Coming Together
Stage
Initiating
Maintenance Stage Coming apart Stage
Integrating Stagnating
Experimenting
Intensifying
Bonding
Differentiating
Avoiding
Terminating
Circumscribing

Knapp ’ s Relationship
Coming Together Stage
• This first stage is characterized by people's first encounters, involving initial contact, greetings and conversation starters.
• The emphasis at this time is to establish as positive an impression of oneself as possible.
• During this stage--the duration of which can be as short as 10 seconds--individuals observe and assess the most visible and apparent aspects of one another's physical characteristics and personalities.

– Want to make favorable first impressions
– Observe general appearance and mannerisms
– Use standard greetings (Hello, How are you?)

Knapp ’ s Relationship
Coming Together Stage
• The second stage involves becoming further acquainted by using pleasant small talk.
• They gather a sense of what parties may have in common with one another by asking a lot of questions.
• They determine what potential value and likelihood there is of continuing any relationship.
• Decide whether or not to continue relationship
• Many relationships do not continue pass this point

Knapp ’ s Relationship
Coming Together Stage
Stage #3: Intensifying
• Knapp's third stage involves the lowering of defenses, confiding in one another.
• They get to know one another more deeply, and expressing feelings about one another.
• Each person states the level of commitment they have to the relationship; in dating terms words move from “like” to “love.”
• It is common in this stage to self-disclose.
• Relationship becomes less formal.
• Begin to see each other as individuals.

Knapp ’ s Relationship
Maintenance Stage
Stage #4: Integrating
• The fourth stage consists of the individuals' lives and selves becoming more intertwined, to the point where they do so much together that others begin to perceive them as a unit.
• At this point, they think more in terms of "we" than in terms of "I," sharing property, friends, special occasions, daily routines, responsibilities, commitments and in “dating” relationships they share intimacy.

Knapp ’ s Relationship
Maintenance Stage
Stage #5: Bonding
• The fifth is when the declaration of togetherness becomes official and public
• Usually by way of some formal declaration of a couple's commitment and exclusivity to one another.
• For dating couples this is typically a wedding.
• Formal or legal announcement of the relationship is made
• Business Agreement
• Very few relationships will ever reach this level

Knapp ’ s Relationship
Maintenance Stage
• At this stage the individuals in the relationship regress to emphasis on "I" rather than "we,”
• They spend more time on developing and pursuing separate space and activities.
• Typically, the emergence of this stage signals that there are problems in the relationship that need to be addressed before it proceeds to unravel further.

Knapp ’ s Relationship
Maintenance Stage
• During this stage communication begins to falter as a couple attempts to preserve its bond on the surface.
• This is when we start to see fighting.
• Diminishing communication.
• Couple still appears normal to others.
• Attempts can be made to get relationship to a positive place again.

Knapp ’ s Relationship Coming Apart
Stage
• The third stage of coming apart is characterized by simply going through the motions.
• Couples behave as though nothing has changed, doing what has become usual and expected, yet with diminished interest, enthusiasm, joy or meaning.
• Avoid discussing relationship because each knows what other has to say
• Outsiders tend to notice that something is wrong

Knapp ’ s Relationship Coming Apart
Stage
• The fourth stage of coming apart involves making efforts to establish physical distance from one another.
• They try to avoid each other completely unless it is absolutely necessary to meet.
• Physically the couple separates from each other

Knapp ’ s Relationship
Coming Apart Stage
• In the final stage of coming apart, a couple speaks the desire to go their separate ways and make the decision official.
• Speculations regarding what went wrong might also be exchanged, and the relationship may conclude on good or bad terms.
• As such the ending of this relationship can be a positive or a negative thing for each other.
• Could be a divorce or roommates moving out

Questions
1) Why is fighting in a relationship is a good thing?
2) What can we learn about Knapp’s stages?
3) Are there relationships that you can think of where Knapp is right? How about where Knapp is wrong?
4) Journal entry – take one relationship you have been through and discuss how it followed
Knapp’s stages

Citations
Knapp, Mark. (1984). Interpersonal communication and human
relationships. Boston: Allyn and Bacon. Retrieved Saturday,
November 25, 2006 from Interpersonal Communication.
Duck, Stephen. (1985). Social and personal relationships. In M.L.
Knapp and G.R. Miller (Eds.) Handbook of interpersonal
communication (pp. 665-686). Beverly Hills, CA: Sage. Retrieved
Saturday, November 25, 2006 from Interpersonal Communication.
A first look at communication theory sixth edition Em Griffin.
McGraw Hill, New York, New York 2006. Retrieved Saturday,
November 06, 2006 from Don Lowe.
Clipartheaven Website. (2004). http://clipartheaven.com/ . Retrieved
Saturday, November 25, 2006 from www.google.com
.