Christina Ingraham
Tuesdays with Morrie essay
Dr. Joyce
11/10/14
According to Kubler-Ross, the five stages of grief are denial, anger, bargaining,
depression, and finally, acceptance. Anyone who has ever experienced grief would agree that
they have faced different degrees of all of these stages, because it demonstrates a normal way of
coping with grief or loss. In the book “Tuesdays with Morrie”, all five stages are accurately
demonstrated through Morrie and Mitch, as one closes his chapter of life and the other starts to
live his with a different purpose.
The first stage, is shock or denial. Denial is basically refusing something to be true, and
follows extremely closely after shock. Morrie never really experienced any denial about his
diagnosis. But, that’s because that’s not the kind of man he was. Mitch faced his fist amount of
shock while flipping through the channels and hearing his old professors name on Nightline. “I
heard these words from the TV set-‘Who is Morrie Schwartz?’- and went numb” (p.23). Mitch
hadn’t kept his promise, and hadn’t seen or heard from his beloved professor for years, so to hear
his name on national news, and more importantly to learn that he was diagnosed with ALS, and
ultimately dying, was an extreme shock. He faced this again when he worked up the courage to
go and see his old professor. To see how genuinely happy Morrie was to see him, even after he
didn’t keep his promise was another shock to Mitch. He also faced denial. Mitch wanted to
believe that if he went to see Morrie every Tuesday, and brought his brown bag of food just like
normal, that everything would be fine.
The second stage of grief is anger. In most cases, denial turns directly into anger and
people want to find someone or something to blame. But, anger was never the correct word to
describe Morrie, in any aspect of his life. He was not a guy that held anger inside of him, and this
diagnosis, the one thing that has the power to make a person so angry, did not affect him that
way. Mitch, on the other hand, did face this stage. “I had the coldest realization that our time was
running out. And I had to do something” (p.59). This realization hit him after he volunteered to
help move Morrie, and felt for the first time his shriveling frame. This was not the only anger
Mitch was facing. He was also facing anger about his brother, who had pancreatic cancer and
was living in Spain, not wanting to talk to any family members, and pushing them away. “I was
ripped with guilt for what I felt I should be doing for him and fueled with anger for his denying
us the right to do it” (p.97).
The third stage of grief is bargaining. It is an attempt to postpone what is inevitable, to
put off a change that we do not want to happen. Mitch used bringing food every Tuesday as his
way of bargaining. “I lifted up my bags from the market- my normal food supply” (p.101). This
was Mitch’s way of not wanting anything to change. Even after he learned that Morrie could no
longer eat the food, he still brought it every Tuesday and put it into the refrigerator. “Don’t let go
yet” (p.107) this was another bargaining stage of Mitch pleading to Morrie to not let go or give
up yet.
Morrie had a slight way of bargaining also. “When you’re in bed, you’re dead” (p.131).
This was a very powerful statement in the book. Although he couldn’t move himself, and was in
pain, Morrie still made sure he was not sitting in his bed all day. He would move to his chair in
his office and that is where he would visit with people. They both shared a form of bargaining as
well. After every visit they would say “I’ll see you next Tuesday”. That was their way of telling
each other that yes, they would both be there the following week.
The fourth stage of grief is depression. This is when a person realizes that their
bargaining strategy is not going to work and reality starts to set in. “I give myself a good cry if I
need it” (p.57). Morrie told Mitch that he only allows himself to feel sorry for himself in the
mornings, which is when he mourns. Morrie gives himself a good cry and then stops and moves
on with the rest of his day.
Mitch did not allow himself to be sad, especially not around Morrie. No matter what he
was feeling on the inside, he always presented himself to be strong on the outside, for his
“coach”. He did, however, face this stage when realizing that he had become all the things he
swore he would never be. “I did this mostly because I didn’t want him to see my eyes, to know
what I was thinking, that I had been, for much of my life since graduation, pursuing these very
things he had been railing against,” (p.127). Mitch never wanted to disappoint Morrie, which is
why realizing what he has become, someone who chased salary and did not have a meaningful
life, hurt him.
Mitch faced depression of another kind as well, with his brother. His brother who had
pancreatic cancer and did not wish to speak to Mitch, or anyone else in the family. “I looked at
him. I saw all the death in the world. I felt helpless.” (p.178) this was the first time Mitch
allowed Morrie to know that he was hurting inside.
The final stage of grief is acceptance. Acceptance comes at all different times for
everyone. Morrie had accepted his diagnosis from the beginning. From the first Tuesday they
met her told Mitch “After all, I get to be a baby one more time” (p.49) that was his way of
accepting the fact that he was no longer independent, that he needed someone to help him
perform simple everyday tasks like bathing. Morrie tried every Tuesday to get Mitch to accept
death as well, but it took him a lot longer to accept it on his own terms. Mitch’s final moment
with Morrie, on the fourteenth Tuesday, was when he faced both depression and acceptance.
“..he had finally made me cry” (p.186). Mitch waited until the very end to let his tears fall, but
also to accept that this was going to be the last time he saw and spoke to his coach.
Grief hits each and every person very differently. One person maybe go through all of
those stages right in a row, whereas another won’t feel all of them. “Tuesdays with Morrie” is a
perfect example of how two adults will go through the five stages of grief, in two different ways.