Hope-focused Marriage Counseling
(Updated)
Everett L. Worthington, Jr.
Virginia Commonwealth University
A 3-hour pre-conference workshop presented at CAPS, Valley Forge, April 22,
2007.
As a minor part of the workshop, I present a study.
Co-authors of the Study: Jack W. Berry, David E. Canter, Connie Sharp, Mark
Yarhouse (Regent University), Michael Scherer. The study was supported by grant
#239 from the John Templeton Foundation and a grant to the General Clinical
Research Center at VCU M01 RR000065. And further by the John Fetzer Institute.
Workshop Objectives
By the end of this workshop, the participant will
be able to
 Describe hope-focused marriage counseling
 Conceptualize forgiveness within psychological
and theological frameworks and be able to
promote it in couples
 Understand reconciliation and how to promote
it in couples
 Understand self-forgiveness and how to
promote it in couples
Forgiveness in
Couples
My approach to Marital Therapy
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Worthington, E. L., Jr. (1989). Marriage counseling:
A Christian approach to counseling couples. Downers
Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press.
Worthington, E. L., Jr. (1999). Hope-focused
marriage counseling. Downers Grove, IL:
InterVarsity Press.
Worthington, E. L., Jr. (2005). Hope-focused
marriage counseling, rev. ed. Downers Grove, IL:
InterVarsity Press.
Hope-focused Marriage
Enrichment has been designated
as 1 of 4 ESTs (Empirically
Supported Treatments) for
marriage enrichment
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Jakubowski, S. F., Milne, E. P., Brunner, H., & Miller, R.
B. (2004). A review of empirically supported marital
enrichment programs. Family Relations, 53, 528-536.
It lists Hope-focused enrichment as one of four ESTs
in marital enrichment: PREP, Relationship
Enhancement, Couple Communication Program, and
Strategic Hope-focused Enrichment.
Questions and Answers
State of the Clinical Science in 1997
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Gottman ratio: 5 to 1 positive to negative
Therapists try to increase the ratio
The action is in helping couples ACT
differently with each other—e.g., integrative
behavioral, solution-focused approaches
Stress makes things worse
Focus is dyad patterns of communication
and conflict negotiation
A lot has happened between 19982005: Implications of the Review of
the Literature
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It’s not so much skills, communication, conflict
resolution per se.
It’s ability to control and limit the negative
emotional climate (and restore the positive
emotional climate).
Valuing, safety, security
Hope
Cutting short negative reciprocity
Letting go of negative moods; not ruminating;
healing ruptures in negative bonds by forgiving
Clinical Research in Couple Therapy
Suggests Implications Similar to
Couple Dynamics
Advances in Couple Therapy
 1. CBT, IBT, EFT, Insight-oriented couple
therapy: These all emphasize the emotional bond
rather than skills.
 2. Many continue to be popular without research
base: Solution-focused Therapy, some family
systems adaptations to couples.
 3. Note: the modifications have been away from
skills, and toward managing negative emotional
climate
Hope-focused Marriage Enrichment
 Journal
of Counseling
Psychology, Worthington et al.
(1997) showed that 5 hours of
intervention produced effect
sizes greater than 1 for some
DVs

What causes the power of the intervention?
FYI: Previous Component Research
on Hope-focused Marital
Enrichment

Hammond & Worthington (1985), American Journal of Family
Therapy, found leaders strongly guide couple’s attention to issues
in groups

Worthington, Buston, & Hammonds (1989), Journal for Counseling
and Development, found support of group members > 3 hours of
information about communication, conflict resolution, and
information in psychoeducational groups

Worthington et al. (1995), Journal of Counseling Psychology, found
that assessment and feedback to individual couples account for
about ¼ of the ES in marital enrichment
FYI: Summaries of Hope-Focused
Marriage Therapy
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Worthington, E. L., Jr., Ripley, J. S., Hook, J. N., & Miller, A. J. (2007). Hope-focused approach: Repairing and
maintaining the emotional bond. In T. Clinton & G. Ohlschlager (Eds.), Caring for people in marriage and family life (pp. ).
Worthington, E. L., Jr., Ripley, J. S., Hook, J. N., & Miller, A. J. (2007). Hope-focused couple therapy and enrichment.
Journal of Psychology and Christianity, in press.
Hope-focused Marriage Counseling, rev ed. (2005, IVP) (includes research update since 1998)
Worthington, E.L., Jr., Lerner, A., & Sharp, C. (2005). Repairing the emotional bond versus skills training for
marital intervention. Journal of Psychology and Christianity,24, 259-262.
Worthington, E.L., Jr. (2003). Hope-focused marriage. Recommendations for researchers and church workers.
Journal of Psychology and Theology, 31, 231-239.
Worthington, E.L., Jr. (2002). Aconselhando Relacionamentos [Relationship counseling]. Aconselhamento: O
Jornal do Aconselhamento Crisao Evangelico no Brasil [Brazilian Journal of Counseling], 1, 39-48. [original article,
translated into Portugese by Robson Gomes]
Worthington, E.L., Jr., & Ripley, J.S. (2002). Christian marriage and marital counseling: Promoting hope in
lifelong commitments. In T. Clinton & G. Ohlschlager (Eds.), Competent Christian counseling: Practicing and
pursuing compassionate soul care, Vol. 1 (pp. 455-474). Denver: Waterbook Press.
Worthington (1999). Hope-focused Marriage Counseling (IVP)
Worthington, E. L., Jr. (1994). Marriage counseling: A Christian approach. Journal of Psychology and Christianity,
13, 166-173.
Worthington, E. L., Jr. (1991). Marriage counseling with Christian couples. In G. R. Collins (Ed.), Case studies
in Christian counseling (pp. 72-97). Dallas: Word.
Worthington, E. L., Jr. (1990). Marriage counseling: A Christian approach to counseling couples. Counseling
and Values, 35, 3-15.
Questions and Answers
Hope-Focused Marital
Enrichment: Description
of the intervention and
techniques for promoting
change
Hope =
Willpower + Waypower + Waitpower
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Theology of the Hope-Focused
Couple Approaches (HFCA)
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“rejoice in [marital] sufferings, because we know that
suffering produces perseverance; perseverance,
character; and character, hope” (Romans 5:3-4, NIV).
HFMA is founded on the belief that hope is at the depth of
the Christian experience. Christ in us is indeed the hope
of glory (Col 1:27).
Hope is one of the three most emphasized aspects of
Christian character (1 Corinthians 13:13).
In HFMA, the strategy taught to partners for promoting
change (see Worthington & McMurry, 1994) is faith working
through love (Gal 5:6).
HFMA was founded upon a theology that values marriage and
promotes mutual submission in love of husband and wife
(see Eph 5: 25-33).
Hope-Focused Marital Enrichment
Strategy:
Promoting
Love, Work, Faith
Hope-Focused Marital Enrichment
 Areas:
 Central Vision, Core Values,
Confession & Forgiveness,
Communication, Conflict
Resolution, Cognition,
Closeness, Commitment
Objective 1

We have now achieved Objective 1: Describe
hope-focused marriage counseling

We will examine some of its interventions more
closely
Questions and Answers
Hope-Focused Marital Enrichment
Interventions
Hope-Focused Marital Enrichment

Pre-counseling (Phone,
Preparation pamphlet, assess
stage of change)
Exercise
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Discuss in twos, how do you get the husband,
who doesn’t want to come to see a shrink, to
come?
Share some ways with the group
Hope-Focused Marital Enrichment
 Preliminary
assessment &
 Report
Worthington et al. (1995), Journal of Counseling Psychology, found that
assessment and feedback to individual couples account for
about ¼ of the ES in marital enrichment; probably this is the
most powerful single technique you could use in marital
therapy.
Assessment Battery
Marital Inventories
 Dyadic Adjustment Scale
 Commitment Inventory
 Intimacy thermometers
 Discussion of an issue they disagree about (communication,
problem solving, conflict styles)
Forgiveness
 Decisional Forgiveness Scale and Emotional Forgiveness Scale
and single items
 Transgression-related Interpersonal Motivations Inventory
(TRIM)
Religion
 Religious Commitment Inventory-10
Questions and Answers
Hope-Focused Marital Enrichment
Communication
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STEPS (Situation, Thoughts, Emotions, Plans,
Statement of Value)
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TANGO (TAN: T = Tell what happened clearly and
briefly, A = describe how the situation Affected you, N
= give a Nurturing statement. Then the listener
responds with the GO: G = did I Get it? Reflect back
what they heard, and O = Observe the effects of the
conversation and comment on them.
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Listening
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Requests (Making, Refusing)
Exercise
STEPS (Situation, Thoughts,
Emotions, Plans, Statement
of Value)
See Sherod Miller, who has a whole program
that teaches this systematically, and has lots
of empirical support.
Hope-Focused Marital Enrichment
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Conflict Resolution
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L=Listen and repeat
O=Observe your effects
V=Value your partner
E=Evaluate both partners’ interests
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Hope-Focused Marital Enrichment
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Closeness: CLEAVE
C=Change actions to positive
L=Loving romance
E=Employ a calendar
A=Adjust intimacy elsewhere
V=Value Your Partner
E=Enjoy yourselves sexually
Discuss in Groups of Four
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How do you promote intimacy between couples
who want to be intimate but aren’t succeeding?
Share some strategies with the whole group.
Hope-Focused Marital Enrichment
Closeness
Use of Space
Demonstration and Exercise
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Role playing couple with groups of observers
and a counselor (size of group depends on
number present)
Hope-Focused Marital Enrichment
 Commitment
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Joshua Memorial
Final Assessment
Report
Questions and Answers
Modifications to HFCA to Account
for Increased Understanding of the
Importance of the Emotional Bond
Modification in Theory
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Attachment Theory
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Working models of
Self
 Other
 God
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Schnarch (1991) and the crucible
Wuthnow (2000) and religious dwelling and
seeking—tabernacles and tents
Shults and Sandage (2006) spiritual
transformations in the desert
Modifications in Assessment
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Full battery, emphasis on intimacy, forgiveness,
and the ways that poor communication and
conflict resolution damage the emotional
closeness between the partners.
Modifications in Interventions
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Emotional softening
Calling attention to times of empathy of one
partner for another
Calling attention of times of self-sacrifice of
one partner for another.
Objective 1

We have thoroughly achieved Objective 1

Let’s move to Objective 2: Conceptualize
forgiveness within psychological and theological
frameworks and be able to promote it in couples
Questions and Answers
FREE:
Forgiveness and
Reconciliation through
Experiencing Empathy
REACH
Bridge
to
Reconciliation
Discuss in 3-somes Divine
Forgiveness, and Forgiveness
between partners
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What are they?
What if a person says, “I forgive him” but is
obviously still really hurt and angry. What’s
going on?
Does a husband (or wife) have to
repent before the spouse is obligated
to offer forgiveness?
FREE
Theory
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Transgressions
Injustice Gap
Forbearance
Motivational-Decisional Forgiveness
(Emotional) Unforgiveness
Emotional Forgiveness
What are your questions about
Forgiveness?
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At least 30 minutes to discuss the topic
Questions and Answers
Objective 2

We have now achieved Objective 2a:
Conceptualize forgiveness within psychological
and theological frameworks [and be able to
promote it in couples].
2003 Christian book
New (2006) secular book
Forgiveness (Theoretical
Enrichment)
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Forgiveness and reconciliation are primarily about
repairing the damage to the emotional bond caused by a
history of transgressions at the hands of each other.
Trauma = damage that threatens physical existence
leading to helplessness.
When an attachment figure is not helpful (or is perceived
as malevolent) during a time when a person is needy, an
injury to the attachment system occurs.
Marital problems, conflicts, and transgressions can
traumatize, and if God isn’t there or the partner isn’t
there, attachment bonds are strained or ruptured.
Forgiveness is one powerful way of healing the wounds
and scars of the trauma of experiencing the partner (and
God) as not there during need.
Injustice Gap
Size of injustice gap is proportional to
difficulty forgiving. Thus,
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Reduce injustice
Apologize
Offer Restitution
Decisional Forgiveness
Make a decision
 It is beneficial to forgive: physical, mental,
relational, or spiritual health.
 Decisional forgiveness: On the basis of
Scripture or sacred writings or appeal to
virtue, do you want to forgive?
 Can you give decisional forgiveness now?
Emotional Forgiveness
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Replacement of negative unforgiving emotions
with positive other-oriented emotions, such as
empathy, sympathy, compassion, and love. This
is facilitated by other non-self-focused emotions,
like hope, humility, and gratitude for having
been forgiven.
Questions and Answers
Five Steps to REACH Emotional
Forgiveness
FREE
REACH God
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We forgive because God first
forgave us
REACH God before, during, and
after you REACH forgiveness
FREE
Make a decision
 Decisional forgiveness: On the basis of
Scripture, do you want to forgive?
 Can you give decisional forgiveness now?
 If you cannot, are you willing to be made
willing?
 Have you discerned God’s heart?
Five Steps to REACH Emotional
Forgiveness of the Partner
FREE
REACH
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R = Recall the hurt
Technique: not victimization,
not blame; instead objective
FREE
REACH
E = Empathize with the one who hurt you
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Techniques:
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Letter from other’s point of view
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Talk about other’s experiences
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Empty chair
Symbolizing the experience: Yellow and dark heart
Multiple repetitions with sympathy, compassion,
altruistic (agape) love, romantic love
Exercise
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Get into groups of three or four (at least one
man and woman in each group). They will role
play as a couple. The other person is counselor.
Counselor works with either husband or wife on
an early hurt (pre-marital), involving the partner
in empathizing.
Use empty chair for the one working.
FREE
REACH
A = Altruistic gift of
forgiveness
FREE
REACH
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C = Commit to forgive
Techniques: certificate, letter,
washing the hands of the
transgression, Richard Marks'
"Firststone," nail the
transgression to the cross
Exercise
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Hand-washing
FREE
REACH
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H = Hold onto forgiveness
during doubts
Technique: hurt does not equal
unforgiveness, white bears
Exercise
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Pair up
Take turns explaining to each other why a
person might forgive and yet still get angry
about the incident later (after forgiveness has
occurred).
Share creative ways of explaining this with the
big group.
Objective 2

We have now achieved Objective 2b:
[Conceptualize forgiveness within psychological
and theological frameworks] and be able to
promote it in couples.

Objective 3 deals with reconciliation
Questions and Answers
FREE
Bridge to Reconciliation
 Plank
1: Decide whether,
when, and how to reconcile
Role Play
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Couple exhibits very poor communication for
making a reproach, for responding with an
account or accounts
FREE
Bridge to Reconciliation
Plank 2: Soft talk about forgiveness (Talking about
Transgressions)
Reproaches
Accounts
 Denials
 Justifications
 Excuses
 Confessions
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FREE
Bridge to Reconciliation
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Confessions (CONFESS)
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C: Confess without excuse
O: Offer apology (convey sincere regret and contrition)
N: Note his or her pain (empathically show that you understand the
pain or anger you caused)
F: Forever Value (say that you value the person)
E: Equalize (Offer to make some restitution: Is there anything I can
do to make it up to you?)
S: Swear never again (Express intent not to harm similarly again)
S: Seek forgiveness
(Give reasons to promote empathy)
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Exercise
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Pair up
Practice a good confession
FREE
Bridge to Reconciliation
Dealing with the confession
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Accept (grant forgiveness)
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Reject (withhold forgiveness)
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More time needed (not yet ready to grant forgiveness)
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What if one feels the reproach is inaccurate (you want to deny)
or your behavior was justified?
Ask, “Can you explain what made you think this?” [Explanation]
“I see why you think the way you do. I’m really sorry that this
occurred. I feel badly that I’ve hurt your feelings. I did not
mean for that to happen.”
“I wonder if I might explain the way I was looking at the incident?
[Explanation]

FREE
Bridge to Reconciliation
 Plank 3: Pyramid (Five steps) Model to
REACH Forgiveness
 Plank 4: Reverse the Negative Cascade
Criticism  Defensiveness  Contempt 
Stonewalling
FREE
Bridge to Reconciliation
Plank
5: Deal with failures
in trustworthiness
Attitude of gratitude
Attitude of latitude
FREE
Bridge to Reconciliation
 Plank
6: Promote Love
Techniques: Love Bank (Harley),
Increase the Gottman ratio
(Gottman), Love languages
(Chapman)
Exercise
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Pair up
One person is counselor and the other is a
spouse
Counselor works with couple on love bank, or
on love languages
Switch and the other person tackles the other
topic.
Questions and Answers
Objective 3

We have now achieved Objective 3: Understand
reconciliation and how to promote it in couples
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Objective 4 deals with forgiving the self.
Objective 4: Forgiving the Self
Can I come to forgive myself and
feel no emotional unforgiveness
toward myself ? YES
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I am sorry for what I did (remorse; facilitating emotion)
I am grateful for what Jesus did for me in his substitutionary atonement and
God’s forgiveness (gratitude; facilitating emotion)
I realize I don’t deserve it; it is grace and mercy (humility; facilitating emotion)
I feel empathy for Jesus, who suffered and died for me (replacement emotion)
I feel sympathy for Jesus, who suffered and died for me (replacement
emotion)
I feel compassion for Jesus, who suffered and died for me (replacement
emotion)
I feel love for Jesus, who suffered and died for me (replacement emotion)
Forgiving the Self: A special
complicated case of forgiving
1. Forgiving the self is hard because:

You can’t get away from your own thoughts

You are both the one who forgives and the one who
offends. So you have dual responsibilities.

You did not merely hurt yourself by your acts, you
probably hurt others and may need to make amends.

You probably sinned against God, nature, or humanity,
and you need to restore that relationship.

You pressure self to forgive self.

You not only did something to hurt another but you also
damaged your self-concept.
How To Forgive Yourself
1.
You did something that harmed others (directly or indirectly), and you
might need to confess (to someone), apologize, make restitution, and
repair damage (if this can be done without re-traumatizing the
person). Note: You might just have to carry the yoke of guilt.
2. You must make it right with God, being willing to accept divine
forgiveness.
3. You must declare decisional forgiveness for yourself.
4. You must REACH emotional forgiveness for yourself through
empathizing, sympathizing, feeling compassion for, and loving
yourself (as you would do for an enemy who continually disappoints
you).
5. You must accept yourself as a flawed and fallen person and not expect
perfection. (This often takes years.)
Questions and Answers
Thank you for your attention
Copies
of these slides
are available
electronically by
emailing me at
eworth@vcu.edu
Study
Does This Method
Work?
Hope-focused Marital
Enrichment Component Analysis
in the Current Study
Hope-focused = HOPE + FREE
HOPE=Handling Our Problems Effectively
(communication and conflict resolution
components)
FREE=Forgiveness and Reconciliation through
Experiencing Empathy
Method
Design of Study
Early Married Couples
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O HOPE O
O FREE O
O
O
O
O
O
Participants
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156 Couples in their first 5 months of marriage
52 per group, matched by timing of the three
testing times (Note: analyses showed no
differences initially on any variables in the study)
Ages (18 to 62)
Recruited from newspaper advertisements
Paid $200 for completing assessment measures;
participants in intervention paid additional $100
Measures Reported Here
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DAS (used Marital Satisfaction item, 0-6)
Positive Emotions about the spouse (19 bipolar
adjectives rated 1, negative emotion, to 5 positive
emotion; ex: friendly to hostile)
Forgiveness of most serious hurt (0-4)
Single-item Forgiveness of index hurt (SIF; 0-4)
TRIM-R + TRIM-A = TRIM-Total (Index hurt)
Conflict Tactics Scale (low scores = better conflict
tactics)
Other Measures Not Yet Analyzed
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Salivary Cortisol (baseline relaxing versus when
imagining a typical relationship interaction)
Videotape discussions of (a) a topic which you
disagree about and (b) a pleasant topic
Numerous self-report instruments at
dispositional level (e.g., trait forgivingness),
process level (ratings of communication,
intimacy, etc.), and level of specific interactions
(e.g., how deal with transgressions)
Procedure
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Couple phones in response to ad and is
scheduled for and attends initial assessment
Couple is assigned to condition randomly
Couple attends either FREE or HOPE
intervention or no treatment
Couple assessed roughly at post-treatment, 1
month post-treatment, 6 months post-treatment,
12 months post-treatment
Change in Procedure after Study
Begins

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In December 1999, about 14 months after the study
began, VCU’s IRB was shut down, compromising the
original design of the study by interrupting for 8
months all research (which played havoc with a
longitudinal design)
After resumption (July 2000), to keep from losing,
almost our first entire round of participants, we
switched to a “yoking” procedure (using the matching
variable of time of test and using only three
measurement times instead of five as planned)
Very Preliminary Results for
Some Self-report Variables
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Treatment x time (S) ANOVAs with repeated measures
No main effects for Treatment or time are significant
Following are interactions (Note the pattern is similar:
Control get worse; HOPE gets better and then loses
some; FREE gets better continuously)
TRIM-Revenge, Index Hurt (p<.05)
6
5.8
5.6
Control
FREE
HOPE
5.4
5.2
5
4.8
time 1
time 2
time 3
TRIM-Avoidance, Index Hurt
(p>.10, ns)
Single-item Forgiveness of Index
hurt (p<.05)
3.7
3.65
3.6
3.55
3.5
3.45
3.4
3.35
3.3
3.25
3.2
Control
FREE
HOPE
time 1
time 2
time 3
State Anger Scale, p<.01
18
17.5
17
16.5
Control
FREE
HOPE
16
15.5
15
14.5
14
time 1
time 2
time 3
How Forgiving Are You, in General,
Toward Your Spouse? (single item),
p<.01
6
5.9
5.8
5.7
5.6
5.5
5.4
5.3
5.2
5.1
5
Control
FREE
HOPE
time 1
time 2
time 3
Forgiveness of Your Most Serious
Hurt, p<.05
3.85
3.8
3.75
3.7
Control
FREE
HOPE
3.65
3.6
3.55
3.5
3.45
time 1
time 2
time 3
Current Positive Affect toward Your
Spouse, 19 bipolar adjectives, p<.02
3.9
3.8
3.7
Control
FREE
HOPE
3.6
3.5
3.4
3.3
time 1
time 2
time 3
Marital Satisfaction, Single Item,
p<.05
40
39.8
39.6
39.4
39.2
39
38.8
38.6
38.4
38.2
38
37.8
Control
FREE
HOPE
time 1
time 2
time 3
Discussion
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Forgiveness intervention (FREE) affected
variables differently over time than did HOPE
HOPE gave an initial boost to the marriage but
some effect eroded
FREE helped people not erode and perhaps
improve, especially on forgiveness matters
The implication is that together they should be
complementary and lasting (which is what
Worthington et al., 1997, showed)