Age based discipline strategies & skills
Things to think about
 Kids are always testing boundaries and limits
 The way they learn is through the give and take involved in the testing.
 All behavior is expression. What is it saying?
 Always separate the deed from the doer. What is the message we are
sending to kids?
 It is not who you are it is what you are doing
 Mistakes and bad choices are necessary for learning and developing self
control
 Mistakes and bad choices are only bad and unhealthy if you do not try
something different because of them. You cannot do the same thing
over and over again and expect different results.
 Encourage and support campers by insisting that if they have the best
information and the opportunity that they can and will make a good
choice.
 Your emotions often don’t help, use a calm voice and breath before you
speak
Strategies
Time for a talk… Removal from the activity and direct one-on-one conversation with
staff member
Ages: All ages
 The younger kids will need more direction through the conversation
 Older kids should be given more latitude to come up with ideas, solutions,
choices and to try them out
Use active listening skills (here are a few of the most effective)
 Wait until the other person is done speaking before you speak
 Body Language; get on kids’ level, make eye contact, nod your head,
react with facial expressions, smile, etc.
 Paraphrase or state what you “got” from what was said
 Ask follow-up questions
 Ask questions to clarify what was said
 When appropriate take notes
 Balance time between listening and talking
 Frame these times as ‘teachable moments’ and discuss what could be
done next time or what could have been done to avoid this.
Prepare for any difficult conversation – think about questions like:
1) What does the camper understand or expect about their behavior? Do they
know they broke a rule? Do they know they were disrespectful? Do they know
how they affected others?
2) Has this camper received critical feedback before? If so, what worked well?
What didn’t?
3) What do they need to be successful?
There may not be answers to these kinds of questions, but it is best to spend a minute
or two thinking through them to have place to begin the conversation. Always
remember to have any critical discussion away from others.
Keys to a successful conversation:
1. Calmly state the facts
2. Listen carefully
3. Ask open-ended question
This approach can help campers feel empowered and motivated to resolve the conflict
by changing their own behavior.
Steps for the conversation
1) Reflect, calmly, on what the problem is (Describe how your expectations do not
match the camper’s behavior)
2) State, at the start, what you think you know about what happened
3) Ask for the camper’s version of the facts
a. Listen very carefully
b. Allow them their perspective and feelings
c. Ask about how their behavior affected others
d. Ask whether or not that kind of stuff is ok
4) State your goal for a specific behavior change
a. Ask for the campers perspective on that change in behavior
b. Discuss the campers options or choices (camper driven)
5) Ask them how they are going achieve those goals and what supports the person
needs to make this change
6) State clearly what the consequences will be if the behavior continues
7) Ask whether they have any questions or ask them to summarize to verify they
understand ("Just so I'm clear that you understand, can you tell me in your own
words, what the plan is?")
8) Follow-up & after the conversation
a. Create and agree to a specific timeline
b. Provide needed support
c. Give the then a reasonable opportunity to change their behavior
d. Praise the positive behavior you see
Ask the Expert!
Ages: Younger kids
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Make sure the kids understand that all behavior (good or bad) is a choice or
collection of several choices. Therefore, they are in complete control and
have power over their behavior. They may not like or agree with the
consequences of their choices, but ultimately (if the consequences are clear
and expectations are known beforehand) they have control over what
happens (consequences) to them. Choices… you can always change your
choice!
If there are campers that have ongoing or repeated behavior problems, ask
them when they are not “in trouble” what you could do that would help
them when they are “in trouble.”
Give them control over solving the problem; use A.C.T. model, when they are
still upset ask them to calm down and collect themselves, validate their
feelings or the perceived ‘unfairness’ of the situation
Redirection = distraction with a purpose
Ages: Younger kids
1. Planned ignoring
a. Ignore the behavior, then give the camper attention when they are doing
something else or engaged in the activity.
2. Prompting
a. Offering a suggestion, starting a game, drawing attention away, or asking
about a different behavior are all examples.
3. Proximity
a. the closer you are the less likely it is that they will make poor choices
4. Give choices
a. Give them defined and specific choices when they are starting to lose
control
5. Friendly challenges
a. Give kids a reason to do what it is you are asking or move in the direction
you want them to. It’s more than just that you are in-charge
Time out and/or removal from the activity
Ages: Younger & Middle
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The discussion should be based on what they did and how it affected those
around them
If there were rules, instructions, or safety concerns involved discuss why those
are there and what would happen if we let someone do the activity without
knowing the rules
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They should only be removed from the current activity. Taking away a future
activity doesn’t help them learn how to control themselves
Fixing whatever they did (has to be their choice/idea)
Ages: Older
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Apology
Clean up
Offer to take of some responsibility
Making it up in some other way
Displacement from the primary group
A lot of misbehavior with older kids is based on creating an ‘in’ group or social centrality.
By removing them from the primary group you can disrupt their essential goals for the
misbehavior
Ages: Older
 Spending a short amount of time with another group, particularly younger kids
Involvement of the Head Counselor / Supervisor / Director
Ages: All
 When their behavior is violent, aggressive, dangerous, or extremely disruptive to
the group a supervisor should be involved
 The disruption or behavior should be framed in terms of the affects on others in
the group and will not be tolerated
 The rest of the group should continue on in normally scheduled activities
Involvement of the parents or guardians
Ages: All
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Some behaviors are so severe that parents should be alerted immediately (i.e.
violence)
If there is persistent or continuous behavior that is disruptive to the group,
parents may have some good advice for how to handle it
Sometimes getting parents involved helps kids see or understand the
consequences of their behavior outside of camp
Behavior contract
Ages: All (however, can be particular effective with older kids)
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Create a written contract between the camper and the primary counselor, the unit
leader or the director.
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It should include the name of all parties, agreed upon restricted behaviors, agreed
upon solutions when conflicts do arise, potential consequences to a break in the
contract, and signatures
 Puts control back into the hands of the camper
 Validates the campers feelings and willingness to try
 Makes consequences and those who are ‘in control’ seem more credible
 Gives adults an actual course of action if behavior persists