Chapter 2
The Challenges of
Parenting
Section 1- Parenting and Families
Parenting is a job unlike any other. Parents
work hard but are not paid. They are on call
24 hours a day, seven days a week.
Fortunately, being a parent can bring on
unique rewards. Parents cherish those times
when a family seems especially close or has
fun together. They watch with pride as their
children become adults, ready to start
independent lives of their own. For most
parents, they joys outweigh the challenges.
•How
would you define the role
of a parent?
•What are some possible
changes that come with being
a parent?
•How can a potential parent
prepare for the new role?
Parenting: A Learning Process
• Parenting-
caring for children and helping them
grow and develop- is complicated.
• It
requires understanding a child’s needs and
meeting them, as well as good judgment:
There are times when parents need to know
when to help and when to let children try a
task of their own- even if it means they will
fail. Children have to learn how to bounce
back after setbacks and try again.
Parents need to decide when to encourage
children to try different activities. It is important
to allow children the freedom to explore their
own likes and dislikes. While parents want to
avoid pushing children into activities they are
not yet ready for, they need to encourage
children to engage in enjoyable activities.
The skills parents need change as their children
get older. Parents must adapt their parenting
skills to each stage of their children’s
development.
• It’s
not just parents who need parenting skills.
Anyone who lives or works with children can
benefit from knowing about child development
and parenting.
• By
learning about parenting skills and how to
apply them, people who interact with children
have a positive influence on them.
• Can
you think of any children who you are a
role model to? What are things that you can do
to act as a positive role model?
Having Reasonable Expectations
• “Act
your age.” “How old are you, anyway?”
“Would you grow up?” Do these sound familiar?
Many parents have made remarks like these to
their children, but what adults don’t often
realize is that children usually do act their
age… adults don’t always know what to expect
from children at different ages.
• Having
reasonable expectations for children is
the essential first step in effective parenting.
• Even
when parents and caregivers know what
children are like at different ages, it is important
for them to remember that each child is an
individual.
Some children learn to walk earlier than others.
Some need extra encouragement in making friends.
Some children immediately respond when given
directions, while others may need gentle
reminders and more time to complete tasks.
• It
is important to accept and respect the
differences among children.
Can parenting be
learned, or is it
something you’re born
with the ability to do?
Developing Parenting Skills
• There
are many different ways to gain parenting
skills.
• Classes
in child development and parenting are good
sources of information and help
Hospitals, schools, community groups, and private
instructors may offer courses
• Classes
might target certain ages, certain behavioral
or health challenges, different issues, or coping with
difficult family issues (like financial stress or
relationship problems)
• Other
ways to gain parenting skills are:
 Read reliable books, magazine articles, and online information
about parenting (just be careful of your sources)
 Gain experience working with or caring for children, informally or
as a job
 Ask the advice of family and friends who have parenting
experience
 Observe parents and children wherever possible
• Take
advantage of as many learning opportunities as possible
• Each
child is different, so some ideas and techniques might not
work with some children
• Learning
different strategies helps make you more likely to find one
to match a particular child or situation
The Stages of Parenthood
• Between
Generations: The Six Stages of Parenthood by
psychologist Ellen Galinsky
• Describes
how parents typically develop through their
interactions with their children
• Findings
based on interviews with parents
• Identifying
stages is important because they describe how
parents develop and change, just as the children do
• When
parents are aware of the stages, they can be more
prepared for parenthood and are more likely to be
effective parents, leading to happier, more satisfied lives
Galinsky’s Stages of Parenthood
Stage
Time Period
Parents’ Tasks
Image-Making
Pregnancy
• Begin to imagine themselves as parents
Nurturing
Birth to Age 2
• Become emotionally attached to child
• May question relative worth of other
priorities
Authority
Age 2 to Ages 4-5
• Determine rules
• Clarify role as authority figure
Interpretive
Ages 4-5 to Age 13
• Rethink their role as parents
• Decide what knowledge, skills, and values
the child needs
Interdependent
Adolescence
• Establish boundaries
• Find disciplinary methods appropriate for
teens
Departure
Child Leaves Home • Evaluate their parenting
The Changes That Parenthood Brings
• When
a child joins the family- whether by birth,
remarriage, or adoption- parents feel great joy.
• Some
also feel that a great burden has been
placed on their shoulders
• The
decision to become a parent is a serious one…
just think about all of the things that your parents
do for you!
• Being
a parent radically changes a person’s life
and creates new long-term responsibilities
The Challenges of Parenthood
• Many
new parents say that having children
changes everything and presents many challenges
• As
the “newness” of parenthood passes, many
parents adjust to the changes and find that their
lives are enriched by the presence of a child
• Some
of the major challenges include: New
Responsibilities, Changes in Lifestyle, Emotional
Adjustments, Changes in Relationships, and
Employment
New Responsibilities
• Once
people become parents, the can no longer
think of only their own needs,
• They
have considerably less time for
themselves.
• They
must always consider their child’s needsfirst and foremost.
• Children
need physical care, financial support,
love, and guidance.
New Responsibilities (continued…)
• First-time
parents can feel overwhelmed by
these new responsibilities
• Family
and friends can help in many ways, from
watching the baby while the parent goes
shopping to just listening or helping solve a
problem.
• Communities
have many resources too,
including religious organizations, government
agencies, and support groups.
Changes in Lifestyle
• New
parents have to adjust to major changes in their
daily lives.
• Caring
for a child- especially a newborn- takes a
huge amount of time and energy.
•A
newborn must be fed every few hours- day and
night. In addition, babies must be diapered, played
with, comforted, and supervised for safety.
• Think
about your schedule and how your life would
change if you had a child…
Changes in Lifestyle (continued…)
• With
children of any age, parents have limits
placed on their personal freedom.
• They
have less time to spend with friends.
• Instead
of unwinding after work, they have to
fix dinner, spend time with the children, bathe
them, and put them to bed.
• While
it can be disappointing, sometimes plans
have to be changed.
Changes in Lifestyle (continued…)
• Parents
are better able to adjust to these changes if
they prepare for them
• Taking
classes and caring for the child of a friend or
relative can help give an idea of what it is really like
to live with a child.
• There
is no substitute for the experience of
parenting, but making an effort to learn about child
development and parenthood can make the demands
of the job les surprising and unsettling.
Emotional Adjustments
• Parenthood
• Going
• On
requires many emotional adjustments,
though so many changes is stressful in itself.
top of that, many parents feel conflicting- and sometimes
difficult- emotions, such as:
 Fear of not being a good parent.
 Frustration at the loss of personal freedom and the addition of new
responsibilities.
 Worry over money matters.
 Jealousy of the baby and the attention he or she gets from the
other parent, friends, and relatives.
 Depression due to exhaustion or to the physical changes of
pregnancy and birth.
Emotional Adjustments (continued…)
• Parents
can feel confused and troubled by
those negative emotions, but, in time, most get
over these rough spots.
• They
learn that these emotions are common
among new parents, and they learn how to
handle them.
• If
these feeling persist, however, it’s important
to tell someone and get the help needed.
Changes in Relationships
• When
people become parents (especially for the firsttime), they are likely to notice changes in how they
interact with each other and other family members
• The
birth of a baby is an exciting time, but sometimes
parents might feel overwhelmed by concerns, negative
emotions, and lack of sleep.
• Having
patience and trying to be understanding can
reduce the danger of frustration boiling over into anger.
• One
key to getting past such trouble spots is for the
couple to communicate effectively.
Changes in Relationships (continued…)
•A
new baby changes the relationship between
the new parents and their own parents.
• Most
grandparents feel love and joy and want
to spend time with their grandchild.
• Some
grandparents may offer to help with
child care or household chores.
• Some
grandparents freely share advice based
on their own parenting experience.
Changes in Relationships (continued…)
• Sometimes,
however, offers of help or advice cause
friction.
New parents may resent advice they perceive as
criticism.
At the same time, the grandparents may feel hurt if their
suggestions or offers of help are rejected.
• On
the other hand, new parents often find that having a
baby brings them closer to their own parents.
Understanding the sacrifices and work involved in
parenting, they new appreciate their own parents even
more.
Employment
• Having
children can have an impact on careers.
• Some
parents stop working or cut back on their hours to
care for their children.
• People
who were accustomed to working overtime and
weekends or traveling for their jobs may be less willing to
do so once they become parents.
• Some
employers have policies to help working parents.
They may offer flexible hours, part-time work, or work-athome options. Others have child care facilities at or near
the workplace.
The Rewards of Parenthood
• While
parenthood is a lot of work and responsibility, it
brings many joys as well. Parents feel happiness, pride, and
love that they have never felt before.
• By
helping children discover the world, parents often see it
with new eyes themselves.
• Having
• Raising
children can also enrich an already strong marriage.
children can give parents a great sense of
accomplishment. Getting a first-hand look at the learning
and growing process of a child is very rewarding for a
parent.
•Write
a list of questions you would
want to ask your spouse before
deciding to have a child.
•What
responses would you consider
acceptable to those questions?
•What
would you do if your spouse did
not respond acceptably?
Making Decisions About Parenthood
• People considering parenthood should take
a close look at what parenting involves.
• This
includes looking at their own
emotional maturity as well as health
considerations, financial concerns, and how
skilled they are at managing personal
resources.
Emotional Maturity
• To
handle the changes and demands that parenthood
brings, a person needs emotional maturity.
• People
who are emotionally mature:
Are responsible enough to consistently put someone
else’s needs before their own needs.
Are secure without expecting anything in return.
Can control their temper when an infant cries for
hours on end or a child breaks a favorite possession.
Are able to handle being consistently on call.
Emotional Maturity (continued…)
• Prospective parents should take an
inventory of their own emotional maturity.
• Are
they truly equipped to handle the
challenges of parenthood?
• If
there are doubts. It is best to put aside
the desire for a child until they are
convinced they have the maturity it takes
to raise one.
Desire for Parenthood
• Some prospective parents hope that having
a child will help them solve some personal
problems, such as low self-esteem or
marriage difficulties.
• Not
all the reasons for wanting children
show a real readiness for parenthood.
Health Considerations
• Before
pregnancy, it is best for both prospective parents to
have a medical check-up.
• Some
medical problems can affect the health of a baby or
the parent’s ability to raise a child.
• The
age of the prospective mother is another
consideration. If she is under 17 or over 35, pregnancy is
riskier for both her and her baby.
• Pregnant
teens, for example, are less likely to have proper
nutrition, gain adequate weight, and seek good prenatal
care than older expectant mothers. These issues can
adversely affect the teen’s health as well as her baby’s.
Health Considerations (continued…)
• Women over 35 are at greater risk for
developing diabetes and a potentially
dangerous type of high blood pressure
during pregnancy. There are also higher
rates of birth defects among children born
to older mothers.
• Who
else (based on health considerations)
may have a greater risk of complications?
Financial Concerns
• Raising
a child is expensive.
• It
requires the financial resources to pay for
clothes, health care, food, equipment, and other
expenses.
• Before
deciding on parenthood, couples should
consider the costs of having a child during the first
year and in the years ahead.
• It
is not unusual for couples to have to change their
way of life in order to meet these expenses.
Financial Concerns (continued…)
• If both prospective parents work, they need
to think about what they will do after the
baby arrives.
Will one parent stop working? If so, how will
they cope with the drop in family income.
If both parents continue working, how will
they arrange for reliable child cade and
have the money to pay for it?
Resource Management Skills
• Parents
need to use the resources they have
available wisely to provide for their families.
Money is just one resource.
Time, skills, and energy are others.
• Most
resources are limited, so applying a process
for managing them can help parents do their best
for all family members.
• There
are five steps to good resource
management:
1)
Set goals.- Decide what is important and then turn
those things into personal goals.
2)
Identify resources.- Make a list of the resources needed
to achieve the goal.
3)
Make a plan.- Decide how to use the identified
resources to achieve the desired goal.
4)
Put the plan into action.- Start working toward the
goals using the steps outlined in the plan.
5)
Reevaluate from time to time.- Step back and take
stock of progress. Are more or different resources
needed? Was the goal achieved? What are some new
goals to work toward?
Chapter 2,
Section 1
Review
Questions
1) Why do parents
have to change the
way they parent
over the years?
2) What are
three ways to
build parenting
skills?
3) Identify and
describe three of
Galinsky’s stages
of parenthood.
4) Describe the
adjustment that
people face when
they become parents.
5) What is
emotional maturity?
Why is it vital to
parenting success?
6) Name two steps to
good resource
management, and
tell how these steps
relate to parenting.
7) Think of a time when
you experienced
something for the first
time. What were some of
the stages? What were
some of the rewards?