Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor
Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.
CHAPTER 9, PART THREE
Dynamics of Interpersonal Relationships, continued…
Interplay
Section 4
MAINTAINING RELATIONSHIPS
THROUGH COMMUNICATION
Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor
Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.
Consider this…

“Communication involved in maintaining
relationships may not always be
exciting, but handling it effectively
accounts for as much as 80% of the
difference between satisfying and
unsatisfying relationships.”
Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor
Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.
Content and Relational Messages


Every message, verbal
and nonverbal, has a
second relational
dimension which makes
statements about how
communicators feel
toward one another.
We are unaware of the
relational messages that
bombard us every day.
Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor
Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.
Expression of Relational Messages

How could you act while saying, “Can you help
me for a minute?” while communicating the
following relationships:
Superiority
 Helplessness
 Friendliness
 Sexual desire
 Irritation
 Aloofness

Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor
Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.
Expression of Relational Messages

Metacommunication:
Messages that refer to
other messages.

It is sometimes necessary to
talk about your
communication with
another person.
Why is metacommunication
considered “taboo” in
some relationships?

Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor
Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.
Relational Maintenance Strategies

Stafford and Canary:
Five strategies for
maintaining romantic
relationships:
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
Positivity
Openness
Assurances
Sharing tasks
Social networks
Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor
Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.
Repairing Damaged Relationships


The strongest
relationships hit a
bumpy patch.
Relational
transgressions: When
one partner violates the
explicit or implicit terms
of the relationship,
letting the other one
down in some important
way.
Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor
Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.
Types of Relational Transgressions




Minor versus
significant
Social versus
relational
Deliberate versus
unintentional
One-time versus
incremental
Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor
Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.
Strategies for Relational Repair




Talk about the violation.
Send clear, assertive “Imessages”
Ask questions and listen
nondefensively to the
answers
Apologize in three parts:




Acknowledge that the
transgression was wrong
Sincerely apologize
Discuss compensation, “I’ll
never do that again.”
Nonverbal behavior must
match words.
Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor
Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.
Forgiving Transgressions

Research:



Transgressors who
are forgiven are less
likely to repeat their
offenses.
Recall times that you
have needed others’
forgiveness.
Try nonverbal
behaviors, as well as
discussion.
Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor
Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.
Interplay
END OF SECTION
Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor
Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.