Week 2: Freshman
Composition
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Quiz on Readings
Analysis and Discussion of Readings
Revising, Editing and Proofreading – What’s the Difference?
Activity – Practice Proofreading
Peer Review Guidelines and Assignments
Peer Review
What to Expect Today
• Superman and Me - Sherman Alexie
• Shooting an Elephant – George
Orwell
Analysis of Readings
RESERVATION FACTS
1. Altogether, 566 American Indian tribes exist in the U.S.1
2. The overall living conditions on some reservations have been cited as
“comparable to the Third World.” NRC’s Program Partners tend to agree
with this.2
3. Access to jobs is limited on the reservations. Unemployment ranges from
35% to 85%, depending on the community. Overall unemployment for
American Indians is about 49%.3
4. Many American Indians work full-time yet still fall below poverty level.
Poverty ranges from 38% to 63% of the population on Navajo, Rosebud,
Pine Ridge, Lower Brule, Crow Creek, and other reservations in NRC’s
service area.
5. From 30-43% of American Indian children are living in poverty.5
6. The high school dropout rate for American Indian students is 30 to 70%,
depending on the reservation and the state. About 9% of American Indians
have a college degree, compared to 19% of their Caucasian peers.6
Source: National Relief Charities
http://www.nrcprograms.org/site/PageServer?pagename=press_reservation
Analysis of Readings – Superman and Me
Superman and Me - Sherman Alexie
• Learned how to read by “reading” Superman
comics when he was three years old
• Alexie sees himself “saving” lives like
Superman saves lives
• Superman faces obstacles and overcomes
them – so does Alexie
• Alexie fights evil – ignorance, stereotypes
• Alexie “refuses to fail” – so does Superman
Superman and Me - Sherman Alexie
"I refused to fail. I was smart. I was arrogant. I was lucky."
• Expectations of Indian children on a reservation • Indian children were stereotypically supposed to fail in the classroom, and
most did. Alexie was smart and the Indians who weren't, ridiculed him.
• Those who failed were accepted, Those who excelled weren't.
Analysis of Readings
“Shooting an Elephant”
By George Orwell
Shooting an Elephant – George Orwell
• Written in 1936
• Setting: Burma (present-day Myanmar) in the
1920s, when the country was a province of India.
The action takes place in the town of Moulmein in
the southern part of the province, called Lower
Burma, a rice-growing region on the Bay of Bengal
and the Andaman Sea.
• Point of View: First Person
• Two dominant characters: the elephant and its
exectioner
• Mood “cloudy, stuffy morning at the beginnings of
the rains.”
Analysis of Readings
• based on Orwell’s personal experience back when he
was working at Burma under the command of the British
government.
• "I perceived in this moment that when the white man
turns tyrant it is his own freedom that he destroys
(887A)." According to George Orwell, imperialism can
cause damages to both the empire and its officers who
feel forced to "impress the natives (887A)" thereby losing
their freedom, and to the conquered people whose
freedom is limited. All of the key elements mainly support
the primary theme, through the inclusion of significant
details.
Analysis of Readings
• Colonialism refers to the rule of one nation over a group of
people in a geographically distant land—usually to maintain
control of that land’s resources.
• Between the 1600s and the 1800s, Great Britain took control of
millions of people, their land, and their resources through
colonization.
• British citizens often went to live in the colonies and to govern
over the people there. They were outsiders and in the minority
in the colonies.
• The colonial subjects were resentful of the British
• This essay is set in the British colony of Burma
• George Orwell was a British police officer in Burma
So…How do you think the Burmese felt about Orwell’s presence
in their country? How do you think Orwell might have felt?
Key factors to consider
What is it?
When is it used?
like?
Write a definition in your own words for irony.
Literary Device/Irony
• Irony is a literary device that brings out surprising or
amusing contradictions. In verbal irony, the intended
meaning of words clashes with their usual meaning, as
when Orwell describes the dangerous elephant as
“grandmotherly.”
• In irony of situation, events contradict what you
expect to happen, as when the young Buddhist priests
are revealed to be the most insulting toward the
British.
• Generally, who has freedom—tyrants or the people they
oppress?
• In this essay, who are the tyrants?
• As an agent of the British tyrants, does the reader expect
Orwell to be free?
• Is he truly free?
Interpret the Irony
• Generally, who has freedom—tyrants or the people
they oppress? (tyrants)
• In this essay, who are the tyrants? (the British)
• As an agent of the British tyrants, does the reader
expect Orwell to be free? (yes)
• Is he truly free? (No, he is not free to follow his
conscience; the hatred of the Burmese people and
his fear of their ridicule control him.)
Interpret the Irony
Personal Narrative
• Personal narratives usually focus on one
key event. Though true, they are told like
fictional stories: They have a setting, a
main character among a group of
characters, a series of events that lead to a
climax, a resolution or ending.
About the Selection
• Orwell’s essay reveals the ambivalence a person may
feel in a position of power.
• On one hand young Orwell sympathizes with the
Burmese people, on the other hand Orwell, the police
officer, is committed to continuing and even defending
that oppression.
Orwell’s conflicting
attitudes
• Orwell’s sympathy for the Burmese
• His dislike of imperialism
• is desire to leave his job.
**these attitudes conflict with his role as police
officer, and his bad treatment by the Burmese.
Shooting an Elephant – George Orwell
CONSCIENCE
Largest fear is that of public
humiliation or "looking like a fool"
(Orwell 206).
"The crowd would laugh at me"
(Orwell 204) (if I don’t shoot the
elephant)
“I knew with perfect certainty that I
ought not to shoot him.”
"It seemed to me that it would be
murder to shoot him" (Orwell 204).
Despite the many reasons to not shoot the elephant such as how it is
worth more alive rather than dead, or how he is a “poor shot,” he ultimately
falls into the expectations of the Burma people. Against his moral belief he
decides to kill the elephant.
Theme
Why does the Narrator
Shoot?
• When an elephant goes wild in a Burmese marketplace,
Orwell must act, making decisions more from his
confused feeling than from COMMON SENSE, and in
the process demonstrating the intense human desire to
avoid embarrassment.
State of “MUST”
• Have you ever acted against your
better judgment because you feared
what people might think of you?
State of “MUST”
• Orwell’s stated purpose for writing this essay is “to reveal
his own personal dilemma and to reveal the cultural
dilemma presented by colonialism itself.”
• Think about and answer this question: How does Orwell
feel about the issue of British Colonialism? What quotes
from the text help us to understand his perspective?
Purpose
Personal Narratives
Peer Review and Revising
Rewriting is the essence of
writing well—where the game is
won or lost.
—William Zinsser
Revising
Revising means “to see again” –
to see your work from a fresh
perspective.
Revision means “re-visioning”
your paper. It is “big picture”
work.
What is Revising?
Things to consider when revising:
 Check to see if any of the ideas need to be developed
 See if you need to add further evidence or support.
 Revision can require adding material, taking material away, working
with the big strokes of the paper.
 Revision might involve changing the order of paragraphs and recrafting topic sentences/transitions.
 Revision may demand re-drafting the introduction and checking the
conclusion to see what should be brought up to the front of the paper.
All of this is when you “re-vision” your paper.
What is Revising?
Editing is what you do after you revise. Editing is when you correct
any awkwardness that may have occurred in the initial drafting or in
revision (revision can be very helpful to the big picture but create
problems within paragraphs, for example).
Editing involves considering:
• Is the voice clear and confident?
• Is there a sense of rhythm and flow in each paragraph, each
sentence?
• Do the sentences connect up with one another like wellconstructed joints?
What is Editing?
Revising
Editing
Proofreading
When revising
something you are
writing, you are looking
at the overall layout of
the document. This
includes such things as
the ordering of subjects
and the overall flow of
the document. This is
done before editing.
When editing something
you are writing, you are
looking at the layout of
the paragraphs in your
document. This includes
such things as ordering
of sentences within the
paragraph and the flow
of the paragraph. This is
done before
proofreading.
When proofreading something you are
writing, you are looking at your
document at the sentence level. You
will be looking for mistakes, such as
spelling, punctuation and grammar.
Summing it Up
• Advanced Paragraph
Correction
• Commonly Confused Words
Proofreading – Let’s
Practice
Peer Review? What is that?
• Objective feedback to help you revise
• Seeing someone’s text from your own
perspective
• Explaining to them how you ‘see’ it
• Being kind, yet honest, in the process
“Another Pair of Eyes”
Why is it Important to Provide Effective
Comments during Peer Review?
To start, peer review has many benefits, including:
• The ability to get feedback on your writing before the instructor sees it
• The ability to see your own strengths and weaknesses after reading and
responding to another paper
• A greater sense of audience – it is not just your instructor reading your work!
• The chance to learn new information from your peers about the subject you may
also be writing on
• The opportunity for feedback, feedback, and more feedback!
The essence of the peer review is your comments –
without strong, specific comments, the peer review can
often be useless!
Imagine you have spent hours on writing a paper for this
class, and you are counting on getting a good grade on
the final draft. While working on a draft, you see that you
have some problems in your writing, but you are not quite
sure how to fix them. Who is one of your best resources?
Think About It:
Not to fear!
Help is on the
way!
Now, imagine you are anticipating getting some really
great, specific feedback from your peer reviewer. You go
to class, switch papers, wait eagerly for your peer to help
edit your work, and alas, you get your paper back. What
did he write?
Your peers!
Source: A Presentation by Erin Trauth, Angela Tartaglia, Richard Ellman,
Melissa Jones, and Andrea Dennin for the University of South Florida FYC
Program
“I liked it.”
“It was really good.”
“I didn’t like your thesis.”
Does this feedback help you fix your writing problems?
Probably not.
It is not specific enough.
Source: A Presentation by Erin Trauth, Angela Tartaglia, Richard Ellman,
Melissa Jones, and Andrea Dennin for the University of South Florida FYC
Program
As a peer reviewer, you can't just say, "I liked it," or "I
didn't like it." Instead, you want to give the writer
information that will really help to improve what the writer
has written.
What is important to remember is that while you should
not be harsh or personal, you should be honest. Saying
something works when it really does not will not help
anyone.
Three Types of Comments
- Vague Comments
- General, but Useful Comments
- Specific, Directive Comments
Specific,
Directive
Comment
Most
Effective
Least
Effective
General, but
Useful
Comment
Vague Comment
In order to make effective comments on a peer review, you want to
make SPECIFIC, DIRECTIVE comments.
Source: A Presentation by Erin Trauth, Angela Tartaglia, Richard Ellman,
Melissa Jones, and Andrea Dennin for the University of South Florida FYC
Program
Comments that are full of generalities, providing little or no
specific direction for revision and/or comments that simply
praise or disagree with the writing
Example:
“Try to revise the whole second page” or “I liked it” or “I do not
really like this part”
Think about it: what do comments like this really tell a person
about their paper that will help them REVISE?
Nothing.
Vague Comments:
Source: A Presentation by Erin Trauth, Angela Tartaglia, Richard Ellman,
Melissa Jones, and Andrea Dennin for the University of South Florida FYC
Program
General, but Useful Comments
Comments that are too general but may provide some direction for revision
Example: “I don’t like your introduction. Maybe describe the topic of public
writing better.”
A general, but useful comment is slightly better than a vague comment because
it narrows what works (or does not work) to a specific area of the paper, as
well as offering a specific suggestion. We can take this a step further,
however, by providing a specific, directive comment.
Source: A Presentation by Erin Trauth, Angela Tartaglia, Richard Ellman,
Melissa Jones, and Andrea Dennin for the University of South Florida FYC
Program
A Specific, Directive Comment
Comments that not only point out a specific problem area of the paper, but
also offer the writer a reason why the change is needed and a specific
direction for revision.
Note that this comment tells the writer why
the change is needed
Note that this comment points out a specific spot
for improvement (the introduction) and states what
exactly is wrong with it
Example: “I do not think the introduction fully describes the topic of
public writing in a way all readers will understand, which is necessary if
you are going to fully analyze the topic in the next few paragraphs .
Maybe you could use a quote that really defines public writing from a
source, or you could expand on your first two sentences (which I have
underlined in your paper).”
Source: A Presentation by Erin Trauth, Angela Tartaglia, Richard Ellman,
Melissa Jones, and Andrea Dennin for the University of South Florida FYC
Program
Pop Quiz!
In the following pairs, determine which of the two choices is
the most effective comment:
A.
“This is disorganized!”
B.
"This section discusses both animal-rearing conditions
and experimental methods, but the two are mixed
together, making it difficult to focus on your points.
Could you separate each into its own paragraph?”
A.
B.
“How are these references relevant?”
“The background and references given in paragraph 2
don't seem directly relevant to your thesis. I think we
need references that give facts on the dangers of public
writing specifically rather than references that explain
the extensive history of blogging and its positive
effects.”
A.
B.
“Your thesis is unclear.”
“I am having trouble understanding your thesis. The
thesis needs to be clear so that the reader is sure of the
position you are going to take in the rest of the paper.
Could you state specifically the stance this paper will
take on gun control?”
Remember, the best peer review comments include
a specific statement of where an improvement
needs to be made, why it should be changed and
one-two suggestions for the writer in fixing the
weakness!
In order to be an effective peer reviewer,
remember to:
• Read the writer’s essay carefully – just skimming the paper is
not enough to really help the writer.
• Be positive. Point out strengths as well as weaknesses, and be
sensitive in how you phrase your criticism (“Could you clarify
this section?” rather than “Your organization is a mess.”)
• Be honest. Don’t say something works when it doesn’t. You’re
not helping the writer if you avoid mentioning a problem.
• Be specific. Rather than simply saying a paragraph is
“confusing,” for example, try to point to a specific phrase that
confuses you and, if possible, explain why that phrase is
problematic.
• Focus on one or two major areas for revision – it is not your
job to completely edit the paper, but instead to focus on major
flaws and offer suggestions
Source: A Presentation by Erin Trauth, Angela Tartaglia, Richard Ellman,
Melissa Jones, and Andrea Dennin for the University of South Florida FYC
Program
In order to be an effective peer reviewer,
remember to:
• Read the writer’s essay carefully – just skimming the paper is
not enough to really help the writer.
• Be positive. Point out strengths as well as weaknesses, and be
sensitive in how you phrase your criticism (“Could you clarify
this section?” rather than “Your organization is a mess.”)
• Be honest. Don’t say something works when it doesn’t. You’re
not helping the writer if you avoid mentioning a problem.
• Be specific. Rather than simply saying a paragraph is
“confusing,” for example, try to point to a specific phrase that
confuses you and, if possible, explain why that phrase is
problematic.
• Focus on one or two major areas for revision – it is not your
job to completely edit the paper, but instead to focus on major
flaws and offer suggestions
Source: A Presentation by Erin Trauth, Angela Tartaglia, Richard Ellman,
Melissa Jones, and Andrea Dennin for the University of South Florida FYC
Program
GROUND RULES/GUIDELINES FOR PEER REVIEW
• Read a draft all the way through before you begin to comment
on it.
• Give yourself enough time to read and respond.
• Point out the strengths of the draft.
• When discussing areas that need improvement, be nice. Offer
appropriate, constructive comments from a reader's point of
view.
• Make comments text-specific, referring specifically to the
writer's draft (NO "rubber stamps" such as "awkward" or
"unclear" or "vague," which are too general to be helpful).
Ground Rules for Peer
Review
The ‘How’ of Peer Review
The ‘How’ of Peer Review
The ‘How’ of Peer Review
The ‘How’ of Peer Review
The ‘How’ of Peer Review
The ‘How’ of Peer Review
The ‘How’ of Peer Review
The ‘How’ of Peer Review
The ‘How’ of Peer Review
Peer Review works by being a helpful reader
• Ways you can respond as a helpful reader:
• If you get confused or lost
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Mark an ‘X’ in the text where you are confused
Ask the writer to explain his or her ideas
Ask the writer to state his or her thesis
Ask the writer to state the question the thesis answers
Help the writer to brainstorm (mapping, outlining, etc.)
Ask the writer to fill in the blanks:
• My purpose in this paper is _________________.
• My purpose in this section is ________________.
Peer Feedback
Peer
Peer
Daniel Boyd
Alan Zamudio
Brian Mosquera
Ke Xu
Martin Mejia Piovesan
Jaime Williams
Greggory Madaffari
Robert Webber
Nicole Mackey
Krystin Watkins
Lindsie Landrigan
Donnie Vest
Fabio Herrera
Devon Unterbrink
Erica Harold
Andrew Tyler
Angie Grunskyte
Isabel Torres
Ryan Grimes
Dia Sheema Shelton
Angelol Dorcena
Nicholas Ronan
Marquis Delaine
Jose Mejia Piovesan
Antonio Parkinson
Peer Assignments
Using Peer Feedback
to Revise
Now What?
• Thank your peer reviewer for his or her feedback!
• Read the comments carefully.
• Consider the specific suggestions for improvement. If
you are unclear about what the peer reviewer says, ask for
clarification.
• When revising your final draft, summarize the
feedback you received and note the changes you have
made in your revised document.
Revising - Personal Narratives
Revising - Personal Narratives
Revising - Personal Narratives
Revising - Personal Narratives
Revising - Personal Narratives
Revising - Personal Narratives
Revising - Personal Narratives
Revising - Personal Narratives
The Little Seagull Handbook
75 Readings Plus
Narration
Narration
• Maya Angelou “Grandmother’s Victory”
• Langston Hughes’s “Salvation”
• Martin Ginsberg “37 Who Saw Murder Didn’t Call the
Police”
Homework - Read
• Final Draft of Personal Narrative
• Include a summary of specific
changes you made as a result of the
peer review session
Due Next Week