Northwoods International School
Together Against Bullying
Gundersen Lutheran Medical Foundation
Departments of Pediatrics and Behavioral Health
Jeff Reiland, MS, CPT-S
www.togetheragainstbullying.org
Overview of this evening
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Define and describe bullying and prevalence.
Differentiate bullying from good natured teasing.
Differentiate telling from tattling.
Recognize if your child is being bullied or
bullying…or both!
• Learn how to work together in addressing the
bullying problems in our community.
• How parents can eliminate or reduce bullying by
promoting pro-social changes at home.
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Bullying Defined
“The unprovoked physical or
psychological abuse of an individual
by one student or a group of
students over time to create an
ongoing pattern of harassment and
abuse.”
Source: Batsche & Knoff, 1994; Hoover, Ohver, & Thomson, 1993; Olweus,
1991) –Whitted and Dupper, Best Practices for Preventing or Reducing
Bullying in Schools. Children & Schools. Vol. 27, Number 3. July, 2005.
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Verbal and Physical Bullying
• Hitting, slapping,
tripping, shoving,
spitting at, name
calling, chanting,
taunting.
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Social Bullying
• Purposeful action on
the part of the bully or
group of bullies that
leads to the social
exclusion or damage to
the victim’s status or
reputation.
• The purpose is to get
others to not socialize
with the victim.
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Cyber bullying
• Use of computers, the
internet such as Face
book, cell phones;
texting to hurt and
socially humiliate and
isolate others.
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Mental
Health
Providers
Teachers
Parents
Medical
Providers
Bystanders
Kids
Victim
Schools
Bully-Victim
Neighborhoods
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Bully
Community
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Prevalence
“Research has found that as many as 33.7% of U.S.
elementary school students reported being frequently
bullied at school.”
(Bradshaw, Sawyer, & O’Brennan, 2007)
“One study found that approximately one in five
kindergarteners reported being frequently victimized”
(Kochenderfer and Ladd, 1996b)
Over 66% children with special needs are identified as being
bullied.
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Why the Big Deal about Bullying?
• Bullying has long term
consequences…for all
involved.
• Bullying is a preventable
problem … and it is
growing!
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Effects of bullying on victims
• Social isolation
• Friendship loss
• Low self esteem
• Declining school grades
• Anxiety
• Depression
• Suicidal thought or worse
 Being bullied is frequently a factor
resulting in referral of adolescents
for psychiatric services.
(Salmon, James, Cassiby, &
Javaloyes,2000(WidmeyerCommunications, 2003)
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Effects of Bullying Last Long into
Adulthood
• Children involved in the
bullying cycle in the roles of
bully, victim, or bully victim,
all had lasting effects into
adulthood.
 Increase risk of serious illness
 Struggling to hold down a job
 Difficulties in social
relationships
New study reported on 8-19-13
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• The research assessed
1,420 participants four to
six times between the
ages of 9 and 16 years
and adult outcomes
between 24-26 years of
age.
• All three groups were
twice as likely to have
problems with
employment or saving
money.
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Children involved in the cycle of bullying
were more likely to struggle with:
• obesity, diabetes, cancer,
disability and severe asthma.
• develop a psychiatric
disorder compared to those
not involved in bullying
• smoke regularly
• The bully-victim is over six
times more likely to be
diagnosed with a serious
illness
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Mean vs. Bullying
All mean
behavior
Kindness
and
Empathy
All Bullying
Behavior
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How do children learn their behaviors?
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Children who bully…It’s not always
who you expect!
 There is no one
stereotype or set of
traits that accurately
describes this group of
students.
 Some are unpopular and
have poor social skills
 Others have highly
developed social skills
 “moral disengagement”
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Understanding the child who bullies
• In a small qualitative study, children who bullied were
interviewed. They also had been identified by their
teachers, school administration, and school psychologists
based on the following characteristics.
–
–
–
–
–
–
–
–
–
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Doesn’t consider the feelings of others
Threatens and harasses others and enjoys their pain
Is selfish
Lacks friends
Spreads rumors
Always wants control
Doesn’t respect authority
Makes fun of others
Picks on younger and smaller children
Starts conflicts
(Child Psychiatry and Human
Development vol. 30 (1) Smith,
Twemlow, Hoover, 1999. p. 36)
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Labels
Language of bullying: bullies, victims, bullyvictims, bystanders,
Children are not their behavior!
Another way to talk about our children:
Children who bully
Children who are bullied or victimized by bullying
Children who are silent
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Who are the victims of bullying?
Children who are different.
 Children who are different in
any way:
 exceptional
 learning disabilities
 physical disabilities
 emotional and behavioral
problems.
 social-relationship problems.
 self-regulation difficulties.
 different (not good or bad)
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66% +
33%
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Children with special needs
• According to researchers,
children with special
needs frequently have
lower social standing
among the other students
in the classroom. This
may lead to them to
frequently become the
targets of bullying.
(Pepler & Craig, 2000; Dubin,
2007 , Abilitypath.org)
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Why Bully children with special needs?
• They may have a low frustration tolerance.
When they get upset and blow up, this makes
the child stand out as being different.
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Why Bully children with special needs?
• Students with developmental disabilities can have difficulty
paying attention to more than one piece of
information, which may cause them to stay “stuck” in
in a conversation. Such actions can have adverse
effects on their social skills and make it difficult for
them to hold conversations or make friends.
Abilitypath.org
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Why Bully children with special needs?
• Children with motor
difficulties have difficulty
reading, writing and
participating in gym class.
They are often made fun
of because they are
unable to perform ageappropriate motor skills,
such as kicking a ball to
the right person or
coloring in the lines.
Abilitypath.org
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Why Bully children with special needs?
• Children with communication disabilities often
have assistive technology devices that other
students do not understand and the other
students sometimes view them as “weird.”
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• Students with physical impairments may move
slower, have less stamina and an unsteady
gait. These conditions, as well as others, may
be viewed as signs of weakness and
precipitate physical or verbal abuse.
Abilitypath.org
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Children who are bystanders:
Silent Watchers
Even though most
bystanders don’t like
to watch bullying,
less than 20% try to
stop it.
(Craig & Pepler, 1997)
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There are different types of bystanders.
 Some participate in starting the bullying.
 Some laugh or give attention to the bullying thereby
encouraging it.
 Some join in the bullying once is started.
 Some are silent. This silence is most often misinterpreted by
the bully as support for the bullying. It is also interpreted by
the victim is a betrayal and support for the bully.
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Why don’t some bystanders intervene?
 They think, “It’s not my problem.”
 They fear getting hurt or becoming the next victim.
 They fear being on the outside of the group.
 They think that telling adults won’t help or it may
make the bullying worse.
 They feel powerless to stop the bullying.
 They don’t like or really know the victim or believe the
victim did something to deserve the bullying.
 They don’t know what to do.
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Why focus on bystanders?
 Bystanders contribute
to the problem.
 Upstanders stop the
problem.
 Research show that
others speaking out
or taking action stops
bullying behavior over
half the time within
seconds!
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Ways to Be an Upstander
from Naomi Drew. No Kidding About Bullying
 Choose not to join in
when people are
picking on or laughing
at someone.
 Speak out against
unkind words or
actions.
 Let an adult know
what’s going on.
 Say something helpful
to the person who’s
being picked on or
laughed at.
 Ask people who are
teasing how it would
feel if they were the
ones being teased.
 Ask the person who’s
being left out or picked
on to join you in an
activity.
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What kids can do to reduce bullying
 1. Reporting bullying to
an adult is perhaps the
most common strategy
that children use to
cope with bullying.
 2. Walk away. Find
another place to play.
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What Kids can do
3. Ignore the bullying.
4. Use humor to diffuse the power of the
bully.
5. Find a group of supportive friends who
don’t bully.
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What Kids can do
 6. Stay calm! Do not get
angry or upset. This only
encourages the bully.
Jeff Reiland
• One of the greatest
challenges with victims
of bullying is the
tendency to react to the
taunting.
• Staying calm is one of
the most powerful ways
that children can reduce
their own likelihood of
being victimized.
• Learning how to regulate
the intensity of their
emotions is key to
helping children
overcome this challenge.
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Help kids differentiate teasing from tauntingbullying
Playful Teasing
Taunts - Bullying
Help kids to decode behaviors in other children
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Teasing vs. Taunting
Barbara Coloroso, The Bully, The Bullied, and the Bystander, 2008
Teasing
• Allows both to swap roles with
ease.
• No hurt is intended
• Pokes fun in light hearted way.
• Meant for both to laugh
• Is only a small part of the
relationship interaction
• Is discontinued if the teased
person becomes upset or
objects
Taunting-Bullying
• Based on an imbalance of power and is
one sided.
• Is intended to cause harm
• Involves humiliating, cruel, demeaning,
or bigoted comments thinly disguised
as jokes.
• Includes laughter at the target, not with
the target.
• Defines the relationship
• Continues especially when targeted kid
objects or becomes distressed
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Families at Risk
• How is sibling
bullying different
from peer bullying?
• How much of the
interaction at home
promotes bullying
and victim behavior
in my children?
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• Association of Sibling Aggression With Child and
Adolescent Mental Health Corinna Jenkins Tucker, David
Finkelhor, Heather Turner and Anne Shattuck
published online June 17, 2013
• A comparison of sibling versus peer aggression in
a national probability sample (n= 3599) generally
showed that sibling and peer aggression
independently and uniquely predicted worsened
mental health.
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• Thirty-two percent of the children reported
being bullied by a sibling.
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• Sibling Aggression: 57% of bullies and
77% of victims of bullying at school
report that they have also bullied their
siblings at home.
• There appears to be a strong
relationship between children who bully
other children in school and also bully
siblings at home.
Duncan, 1999; Bowers, et al. 1994
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Children who bully…It’s not always
who you expect!
 There is no one
stereotype or set of
traits that accurately
describes this group of
students.
 Some are unpopular and
have poor social skills
 Others have highly
developed social skills
 “moral disengagement”
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“Stopping bullying is about developing
healthy social relationships. Modeling
and shaping children’s social
relationships is free.”
Swearer, Espelage, & Napolitano. Bullying Prevention & Intervention 2009 p. 6.
Modeling social relationships is the responsibility of all members
of the community who care for children
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Parents are the first and best teachers to:
 Teach children about
kindness
 Teach children about
empathy
 Teach children about
emotions
 Teach children about
friendship
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What do kids need?
 Kindness is the state or act of being kind. It begins as an internal
experience. Kindness is something that comes from inside of us. Kindness
can be learned.
 Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another.
Empathy helps us have compassion for others. Empathy can be learned.
 Emotion Management is a set of skills that helps a person to identify,
express, and regulate the intensity of emotions that are experienced.
Managing emotions helps us be predictable friends and to solve problems.
Emotion management can be learned.
 Friendship Skills include the skills listed above and also the import skills of
communication and problem solving together. Friendship skills are the
foundation for all meaningful relationships. Friendship skills can be
learned.
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Encourage kindness and empathy
 Notice when your child is doing the right thing!
 Model what kindness, empathy, emotion
management and friendship skills are.
 Label and describe feelings.
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Encouraging kindness and empathy
 Reflective praise.
 Use of stories and situations to discuss a social skill
 Teach verbal and non-verbal signs of emotions in
others.
 Progress not perfection!
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Parent Idea: Social Skills Conversation
• Parent or teacher can facilitate a
discussion with children to look at
a social situation and identify the
errors in perception or behaviors
in order to prevent them from
happening again.
• Talk about typical situations where
mean behavior or bullying
behavior was seen. (from movies,
TV, news stories, observations,
books, other) Discuss what could
be done differently to change the
outcome.
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In approaching schools
(adapted from Rigby, Children and Bullying, 2008)
 Make an appointment.
 Get the facts regarding the incident/incidents that have
happened.
 Do not make angry accusations to the school, teachers, or
students.
 Understand the school may need to investigate the
circumstances. This can take time.
 Be clear that you, as a parent, want to work with the school in
support of the anti-bullying policy.
 Don’t leave until you understand how you will be informed of
what will happen.
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“How do you keep 72 kids
safe when you are driving
50 miles an hour and all you
have to supervise and
communicate is a rear-view
mirror?”
School Bus Driver
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Together Against Bullying
• Website: www.togetheragainstbullying
• Parents as Partners Against Bullying
Community Talks
• La Crosse County Task Force on Bullying
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Bullies, Victims, and Bystanders: Common threads of
childhood
 None of the children who bullied remembered being held or
cuddled by either parent.
 All of the children who bullied had been exposed to violence
in home and many had been bullied by a parent or other
family member.
 All of the children who bullied played violent video games.
 Most significant: None of the children identified with bully,
victim or bystander behaviors ever recalled being read to by a
parent.
(Child Psychiatry and Human
Development vol. 30 (1) Smith,
Twemlow, Hoover, 1999. p. 36)
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Being read to and played with are
protective?
• “Reading to a child may activate the ability to
visualize characters of stories and encourage
empathy with other persons”
• “Playing …may encourage symbolic reasoning”
– (Child Psychiatry and Human Development vol. 30 (1) Smith,
Twemlow, Hoover, 1999. p. 36)
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Concluding Comments…
• For all children, bullying
may seriously affect the
psychosocial
functioning,
academic work, and the
physical health of
children who are
targeted.
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Concluding Comments
• It takes the whole
community to reduce and
prevent bullying behavior.
Schools are a reflection of
our greater culture. We
need to change the culture!
• We need to work together
against bullying!
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Thank You!
www.togetheragainstbullying.org
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