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Confronting Conflicts and Managing with Constructive Criticism
Submitted by Sara Dent
Salt Lake Community College
Communication 1010 Period 2
Date Submitted:
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Overview:
Communication plays an extremely large part of how we live our lives. Because of this,
when communication is lacking an essential element, the results are apparent. Despite my overall
confidence in the way I communicate, I have found many aspects of my communication skills in
which I would like to improve. One of the most prevalent fallacies I’ve found in my
communication is the lack of ability to give, and in some cases receive, constructive criticism as
well as managing conflicts. Essentially I have a hard time communicating when hard situations
arise.
Description of the Problem:
I have found that I have a difficult time bringing up sensitive topics and communicating
about negative situations at hand. I feel like when I bring up these topics with someone that I will
be seen as personally offend them rather than trying to fix the situation. In the book,
Communicating at Work: Strategies for Success in Business and the Professions, it says,
“Communicating about issues can be difficult because your message may seem like an attack on
the person whose behavior is causing a problem” (Alder, Elmohorst, & Lucas, p. 113). For
example, I am planning on attending Utah State University and rooming with my best friend
Holly. I have been fortunate enough to have received multiple scholarships at USU. Holly hasn’t
been as fortunate and because of that she doesn’t think her family can afford the housing that we
both decided on living in. I heard about this through my mother and wanted to confront Holly
with the situation, but I felt that if I was to bring it up, I would be offending her because of her
lack of finances. Instead of confronting her the moment I heard of the situation, I waited until she
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brought up the difficult topic at a later time. I then learned that she had committed to being my
roommate no matter where we lived. Because of my hesitation to confront the situation, I had
unnecessarily worried about the situation for numerous weeks.
Another aspect of confronting conflicts I have a particular tough time at is criticism, both
delivering and receiving it. Again, I am worried that I will offend the receiver when delivering a
complaint. The text says, “In the real world of work, criticism is a fact of life. Sometimes you
have to deliver a complaint, and other times you are on the receiving end of others’ gripes. Either
way, criticism can start a cycle of defensiveness that pollutes the communication climate
between people or working groups,” (p. 116). For example, in my Concurrent class, English
1010 and Writing, the curriculum is heavily based on peer reviews of papers. Because of this,
when we are finished with a draft of our papers, we switch papers and have our peers edit them. I
have difficulties with this task. First of all, despite my adequacy at editing papers, I hesitate to
edit because I feel like I am being mean or harsh by criticizing their work. Secondly, after
receiving my edited paper, I get defensive and upset at the edits and suggestions made by my
peers. According to Zen Habits, in regards to responding to criticism, “Often people will respond
to criticism with anger. They’ll lash out, attack, become defensive and aggressive” (Babuata,
2011). Although I don’t lash out or attack my fellow peers for their innocent edits, I do become
defensive and unwilling to revise my essay. My inability to give and receive constructive
criticism has a harmful impact on how I communicate at school, work, and at home.
Resources and Constraints:
After recognizing my problem, I have found many resources that could help me improve
my ability to confront difficult situations and give/receive constructive criticism. One of the most
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helpful resources I’ve found is simply this class, Communications 1010. This class has offered
me many resources including documents, videos, and class discussions that better improve my
communication. The biggest resource found in this class is the text book, Communication at
Work: Strategies for Success in Business and the Professions. Another resource I have available
is my father. My father is the Human Resources Manager of 10 Intermountain Health Care
Hospitals in Utah and Idaho; therefore, he is quite experienced in confronting conflicts and
delivering/receiving constructive criticism. Whenever a situation arises, I know that I can go to
my father for experienced advice.
I have recognized some constraints that might impede me from progressing in improving
my communication habits, one of them includes is my unwillingness to do so. I need to get out of
my comfort zone to change my habits for the better. Another constraint I acknowledge is my
schedule. I am a full time student, captain of my school’s tennis team, and Vice President of my
Peer Leadership Team with a part-time job working at the Larry H. Miller Megaplex Movie
Theater. My ability to put time and effort into this project will likely be curtailed because of
these contraints.
Recommendations:
After reviewing my resources, I have found many recommendations on how to improve
my ability to confront conflict. In the text, psychologist Jack Gibb intentified six different kinds
of message that evoke defensiveness when confronting conflict, and six alternative approaches
that get a more positive response. Gibb suggests that when confronting conflict, use “I” language
rather than “You” language. In regards to my best friend Holly possibly not rooming with me at
college, instead of saying “You are leaving me and are going to room with someone else”, I
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could say, “I feel like you are leaving me because you want to room with someone else.” The
text says that, “Statements like these show it’s possible to be nonjudgmental and still say what
you want without landing any verbal punches,” (p. 114). Another recommendation is to be
honest with your feelings or the situation. Honesty is less likely to produce defensiveness, even if
what you say might offend them. Roger Fisher and Scott Brown explain this by stating, “If one
statement of mine in a hundred is false, you may choose not to rely on me at all. Unless you can
develop a theory of when I am honest and when I am not, your discovery of a small dishonesty
will cast doubt over everything I say and do,” (Fisher & and Brown, 1998). Being upfront and
honest with conflicts will build trust and prevent defensiveness and offensiveness in the receiver.