What You’ll Learn
1. Identify steps to follow to develop
interpersonal communication skills.
2. Discuss I-messages,
you-messages, mixed
messages, and active listening.
3. Outline consequences of and
ways to correct wrong actions.
4. Discuss resistance skills.
5. Describe how to be self-confident and assertive.
6. Describe types of conflict, conflict response styles,
conflict-resolution skills, and the mediation process.
7. Discuss ways to avoid prejudicial behavior.
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Key Terms
• communication skills
• I-message
• you-message
• active listening
• peer pressure
• resistance skills
• assertive behavior
• conflict-resolution skills
• mediation
• prejudice
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Communications Skills
• Communication skills are
skills that help a person
share feelings, thoughts,
and information with others.
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How to Use Interpersonal
Communication Skills
1. Choose the best way to communicate.
– Your choices for how you communicate
with others are almost unlimited.
– How you communicate may
depend on what you are trying
to say.
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How to Use Interpersonal
Communication Skills
1. Choose the best way to communicate.
– To send a strong message you
may combine verbal and
nonverbal communication—
the use of actions or body
language to express emotions
and thoughts.
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How to Use Interpersonal
Communication Skills
2. Express your thoughts and feelings clearly.
– An I-message expresses your feelings or
thoughts on a subject.
– I-messages contain a
specific behavior or
event, the effect of the
behavior or event on
the person speaking,
and the emotions
that result.
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How to Use Interpersonal
Communication Skills
2. Express your thoughts and feelings clearly.
– A you-message is a statement that blames or
shames another person.
– A you-message puts
down another person
for what he or she
has said or done,
even if you don’t have
the whole story about
what happened.
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How to Use Interpersonal
Communication Skills
2. Express your thoughts and feelings clearly.
– Using I-messages is more effective than using
you-messages and helps maintain healthy
relationships with others.
– Avoid sending a mixed message—a message
that gives two different meanings.
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How to Use Interpersonal
Communication Skills
3. Listen to the other person.
– Listening carefully is just as important as
speaking clearly.
– Maintain eye contact and
use gestures, such as
nodding your head, to
encourage conversation.
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How to Use Interpersonal
Communication Skills
3. Listen to the other person.
– Pay attention to the speaker’s body language
and tone to see if he or she might be sending
a mixed message.
– When you show a
speaker respect, you will
have more effective
conversations.
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How to Use Interpersonal
Communication Skills
When You Don’t Listen
You may tune out because you:
• were thinking of
something or
someone else.
• were thinking about
what you were going
to say next.
• could not hear
the speaker.
• heard a distracting
noise in the room.
• were tired and dozing off
while the other person
was talking.
• thought you knew
what the speaker was
going to say next.
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How to Use Interpersonal
Communication Skills
4. Make sure you understand each other.
– Active listening is the way you respond in
conversation to show that you hear and
understand what the speaker is saying.
– Active listening includes
clarifying, restating,
summarizing, or affirming
what was said.
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How to Use Interpersonal
Communication Skills
Techniques for Active Listening
• Clarifying a response Ask the speaker for
more information.
• Restating a response Repeat what you think
the speaker has said.
• Summarizing a response Summarize
the main idea the speaker has stated.
• Affirming a response State your appreciation
for what the speaker has said.
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Peer Pressure
• Peer pressure is the influence that
people of similar age or status place on
others to behave in a certain way.
• Peer pressure can be either positive or
negative, and it can be exerted consciously
or unconsciously.
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How to Recognize Types of Peer Pressure
• Peer pressure can be positive.
– Positive peer pressure is influence from
peers to behave in a responsible way.
• Peer pressure can be negative.
– Negative peer pressure is influence
from peers to behave in a way that is
not responsible.
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How to Recognize Types of Peer Pressure
• Wanting the best for others
– People who are mature, responsible, and
caring want the best for others.
– People who exert negative peer pressure
don’t have your best interests in mind.
They just want support for their
irresponsible choices and actions.
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How to Recognize Types of Peer Pressure
Ten Negative Peer Pressure Statements
• No one will ever know.
• What’s the big deal? It
won’t kill you.
• I do it all the time and
have never been caught
or hurt!
• We’ll go down together if
anything happens.
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• Everybody else is
doing it.
• You’ll look older and
more mature.
• Try it! You’ll really like it.
• You only live once.
• Don’t be such a wimp.
• Don’t be a chicken.
How to Recognize Types of Peer Pressure
Consequences of Giving in to
Negative Peer Pressure
Giving in to negative peer pressure may:
• Harm health
• Threaten your safety
• Cause you to break laws
• Cause you to show disrespect for yourself
and others
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How to Recognize Types of Peer Pressure
Consequences of Giving in to
Negative Peer Pressure
Giving in to negative peer pressure may:
• Cause you to disregard the guidelines of your
parents and other responsible adults
• Cause you to feel disappointed in yourself
• Cause you to feel resentment toward peers
• Harm your self-confidence
• Cause you to feel guilty and ashamed
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How to Recognize Types of Peer Pressure
Repairing the Damage
If you become aware that you have done something
irresponsible because you have given in to negative peer
pressure, use these strategies to face up to the situation.
• Be honest and do not blame others.
• Make things right—is restitution needed?
• Analyze your excuses for giving in.
• Learn from your mistakes.
• Ask a parent, guardian, or other responsible
adult for help.
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Resistance Skills
• Resistance skills are skills that help
a person say “no” to an action or to
leave a situation that they feel or
know is dangerous or illegal.
• Resistance skills sometimes are called
refusal skills and can be used to resist
negative peer pressure.
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How to Use Resistance Skills
1. Say “no” with self-confidence.
2. Give reasons for saying “no.”
3. Repeat your “no” response several times.
4. Use nonverbal behavior to match
verbal behavior.
5. Avoid situations in which there will be pressure
to make wrong decisions.
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How to Use Resistance Skills
6. Avoid people who make wrong decisions.
7. Resist pressure to engage in illegal behavior.
8. Influence others to make responsible decisions.
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How to Use Resistance Skills
How can you use
the broken record
technique to resist
peer pressure?
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Self-Confidence and Assertiveness
• Self-confidence is belief
in oneself.
• When you are self-confident,
you believe in your ideas,
feelings, and decisions.
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How Can You Be Self-Confident
and Assertive?
• When your behavior is self-confident and
assertive, you show others that you are in
control of yourself.
– Assertive behavior is the honest expression
of ideas, feelings, and decisions without
worrying about what others think or without
feeling threatened by the reactions of others.
– You clearly state your feelings or decisions
and do not back down.
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How Can You Be Self-Confident
and Assertive?
• Passive behavior
– Passive behavior is the holding back of
ideas, feelings, and decisions.
– People with passive behavior do not stand up
for themselves and lack self-confidence.
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How Can You Be Self-Confident
and Assertive?
• Aggressive behavior
– Aggressive behavior is the use of words or
actions that are disrespectful toward others.
– People with aggressive behavior threaten
others because they lack self-confidence.
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Conflicts
• A conflict is a disagreement
between two or more people or
between two or more choices.
• There are four types of conflict and
three conflict response styles.
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What to Know About Types of Conflict
• Intrapersonal conflict
– Any conflict that occurs within a person is
an intrapersonal conflict.
• Interpersonal conflict
– Any conflict that occurs between two or more
people is an interpersonal conflict.
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What to Know About Types of Conflict
• Intragroup conflict
– An intragroup conflict is a disagreement
between people belonging to the same group.
• Intergroup conflict
– An intergroup conflict is a disagreement
between two or more groups of people.
– The conflict may involve different
neighborhoods, schools, gangs, racial
groups, religious groups, or nations.
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What Is Your Conflict Response Style?
• Conflict response style
– A conflict response style is a pattern of
behavior a person uses in a conflict situation.
– The person may use
one or a combination of
conflict response styles.
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What Is Your Conflict Response Style?
• Conflict avoidance
– When using conflict avoidance, a person
chooses to avoid disagreements by not telling
others he or she disagrees with them.
• Conflict confrontation
– When using conflict confrontation, a person
attempts to settle a disagreement in a
hostile, defiant, and aggressive way.
– You believe your side of the story is the only
one worth considering.
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What Is Your Conflict Response Style?
• Conflict resolution
– Conflict resolution is a response style in
which a person uses conflict-resolution skills
to resolve a problem.
– Conflict-resolution skills are steps that can
be taken to settle a disagreement in a
responsible way.
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What Is Your Conflict Response Style?
• Conflict resolution
– If you use conflict-resolution skills, you see
the potential for a win-win solution in situations
and relationships in which there is conflict.
– Conflict resolution is the healthful way to
resolve problems.
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Conflict-Resolution Skills
• A guiding principle of conflict resolution is
the concept of win-win.
• It is important to realize that there does
not have to be a “loser” in every conflict.
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How to Use Conflict-Resolution Skills
1. Remain calm. Try to increase your patience
and lower your personal “boiling point.”
2. Set a positive tone. Avoid placing blame,
put-downs, and threats; be sincere; and
reserve judgment.
3. Define the conflict. Each person should
describe the conflict in writing.
4. Take responsibility for personal actions.
Admit what part you have played and apologize
if your actions were questionable or wrong.
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How to Use Conflict-Resolution Skills
5. Listen to the needs and feelings of others.
Listening allows the other person to share his or
her feelings. Do not interrupt. Use I-messages.
6. List and evaluate possible solutions.
Identify as many solutions as possible for the
conflict and discuss positive and negative
consequences of each possible solution.
7. Agree on a solution. Select a solution and
state what each party will do.
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How to Use Conflict-Resolution Skills
What to Do After You Have Reached a
Reasonable Solution
• Agreeing to settle a conflict responsibly does not
mean your personal opinions have disappeared.
• By the time you have reached a solution you
should have developed an understanding of the
other person’s opinions.
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How to Use Conflict-Resolution Skills
What to Do After You Have Reached a
Reasonable Solution
• Be respectful.
– Do not talk about the other individual(s) with
whom you have been in conflict.
– Do not blame and shame others or put them
on the defensive.
– Use I-messages and take responsibility for
your feelings.
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How to Use Conflict-Resolution Skills
What to Do After You Have Reached a
Reasonable Solution
• Keep your word and follow the agreement
that you made.
– Be honest about the ways in which you may
need help holding up your portion of the
agreement.
– Always be sincere in your intention to keep
your word.
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How to Use Conflict-Resolution Skills
What to Do After You Have Reached a
Reasonable Solution
• Ask for assistance if the agreement seems to
be falling apart.
– Admit that sometimes a conflict is hard to
resolve and that an agreement needs outside
help to be kept.
– Be willing to agree on mediation—one or
more individuals not involved in the conflict
who can help.
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Mediation
• Mediation may be
used when people
have a difficult time
solving their differences.
• Mediation is a process in which an
outside person, or mediator, helps
people in conflict reach a solution.
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What to Know About Mediation
• Agree upon a mediator.
– The only bias the mediator should have is
for the solution to be healthful, safe, legal,
respectful of all people involved, and
nonviolent.
• Set ground rules.
– Appropriate ground rules include: tell the
truth, commit to resolve the conflict, reserve
judgment, and listen without interruption.
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What to Know About Mediation
• Define the conflict.
– The people involved need to agree about
what has taken place and about what the
conflict is really about.
• Identify solutions to the conflict.
– The people involved brainstorm ways to
resolve the conflict.
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What to Know About Mediation
• Evaluate suggested solutions.
– Predict the possible outcome of the solutions.
• Negotiate a solution.
– The mediator helps the people involved
negotiate a solution.
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What to Know About Mediation
• Write and sign an agreement.
– The people involved should enter into the
agreement in an entirely voluntary manner.
• Schedule a follow-up meeting.
– The mediator can arrange a follow-up
meeting to renew the agreement.
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Prejudicial Behavior
• To distinguish between things or
people by noticing or emphasizing
differences between them is
to discriminate.
• Prejudice is an adverse judgment
formed without looking at the facts.
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How to Avoid Prejudicial Behavior
• Show respect for all people.
– When you show respect for others, you
increase the likelihood that they will be at
their best and respect you.
• Challenge stereotypes.
– A stereotype is a prejudiced attitude that
assigns a specific quality or characteristic to
all people who belong to a particular group.
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How to Avoid Prejudicial Behavior
• Create synergy through diversity.
– A positive outcome that occurs when people
cooperate is synergy.
– Diversity is the quality of being different
or varied.
• Show empathy for all people.
– Empathy is the ability to share in another
person’s emotions or feelings.
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How to Avoid Prejudicial Behavior
• Avoid prejudicial comments.
– Always think before you speak as words
can cause emotional wounds that are more
difficult to heal than physical wounds.
• Learn about people who are different
from you.
– Learn the talents of others, because being
informed prevents adverse judgments.
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Study Guide
1. Match the following terms and definitions.
___
B assertive behavior
___
A mediation
___
D prejudice
___
C resistance skills
A. process in which an outside
person helps people in conflict
find a healthful, safe, nonviolent
solution
B. expressing ideas, feelings, and
decisions without feeling
threatened by others’ reactions
C. skills that help you say “no” to an
action or leave a bad situation
D. an adverse judgment formed
without looking at the facts
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Study Guide
2. Match the example to the type of conflict.
___
C intrapersonal conflict
A.
___
B interpersonal conflict
___
D intragroup conflict
___
A intergroup conflict
B.
C.
D.
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A player on your baseball team is hit by
a pitch thrown by the opposing pitcher.
You and your teammates think it was
intentional and vow to get even.
You believe your friend should pay for
dinner because you think he didn’t pay
last time. He disagrees and claims to
have paid the last time you were out.
You must choose between an apple
and an orange for a snack and you
want both.
Your group of friends has been asked
to play football. Some of your friends
want to play, others do not, but the
entire group is needed for a team.
Study Guide
3. How can you avoid prejudicial behavior?
To avoid prejudicial behavior you must: show
respect for all people, challenge stereotypes,
work to create synergy through diversity,
show empathy for all people, avoid prejudicial
comments, and learn about people who are
different from you.
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