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Kaylee Packham
Mrs. Young
Opinion Editorial
31 January 2013
BYU "I Do"
I am sitting in my first college class as a freshman and a very attractive guy walks
through the doors. He proceeds to climb the stairs in my direction and asks if the seat next to me
is taken. Flattered and half-smiling, I try to reply normally without too much excitement. I think
to myself, "This is going to be a great semester." He sits down and places his hands on the desk.
And what so happens to catch my eye? You guessed it, the gold band on his left hand, and I am
let down once again. Why is it BYU students are either married or looking for that special
someone? Being single at age twenty-five at any other university is the norm, but when you are
a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, late twenties and single is a
problem. Yes we of the Mormon faith believe marriage is "ordained of God and that the family
is central to the Creator's plan for the eternal destiny of His children," according to The Family:
A Proclamation to the World, but is tying the knot as soon as possible the best idea? Without
dating experience, adequate educational and financial stability, and the ability to discern
infatuation from love, we cannot be ready for an eternal marriage--this is the danger in getting
married too quickly.
The first problem arises from dating, or the lack thereof. Many are marrying into their
first serious relationship without sufficient dating experience. If he's a return missionary, and
she's a worthy daughter of God, why delay? Maybe it was meant to be, but we cannot know what
we want if we haven't taken the time to consider our options. The reason we are advised to date
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many people is to learn what we like and what we don't, what attributes mesh, and what
characteristics clash. If we do not take enough time to figure it out, we will not know our
significant other as well as we should. If this is the case, chances are we don't know ourselves
as well as we should either.
Another equally important factor to consider is this: obtaining an education and pursuing
a career without adequate financial stability is a lot for a young adult to be responsible for.
Complicate financial hardship with adapting to life with a new spouse, and there is undoubtedly
a recipe for additional stress. Can the marriage still be successful if such circumstances exist? Of
course. A righteous man and woman can always make it work, but that is not to say it won't be
without difficulty. Young couples who choose this route must know what they are getting
themselves into and prepare accordingly.
Infatuation verses love is another common issue. True love is in line with God's will.
Many times it is easy to confuse feelings of the spirit with emotions. Are we so infatuated and
concerned with our relationship that we forget to ask if it is right? President Spencer W. Kimball
speaks of "divine" love. He says, "...it is not like that association of the world which is
misnamed love, but which is mostly physical attraction. When marriage is based on this only, the
parties soon tire of each other...The love of which the Lord speaks is not only physical attraction,
but also faith, confidence, understanding, and partnership. This kind of love never tires nor
wanes. It lives on through sickness and sorrow, through prosperity and privation, through
accomplishment and disappointment, through time and eternity.” Only until we understand this
type of love, the love of which the Lord speaks, are we ready for marriage. Fear of being alone
should not override our ability to discern the correctness of our choice in an eternal companion.
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So where does the problem stem? I believe the crazy dash to find a soul mate on this
campus arises from pressure; the pressure the BYU atmosphere creates to follow the crowd.
Marriage classes, dating activities, eternal family Sunday school lessons, and continual weddings
keep the topic fresh in our minds. Similarly, if our parents, our siblings, our grandparents, and
our best friends all marry before the age of twenty-five, our minds will quickly conclude that is
the correct approach to matrimony. It is only natural to follow in the footsteps of your neighbor.
This is the mindset so many freshman and sophomores create for themselves. But just because it
was right for them does not mean it will be for you. The popular saying "The right person, at the
right time, in the right place" requires patience.
We cannot assume that marriage before
graduation is the only way to find eternal happiness, because it is not. Our planned out map of
life should align with our Father in Heaven’s, and we must not rush that which was meant to be
eternal.
Don't get me wrong, marriage is important, in fact it's a commandment.
Doctrine and
Covenants 131:1-2 reminds us of this, “In the celestial glory there are three heavens or degrees;
and in order to obtain the highest, a man must enter into this order of the priesthood [meaning the
new and everlasting covenant of marriage]..." Not only is it a divine calling but a covenant in
which we receive promises from the lord. The scriptures continue to encourage marriage in
Genesis. Adam is taught in the Garden of Eden to multiply and replenish the earth. There is no
other correct way than by marriage to accomplish this.
We as LDS members have also been warned not to delay marriage. Spencer W. Kimball
in his address The Marriage Decision stated, "It was never intended by the Lord that a large
portion of one’s life should be spent in the unmarried state. At a reasonable time in life it was
intended that each young man should find that young woman who is best for him, and she should
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find the young man who would be her best companion. Long-delayed marriages are certainly not
approved of the Lord." So yes, it is clear, marriage should occur sometime in our young lives,
but that does not mean it should go without much thought and prayer. Preparation should be a
priority in finding that "reasonable time,” and preparation does not come immediately. It is not a
trait you can force or rush. However prepared we feel we might be, emotional and spiritual
readiness takes time. For some it takes more time than others, but regardless, preparation is
necessary.
I am not married, nor do I plan on getting hitched anytime soon. I am nineteen and I am
no marriage expert. So how am I to convince you I hold credibility on such a topic? It has been
said wisdom comes with age and this is exactly my point. A mind as young as mine has no idea
what marriage entails, but as my life progresses, experience will fill those holes. I think there is
something inside of all of us that cringes when someone you know is fresh out of high school
and engaged. Only a few years prior they were taking driver's ed and going to their first stake
dance. I am not saying young age is an automatic equivalent to immaturity. There is no specific
number when marriage is magically right--that time is different for everyone. However, I think
one should learn how to live on their own--cook for themselves, do their own laundry, get up for
school without their mother's aid--before they commit themselves for eternity to another
individual. There are times when I can hardly keep myself on my feet as a freshman, in fact I
call my mom on a very regular basis. My point is this: marriage is a few steps away for many of
us--many even a few hundred steps. This statement does not stand for everyone, but we can all
agree marriage is essential to our plan on Earth. Such an eternal decision should not be taken
lightly.
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So you are an active member of the church, a BYU college student, and single. So what?
Look at it with a new perspective--you only have so many years to yourself to figure out who
you are. Don't miss that opportunity. Try to shift your focus from finding the right person to
becoming the right person. Dating often, gaining financial stability, and recognizing divine love
verse infatuation will help you do this. Yes, if you want to be obedient you should strive for
marriage, but a pressured, quick, and thoughtless decision was not what the Lord intended.
Trusting in the Him requires trust in His timing. He will bring that special someone into your
life. Whether it be today, tomorrow, or three years from now, He will make sure your lives cross
paths; after all, marriages and relationships were eternal long before we came to this earth.
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References
Kimball, Spencer W. "The Marriage Decision." - Ensign Feb. 1975. The Church of Jesus Christ
of Latter-Day Saints, Feb. 1975. Web. 31 Jan. 2013.
"The Doctrine and Covenants." Doctrine and Covenants 131:1,2. N.p., n.d. Web. 31 Jan. 2013.