Collaborative
Relationships With
Parents
Jan Heppner
Special Education Consultant
RDSB
1
Rationale


It is of benefit to build “bridges”, not
walls between parents and educators.
When the adults in a child’s life are
squabbling, it is ultimately the child
who is hurt. “When elephants fight, it
is the grass that gets trampled.”
2
Rationale…..


Countless selfless, devoted, creative and
gifted teachers invest limitless time and
energy in designing and implementing
programs to meet the unique learning needs
of kids.
Sometimes all this work is lost to parents
and all the potential for collaborative
relationships is lost if things are not wellpresented.
3
Ten Things Parents Wish
Teachers Would Do










Build student’s self-esteem
Become familiar with each child’s needs
Communicate honestly and openly with parent
Assign effective homework
Set reasonably high academic standards
Care about the kids
Be fair
Enforce positive discipline
Use a variety of teaching methods
Encourage parental participation
4
Ten Things Teachers Wish
Parents Would Do










Be involved in child’s education
Provide resources at home for reading and learning
Set a good example
Encourage children to do their best at school
Emphasize academics
Support school rules and goals
Use parental pressure positively
Be proactive
Accept parental responsibilities
Inform school of situations that may impact school
performance
5
Where are the parents of
exceptional students?





Working two part-time jobs to make ends
meet
Buried under a mountain of paperwork and
unpaid bills
At home diapering their 15 year old son
Fighting with their son/daughter over
homework completion. Where is the
agenda again?
Sleeping in shifts because their child won’t
sleep more than 2 or 3 hours a night and
must be constantly watched
6
Where are the parents?...





Struggling to keep a marriage together
because adversity doesn’t always bring you
closer
Sitting at home with their child because no
one will help with child-care.
Trying to spend time with their nondisabled children
Struggling to help with homework when
they themselves can’t read
Busy, trying to survive
7
What Parents Need To Know






Their child is valued
Their child is accepted and belongs
Their child is viewed as a whole individual
Their child is not classified or compared
with others *Challenge stereotypes,
classifications, assumptions
Their child’s rights are being protected
They are receiving support for inclusion as
opposed to integration
8
Things to Consider….






Parents travel on a journey from denial to
acceptance
This is not a one-time journey, but one that
must be repeated frequently
Parents will jump back to denial during times
of stress or heartache or broken dreams
You don’t really understand, but you can show
interest and empathy
“Listen with your heart”
If you have a good relationship with parents,
you can tell them anything. If you don’t, you
9
can’t tell them anything.
Tips on Meeting with Parents





Introduce all people at the table
Be welcoming and inviting
Speak in clear, easily understood language
within a structured process with defined
procedures
Don’t ask what the parents want – ask what
the child requires
Model for the parents how to communicate
collaboratively
10
More tips…




Allow sufficient time to talk
There will never be enough money or
resources….try to accentuate the positive
and don’t complain about lack of support.
This only destroys parents’ confidence in
our abilities.
Start with a positive comment.
When you run into conflict, it is sometimes
useful to employ the “broken record”
technique.
11
Yet more tips……




Don’t meet alone with parents if you know it will
be a difficult meeting. Try to have a witness.
Stick to your guns in an assertive manner and if
you can’t reach agreement, reconvene the
meeting.
To end a meeting, ask each person if they have
anything more to add, or any questions to ask.
Often this will bring out something really
important.
Some catch phrases: “No one knows your child
better than you do.” “I can understand how you
feel.”
12
Thought for the day

Pretend that the
student is the child
of your best
friend. How would
you explain things
to your best
friend? How
compassionate
would you be?
13
Words of Wisdom..


I’ve come to a frightening conclusion that I
am the decisive element in a parent
meeting. As a Resource Teacher, I possess
a tremendous power to make a parent’s life
miserable or joyous. I can be a tool of
torture or an instrument of inspiration. I
can humiliate or humour, hurt or heal. In
all situations, it is my response that
decides whether a crisis will be escalated
or de-escalated and a parent humanized or
de-humanized.”
Haim Ginott
14