Family Life Ministry
Q1 Focus: Effective Parenting
January - Parental Role Modeling
February - Confident Parenting (Seminar)
Q1 Prayer Focus: Isaiah 54:13
13 And all thy children shall be taught of the
LORD; and great shall be the peace of thy
children.
Parental Role Modeling
• Text - Genesis 18:19(KJV)
• 19 For I know him, that he will
command his children and his
household after him, and they shall
keep the way of the LORD, to do
justice and judgment; that the
LORD may bring upon Abraham
that which he hath spoken of him.
Parental Role Modeling
• My first question to us is what is God
saying about you as a parent?
• The Message Bible:
– Yes, I’ve settled on him as the one to train his
children and future family to observe GOD’s way
of life, live kindly and generously and fairly, so
that GOD can complete in Abraham what he
promised him.”
• Point of note: command = training (not
dictatorship!)…there is a world of difference!
Parental Role Modeling
• Key Point: God emphatically stated that
HE KNOWS Abraham…
– i.e. He is Confident and Assured concerning
Abraham when it comes to providing
necessary training (guidance, leadership,
mentorship) concerning family matters…
• Note: The end of that verse point to that
fact that there is a promised blessing at
stake!
Parental Role Modeling
• However, a conjunction is used between
the beginning phrase and the ending
phrase on the fulfillment of God’s promise
• What is a conjunction?
• What is the conjunction used?
• Why did God use a conjunction in this
scripture?
Parental Role Modeling
• What is a conjunction?
– They join words, phrases, or independent
clauses of a sentence together
• What is the conjunction used?
– “THAT” (“SO THAT” in The Message)
• Why did God use a conjunction in this
scripture?
– The fulfillment of God’s promises is
dependent on Abraham’s ability to “train” his
children
Parental Role Modeling
• The point here is that there are many promises
that God has in His word for us (or that He has
spoken to us about individually) that may not
come to pass, if we fail in our responsibilities
as parents!
• Fulfillment of God’s promises are contingent
or dependent on our effectiveness as a parent!
• Parenting is therefore one of the most
important responsibility you will take on as an
adult, the impact of which will affect multiple
generations after you!
Parental Role Modeling
• Being a parent is one of the most important
and enduring relationships which begin
with the birth/adoption of a child…
• Friends, income, jobs, etc. may come and
go, but your responsibility as a parent will
last as long as you live!
• Your effectiveness (or otherwise as a
parent) is much more far reaching than
many think it is!
Parental Role Modeling
• Parenting is a ministry and stewardship
we received from The Lord:
• Psalm 127: 3-4
– 3 Behold, children are a heritage from the
LORD, The fruit of the womb is a reward.
• Colossians 4:17 (AMP)
– And say to Archippus, See that you
discharge carefully the duties of the
ministry and fulfill the stewardship which
you have received in the Lord
Parental Role Modeling
• Going back to our text we want to focus on
the key assignment (duty) that God said
Abraham had to his children – TO TRAIN
• Yes, I’ve settled on him as the one to train his
children and future family to observe GOD’s way of
life, live kindly and generously and fairly, so that GOD
can complete in Abraham what he promised him.”
• Question:
– What does it mean to train?
– Is training same as teaching?
Parental Role Modeling
• Teaching is about telling
• Training is about showing how (leading
by example)
– Training Center Experience…
• Someone said “what you do speaks so
loud I cant hear what you are saying?”
• A key aspect of training therefore is role
modeling…
Parental Role Modeling
• A role model generally means a
person who serves as an example,
whose behavior and or character is
emulated
• A role model serves as an example
of the values, attitudes, and
behaviors associated with a role
Parental Role Modeling
• Imitation is a primary means of learning
– We look around (consciously or
unconsciously) for someone who is doing
what want, desire, or aspire to do in a manner
we admire and tend to imitate or emulate
them
• Role modeling is constantly going on in
all parent-to-child relationships!
– The problem is that in most cases parents
are not aware of what is transpiring!
Parental Role Modeling
• Our children watch how we:
– Relate with our spouse
– Handle our tongue
– Manage our finances
– Relate with others
– Manage our time, etc.
• You are either a positive or
negative role model to your
children
Parental Role Modeling
• There is hardly any role in life more
important to us as parents than making
the most of the opportunity we have to
build an adult out of a child
• We do not have the luxury to do it over
• Our primary means/tool for fulfilling this
role successfully is by being a positive
role model!
Parental Role Modeling
• Question:
• What are the keys to being
an effective/positive parental
role model?
Parental Role Modeling
• 1: Develop a healthy/close relationship
with your children
– In an healthy relationship, children
willingly accepts the parent’s influence
and responds positively
– If your child is obedient to you out of fear,
when you are not there they will do
otherwise!
– Your child’s obedience should flow out of
love, respect and admiration for you as a
result of the way to relate with them
Parental Role Modeling
• 2: Learn to connect with your children
• To Connect = Build Rapport!
• The ability to connect begins with the
understanding of the value of your child!
– "Connecting is the ability to identify with people
and relate to them in a way that increases your
influence with them.” – John Maxwell
• Your primary goal as a parent is to influence
your child to do the right things, whether you
are present or absent!
• People don’t care how much you know until they know
how much you care!
Parental Role Modeling
• 3: Provide an atmosphere of
trust & respect
–Respect for each other at home
is very apparent to our children
• That becomes the standard with which
they behave/act/react given similar
situations
–Respect your child’s opinion
• Maintain an open line of communication
• Provide individualized attention!
Parental Role Modeling
• 4. Communicate Effectively
• Communication is 20% verbal & 80% non-verbal
– Be a good listener
– Use words of encouragement & appreciation
• Whatever we appreciate increases in value, whatever we
do not appreciate decreases in value
– Correct/criticize constructively
• Criticism kills enthusiasm
• Never humiliate your child
– Admit when you are wrong
– Seek to understand your child’s point of view!
• Seek to understand first before being understood!
Parental Role Modeling
• 5: Live a life that shows your devotion to God
– Not one that talks about it, but one that shows it!
• Joshua 24:15
• But if serving the LORD seems undesirable
to you, then choose for yourselves this day
whom you will serve, whether the gods your
forefathers served beyond the River, or the
gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are
living. But as for me and my household, we
will serve the LORD.
Parental Role Modeling
Summary:
• Fulfillment of God’s promises in our family is
contingent or dependent on our effectiveness as a
parent in training our children!
• Our children are constantly learning their most
important life lessons from us on a daily basis
simply by looking at us (by observation)…we are
their role model!
–
–
–
–
They may not say anything, but they are watching us
They see through the “smoke screen”
You can deceive the public, but not your children
We can live one way in public and outsiders will fail to know
our real character…but in private we can’t fake it!
Closing
• Q&A
• Prayer Points:
1. God grant us the wisdom be effective role model
for our children
2. May our actions as parents not derails God’s
purpose and promises in our family
3. Isaiah 54:13
a) And all thy (my) children shall be taught of the Lord;
and
b) great shall be the peace of thy (my) children.
Confident Parenting in Turbulent Times
Protecting Our Kids from the
Dangers in Today’s Culture
The National Center for
Fathering
“Father of the Year Essay
Contest”
From a first grader:
"My dad is the best dad ever. I would kiss a pig for
him."
From another first grader:
"My dad is a Frito-Lay man. That is an important job
because Frito-Lay means chips, which is food. That is
so important because you could not live without
food."
A Third Grader
"The dad in my life isn't really my dad. He's my Grandpa. But
he's been like a dad to me since before I was born. . . .I hope
that as I get older Grandpa will teach me all the stuff he
knows about wood, and first-aid, and everything else he
knows about. My Grandpa isn't my Father, but I wouldn't
trade him for all the dads in the world."
A Fourth Grader
"Sometimes as a joke I'll put my stinky socks in his
briefcase, so at work the next day he will think of me!
He's always at the concerts and plays that I'm in, even
though he lives about an hour away."
A Fifth Grader
"…You know what else my dad does? He braids my
hair. I'm the only girl I know whose dad braids her
hair. I think that's a perfect dad. He already is the
world's greatest dad to me. I just wanted everyone to
know that."
A Sixth Grader
"One time I had an assembly and I was a soloist and
my dad was in the first row and after my song I smiled
at my dad and my dad smiled back and started crying.
That was the best thing I ever saw."
Finally, this one from a
seventh-grader:
"Fatherhood is a lifelong commitment. I have seen through my
father's actions, words, and decisions that he will be committed to
me and my life from the second I was born, almost 13 years ago, to
the day I die....Even if you assembled the most brilliant team of
scientists and artists there was, there still is no possible way you
could duplicate my father."
In Your Congregation
In Your Community
In Your Own Home
Media Influence
American children and teens spend an average of 8 hours and
33 minutes immersed in media each day. This includes TV,
radio, music, magazines, computers, the Internet and video
games.
68% of 8-17 year olds have a TV in their room; 37% have cable
or satellite access;
20% of 2-year-olds and more than 30% of 3-to-6-year-olds have a
television in their bedroom.
Media Influence:
NO RULES
53% of 8-18 year-olds say their parents have no rules about
TV watching.
Of the remaining 47% of kids who say their parents do have
rules, the vast majority say these rules are enforced only
some of the time, a little of the time, or never.
The Internet
WEB SAVVY
More than 76% of children ages 3 to 17
have access to a computer at home.
Media Influence:
Online
64% of teens say they do things online
that they wouldn't want their parents to
know about.
Media Influence:
Online
64% of teens say they do things online
that they wouldn't want their parents to
know about.
70% of 15- to 17-year-olds have looked
at pornography online.
The Internet
WEB PREDATORS
20% of kids have been solicited online for sex,
usually through e-mail, texting or “chat rooms.”
The Internet
A FEW TEXT MESSAGES THAT
YOU SHOULD KNOW
The Internet
A FEW TEXT MESSAGES THAT
YOU SHOULD KNOW
POS
The Internet
A FEW TEXT MESSAGES THAT
YOU SHOULD KNOW
420
The Internet
A FEW TEXT MESSAGES THAT
YOU SHOULD KNOW
KPC
The Internet
A FEW TEXT MESSAGES THAT
YOU SHOULD KNOW
NIFOC
Drugs and Alcohol
EXPERIMENTS
37% of teens have smoked marijuana. 9% have used Ecstasy and
8% have used methamphetamine.
Prescription and over-the-counter drug usage is rising.
18% of teens have abused Vicodin, 10% have tried OxyContin,
10% have used prescription stimulants such as Ritalin without a
doctor's order, and 9% have abused OTC cough medications.
Drugs and Alcohol
KIDS AND BOOZE
The percentage of kids who report drinking alcohol in the
past 30 days
17% of 8th graders
33% of 10th graders
47% of 12th graders
Sexual Issues
IN THE ACT
47% of high school students reported having sexual intercourse.
14% of today's teens say they’ve had sex with “multiple partners”
(defined as sex with four or more different persons in their life).
54% of teen girls and 55% of teen boys have had oral sex.
A poll by Seventeen magazine revealed that 56% of respondents
don't think oral sex is “sex.”
The Impact of Media on Teens’ Sexual
Behavior
Research by the RAND Corporation
Teens who watch TV programs with a lot of
sexual content are twice as likely to engage in
sexual intercourse than their peers who watch
few such programs.
Depression and Suicide
DEPRESSING
U.S. teens are experiencing symptoms of serious depression at
higher rates than any generation in modern history.
Nationwide, 16.9% of students have seriously considered
attempting suicide during the previous 12 months.
About 25% of sexually active girls ages 14 to 17 say they are
depressed all, most or a lot of the time. Only 8% of abstinent
girls feel the same.
Depression and Suicide
ENDING IT ALL: Suicide rates for children and teens have quadrupled
since the 1950’s.
Suicide is the third leading cause of death for kids ages 15-19. Girls are
almost twice as likely as boys to think about suicide or try to take their own
lives.
What You Can Do
To Protect Your Kids
•Educate Yourself About the Risks
•Provide Love, Limits and Time
•Clearly State Your Expectations
•Keep Lines of Communication Open
•Make Faith Relevant in Your Home
•Pray, Pray, Pray!
FOCUS ON THE FAMILY
is here to help
Thriving Family Magazine
Online Parenting Forums
“My Family”
FOCUS ON THE FAMILY
is here to help
“Essentials of Discipline”
DVD Series
Coming Soon…
The “Essentials of
Parenting” DVD Series
FOCUS ON THE FAMILY
is here to help
PluggedIn.com
Focus on the Family’s most
popular website
1 million visits per month
FOCUS ON THE FAMILY
is here to help
How to Drug-Proof
Your Kids
DrugProofYourKids.com
FOCUS ON THE FAMILY
is here to help
A wide variety of relevant parenting resources
Logged On Tuned Out: A Non-Techie’s Guide to
Parenting a Tech-Savvy Generation
The “Big Dig” Apologetics
Conference for Teens
Stand, Teen
Christian
worldview set
FOCUS ON THE FAMILY
is here to help
www.FocusontheFamily.com
1-800-A-FAMILY
Bill Maier - Confident Parenting
Seminar (Summary)
• Provide your children with love, limits and
your time
• Parents are using media as a “babysitter”
– Family members spend on average 49 hours
a week on media (TV, radio, music,
magazines, computers, internet and video
games) while only 39 minutes a week on
meaningful conversation!
Bill Maier - Confident Parenting
Seminar (Summary)
• Have family meals (dinner) at least 5
times a week
• Don’t be over committed to the point
that you are not able to spend quality
& quantity time with your children
– Give your children a break!
Bill Maier - Confident Parenting
Seminar (Summary)
• Only 25% of children live with parents who
set/enforce rules
– Clearly state your expectations
– Rules without relationship leads to rebellion
• Educate yourself about risks associated
with youth culture
– pluggedin.com
(http://www.pluggedin.com/cultureclips/2013/20
13-02-11.aspx)
Bill Maier - Confident Parenting
Seminar (Summary)
• Keep the line of communication open!
– Your children need to know that they can talk
with you without being judged
– Its God’s kindness that leads us to
repentance
– Is your relationship guided by the fruit of The
Holy Spirit?
• Encourage your children to get involved in
bible study groups (especially when they
leave for college)
Bill Maier - Confident Parenting
Seminar (Summary)
• Do your children know your
expectations?
– Do you live by example?
– Do your words match your walk?
• Make faith relevant at home
• Pray, pray, pray!
• Cast a positive, Christ centered
vision for your child’s life