NARCISSISTIC ABUSE IS
DOMESTIC ABUSE
Understanding
the Cycle of
Abuse
WHAT IS DOMESTIC ABUSE?
 Domestic abuse is a pattern of abusive behaviors used by one
individual intended to exert power and control over another
individual in the context of an intimate relationship. Domestic
abuse is maintained by societal and cultural attitudes, in
addition to institutions and laws which are not consistent in
naming this abuse as wrong.
 Includes: Verbal, emotional, and financial abuse. In extreme
cases, the abuser will resort to physical/sexual assault.
DEFINITIONS
Pattern: Domestic abuse involves more
than one or even several isolated
incidents of abuse; it involves an
interrelated pattern that includes a wide
variety of abusive behaviors that often
increase in frequency and intensity.
DEFINITIONS – CONT.
Abusive Behaviors: Includes verbal assaults
and threats, emotional abuse including
intimidation, physical assaults, sexual
assaults, the revelation of affairs, smear
campaigns, gaslighting, pathological lying,
making you feel inferior, exploitation of
boundaries, and control and shock tactics.
DEFINITIONS – CONT.
Intended to Exert Power and Control: The
pattern of behaviors is not a matter of
coincidence or “in the heat of the moment”,
but an ongoing part of the relationship,
designed to maintain power over the
partner.
DEFINITIONS – CONT.
Threat: a behavior,
statement, or
expression that
communicates the
intention of
someone to cause
physical, emotional,
or psychological
harm to another.
Coercion:
compelling another
to act through
manipulation and/or
taking advantage of
circumstance,
personality, and/or
emotions (e.g. guilt,
fear, pity, anger).
DEFINITIONS – CONT.
Exploitation: the
unjust treatment of
a human being as a
commodity or an
object and without
consideration for
their well-being, for
another’s benefit.
Deceit:
communicating a lie,
an untrue
statement, or
creating a false
circumstance.
DEFINITIONS – CONT.
Power of Authority: manipulating
and/or taking advantage of one’s
perceived higher social and/or
professional standing over another to
influence their thought, opinion, or
behavior.
The Cycle of Abuse
The Cycle of Abuse is briefly explained as a continuous cycle of
three phases, where an individual or family is trapped, that leads
to a disruption of “normal” lifestyles. The individual or family
members are hooked into feeling that there is hope for the
abuser to change (patterns or behaviors), that things will get
better. The Three Phases are as follows:
(1) Tension Phase:
 May lasts for days or weeks, sometimes
hours
 Stress builds during this stage
 Communication breaks down
 Victim senses growing danger, tries to
avoid
 “Minor” violence/abuse occurs
 Incidents occur more often, intensity
increases
 Family denies, minimizes, blames
external factors
 Hopes “somehow” things will change
(2) Crisis Phase:
 May last 2-24 hours or few days
 Anxiety extremely high
 Major, uncontrolled verbal abuse occurs
 Explosive, acute, unpredictable
 May be sometimes result in physical abuse
 Abuser blames victim
 Victim accommodates in order to survive
 Victim may escape, returns when crisis is over
 Victim may isolate, collapse emotionally
(3) Calm Phase:
 May last for days or weeks
 Victim(s) in shock at first
 Abuser may be extremely remorseful, seek
forgiveness
 All are relieved crisis is past
 Victim worn down, accepts promises, presents
 Children become caretakers to “keep the
peace”
 Abuser may display kind, loving behavior
 Family welcomes this “honeymoon” stage
 Symbolic bonding reinforced
 Family wants to believe the violence won’t
recur
 Survival via denial and negotiation
WHERE TO TURN
 National Domestic Violence Hotline
(800) 799-SAFE (7233)
(800) 787-3224 (TTY) http://www.thehotline.org/
 (National Resource Center on Domestic Violence
(800) 537-2238 -The National Resource Center
on Domestic Violence (NRCDV) provides a wide range
of free, comprehensive and individualized technical
assistance, training and resource materials. The
scope of NRCDV’s technical assistance is broad and
includes domestic violence intervention and
prevention, community education and organizing,
public policy and systems advocacy, and funding.
WHERE TO TURN
 Adult Protective Services
24-hour, toll free Hotline (888) 832-3858 -APS
investigates reports of abuse, neglect, and exploitation of
adults 60 years of age or older and incapacitated adults
age 18 or older. National Human Trafficking Resource
Center
 24-hour Hotline (888) 373-7888 -Operating the
central 24-hour national human trafficking hotline for
the United States and connecting professionals,
victims, and community members to information and
services.