Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor
Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.
CHAPTER 9
Dynamics of Interpersonal Relationships
Interplay
Section 1
WHY WE FORM RELATIONSHIPS
Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor
Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.
Attraction
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We “should” judge people on
how they act, but appearance
is important in early stages!
Do you agree with the authors’
statement, “We view the
familiar as beautiful”?
We are drawn to people who
represent the most average
qualities of ourselves and
those people we know.
Ordinary-looking people with
pleasing personalities are
likely to be judged as
attractive.
Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor
Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.
Similarity
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Similarity thesis: Similar
likes, economic class,
educational standing,
values.
Similarities are
validating.
Enable fairly accurate
predictions.
We assume similar
people will like us.
Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor
Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.
Complimentarity

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Differences strengthen a
relationship when each
partner’s characteristics
satisfy the other’s needs.
Research:

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Couples studied over a 20year period: Partners find
radical differences intriguing,
but then cause relational
breakups.
Successful couples find ways
to balance similarities and
differences over the years.
Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor
Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.
Rewards
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Exchange theory: We often seek out people who
can give us rewards that are greater than or
equal to the costs we encounter in dealing with
them.
Rewards: outcomes that we desire; costs:
undesirable outcomes.
Rewards + Costs = Outcome
Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor
Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.
Rewards

Gloria + Raymond: Should she
stay or go?

Raymond loves Gloria, but has
temper, is verbally abusive, has
history of unfaithfulness.

Gloria uses comparison level:
Minimum standard of acceptable
behavior OR comparison level of
alternatives: comparison between
the rewards she receives and those
she could expect from others.
Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor
Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.
Competency

We hope others’ skills and
abilities will rub off on us.

We don’t like people who
are too competent.

We like people somewhat
flawed because we are
reminded of ourselves!
Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor
Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.
Proximity

We develop relationships
with people with whom we
interact frequently—even
in cyberspace.

Proximity enables more
information about others
and benefit from
relationships with them.
Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor
Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.
Disclosure
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Telling important information
about ourselves breeds liking
based on respect and trust.
Reciprocity is key: We like
to get back an amount and
kind of information
equivalent to that which we
reveal.
Timing is important:
Information should be
appropriate to the stage of
the relationship and the
setting.
Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor
Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.
Intimacy
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Closeness makes us
healthier and happier.
Type of intimacy:
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Emotional
Physical
Intellectual
Shared activities
Not all relationships have
all four qualities.
Not all relationships
operate at the highest
level of intimacy.
Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor
Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.
Gender and Intimacy

Research:
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Women are more interested
than men in achieving
emotional intimacy.
Men more likely to
create/express closeness by
doing things together: “A
friend is someone who doe
things for you and with you.”
Stresses and misunderstandings
occur when men view shared
activities or doing favors as
closeness, yet women desire
emotional disclosure.
Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor
Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.
Culture and Intimacy

What are some
cultural
differences/
similarities of
intimacy behaviors,
based on
intercultural
values/norms?
Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor
Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.
Computer-Mediated Communication
and Intimacy

Why can relational
intimacy develop
more quickly through
CMC than in FtF
interactions?
Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor
Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.
The Limits of Intimacy
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Research:
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Most people want four
to six close, important
relationships in their
lives at any given time.
Obsession with intimacy
can lead to less
satisfying relationships.
There are benefits to
polite, “superficial”
communication.
Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor
Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.
Commitment

Relational commitment involves a promise,
implied or explicit, to remain in a relationship
and make that relationship successful.

Commitment: Formed and reinforced through
communication.

Behaviors are important, but without language,
commitment may not be clear.
Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor
Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.
Interplay
END OF SECTION
CHAPTER CONTINUES
IN PART TWO
Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor
Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.