1
Unrequited
Into Infinity, Series Four
By A.D.Stone
~∞~
Copyright © 2013 by A.D.Stone
All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof
may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever
without the express written permission of the publisher
except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.
Printed in the United States of America
First Printing, 2013
A.D.Stone
www.mindretrofit7.com
Image Credit: Infinity Artist: Adam Howie
http://www.illusionaryconstructs.com/
Contents
Unrequited love silenced a spectral heart … but only for a moment. Heartbreak
burns a freshness of healing, scalds the flesh of hope, ignites the possibility that
love; may one day be returned in ways completely unexpected.
~Unrequited
~Invisible In Sight
~Can Only Sigh
~Lost Love
~Are You There?
~Loving A Statue
~Realization
~Tossed Away
~Gave Up
~The Discovery
~The Break Up
~Loosed
~Of Love & Loss
~Eroded
~Invisible
~Flawed
~Fade
~Solace
~Ticking
~Confusion
~Grief
~Muted Emotions
~Rejection’s Hand
~Gather My Pieces
~Cure For Loneliness
~Fragile
~Molting
~True Reflection
~Invisible Parts
~No Longer The Imitation
~End of the Beginning
~acquaintance of thought
~Empty Pursuits
~Facing My Fears
~Found Love
~∞~
Into Infinity: Unrequited
This is the final book for the Into Infinity series.
The words pour out the singes and pangs of a lovelorn heart when its adorations
have not been reciprocated.
It does not matter if it is the love of a parent, friend, or lover the instant that one
feels the sting of rejection; it can burn the heart into pieces and melt it into a
thousand tears.
Love is a stupendous joy and can be the most damning of all emotions. I fear love.
There are some days when it seems there can be no clear distinction between love
and hate, but I know this not to be true.
I have loved, but have I ever been loved in return? Quite honestly, I do not know. A
world tainted with idealized love, and strokes of violations have distorted it into
morphed spectacles. I cannot see clearly, but I feel.
Rejection; real or perceived cracks love emotions into tiny splinters that jab and stab
until you have to numb the pain. The longing never leaves. The quest still goes on. A
heart reaches out, lapping up any sort of adoration to sooth the black angst smoke
that tries to smother hope.
The words take on a life of their own, pleading to be heard. They desire to share with
the world because they empathize with the poor creatures fingertips. The fingertips
that bleed out affections in hopes to one day be touched in return.
Alas, a heartbeat thumps as one with humanity to ache in rejection, swell in
unrequited love, and sear letters into the cosmos calling out a distress signal.
Before the final hour, the stages of grief must take place. The heart must accept - it
cannot be loved until it loves itself.
“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply
gives you courage.”
– Lao Tzu
Infinity,
~A.D. Stone
~∞~
Unrequited
drown my sweat,
beneath your skinexcreting throughout your flesh,
dewdrops; Me, lay effortlessly
droplets holding my touch,
moisture spreads,
your finger prints dig deep within my form
collecting Me,
but your hand smooths Me away;
I puddle onto the floor,
left flowing –
unrequited
Invisible In Sight
you love my shadow,
speak to my silhouette, and
pretend; I am part of you{r}
world
Can Only Sigh
stare! gaze, trips into a fold
earthbound wanderings restless soul
heart left in a hold
{vice grip; tragedy}
no longer, pumping warmth
it did grow cold
aimlessly walking,
seeking,
a search,
loveless, breathless,
sedentary hurt
desperate to fill,
dismantle the ache!
search for a soothe,
implode; create
love–incapable?
dimmed eyes,
spirit crushed
siphoned of air–
skeletal demise
dried tears,
crisply, crusted case
trampled,
web covered soul,
dissipated laughter,
trapped in skull LOST!
give it back!
sing loud heart!
(a heart cries)
rage in fury!
No, no rage;
there is nary a moan,
too tired for tears –
still THIS;
this will not die,
agitated,
restless,
can only sigh
Lost Love
unaware, of my longing eyes,
they{LOUDLY} whispered your name,
my hand, lurched out –
pet upon skin,
electric force between?
an afterthought, our souls did bond,
but then again, Time said, No
in a second, the pump[and thump]
of some other world did live –
Not for long! Parallels cried.
you left, returned, and changed
had you forgotten my name?
tears burned my cheeky flesh,
scalding scars; penetrating flames!
my heart bound; tarnished chains,
façade? souls dancing,
knitted in rhythm of song
cords were tangled;
[choke hold -]
a desperate affair.
created to fit;
into the crevices of your being,
(the foolishness) of thought –
was a sealed seam;
{unraveled and torn}
a broken heart,
a free You,
as the world watched my undoing;
I still wonder,
if you are laughing at the memory of Me.
Are You There?
You! You? You …
lifetime searching,
are YOU true?
aches; mind splitting through the nights,
beckoning, tormenting
what is right?
coldest of black –
huddled self,
claw for pages;
FLY off a shelf!
Your book,
Your reasons,
Your answers to fill;
a wondering mind,
void (internal hell)
are YOU there?
muffled thoughts,
whispers; lies doubt,
swallowing up reason,
and pride
quest for Truth!
shout You!
answer You!
show what You can do!
are You there?
lighting flames,
sporadic spurts;
a stranger,
friend,
decayed wind chimes;
images,
a song, a dream;
question what anything means
is it the mind who made You real?
are YOU there?
love, lover, friend, foe?
You! You? You …
Loving A Statue
cold eyes
nix, a smile
stoic at best,
covered cast–
stone solid cement
compressed paste
hands crumble –
with my touch,
no words to comfort
coated eyes;
plaster bare,
look at me; with love
confessions of truth,
vessel set in mortar
lime dust –
crusts my skin
mucilage keeps my feet,
glued —
an invisible aegis
marble bent;
gazing into me
granite crumbling–
I lay beneath fragments,
inhaling the ashes
my eyes close,
dissolving in your mass pulverized heap
two statues, in silent soot
Realization
silence broke my fall,
fear ate at my marrow,
filling blood with qualm,
anguish chiseled my mind,
overflowing tiny holes,
deeply pounded with despair clustered clumps of doubt and shame
I stared; quietly into the lonely road
shadows lurked,
while blackish clouds hovered violently erupting,
a soul who was quietly tucked away;
protected in dread
catacombed in tricky webs
sticky and tight
sealing a voice;
desperately wanting to breathe
muted by fright,
caked; closed eyes able to see up, UP
from muddy waters
enslaved hands were able to move,
digging, scratching into the light
clawing with nails to prick at hope
clinging to the fork in the road
crushed; cast of an empty case it held nothing at all
protective gear; worthless
voice diminished of strength so, I thought;
realizing my collapsing skin,
peeled-wide! open heart truth escaped
barb wired wounds; on the back of my flesh
scraping my knees and palms,
down the dark road glowing with light
fresh air scalded; as my lungs filled with insight
Tossed Away
lost love
torn my soul
captured memories
won’t let go
not worth the price
no intentions for me
left a mess
heart broke–reality
not for your life
not in this time
didn’t have the fight
cowed
what was the answer
what did fail
why did you leave me
didn’t seem to care
no more hurt
come to this heart
I lie! I lie!
it will not part
I am but a ruin
a scab of flesh
a shadow of thought
walking death
crashing senses
ravished beast
my ashing mind
consumed with threats
no intentions
none for me
you tossed me away
that is reality
Gave Up
admirable impetuosity
saved my life!
vehement mission
hold on to what’s right,
boldness of battle,
wiliness to fight!
silenced choked out never to be heard;
suppressed heart,
fight; was not reassured
quieted tears,
snuffed out pain,
longing moments,
to see that fight again
The Discovery
trickster, deceptor;
malicious pretender cloaked in garments,
claimed to share my mind
soaked up my hopes, fears,
to use, you mastermind bend them ever so slightly –
seared with lashes from your tongue!
My best interest; your goal?
I am the unfortunate one,
lapping up lies,
destructive love force your wisdom into my veins,
I am now addict for your treacherous games!
stick your venom through my heart,
trap each independent thought!
it’s all ok now that you confess?
we know that tomorrow,
you’ll deny all you said …
what am I to do with my wretched mess?
you trapped me,
confined me,
blamed me ,
and tore down all my identity,
and then say it’s my fault
The Break Up
massive star,
variant light
consumed that engulfing;
terrible night
despair calling,
sinking so deep
all was lost;
there was no sleep
two hanging –
thin threads,
grasping to eat;
what was said
crashing head into the wall,
daggers escaping;
lips flying down the hall
shrieking lightening,
crashed with shouts
thunderous banters banged,
thrashed about
wounded vessels;
left for dead,
nothing could fix,
their souls simply bled
Loosed
You were supposed to set it free!
You were supposed to set it free!
The whispers raged all through the night,
I clasped my heart,
I gripped it tight,
I snarled
I glared
I flung
I wailed
I tripped over vapors
I clinged, and
I railed.
You were supposed to set it free!
You were supposed to set it free!
The whispers tortured all through the years,
I crumbled
I fumbled
I stumbled
I failed
finally, broken heart prevailed
thoughts all frenzied
life derailed
I chained
I pained
I was stained.
You were supposed to set it free!
You were supposed to set it free!
The whispers engulfed me,
I felt no more,
exhausted
beaten
I let go abhor
the whispers told me to set it free
if it truly loves me it will come back to be
I see no more shadows
no more loving thoughts
it’s gone
it’s left me
I was a lingering thought.
The whispers still chanting
all around me.
You were supposed to set it free!
You were supposed to set it free!
Of Love & Loss
pinprick; thorns tangle
pointy raindrops drizzle
spiky rainbows pierce colorful stings,
prisms prickle
jabbing hues
kaleidoscopic stabs
assaulted by the brilliance of color,
psychedelic pique raging in pounding clouds,
falling into the absolute,
wonderment of love,
and paroxysm of its loss
Eroded
I peeled my heart before you
opened, my naked body;
gently into the palm of your hands,
trusted your gentleness;
would not leave me scarred
I tore open my heart before you
mind unclothed –
defenseless –
bare
aspiring, for assurance in existence;
of love, reality in what I felt–
exposed parts swayed desperate,
on the edge of haste
faulty? aberrant entity,
that has refused to die!
(leap to bleakness)
squandered, squelched
AND my nakedness raw, open,
waxing into your sight,
has determined it is worth more!
then, fragments of your thought,
or flickers into your life (Do you love me?)
one cannot tell,
BUT I am eroded into this.
~a this~ fallen under;
an exuberant spell wasted emotions,
nude identity,
burned sockets collecting shards,
left from you
tear-stained shell –
become among the living,
{no longer a thing or a this}
clasping to shreds of who – what – ME!
that was so easily forgotten,
by the remembrance of you
Invisible
i am a shadow,
a vision unseen
my words are vapors,
gone like a dream
hands reach out,
look at me, I say!
give me some hope,
a glimpse, a ray?
walking in the midst of the crowd,
hurt and aching, my silent shroud
lost in the mix of forgotten friends,
they never knew me,
where could they begin
shape shifter—me!
busting inside, so much to share,
passersby, not even a glare
words, my shadow, lifeless gleam
now and forgotten not heard or seen
Flawed
I could not look myself in the mirror.
I could not hear what was true.
I did not feel what others saw.
Nothing but imperfect, I was flawed.
~
All my actions seemed so wrong.
Words were faulty,
always feeling so spurious.
Nothing but inferior, I was flawed.
~
Even laughter seemed I taint.
Causing the ending of something.
What was my wrongdoing I asked?
Nothing but second-rate, I was flawed.
~
The dysmorphia of my mind,
ruined and disfigured all the cues.
Misread my world around.
I was not faulty, not unsubstantial!
~
The filters were jaded,
the jagged edges,
tore the truth as it passed by.
~
I stand looking at,
all that time swallowed.
Misinformed, my thoughts failed.
Never was I flawed.
~
I cannot turn off that filter,
my disconnect too strong.
Though my mind may understand,
my spirit still feels the pain.
~
Can I ever rip it off?
Untruth, all of my shame?
Moving forward I see the light,
but the lie still remains.
~
I am flawed, but still perfect.
Aren’t we all?
No perfection can one hold,
it is good to be flawed.
Fade
Length of arm too short,
reaching to skies not real.
I see the distant smoke,
shadows wander into the fade.
Circling vapors smother,
with their breath.
Calling to come into the fade.
Collapsing thoughts,
running into state of confusion.
Cannot breathe.
They lie about the fade.
Simple answers beckoning,
to stop our eyes from seeing.
They rush with false comfort,
pulling into the fade.
Listen closely,
the stories have been altered.
Where is the original?
They threw it into the fade!
Fighting the tug,
the grasp,
covering our mouths,
they yank us into the fade.
Too many surrounding,
can no longer see the blue sky.
Grey bluish smog covers my eyes.
Droning into the fade.
Last bit of hope,
shackles hard and tight.
Looking for one other,
to run out of the fade.
Am I alone in the fight,
against the fade?
Solace
In the twilight I walk,
I am shrouded by the moons delight.
My wandering soul seeks refuge,
I find none.
~
Solace is deep in the blue path,
wading in the measures of stars.
Their gaze shines upon my face,
lighting the droplet of tears.
~
There is no darker day than losing
something you never knew you had.
Tripping into the shadows of Jupiter,
the sparkle bright, flaming my direction.
~
If only I could fall into Europa,
the coldness bitter enough to take away my ache.
But I cannot stay in such a place,
I feel beckoned to Venus.
~
Drawn out of a pale blue light,
sprung into yellow flames.
The coldness never consumes,
it fades into a blue flare.
~
The sky dips down to kiss my face,
letting me know that the darkness fades.
Covering me in a blanket of brume.
Whilst I seek my refuge.
~
Thunder upon me chasing my heart,
will the lightning flash to open my eyes?
Trembling bushes are hit with breeze,
I wander, into the thick air.
Ticking
Raging self I cannot control!
Questions flurrying rapidly,
they flow.
Ticking, ticking is my mind,
full of thoughts fierce,
then sublime.
Tapping, tapping going in a craze,
wanting so much to take away the haze.
Tick and tocking, beating won’t stop.
Feeling dizzy, what is the plot?
Circles and swirlings,
thoughts they provoke,
spiraling into places remote.
Ticking, ticking time won’t stand still,
when will these all be settled to my will?
Confusion
In this state I break in two,
what is right?
what is wrong?
No answers seem to come at all.
Unclear thoughts,
upheavaled mind,
disorder my best friend.
reality indistinct.
Blurried eyes,
become mute,
unable to sit still,
tumult is my plight.
Whether through words
to cause my turmoil,
or through actions,
that cause my pother
I am left in a fluster.
I welter in my knotted frame of mind,
while others stare bewildered.
I have no comprehension,
I am mystified by the social world.
Emotions they fail me,
a mystery to me and you,
disarray becomes my frame.
grown up world I do not understand.
An adult I am supposed to be,
feeling so lost,
somehow my adult mind got misplaced.
Furor burns within myself.
Not equipped,
demanded to be something incapable of me,
slowly I wake,
messed in this state
realizing how much I don’t know.
Grief
It cannot happen,
there is no way,
my wretchedness
caused decay.
It is not over,
it can never perish,
this one thing
I most cherish.
The wells of ire,
stage my grace,
lividity now,
fills this place.
I will not banish,
will fight till the end,
loneliness, rage
my two sacred friends.
Come back, come back,
I’ll do what you want,
I’ll give me up,
just make this all stop.
Put a smile back on our face,
leave the work alone,
it can all be replaced.
I can no longer feel,
leave me alone,
my heart is black,
I’ve turned to stone.
Get rid of your comfort,
stop dreading me,
my laughter has died,
leave me be.
This point has come,
my ache does wade,
still there is nothing
to save what’s strayed.
All is not lost,
lessons are learned,
heart will mend,
soothing the burn.
Muted Emotions
Twilight wafting sun,
grabbed her hand,
all was done.
Trickling wrinkles,
smoothed them out,
clever sayings they must spout.
In the stillness,
left all stale,
sad bright eyes turned pale.
Crisp glassy winter wind,
struck summer’s salty bend,
sing songbird’s,
lovely cry,
adore her dearly,
and do not ask why.
Rejection’s Hand
Crippling snare grabbed digits,
pulling into despair.
Fear tore a racing heart,
shaking at dangling illusions.
Quaking in throngs,
clasping eyes shut,
hiding pieces – desperately,
no soul cracking this shell.
Tapping, agitating fingers,
coaxing fragile flesh.
Splitting a cowardly heart,
hand held out to hold.
With a thrust,
filled with gasp,
charging flared eyes,
staring into its palm.
Evoked gaze to attached arms,
gripping unto death,
erupting –
facing fear’s call.
Shackles clinked,
blooming extremities,
finger nail scars,
watching expectations fly away.
Dancing feet,
freedom sounds,
rejection’s hand crumbling,
dispersed, cast into the abyss.
Washed by waterfalls,
of acceptance.
Tired soul raised,
basking in self-reliance.
Gather My Pieces
Words scattered
Pieces strewn
Tips prick with speech
Tongue sliced my heart
Carry away my hope
Glimpse of light
Passed by
Sucked out life
Left standing alone
Staring at the shards
Cuts across my frail hands
Gathering broken fragments
Placing them together again
Strategically planted
Cure For Loneliness
Swept in my homesick ether,
searching for homebound amity,
harmony for secret self,
veil my ghost like eyes.
Escape through parallel,
rumination seeping essence,
fingers floating far from my body,
lifting toward fog and smoke.
Brightened retinas,
at the glimpse,
stars collide,
silent boom,
sparks separate,
we fall in exotic gravitational waves.
Shell slips beneath my feet,
the rise of your pull,
leaking ripples,
touching down at later times.
Lonely was my shelter here,
before I gripped your bend,
spun into the noonday sun,
laughing while clothed in yellow.
Fragile
silent vapors
quiet vestibule; hidden
standing solid on ground
words without meaning
pointless still
pouring emotional,
waterflood with no voice
eyes burn
empathy overcomes
world steals a soul,
a sound,
tears escaped,
into concrete ears falling out of control
body deflated compassion consumed,
no where to pour out
silence a cloak fragile skin,
wailing,
in the pains around
cover in thorn-bushes!
this exploding flesh,
spitting out their excess vile protect glass hearts,
trembling at the face of stones
cracking slowly,
before their rampage
Molting
As I rage against myself, tangled me undone,
the scores that rim upon my thoughts, seams of color
thread in and out, up and down - pointer pricking with fiber, the lockstitch leaving a
loop, over and over A garment cast into the fire, reveal my secrets,
I am unraveled from the chain stitch that keeps linked and tight,my skeleton is
naked, skin weakly covered,
I spot my eyes in the mirror, everything disclosed,
unclothed Beg water to rush over me, make clean this costume; covering,blackest of white
glaring all day, the sky, the cold dark sky,it eats into my marrow,
where are my fine duds, I so bewitchingly wear?
Looking for my crisp, sparkling attire,
my fancy getup’s to entertain daily,
coddling my fearsome, dark thoughts,
visions into nightmares, no one ought to know,
the words pounding beneath my cells, tripping me to fall,waking hidden things,
lurking about this mind,
cackling into anxieties, dreading things – just for fun.
Dangerous this lonely heart, it cries into the dawn,
winds, they howl, into my teeth, cringing as I gnaw,
nibble me down to size, wasting away,
on and on the needle pounds, while the stitches unbind cunning as they are, fancy me to believe they were knotted all along.
Sighs ring through my body, and I gasp for air, can I breathe?
Suffocating under this glorious apparel,
stitch by stitch, I rip this flesh, a covering that does not belong, my flesh and bones
suck air, my blood is red again!
I am but a thread; dangling in violent cold air,
though my eyes regained color, my lips are plump and warm, I can feel ice against
my hot skin,
my self-made cocoon, crumbling between my fingers,
leaving in the winds that brush upon these follicles –
I raged against myself, encased in a man-made truss,
adorned in vibrant jewels, lavish apparel, colorful treats,
falling short against my skin, fitting me so perfectly,
shining like the dawn…
It is far better to freeze in my flesh, than to stay warm in tattered threads.
True Reflection
Self unknown, lost to me
quieted heart
silenced love
vast dark path
looked deep into the eyes
the reflection of self
all false fears
many set traps
long winding roads
caress self loathe
faced with real
make a choice
learn of love
turn from quest
what is love?
no strings to pull
wanting, longing
desperate, not true
separate motives
face to face with me
heart grown cold
life dried up
shriveled hope
choice
Forced me to see
called out my soul
caused me to search
seek
light of abandon
darkness did flee
eyes uncovered
true reflection
thank you
Invisible Parts
Shadows arise within
Glimpses of me appear
Were not allowed to speak
Self protection
Afraid the parts would be rejected
Lost my collections somewhere
Invisible parts–mementos
Me, I could not share
Raising from deep
Pulling force, no hold
Could not keep my traces down
The relics–spew out
Remembrance of true image
Reflections came forth
Glimmers of my remnant
I was never gone
All these parts come together
Peace will frame my mass
Vestige of my life
Invisible parts mixed with new
Still the past haunts me
Triggers that escape into now
I am frightened by you–invisible parts
If I don’t deal with you, creeping shall come
Locked away so long
Acknowledged hurt (too much to bear)
Sting!
Alas, invisible parts you shall be seen
Cannot keep you tied up anymore
You, good and bad
Dealing with shadows of dreams
Broken heart
Self esteem demolished
My own parent
I hear you voice call
I feel that strength
Invisible parts–Be real!
Face to face with you
Dysmorphia I hate you!
You are not me!
Invisible parts, I open my mouth
Come out!
Come out!
Cry out loud, be real
I am not tired
You cannot break me
I’ve got hope
I’ve got life
I don’t want to die!
I do not want to wither!
Awake invisible parts
You hurt, you mar
Contorted words
No longer confine
You may try–you liar!
But I am not invisible!
Arise invisible parts!
I may hate you, I may love you
I will have a triumph over you
I am not invisible!
But I will deal with you now
You cannot escape any longer
The farce that held me down
Come forth you invisible parts
I am not invisible anymore…
No Longer The Imitation
Dignity was stripped that day,
a child tortured with internal shame
Screaming out, no one heard!
Realized it was from the inside.
Blocked–No pain
Hide–All shame
Silence–Words escaped
Hand–Disgraced
Stolen–talents
BUT not stopped!
Not giving up!
Still a fight back,
at times able to leave.
Through the years it got more subtle
Too hard to discern.
Instincts spoke out!
Ravaged for pleasures,
Ripped for joys,
Left empty, bruised, tired.
The voice could not stop,
real would bust out.
The inner self would not die!
Squelched and squeezed
Beat down and tied up
locked far away.
Slowly real crept,
through words written
exposing truth for all.
Exposed as real!
All in my face,
It has no hold on me now.
Yet, fear grabs me by the hand.
Taunting with words of rejection.
“You’ll lose friends”
“You are dirty and wrong”
“You deserved it all”
Pulling from places I cannot describe,
burst forth from my breath,
“My heart is pure!”
My face will one day be real to me.
I’ll see what others see.
I’ll claim all my dignity.
The filters of shame,
will fall as scales.
I am not weak.
I did nothing wrong.
I never deserved any of it!
Self preservation, restored to new,
I am no longer an imitation.
End of the Beginning
mad rush;flailed through me,
disturbingly exposed
awoke to unreal, surreal,
a life changing instance,
faltered on vulnerability –
crushed, bruised, torn down in reality
deceptive love; this heart of mine(fell once again)
wishful thoughts of lovesickness
dragging words out of me
What did I think?
of this! foolish endorphins
zapping with hope –
hallucinations of mind love-making
sealed soul-touching
HA! That you felt this way too?
I believed{deceived} in us, we and YOU!
acquaintance of thought
nothing more to think,
when silence tears at my flesh –
corrodes this naked heart
my breasts exposed,
moist and glistening
the touch upon my skin
while loving my stomach
I cradle your head
not knowing it would be my last –
my final moment of pleasure,
only felicity to ever know
halted in memory
of a kiss,
breath into breath
tongue wrapped around tongue
eyes linked in intercourse
I fall into the vortex of past
ecstasy, your heart sunken into mine locking cavities
the evils of this world!
colliding me with such a LOVE
who refused my gift
this body
this mind
this soul
soft tender lips,
dripping with sweet saliva
intertwined with love luster
keeping bound visions
joyance delight,
scrapes across my flesh
stingy remembrance of being adored –
for an instant then, left laid bare
oozing wounds, for all to see –
with exception of the one,
the one; with no recourse
still amorously, I wait
for empty answers –
realizing, in unveiled thoughts,
transparent flesh –
slices of my dangling heart,
it will never be enough
there is nothing more for me to believe,
other than; I am only an acquaintance of thought
Empty Pursuits
the taste; rejection,
somehow sweet?
a hint of sulfuric odor(less) burn
love gags,
floods through nostrils,
much like the Israelites,
with their meat
(quail feathers,
still stuck between teeth)
ask, you shall receive no affections,
overflowing adoration the nauseous wastes in a belly
seeking satisfaction,
overeating, indulgence
always flourishing; insecurities
piety of abandonment gone wild
Facing My Fears
Random event stole my mind,
train of thought,
so unkind.
Past experiences all I have,
only hurts of what was not said.
Tears they well and fill my eyes,
aching heart,
no peace inside,
sad in this moment,
just want to sleep.
I know in my heart this too shall pass,
but wanting so much to heal from my past,
I cry out for someone to feel!
Do you understand my isolation and fear?
Just when time started to fade,
the healing process almost negate.
Pulling from strength beyond my own,
reaching for comfort in a world beyond.
All of my fears whisper away,
hearing that voice call to me say
“You do matter in this world to ME”.
Facing my fears can help heal the pain,
look at how much has already been gained.
Life is too precious,
to great to stay here,
get up and walk and face my fears.
Found Love
eroded soul, tainted heart, of love’s bittersweet
end – realizing the
new beginning, unrequited; lost and now found, self(love)