Editing the Persuasive Essay
Created Spring 2014
The Model Claim
Discrimination against women can lead to discrimination in the
workplace. The Center for American Progress has used statistics to find
out that women who work full-time year-round earn only 77% of what a
man does (Cooper 1). One might assume that college degrees may ensure
someone to have equal pay as their equally qualified peers, but according
to the American Association of Universities, women begin their careers
earning 5% less than their male peers even if they had the same GPA,
attended the same schools, were hired for the same job, and had the same
marital status and amount of children (Cooper 1). This may seem like a
small difference but after 10 years on the job, the wage gap expands to
12% even if the woman works the same amount as her male counterpart
(Cooper 1). In the long run, the fact that a man makes more than a
woman is truly unfair.
The Claim
Discrimination against women can lead to discrimination in the
workplace. The Center for American Progress has used statistics to find
out that women who work full-time year-round earn only 77% of what a
man does (Cooper 1). One might assume that college degrees may ensure
someone to have equal pay as their equally qualified peers, but according
to the American Association of Universities, women begin their careers
earning 5% less than their male peers even if they had the same GPA,
attended the same schools, were hired for the same job, and had the same
marital status and amount of children (Cooper 1). This may seem like a
small difference but after 10 years on the job, the wage gap expands to
12% even if the woman works the same amount as her male counterpart
(Cooper 1). In the long run, the fact that a man makes more than a
woman is truly unfair.
Integrating Evidence
Discrimination against women can lead to discrimination in the
workplace. The Center for American Progress has used statistics to find
out that women who work full-time year-round earn only 77% of what a
man does (Cooper 1). One might assume that college degrees may ensure
someone to have equal pay as their equally qualified peers, but according
to the American Association of Universities, women begin their careers
earning 5% less than their male peers even if they had the same GPA,
attended the same schools, were hired for the same job, and had the same
marital status and amount of children (Cooper 1). This may seem like a
small difference but after 10 years on the job, the wage gap expands to
12% even if the woman works the same amount as her male counterpart
(Cooper 1). In the long run, the fact that a man makes more than a
woman is truly unfair.
More Integrating Evidence
In 1928, after the Amsterdam Summer Games, “all women’s
events longer than 200 meters were eliminated” (Epstein 1).
News reports described the scene at the finish of the women’s
800-meter race that year as awful. A New York Evening Post
reporter chronicled this scene, writing that it composed of 11
“wretched women” and that five “dropped out before the
finish, while five collapsed after reaching the tape” (Epstein
1)... It was later found out that none of the women dropped
out; in fact, three of them bested the previous world record,
and there were actually only nine women competing.
Citing Authors
In 1928, after the Amsterdam Summer Games, “all women’s
events longer than 200 meters were eliminated” (Epstein 1).
News reports described the scene at the finish of the women’s
800-meter race that year as awful. A New York Evening Post
reporter chronicled this scene, writing that it composed of 11
“wretched women” and that five “dropped out before the
finish, while five collapsed after reaching the tape” (Epstein
1). ... It was later found out that none of the women dropped
out; in fact, three of them bested the previous world record,
and there were actually only nine women competing.
Citing Articles (No Author)
Three out of four adopted children are read to or sang to every
night in comparison to only half of biological children who
receive the same attention from their parent ("American
Adoptions -- America's Adoption Agency” 1).
Explaining Evidence
Gender inequality in sports has been an issue for many years now. Women have
been portrayed as weak and have been told to stay home. In 1928, after the
Amsterdam Summer Games, “all women’s events longer than 200 meters were
eliminated” (Epstein 1). News reports described the scene at the finish of the
women’s 800-meter race that year as awful. A New York Evening Post reporter
chronicled this scene, writing that it composed of 11 “wretched women” and
that five “dropped out before the finish, while five collapsed after reaching the
tape” (Epstein 1)... It was later found out that none of the women dropped out;
in fact, three of them bested the previous world record, and there were actually
only nine women competing. Many psychologists are now graphing the
possibility of women even outrunning men in the future. Although it’s well
known that discrimination between genders was a big problem in the past, one
might think that it would have at least diminished in today’s world. Sadly,
during this past year’s winter Olympics, the Russian men’s ski jump coach,
Alexander Arefyev told a newspaper, “I’m not a fan of women’s ski jumping;
it’s a pretty difficult sport with a high risk of injury. If a man gets a serious
injury, it’s not fatal, but for women it could end much more seriously. Women
have another purpose– to have children to do housework, to create hearth and
home” (Epstein 1). Even in the year 2014, despite a progressive society, leaders
in sports are still publically making sexist comments.
Incorporating Transitions
Gender inequality in sports has been an issue for many years now. Women have
been portrayed as weak and have been told to stay home. In 1928, after the
Amsterdam Summer Games, “all women’s events longer than 200 meters were
eliminated” (Epstein 1). News reports described the scene at the finish of the
women’s 800-meter race that year as awful. A New York Evening Post reporter
chronicled this scene, writing that it composed of 11 “wretched women” and
that five “dropped out before the finish, while five collapsed after reaching the
tape” (Epstein 1)... It was later found out that none of the women dropped out;
in fact, three of them bested the previous world record, and there were actually
only nine women competing. Many psychologists are now graphing the
possibility of women even outrunning men in the future. Although it’s well
known that discrimination between genders was a big problem in the past, one
might think that it would have at least diminished in today’s world. Sadly,
during this past year’s winter Olympics, the Russian men’s ski jump coach,
Alexander Arefyev told a newspaper, “I’m not a fan of women’s ski jumping;
it’s a pretty difficult sport with a high risk of injury. If a man gets a serious
injury, it’s not fatal, but for women it could end much more seriously. Women
have another purpose– to have children to do housework, to create hearth and
home” (Epstein 1). Even in the year 2014, despite a progressive society, leaders
in sports are still publically making sexist comments.
The Model Counter-Claim
Many believe that the wage gap is not necessarily the result of
discrimination. They say there are other reasons like difference in
education, experience, and job tenure (Sommers 1). When these
factors are included, the wage gap greatly diminishes. However, while
these variables do, indeed, narrow the wage gap, there is still a
discernible wage gap. A study found that women are more likely than
men to leave the workforce to take care of children or older parents
and also tend to value more family-friendly policies. Furthermore,
these women will often accept lower pay in exchange for better
benefits (Sommers 1). While supporters of the “Paycheck Fairness”
Bill admit that the wage gap can be explained by women’s choices
with regards to family, these supporters believe that women’s choices
are swayed by sexist stereotypes and social pressures (Sommers 1). If
we can eliminate these stereotypes and pressures, maybe we can also
diminish and later eliminate the wage gap.
Supplying Logic for the Counter-Claim
Many believe that the wage gap is not necessarily the result of
discrimination. They say there are other reasons like difference in
education, experience, and job tenure (Sommers 1). When these
factors are included, the wage gap greatly diminishes. However, while
these variables do, indeed, narrow the wage gap, there is still a
discernible wage gap. A study found that women are more likely than
men to leave the workforce to take care of children or older parents
and also tend to value more family-friendly policies. Furthermore,
these women will often accept lower pay in exchange for better
benefits (Sommers 1). While supporters of the “Paycheck Fairness”
Bill admit that the wage gap can be explained by women’s choices
with regards to family, these supporters believe that women’s choices
are swayed by sexist stereotypes and social pressures (Sommers 1). If
we can eliminate these stereotypes and pressures, maybe we can also
diminish and later eliminate the wage gap.
Rebuttal in the Counter-Claim
Many believe that the wage gap is not necessarily the result of
discrimination. They say there are other reasons like difference in
education, experience, and job tenure (Sommers 1). When these
factors are included, the wage gap greatly diminishes. However, while
these variables do, indeed, narrow the wage gap, there is still a
discernible wage gap. A study found that women are more likely than
men to leave the workforce to take care of children or older parents
and also tend to value more family-friendly policies. Furthermore,
these women will often accept lower pay in exchange for better
benefits (Sommers 1). While supporters of the “Paycheck Fairness”
Bill admit that the wage gap can be explained by women’s choices
with regards to family, these supporters believe that women’s choices
are swayed by sexist stereotypes and social pressures (Sommers 1). If
we can eliminate these stereotypes and pressures, maybe we can also
diminish and later eliminate the wage gap.
Making Distinctions in the Counter-Claim
Many believe that the wage gap is not necessarily the result of
discrimination. They say there are other reasons like difference in
education, experience, and job tenure (Sommers 1). When these
factors are included, the wage gap greatly diminishes. However, while
these variables do, indeed, narrow the wage gap, there is still a
discernible wage gap. A study found that women are more likely than
men to leave the workforce to take care of children or older parents
and also tend to value more family-friendly policies. Furthermore,
these women will often accept lower pay in exchange for better
benefits (Sommers 1). While supporters of the “Paycheck Fairness”
Bill admit that the wage gap can be explained by women’s choices
with regards to family, these supporters believe that women’s choices
are swayed by sexist stereotypes and social pressures (Sommers 1). If
we can eliminate these stereotypes and pressures, maybe we can also
diminish and later eliminate the wage gap.
Mandatory Elements
Rhetorical & Syntactical Elements: We have studied several rhetorical
strategies including the ones below. Select at least 4 besides Rhetorical
Question to build into your speech. Label these in your Final.
Alliteration
Imagery
Inverted Syntax
Parallel Structure/Syntax
Repetition
Rhetorical Question*
Sentence Types: Choose from Interrogative, Declarative, Imperative, or
Exclamatory
Tricolon
Mandatory Elements
Grammar: We have studied several grammatical structures including the ones
below. Select at least 3 to build into your speech. Label in your Final Draft.
Appositive Phrases
Introductory/ Transitional Phrases*: For example, However, etc.
Prepositional Phrases
Participle
Participial Phrases
Parallel Structure