the way, God really isn’t in to the whole
prostitution thing so you should think about that” and if she had chosen to continue to be a
prostitute, I think he would have let her stay anyway. That is the role of the Church. (Female,
27, married no children)

Love them, accept them and encourage them as they face joys and sorrows. (Female, single,
no children)

It not easy because these couple are interested in a different kind of affection. These couples
are only interested in their own unions. (Hispanic)

It is important to bring them the teachings of Jesus. (Hispanic)

A word of inclusion, they are children of God. (Hispanic)

The same pastoral attention because God love us all. (Hispanic)
Response of St. Ignatius Parish, Chestnut Hill, MA, USA, to the Questionnaire in Preparation for the
Bishops’ Extraordinary Assembly, October 2014
Page 36 of 53

Bring to the Eucharist. (Hispanic)

We are all children of God and we have to treat them as our brothers in our faith, we cannot
punish anybody. (Hispanic)
d) In the case of unions of persons of the same sex who have adopted children, what can be
done pastorally in light of transmitting the faith?

The gay and lesbian couples who still care about being Catholic and have children make it a
point to bring their children to Mass and to give them formation in the faith.

Welcoming them with open arms into our churches and religious education programs.
Letting them know that we see them as another Catholic family, without any extra adjectives
necessary. (Female, 31, single)

I would welcome them as well. (Male, married with grandchildren)

If these unions were accepted and respected by the church their children could also be a part
of the community without feeling ashamed or marginalized.

Treat them the same, transmit faith as with ALL children. (Juniors/Seniors in High School,
Retreat Team)

Different question, why does anything have to be done? (Female, 27, married, no children)

Pastoral care should pay attention to make sure no families are on the margins. (Female, 52
married with children)

Their children are no different that other children and should not be treated any differently!!
(female, single, no children)

Well, the children should have both father and mother for their well- being when they
become adults. (Hispanic)

Help and guide them. (Hispanic)

If they have decided to be closer to the Church, I believe that their children should be
educated in the faith. (Hispanic)

Faith everywhere is the same and the love of God for us is also the same. (Hispanic)

Love has to be the priority for these children. (Hispanic)
6. The Education of Children in Irregular Marriages
Response of St. Ignatius Parish, Chestnut Hill, MA, USA, to the Questionnaire in Preparation for the
Bishops’ Extraordinary Assembly, October 2014
Page 37 of 53
a) What is the estimated proportion of children and adolescents in these cases, as regards
children who are born and raised in regularly constituted families?

From memory and our parish data base, of the 509 children registered in our Faith
Formation program,
478 live in families started by heterosexual, married couples
8 live in families started by single parents
17 have parents who are divorced; living situations vary.
5 live in families started by homosexual, committed couples

In my opinion, all of these are “regularly constituted”. (Female, 31, single)

While this parish remains sensitive to and strives to be inclusive of families of all kinds,
the vast majority of families seem to be traditional in structure--led by married
heterosexual parents. Yet, many of those families are interfaith, and even the Catholic
parent may be ambivalent about handing on the faith. So, ironically, these families that
are “regularly constituted” may be less committed and less prepared to transmit the faith
than the tiny minority of families that are “irregularly constituted,” but headed by single
or gay or divorced parents with greater dedication to “churching” their families and
raising their children in the faith. (Female, 52, married with children)
Clearly they are different because they grow without the father or without the mother, in
the traditional marriage there are moral values. (Hispanic subject #1)


There are families that call themselves Catholics, yet, if they don’t live and practice their
faith, they cannot teach their children to live according to the values and teachings of the
Catholic Church. (Hispanic subject #2)

There is a big difference here since the children won’t have a mother. (Hispanic subject
#3)

I believe to be between 50 to 75%. (Hispanic subject #4)

Your use of “regular” and “irregular” is offensive.

These are children. Jesus calls them to come to Him
b) How do parents in these situations approach the Church? What do they ask? Do they
request the sacraments only or do they also want catechesis and the general teaching of
religion?

They do not want their children to be taught that they are wrong or unaccepted because of
the way their family is made up.
Response of St. Ignatius Parish, Chestnut Hill, MA, USA, to the Questionnaire in Preparation for the
Bishops’ Extraordinary Assembly, October 2014
Page 38 of 53

They usually want sacraments for the children but in our parish the faith formation is
very engaging and they will enlist in these classes. In my experience, sacramental
preparation is the gateway for families whose living situations may be at odds with
Church teaching. However, they often remain in our program post-sacramental prep.
(Female, 31, single)

I agree that they should be prepared for sacraments and nurtured in the Church with the
parents’ involvement. (Male, married with grandchildren)

It always amazes me that despite a lot of exclusion on the part of the systemic Church,
there is still strong desire to be part of the richness and fullness of local parish life. People
stay Catholic and desire this faith for their children despite all the obstacles, which is a
testament to that which is life-giving in Eucharistic community. (Female, 52, married
with children)
Some parents only follow by tradition, others by faith, because their parents taught them
that they have to follow the Catholic sacraments. The Catholic Church should focus more
on this. (Hispanic subject #2)



They approach the Church looking for God, looking for compassion and spiritual help,
they want to educate their children in the faith. (Hispanic subject #4)
I believe that all who seek catechesis should be welcomed and nourished.

Yes, to my knowledge, if they feel welcomed then they ask for sacraments and attend
catechesis. This is true for my sister.

Those whom I have known just leave.
c) How do the particular Churches attempt to meet the needs of the parents of these
children to provide them with a Christian education?

We respond to the requests of any parent who comes seeking faith formation for their
children. Whether they are in “irregular” marriages is always a secondary consideration.

I believe that we should welcome all children and parents who come to seek a
relationship with God.

We welcome children and welcome their parent(s) or guardians(s). I think we emphasize
welcome and inclusion and love over anything else. (Female, 31, single)

I don’t know. I have heard of some churches making these children feel very ashamed
and marginalized.

I find this question hard. Wouldn’t all churches treat children in faith formation in a
similar manner? Maybe the parents should be extended an extra welcome.
Response of St. Ignatius Parish, Chestnut Hill, MA, USA, to the Questionnaire in Preparation for the
Bishops’ Extraordinary Assembly, October 2014
Page 39 of 53

With the programs of catechesis, faith formation. (Hispanic subject #2)

They are accepted in the program of Catechesis as all the rest of the children. (Hispanic
subject #4)

Through the program of Catechesis. (Hispanic subject #6)

I don’t think that they should be offered any Christian education. ( Hispanic subject #7)

I imagine the same way they approach any family.
d) What is the sacramental practice in these cases: preparation, administration of the
sacrament and the accompaniment?

More and more parents are coming with older children seeking baptism and other
sacraments. The number of children who are preparing for communion but have not been
baptized is increasing. Sometimes we need to offer special catechesis for these children.
I would agree that people who are in family situations which the Church finds
“irregular” (and some parents whose families would be considered “regular”) are entering
into a formation process at a later age, and thus seeking baptism after the child has
reached the age of reason. It seems that oftentimes it has taken these parents more time
and effort to reach out to the Church because the Church does not do outreach to them.
(Female, 31, single)

With people who have had experiences with different aspects of religion. (Hispanic
subject #2)

The same way as the others. (Hispanic subject #4)

No different!!

What is offered to one family should be offered to all.
7. The Openness of the Married Couple to Life
a) What knowledge do Christians have today of the teachings of Humanae vitae on responsible
parenthood? Are they aware of how morally to evaluate the different methods of family
planning? Could any insights be suggested in this regard pastorally?

Good question. I believe that most couples, in which at least one partner is a practicing
Catholic, know the teaching about artificial means of contraception. For the large majority,
however, the moral issue is much larger than the act of conception.

Any value that the Church teaching has on this issue is often easily dismissed because it
seems to center on artificial contraception and natural family planning. I was, frankly, a notthat-young adult by the time I learned what natural family planning actually was. I think
Response of St. Ignatius Parish, Chestnut Hill, MA, USA, to the Questionnaire in Preparation for the
Bishops’ Extraordinary Assembly, October 2014
Page 40 of 53
(hope) the idea behind Humanae vitae and the Church’s teaching on openness to life is
founded on what makes a healthy marriage and family. That, I think, would be an excellent,
complicated, and useful conversation (or series of conversations) for partners to have in the
context of their spiritual lives. That being said, that’s not where the conversation about HV
goes. (female, 31, single)

Humanae vitae needs to be either retracted or utterly revised and rewritten. People do not
even engage with it. To the extent that they do, it is considered illegitimate or irrelevant.
Even among those who are living married lives within the Church, and who may accept many
of the Church’s teachings on marriage and family life, HV is largely rejected for its blanket
prohibition against birth control; for its tenuous understanding of the role of sexual intimacy
in married life; for its flawed logic (if procreation is so privileged, then why isn’t celibacy a
sin of omission?); and for its narrow, almost mechanistic definition of terms, such as an
“openness to life.” Most married Catholics do not believe that their “openness to life” is
evinced by any single sexual “act.” That’s a very reductive and facile way to frame what is
really a psychological posture and a spiritual practice. Openness to life is a multi-faceted
(emotional, psychological, spiritual, sexual and not simply mechanical/biological) way of
being in the world and in a marriage. It is a generativity and a generosity that spans decades,
a disposition that respects the dignity and wellbeing of individual partners, the married
couple (as a dyad), their existing children, their future children, and the family as a whole.
The shared, informed, responsible conscience of the married couple is privileged, and should
remain the locus of decisions about the size and spacing of their families, about the practice
of birth control, and about the expression of conjugal love in their shared life. For the Church
to be overly prescriptive about (or intrusive in) the intimate life of married couples is
definitely out-of-step with (north) American sensibilities. Even when considered ecclesially,
it can seem like an encroachment, that violates the principle of subsidiarity. That said, clarity
about what forms of birth control are abortifacient would be instructive (since this represents
an area of moral concern for many Catholics, even those using artificial birth control, and
Church pronouncements and guidance on this question have seemed confused, shifting, at
times over-reaching). Also, the practice of chastity within marriage--whether through natural
family planning, to prevent conception, or when necessitated by illness, separation, or the
needs or limitations of the partners--should not be entirely dismissed, even if it is
pathologized by secular culture. Christian notions and understandings of human desire are
just too deep and complex for blunt ecclesial tools like Humanae Vitae or for crude
rationalizations of promiscuity by the secular culture. (Female, 52, married, with children)

I am a woman married within the Church, who is a cradle Catholic active in the parish on a
weekly basis, and I have never heard of the Humanae vitae. I feel like that says something.
(Female, 27, married, no children)

I think more people have knowledge of this document only through its most controversial
portion, dealing with birth control. I think the time has come to revisit the Church’s teaching
on this subject. (Female, single, no children)

To date, this document is not well known. Humanae Vitae has a precious spiritual
dimension, yet it is not easy to practice all the teachings of this papal letter. (Hispanic subject
#4)
Response of St. Ignatius Parish, Chestnut Hill, MA, USA, to the Questionnaire in Preparation for the
Bishops’ Extraordinary Assembly, October 2014
Page 41 of 53

There is the lack of paternal responsibility. (Hispanic subject #6)

I doubt that parishioners have any thoughts on evaluating birth control. It is widely accepted
as normal, among all Catholics that I know. Abortion would be the only moral issue I know
is discussed. And even that, I would believe, is not supported by married couples but the
issue of choice is supported even among Catholics I know.

Birth control is a healthy option for couples who wish to engage in intimate sexual
relationships without bearing children. There is no moral evaluation for any of the Catholics I
know. The Church just should not be involved in these matters as they are private and legal,
period. Abortion is a different matter altogether but again is a very personal and private issue.
I respect the Church’s teaching on it, but don’t feel I have the right to tell another woman on
this issue.

I respect life, and I believe birth control is an important good, and personal. And it is legal.
Catholics are known to practice birth control like anyone else. Abortion is also legal and
should remain so. While I can’t imagine having an abortion, I do not feel I can tell another
woman what to do or vote against its legality and have her go off to a butcher and die, which
used to happen quite often. It is best that we support women in this situation as best we can.
That is more likely to save a pregnancy.
b) Is this moral teaching accepted? What aspects pose the most difficulties in a large majority
of couple’s accepting this teaching?

Not from my pastoral experience. Intimacy is meant to be a joy and a fusing of two people in
mind, body and soul. Couples want to plan for children within the larger picture of their lives,
their work and their ability to commit themselves to a family. But this is exactly where we
need to listen to couples who live these challenges.

I think this moral teaching is largely rejected, at least by this American culture and in this
time and place. (Female, 31, single)

This moral teaching is not accepted. Almost everyone uses birth control--for many different
reasons, such as for health and for responsible family planning.

The fact is that the teachings on contraception are largely ignored by Catholics in the United
States. The list of reasons for this is long, and I think most married women don’t believe they
are realistic. In the United States, there are no paid maternity leaves; extended families do not
live in the same areas; it is next to impossible for most people to have a one income
household; day care is extremely expensive; and there is no free healthcare and many
employers do not offer spouse benefits. So quite frankly, I cannot afford to have more
children than what I can plan for effectively. When the Catholic Church starts putting actions
in place that make it possible for women to follow these teachings, like affordable day care
and prenatal care and emergency child services, then I might consider it. I actually get angry
Response of St. Ignatius Parish, Chestnut Hill, MA, USA, to the Questionnaire in Preparation for the
Bishops’ Extraordinary Assembly, October 2014
Page 42 of 53
about this. Don’t call me a sinner and then do nothing to provide me with a different option.
(Female, 27, married, no children)

I think people truly want to be responsible when it comes to bringing children into the world.
There are so many abused and neglected children, we can not take lightly how much selfless
love and care children need. It is not an easy job, and truly a vocation. As a Church, we can
find ways to support responsible parenting instead of promoting a minority opinion of the
committee, pushed through, many years ago. Time to revisit the majority opinion and all that
has been overlooked. (Female, 52, married with children)

I think that it is mostly ignored. (Female, single, no children)

The impossibility of using artificial methods of birth control. (Hispanic subject #4)

The moral teachings are accepted but in limited ways. (Hispanic subject #6)

This teaching is generally not accepted. The largest difficulty is that this teaching does so
much more harm than good, if indeed it does any good at all.

No. Women are educated and working. And starting families later and later in a marriage. For
personal and economic reasons, couples choose when to have children and the number of
children they hope to have.

NO Catholic families I know practice the Church’s teachings on birth control, period.
Families are in charge of when they have children.

The church does not have the right to tell people how many children to have or when. As
written above, families are started later, men and women are being educated to be able to
survive in this economy, and they are usually not in life situations where they could
physically or economically afford to have a lot of children and care for them properly.
c) What natural methods are promoted by the particular Churches to help spouses put into
practice the teachings of Humanae vitae?

Natural family planning.

Natural Family Planning. But honestly I knew nothing about it until I was in my late
twenties. (female, 31, single)

The Church here in Boston seems to avoid this topic almost as much as any couple practicing
NFP avoids sex during days 14-18 ;). (Female, 52, married, with children.)

The church should focus more on this issue. (Hispanic subject #2)

To live according to the teachings, with respect and prudency. (Hispanic subject #3)
Response of St. Ignatius Parish, Chestnut Hill, MA, USA, to the Questionnaire in Preparation for the
Bishops’ Extraordinary Assembly, October 2014
Page 43 of 53

The impossibility of using artificial methods of birth control. (Hispanic subject #4)

You’ve got to be kidding.

I am not aware of any teachings at this time. It is unrealistic.

None, as this is just NOT a priority in the Church in America today. Rome must accept that.

At a previous RC church I attended, there was a retired couple (he was a former physician),
and they talked about natural birth control methods. They just aren’t straightforward or
reliable enough. Failure rates might even promote more abortions. I’ve not heard of anyone
at this church trying to come into our bedrooms.
d) What is your experience on this subject in the practice of the Sacrament of Penance and
participation at the Eucharist?

In my 35 years as a priest I may have heard one confession where someone was concerned
about using artificial means of contraception. Just is not taken seriously.

I wasn’t even aware that this should be confessed! (Female, 27, married no children)

It is not very positive. The priests do not know the reality of the life of married couples.
(Hispanic subject #4)

None. In my area, people would completely stop attending Mass if they were actively denied
Eucharist because they practice birth control.

None. I have practiced birth control for 25 years and wouldn’t think of not getting
communion.

I don’t see how birth control has anything to do with going to Church and getting
communion.

We don’t live in villages anymore, needing many children to bring in the crops. We live in a
much different world. Practicing birth control would never stop me from participation at the
Eucharist or Reconciliation. The church would empty out!
e) What differences are seen in this regard between the Church’s teaching and civic education?

The use of condoms and other means of contraception are seen as ways of being morally
responsible and not irresponsible.

My public high school education taught us a great deal about everything except abstinence.
It was clear that using contraception was/is the morally responsible course of action. I still
do not disagree. (female, 31, single)
Response of St. Ignatius Parish, Chestnut Hill, MA, USA, to the Questionnaire in Preparation for the
Bishops’ Extraordinary Assembly, October 2014
Page 44 of 53

I think it depends on where you live. Certain states in the US teach Abstinence Only, but
most places teach contraception and condom use in public schools. (Female, 27, married, no
children)

Our civic institutions believe that birth control is a responsible way for a woman to protect
her body and plan her life. The church does not.

In the teachings of the church we find that we have one God, our savior; In the civic
education there is no God in our lives. (Hispanic subject #6)

Civic education teaches appropriate methods of birth control to prevent unwanted
pregnancies and prevention of sexually transmitted diseases. Civic education understands
today’s population and the struggles many families face surrounding the financial ability to
raise children.

I would agree with the above.

Me too.
f) How can a more open attitude towards having children be fostered? How can an increase in
births be promoted?

When I look at our family Mass community and see the number of children who are actively
involved in faith formation and coming to Mass, I have no idea why an increase in births
would be wanted or warranted.

I’m really unsure how using contraception indicates something less than an open attitude
towards having children. We have many, many families who seem to have chosen to limit
their number of children. Whether they are using NFP or contraception or just not having sex
at all (and I feel this is none of my business), they seem really open to their children. I fail to
see how NFP, though mechanically different, indicates a more open attitude towards
children. I think it just indicates a more open attitude towards unexpected children. That just
seems irresponsible. (female, 31, single)

It’s not clear that a higher birth-rate serves families, society, or an already overpopulated
planet, where more than a billion people survive on less than $2 a day, and in conditions that
totally undermine human dignity and stable marriages. Promoting a just society, a living
wage, the equality and education of women, the dignity of the person, and the virtues of more
simple living might do more to foster the family than any dogmatic dictates about
procreation. (Female, 52, married, with children)

I don’t think that people who use contraception aren’t open to life. I think they are just
making sure they can responsibly care for the life they make. In the United States there are no
paid maternity leaves. Extended families do not live in the same areas. It is next to impossible
for most people to have a one-income household. Day care is extremely expensive and there
is no free healthcare and many employers do not offer spouse benefits. So quite frankly, I
Response of St. Ignatius Parish, Chestnut Hill, MA, USA, to the Questionnaire in Preparation for the
Bishops’ Extraordinary Assembly, October 2014
Page 45 of 53
cannot afford to have more children than what I can plan for effectively. When the Catholic
Church starts putting actions in place that make it possible for women to follow these
teachings, like affordable day-care and prenatal care and emergency child services, then I
might consider it. (Female, 27, married, no children)

Isn’t there a global population expansion crisis? We should probably only make as many
babies as we can feed without hurting the food supply of non-Christian babies. (male, 17,
single)

The church has an important role to play here and should provide parishioners with
information. (Hispanic subject #2)

With responsibility. (Hispanic subject #3)

Creating systems of family support to help families relax a little bit, so that these families
can generate real energy to continue educating their children. (Hispanic subject #4)

This is a gift of God. (Hispanic subject #6)

Is there a perception that people are not open to having children? I am surprised by this, as I
have observed that people desiring to have children in the U.S. do so, and sometimes go
through a lot to have, or adopt a child. I think of people who choose to partner without
parenting, this should be respected and honored. There are many ways to be life-giving and
in service of others. (Female, 52 married with children)

99% of the people I know have chosen to have a family. Many through artificial means,
because they cannot bear children. That is more of an issue in this country than having more
children! AND, too many people are having children who are simply INADEQUATE to be
parents due to addiction, mental illness and poverty as well as often being children
themselves. There is absolutely NO WAY to promote the birth rate. NO ONE would go for
that. A complete waste of time and money.

I would agree with the above.

Why would we want to increase the number of births? What does that have to do with the
Church? Having a baby is a big decision that couples should take seriously. If anything we
should be trying to promote the responsibility of having a child and make sure people are
ready for that responsibility.

Maybe if everyone felt welcomed, you would have more births, or at least the church would
grow! But really, I agree with the above, that having a child is a big decision, and we need to
prepare parents well. You can’t talk people into having more babies; they have a pretty good
idea of what’s involved.
8. The Relationship Between the Family and the Person
Response of St. Ignatius Parish, Chestnut Hill, MA, USA, to the Questionnaire in Preparation for the
Bishops’ Extraordinary Assembly, October 2014
Page 46 of 53
a) Jesus Christ reveals the mystery and vocation of the human person. How can the family be a
privileged place for this to happen?

The “family” is the challenging word here. We have families that have multiple parents
(Divorced and remarried) single parent or same-sex who share their faith in their “families”
the same way that traditional families do. The distinction is not helpful pastorally.

The disconnect I see is that the Church fails to include all of the families I see in the
definition of “family”. If we fixed that, I think we could convince people, with time, that we
meet Jesus in the context and relationships of our families. The issue is that we have to
overcome the hurdle of past guilt, hurt, and a feeling of being less-than because of how the
Church ill-defines a family. ( Female, 31, single)

Families, no matter their configuration, that somehow witness self-giving, committed love in
the dailyness of life show Christ to one another (Female, 52, married, with children)

I don’t even understand what this question is asking. (Female, 27, married no children)

As God is with us in the humanity of Jesus, we companion each other in family. We do not
always choose family, it has chosen us. The privileged place that we can discover across a
life-time, that we are loved despite anything we do or fail to do. (Female 52, married with
children)

The family has been a role model with the example of Jesus and Mary. The church should
promote always the family values. (Hispanic subject #2)

Yes. (Hispanic subject #3)

It should be, but it is not always the case. (Hispanic subject #4)

Meaningful prayer and a Christian attitude. Being kind, compassionate, generous and
honoring those you love and care for, as well to a total stranger, regardless of race, sexual
orientation or economic disadvantage. Teaching our children that this behavior is the only
way to live

We need to broaden our view of family. Jesus described family differently than the
church does today. "Who are my mother and brothers?” he asked. Answer: those who
follow God. People who choose to remain single can be marginalized. Jesus lived His life
as part of an unconventional family, his disciples and other followers. The Church's view
of family is too narrow. Parents can by their own example provide an open and inclusive
view to their children.
b) What critical situations in the family today can obstruct a person’s encounter with Christ?
Response of St. Ignatius Parish, Chestnut Hill, MA, USA, to the Questionnaire in Preparation for the
Bishops’ Extraordinary Assembly, October 2014
Page 47 of 53

If the Church would be more open to diversity, it would be easier to evangelize. We could
take people where they are and accept them for who they are and let Christ speak to them this
way. I have two gay nephews who are in a long-term committed relationship. They left the
Church years ago because there was no way they could belong to a Church who didn’t
recognize the authenticity of their human experience of loving someone else.

Please, please remove the barriers that prevent people from seeing Jesus in their lives. That
is not just in people within “irregular” families but also people who have been hurt by the
Church in a multitude of ways. The Church has much wisdom, but sometimes it really gets
in its own way with seemingly contradictory messages. (Female, 31, single)

Unchurched, alienated parents may be the single biggest barrier to a young person’s
encounter with Christ. So let’s try to solve that antecedent problem. (Female, 52, married,
with children)

I agree with the above statement. (Male, married with grandchildren)

Children in families sometimes do not experience God’s love through parents who are
struggling with their own issues (violence, substance abuse) or are struggling to survive in
poverty. The community must step in to provide compassionate care, as Jesus did. (Female,
52 married with children)

If the Church were to broaden its idea of what is family to accept that families are not just
creatures created by birth, but include extended relationships (friends, godparents, etc,) as
well as blended families (step parents and siblings), it would help the Church to promote the
idea that when we gather together as family, we are gathered to celebrate and participate in
God’s love. (Female, single, no children)

When there is a family member who is not a Christian. (Hispanic subject #3)

To obstruct coming closer to Christ because they do not fit in the patterns or models proposed
by the Church. (Hispanic subject #4)

We are too busy with work, distractions, and having a good time. (Hispanic subject #7)

An openness to receive Christ must begin with an open heart and a willingness to let go of
control and the past. Critical situations involve abuse, neglect, poverty, addiction and mental
illness. We also put tremendous pressure on our children (and ourselves) to succeed. Power
and wealth are what seems to drive many people. Our children are taught that happiness
comes with material items. We do not value a simple existence of love and faith. We try to
solve every problem through means other than opening up to Christ.

When there is no love.
Response of St. Ignatius Parish, Chestnut Hill, MA, USA, to the Questionnaire in Preparation for the
Bishops’ Extraordinary Assembly, October 2014
Page 48 of 53

When the humans (men) He left in charge make a whole bunch of rules that confuse and
dilute His message in order to consolidate power and control over the course of the ensuing
20 centuries. This makes it hard for that Church to be the way a family can encounter Christ.
c) To what extent do the many crises of faith which people can experience affect family life?

The absence of faith, hope and love in a person’s (especially a parent’s) heart can impair or
damage the stability of family life. The virtues matter. (Female, 52, married, with children)

This is huge. There is a certain amount of hopelessness for the family when someone begins
walking away from Christ. Particularly if that person is a parent. (Female, 27 married no
children)

We all will experience crisis of faith. This is when, being in a faith community will be so
helpful. We can witness faith in another family or in someone nearby, and it can carry us
through. (Female, 52 married with children)
In broader family relationships. (Hispanic subject #3)


Many people do not have a faith environment at home. Or it is just celebrating the Christian
holidays without more. Children need a faith environment, and it is critical to their
development to provide them with a faith-based home.

Until something really tragic happens, it is difficult to see how many others also experience
“critical situations” that impact family life. Just in recent times I know of two young people
who died of substance abuse and mental illnesses, another of a serious mental illness, another
who is dying of heart disease (yes, young), two women who lost three late-term babies total
while pregnant (through no fault of their own, i.e. not aborted), another who is losing her
only pregnancy because of a life-threatening illness, and a man who lost his only child in an
accident. These losses have a profound impact on family life, and support is essential in
moving forward. Sometimes it is just hearing the right words that helps. The church needs
to reach out to the ill, the elderly, the bereaved as best as possible to offer comfort and
healing.

There would be little effect if there is love in the family.
9. Other Challenges and Proposals
What other challenges or proposals related to the topics in the above questions do you consider
urgent and useful to treat?

The Church needs to listen to the lived experience of good Catholics who are in regular
marriages or “irregular relationships”. This is the only way that we can evangelize. We can’t
keep telling people that they are not “good enough” to belong or “holy enough” for the
sacraments.
Response of St. Ignatius Parish, Chestnut Hill, MA, USA, to the Questionnaire in Preparation for the
Bishops’ Extraordinary Assembly, October 2014
Page 49 of 53

If there is a future for the Church among the young there needs to be much more acceptance
of diversity, at least within the US and many Europeans countries.

The Church needs to listen to people, period. There is much wisdom in the Catholic
tradition, but there is wisdom in the people, too. I’m not saying we should become a
democracy but perhaps we could start with God finding all of creation good. If we start by
truly valuing the dignity of every human person, then we might be able to convince people of
the rest.

The Church’s moral authority to teach and preach on matters of the family, marriage and
sexuality remains compromised by the mishandling of the sexual abuse crisis in the United
States. Even though more than a decade has passed since the worst of the storm here in
Boston, the people simply do not trust their bishops enough on these issues. I don’t think the
magisterium can speak with authority to a skeptical people about the wellbeing of children,
human sexuality, or family life. It may take a full generation to regain some legitimacy. We
are only halfway through…In the meantime, more “openness to life”--as it is actually being
lived by the faithful--by the pastors and magisterial teachers of the Church might help.

Women becoming priests. Priests getting married. Contraception. More accepting of gay
people, more focus on love. Being willing to challenge and opening discuss 2,000 year old
teaching. Empowering the laity. More tweets from Pope Francis (and selfies, too!).
(Juniors/Seniors in High School, Retreat Team)

I have been hoping for some question addressing end-of-life circumstances. This is one of
the most difficult and spiritually conflicted ordeals that many families will face. Modern
medicine -- or more to the point, modern technology -- can prolong biological life but that
comes at great cost, not just financially but psychologically.

There are some 70 million Baby Boomers now in their 50’s and 60’s. Most of us have
already buried our parents. If the Church wants to teach, teach our children how to approach
this issue.

A very long time ago, I learned that St. Joseph was the Patron Saint of the Good Death. Let’s
bring that St. Joseph back. It’s a far better role for him than being the Patron Saint of Real
Estate Transactions.

I don’t think that the Church has to change its basic beliefs. We all continue to practice
Catholicism knowing that these beliefs exist, and excepting that in our church even if we
personally disagree with them. The fact is that I think the Church needs to do actions that
make it relevant in people’s lives again. You cannot just preach. Christ and St. Peter called us
to ACT. And I don’t mean politically. The Church’s need to start taking care of their own.
Where are the soup kitchens and day cares and free care clinics and gift shops? If you gave
people the resources they needed to make moral choices easier, more people may make them.
That is the Church that I want to belong to in the future. Also, keep it up Pope Francis. I like
that he cuts away the fat and gets straight to the issue. Even liberal Catholics don’t seem to
mind that he still holds the same traditional beliefs that have fought against forever because
he makes the Church accessible again! Female 27, married no children
Response of St. Ignatius Parish, Chestnut Hill, MA, USA, to the Questionnaire in Preparation for the
Bishops’ Extraordinary Assembly, October 2014
Page 50 of 53

It is urgent for the future of the Church that we truly listen to young voices. Young adults feel
that the Church dismisses many diverse voices and they are finding other faith communities
that are more inclusive. Sacramental life should be equally available to all, based on our
shared humanity and baptism in Christ.

Throughout history, Christianity has evolved and grown by accepting and assimilating the
best of cultural and societal ideas...the Church is at its best when it listens with love,
compassion and caring to the People of God. When it shuts itself off, playing the part of the
Pharisee, obsessed with rule making and rule enforcement, it no longer understands the
ordinary day to day needs of God’s people and risks becoming irrelevant to their lives. When
it becomes involved with the world, tending to the weak and helpless, serving those in need,
it becomes the shining light that Jesus called us to be. (female, single, no children)

Many values have been lost- such as respect. A lot do not care of the religious foundation of
marriage, the sacraments. (Hispanic subject #2)

Laws mean nothing if they are rules without considering the world we live in today. Our civil
“laws” have changed to accommodate today’s society. It evolves, and so should the church
teachings on certain issues. To ignore this means the fall of the church.

Urgent? The role of women in the church, as well as celibacy.

I would also like to see our children recognized in a more meaningful way as they become
Catholic adults. The way Jewish children work so hard for a Bar/Bat Mitzvah. The child
understands Jewish law, they are proud to be Jews, they are celebrated and honored for their
achievements. In recent years, I cannot remember anyone celebrating their Catholicism.
Rather, with all the issues the church has faced, people are embarrassed and have left their
faith in huge numbers to find more accepting and forward thinking Christian churches.

The American church is in crisis. One urgent need that everyone acknowledges is the need
for MORE PRIESTS. Canonical “law” can be changed overnight. There’s no dogma
involved, simply a dictate determined by clergy and hierarchy without any input from laity.
The all-male priesthood is a practice set by canonical law. Think back to the 60s when all of
a sudden it was no longer a mortal sin to eat meat on Friday or to have fasted from midnight
before receiving Holy Communion in the morning. There are many, many holy women in
our church. Those women who feel called to minister as priests should be encouraged and
welcomed. So too should church law allow priests to marry. Did Jesus demand that his
disciples be celibate? Isn’t there irony in the fact that our church welcomes Episcopal priests
who are married and left their church (probably due to the fact that they now have female
bishops -- how shocking).

This is very simple:
1. Allow women to be priests. Drop the celibacy requirement for all priests. The reality is we
don’t have enough priests and the ones we have are aging. We need to welcome all men and
Response of St. Ignatius Parish, Chestnut Hill, MA, USA, to the Questionnaire in Preparation for the
Bishops’ Extraordinary Assembly, October 2014
Page 51 of 53
women, married and unmarried, into the priesthood so the Church can survive another 1,000
years.
2. Get out of the business of regulating people’s sexual lives by banning birth control.
Whether 2 people who love each other engage in sexual intercourse with or without birth
control has ZERO relevance as to whether they are good Catholics.

Priests should be allowed to marry and have families. Women should be allowed to be
priests and celebrate mass. Church should not have an opinion on birth control, divorce,
separation, same-sex couples, cohabitation, premarital sex, etc. Less rules and more focus on
LOVE and ACCEPTANCE and helping those in need.

Read and try to understand the book Just Love. People are crying out for sexual ethics that
they can actually apply to their lives, instead of irrelevant pieties promulgated by a group of
celibate (or mostly celibate) men.

The Church’s teachings on sexuality are grounded in a view of sexual intercourse, and
especially women’s role in it, as necessary evils. This view is both archaic and perverse.
Some celibates have over-reacted to this perversity by elevating sexual intercourse to a
higher plane than it deserves, though I am not suggesting it ever should be taken lightly. Noncelibates, married and unmarried, of both sexes, should be heavily involved in reviewing
these teachings.

Urgent? Continued condemnation of those in the church who committed sexual abuse of
children, and their protectors. People I know are embarrassed to be Catholic because of child
sexual abuse by priests and how it has been handled. Women should be allowed to be
priests. I know extraordinary Catholic women who have more than every ability necessary to
be wonderful priests. Women were written out of the Bible; they were by Jesus’s side right
from the start, and he counted on them. Restore them to their rightful place! Abandon
celibacy, which was a late addition anyway. It may work for some, but priests should have a
choice about marriage and family. Stop worrying about and prohibiting birth control,
divorce, same-sex marriage, cohabitation, premarital sex, etc...the “bedroom issues.” How to
be ethical in all areas of one’s life would be a good teaching--treating others well and
honestly and bringing more love into the world. Volunteer, help others who need support.

I think there are three important topics that we are missing and one it should be the first
priority, it is urgent take measures against sexual abuse in the Church , this should be a zero
tolerance policy, I understand people that abuse from other people are sick and look for
places where they can be look as non-dangerous person, but try to hide this reality instead of
condemning and take measures against them is damaging the church very bad, and overall
Church should be a place that assure security and not a dangerous place for our kids or
women or men. The other two is open a discussion about if the priest could get married or
not, and promote the women as priests. I think these three topics are really more important
that the birth control for example, let the women and men decide about their sexuality. The
Catholic church has to empower the women and also empower the good in human beings so
we can help each other when it is needed.
Response of St. Ignatius Parish, Chestnut Hill, MA, USA, to the Questionnaire in Preparation for the
Bishops’ Extraordinary Assembly, October 2014
Page 52 of 53

More people under the tent, loving each other, accepting each other, accepting the many
mysteries in how God made each of us, embracing each other, helping each other to be the
people God has called us to be. Let God figure who passes through the eye of the needle in
His own way and His own time. Oh! for a Church that dedicated itself to this message!
(Though St. Ignatius comes as close as I’ve ever seen.)
Response of St. Ignatius Parish, Chestnut Hill, MA, USA, to the Questionnaire in Preparation for the
Bishops’ Extraordinary Assembly, October 2014
Page 53 of 53