Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor
Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.
CHAPTER 7
Listening, continued…
Interplay
Section 5
TYPES OF LISTENING RESPONSES
Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor
Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.
Silent listening…
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Staying attentive and
nonverbally responsive
without offering any
verbal feedback.
Right approach when
interjections are not
appropriate.
Silent listening can help
others solve problems.
Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor
Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.
Questioning…

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Most popular piece of
language!
Reasons to ask sincere,
nondirective questions:
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To clarify meanings
To learn about others’
thoughts, feelings, wants
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Ask open questions versus
closed questions
To encourage elaboration
To encourage discovery
To gather more facts and
details
Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor
Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.
But beware of…

Counterfeit questions!

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Questions that trap the
sender
Questions that make
statements
Questions that carry
hidden agendas
Question that seek
“correct” answers
Questions based on
unchecked assumptions
Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor
Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.
Paraphrasing…

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Paraphrasing: Feedback
that restates, in your own
words, the message you
thought the speaker sent.
Types of paraphrasing
statements:



Change the speaker’s
wording
Offer an example of what
you think the speaker is
talking about.
Reflect the underlying theme
of the speaker’s remarks.
Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor
Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.
Examples of Paraphrasing…
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Speaker: “Bilingual education is just another failed idea of
bleeding heart liberals.”
Paraphrase: “Let me see if I’ve got this right. You’re mad
because you think bilingual ed sounds good, but it doesn’t
work?”
Speaker: “Lee is such a jerk. I can’t believe the way he
acted last night.”
Paraphrase: “You think those jokes were pretty offensive,
huh?”
Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor
Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.
Paraphrasing…

Paraphrasing assists
listening
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Find out if the message
received is what the
sender intended
Draw out further
information from the
speaker
Short-circuits a
defensive spiral
Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor
Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.
Paraphrasing: Two Levels
Paraphrasing Factual Information

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Use a questioning tone
Turn personal topics to
a factual level
Paraphrase instructions,
direction, and decisions
before acting
Paraphrasing Personal Information

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Listen for thoughts,
feelings, wants
Paraphrases don’t
have to be long
Mix paraphrasing with
other response.
May be awkward at
first.
Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor
Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.
Empathizing…
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Shows that you identify with
the speaker
What do the authors mean
when they say, “Effective
empathizing… is not a
technique/skill… but emerges
from a relationship”?
Identifies with the speaker's
emotions and perceptions than
paraphrasing
Offers less evaluation and
agreement than supporting
responses.
Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor
Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.
Listeners are not empathizing when…
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Denying others the right
to their feelings.
Minimizing the
significance of the
situation.
Self-defending.
Raining on the speaker’s
parade.
Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor
Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.
Supporting…
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Reveals solidarity with the
speaker’s situation.
Comforting ability/ social
support = most important
communication skills for
friendship.
Men and women differ:
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Women give supportive responses
More skillful at composing
messages
Men offer advice
Divert the topic
Both sexes respond well to
comforting messages that are
delivered with nonverbal
immediacy.
Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor
Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.
When support is beneficial…

When the expression of support is sincere

When the other person can accept your support

When focusing on “here and now” rather than
“then and there”; focusing on the future avoids
support in the present.
Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor
Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.
Analyzing
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Interpretation of a speaker’s
message.
Helps people consider
alternative meanings of a
situation.
Offers objective understanding
of the situation.
Analysis can create more
problems when:
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
Interpretation is incorrect and
causes confusion
Accurate analysis is not useful to
the sender.
Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor
Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.
Offer helpful analysis by…
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Stating the interpretation in
a tentative way rather than
an absolute fact.
Providing analysis that has
a reasonable chance of
being correct.
Making sure that the other
person will be receptive.
Ensuring that the motive for
analysis is to truly help the
other person.
Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor
Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.
Evaluating
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Appraises the sender’s
thoughts or behaviors in
some way; can be
favorable or unfavorable.
Best chance of being
received when:


the person with the problem
has requested an evaluation.
the evaluation is genuinely
constructive and not
designed as a put-down.
Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor
Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.
Advising

Offered in three conditions:
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Requested in a straightforward
manner.
Ambiguous statements include a
request for opinion, soliciting
information, or announcement of a
problem.
When unsolicited—not as
effective.
Advice is not helpful when:

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It doesn’t offer the best suggestion
about how to act.
Allows other to avoid responsibility
for their decisions.
Peron may not want advice or be
ready to accept it.
Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor
Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.
Before offering advice…
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Be sure the person wants
to hear suggestions.
Consider whether the
person seeking advice is
ready to accept it.
Be confidence that the
advice is correct.
Be certain that the
receiver will not blame
you if the advice doesn’t
work out.
Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor
Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.
When to use what style…
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Begin with responses from the left and middle of the
continuum: silent listening, questioning, paraphrasing,
empathizing, supporting.
Think about the situation and match response to the
nature of the problem.
Think about the other person when deciding which
approach to use.
Be confident you will be regarded as someone whose
support will be valuable.
Match the type of response with the style of the person.
Think about yourself: Consider your weaknesses and
strengths in listening and responding.
Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor
Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.
Interplay
END OF SECTION
Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor
Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.