You may be
a victim of
Sign of Emotional Abuse
• Are you anxious and worried about what
will happen when you and your
significant other are together? Apart?
• Are you the subject of name-calling?
• Are you the subject of yelling?
• Are you the subject of screaming?
• Are you the subject of threats?
Many people assume that if
they're not being physically
abused by their partner, then
they're not being abused.
That's not necessarily true.
You may be in a relationship
which is draining something
from you -- you might not
have recognized that your
partner has eroded your selfesteem and happiness.
Phase 1 - TENSION
BUILDING:
Tension increases, breakdown of
communication, victim feels
need to placate the abuser.
Phase 4 CALM:
Incident is
"forgotten",
no abuse is
taking place.
Phase 3 RECONCILIATION:
Abuser apologizes, gives
excuses, blames the victim,
denies the abuse occurred, or
says it wasn't as bad as the
victim claims.
Phase 2 INCIDENT:
Verbal and
emotional
abuse. Anger,
blaming, arguing.
Threats.
Intimidation.
Hard to tell if your
partner is abusive?
An abusive partner will railroad
discussions, so that you don't have time to
think about what's right and what's
wrong in their behavior.
'Jeckell and Hyde behavior':
Your partner is wonderful and
caring for a while and then will
do an about face and be angry
about things that they thought
were fine at an earlier time.
They switch back and forth
between behaviors for no
apparent reason.
'Life Would be so Good If'
You frequently think that your
relationship would be perfect if
not for his or her emotional
storms. The storms seem to be
coming more and more
frequently. Between times, life
is wonderful, but when a storm
is coming you can often tell by
that 'Walking on Eggs Feeling'.
'That Walking On Eggs Feeling'
You feel at times that any action
on your part will cause your
partner to erupt into anger.
You try to do everything you
can think of to avoid it, but the
longer the feeling goes on, the
more likely the blowup will
happen, no matter what you
do.
'I Can't Stand You, But
You Better Not Leave'
Your partner keeps telling you that
you aren't worth having a
relationship with, but will not
consider breaking off the
relationship. Acts more
outrageously when he or she finds
out you are attempting to leave
the relationship.
'So Much, So Fast'
Your partner just met you and doesn't
know much about you, but he or she has
to have you, so you must commit now.
'It's You That's the Problem'
Your partner never seems
to consider his or her own
part in your domestic
disputes. You get blamed
for all problems because
of the most ridiculous
things.
'This Happened to Me and
It's All Your Fault'
You are blamed for your
partners problems even when
it was his or her responsibility
to not make mistakes. This
could be things like him or her
not getting to work on time
and getting in trouble, not
getting a job, not paying the
bills in a timely manner, etc.
'Overreacting'
Your partner way overreacts to little
irritations. Small offenses like leaving the
cap off the toothpaste cause him or her to
have huge anger scenes or act out in an
outrageous manner.
'I Will Get You for That'
Your partner doesn't try to negotiate
a better relationship, but retaliates
by doing something to you that he or
she knows will hurt you emotionally.
'All the Fights are about
What I Do Wrong'
You never seem to be able to
talk about his or her wrong
actions, the discussion seems
to always be about what you
did wrong and there seems to
be always something new
that you did wrong.
'You are Worthless'
Your partner keeps telling you that all your
problems are because you can't manage to do
anything right.
'Unrealistic Expectations'
Your partner is dependent on you for all his/her
needs and expects you to be the perfect mate,
lover and friend. You are expected to meet all
of his/her needs.
'Blames Others for His/Her Feelings'
You are told, "You
make me mad,"
"you're hurting me
by not doing what I
ask,: or "I can't help
being angry".
'Intense Jealousy'
Your partner tells you that
expressing jealousy is a
sign of love. Jealousy is a
sign of insecurity not love.
You are questioned about
who you talk to and you
may frequently receive
calls or unexpected visits
during the day.
'Isolation'
He or She have attempted to cut
off your family, friends, and
independent financial
resources. Your friends and
family are put down and you
are put down for socializing
with them. You or they are
accused of ridiculous motives.
EFFECTS OF LONG-TERM EMOTIONAL &
VERBAL ABUSE 0N THE VICTIM
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Isolation from others
Low self-esteem
Depression
Emotional problems
Illness
Increased alcohol or drug use
Withdrawal from real life into an Internet
alternative reality
If you or someone you know
might be in an emotionally
abusive relationship…
Get Help!
Contacts
• A Student Affairs Staff Member
• The College/University Counseling
Center
• National Council on Child Abuse
and Family Violence 1-800-2222000
• National Resource Center on
Domestic Violence 1-800-5372238
• National Women's Resource
Center – 1-800-354-8824