A LETTER OF TAIMIS
By: Marne Celmar, BSDevCom IV-A
Over the almost eleven years, you were been my lover. I have often given you a brief verbal
expression my love for you and even I have ever written those feelings down to you.
By most standards, ours is a unique love. The physical distance between us has not allowed us
to grow comfortable or complacent with each other. And although we have never enjoyed some of the
simple pleasures of a relationship, we continue to share a strange closeness that most people, who share
those simple pleasures, will never experience.
I know that we travel on somewhat different roads, roads that run parallel and occasionally
cross. Those crossings have been some of the precious moments of my life. But no matter how great the
long distance between us, you can never get any closer than in my heart.
Remember? When I first saw you in my parents’ boarding house where you lived in while you
studied college in Sto. Thomas, I cannot deny that day, I was intrigued by you. I was not looking to
meet anyone and neither were you. We became very good friends and from that feelings were able to
develop.
I know I am too young on that day, I was just thirteen and you were nineteen but still I learn
to love you. I have come to love and appreciate you for your uniqueness and the gentle kindness you
bestow upon me. As time goes on, I learn more and more about you. I love your strength, your
intelligence, your wealth of knowledge, your worldliness, your sense of humor, your friendship and your
versatile talents.
You did fight for our love eventhough my parents were against you because they knew that you
were tagged a “filibustero” and subversive after you joined the propaganda movement against
Spanish. And they were afraid that I live with you hysterically. After, we had been through, you did
lot of ways in order to communicate still with me. We used to write letters from the ink of salt and
water just to send me a letters that just two of us can able to read.
The moment when you left me because you went to Europe, I felt very lonely but you said, there
is nothing to worry because we can still write a letters. You invented a code alphabet so that we can
write to each other secretly. But I can’t really deny that I am greatly affected after your departure.
In fact, I frequently sick because of insomnia. I always dreamt about you.
One time, I received a letter dated December 30, 1880, I informed of its contents. You asked
me that why I am not answering your letters.
Esteemed Friend,
“If I have not answered your letters, it was not because I’m bored corresponding with you. In fact,
twice I wrote replies, but on the day I did so, nobody came to visit me at the college (La Concordia),
so I destroyed them, and besides I was already embarrassed.
“I am doubtful if the letter is yours, because the signature is different. Perhaps you have put another
name, fearing that I might despise it and if I despise it, it will not be your name that will be
despised but somebody else’s. If that is what you think, you are mistaken for you do not know how
glad I am when I receive one of your dear letters; but you did well in putting another name in case, as
you say, it may fall into the hands of strangers.
The years passed, I did not receive any letters from you. I am just wondering why? I thought
that you have already other love aside me. Many months later, on December 26, 1881, I wrote you.
“Esteemed José,
“I would be glad if on the receipt of this you are in good health and happy.
“I was very much surprised that you had a letter for Papa and none for me; but at first when they
told me about it I did not believe it, because he did not expect that a person like you would do such a
thing. But later I was convinced that you are like a newly opened rose, very flushed and fragrant at
the beginning, but afterwards it begins to wither. Before, however, when I did not write you, you
wrote me, but now no more. It seems that you have imitated my example when I went to Antipolo and
you have done wrong, because I was not at my own house, and besides you know very well that you
cannot hide anything from those girls. I could very well write to Papa, but in order that you might not
say anything, I did not, though Mama had ordered me to do so. You cannot have these pretexts
because you are at your home and nobody meddles with you. Truly I tell you that I’m very resentful
for what you have done and for another thing that I’ll tell you later when you come.
“Excuse the writing and all the mistakes you find in it.
The last letter that I received from you dated March 30, 1884:
"Today I visited your family (relatives in Madrid). I do not know whether it is my patriotism or
what but this family is very dear to me. The children are charming. One of the children, José, talked
until I had a good laugh. The oldest girl has been in Concordia (College) and knows many girls
there. [Then he writes in French] The girls of my own country please me greatly, but I have found one
back home who has charmed and who makes me dream. Whenever I am overcome with pensive
melancholy I unfold all my past before my vision. I am going to be like that traveler who goes down the
road smelling flowers; he passes without touching them for fear they may prove unreal. . . My days
pass swiftly and I see that I am becoming old for my age, as many people tell me. [This at twentythree!] I do not have the smiling face of those with tranquil hearts, and hopes for the future; yet I
have done nothing that would not meet with your approval. My conscience does not trouble me, for I
have deprived myself of many pleasures. I believe my heart has not lost any of its power to love, -only the one I love most is not here."
This letter could touch my heart most.
After many years, I discovered you went back in the Manila, Philippines on August 5, 1887
and wanted to marry me. On that time,I am no longer living in Manila because we moved back to
Dagupan, Pangasinan. I really loved to see you and marry you but both our fathers not wanted us to
meet in order to avoid me and my family from danger. I am really very sorry about it Jose.
Now, I was convinced to marry Henry Kipping whom my mother’s wishes. He is an engineer
whom I met when my family moved to Dagupan. I marry Kipping but I have these conditions that I
would stop singing and playing piano and I would die young. If I die, I wanted the letters of yours
stitched to my gown and buried with me, I did this to show my disliking for not marrying you.
Jose, you know you are my first love. Eventhough, I am marry with other man, I am still
Leonor Rivera who loved you till the end.
Command at your pleasure your true servant who kisses your hand. Taimis.