Chapter 11
Social Skills
Vocabulary
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Relationship
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An emotional or social connection you
have with another person or group
Relationships change as we get older and can
change from moment to moment depending on
the situation.
 Communication is essential to establish and keep a
healthy relationship
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Active Listening
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Hearing and thoughtfully responding as a
person is speaking
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Paying attention to the person
Maintaining eye contact
Nodding to show understanding
Asking questions
Listening to the person rather then waiting to
speak
Golden rule… Do unto others as you want
done unto you
Body Language
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A way to communicate through body
movements.
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97% of communication is said via body
language
Shows true emotion… may send a silent
message to the listener or to those
around you
Behavior
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How you choose to respond or act.
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Passive: saying and doing little to nothing
Aggressive: threatening behavior, may
include being physical
Assertive: Expressing your thoughts and
feelings in a respectful way. Being considerate
to others feelings, thoughts, and attempting
to work together to solve problems.
Refusal Skills
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Think… Choose… Act !
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Think of the situation and its possible
consequences
Choose a course of action. One that you can
be proud of and you know wont put your self
or anyone else at risk physically, emotionally,
or socially.
Act. Follow through with what you decided
and after think about the outcome.
Conflict Resolution
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Do you really listen or do you just wait for
your turn to speak ?
Healthful
Friendships
What is a healthful friendship?
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A balanced relationship that promotes
mutual respect and healthful behavior
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Improves or maintains the quality of life
Friends…
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Take personal interest in each other
Support each other
Encourage each other
Participate in social activities together
“A friend is a give that you give yourself”
“To have a friend you must first be a friend”
Initiating Friendships
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Make a background check on the person
(observations)
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What do I know about this person?
Does this person have/display good
character?
Do my parents know this person?
Will my parents approve of this relationship?
There is always a risk in initiating a
friendship!
Conversation Activity !
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Each student will get a partner and
arrange desks around center yellow
rectangle facing each other.
Begin a conversation with the goal of, ‘I
need to learn one thing (not person) that
this person likes and dislikes’
Person on the outside will rotate to each
person on the inside
Conversation Keepers/Killers
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Asking questions
Showing interest
Listening
Responding
Encouraging others
Being positive
Eye contact
Sharing ideas/feelings
Encouraging to talk
‘I’ messages
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Talking about yourself
Appearing disinterested
Interrupting
Changing the topic
Bragging
Complaining
Avoiding eye contact
Talking to others
Dominating the
conversation
‘You’ messages
Rejection
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Everyone experiences rejection
Rejection: the feeling of being unwelcomed or un-wanted
How should you respond?
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Anger?
Bury Feelings?
Don’t care?
Handling Rejection
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Use I-messages to share feelings with the
person who reject your gestures of
friendship
Share your feelings with a trusted adult
Reaffirm your high-self worth always!
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“They don’t know what they’re missing!”
Barriers to Making New Friends
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Shyness characterized by discomfort,
inhibition, and awkwardness in social
situations
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Withdraw from interaction and expression
Loneliness characterized by unpleasant,
painful, or anxious feelings as a result of
having fewer or less satisfying
relationships then desired
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Temporary!
Balanced Friendships
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Friendships requires the commitment of
both people
Balanced friendship: 2 people give and
receive from each other, acts of kindness
Equality
Ways to Give & Receive
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Listening
Helping celebrate
success
Special Gifts can be
purchased or made
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Listening
Accepting gifts or help
Express gratitude
One-sided Friendships
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One-sided friendship: a friendship in which
one person does most of the giving and
the other does most of the receiving
Why?
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People pleasers
constantly seeks the approval of others
 Only give to be liked or noticed by others
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Don’t know how to receive from others
Uncomfortable
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Some do not know how to receive acts of
kindness from others
They are uncomfortable accepting gifts of
time or support
They have never learned to rely on others
Thus, they play the role of giver
“Users”
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People who do more or all of the receiving
Take from others to get their needs met
Little interest in meeting the needs of their
‘friends’
They believe they should always come
first
Want to be in control of decisions
Don’t know how to become close to others
Ending Friendships
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Changing friends is part of growing up
Why do friendships change?
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Friends may move away
A friend may break confidence
Interests change
There are times when a person needs to be
objective and decide if a “friend” is a friend
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Encourage wrong actions contrary to one’s own
values
Application
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Not everyone will be a friend
You must be a giver before becoming a
receiver
Don’t be consumed with yourself, take
interest in others
If you are unhappy in a friendship,
confront the other person kindly.
Do not feel guilty about ending a
friendship
Harmful
Relationships
Relationship
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Relationship: a connection a person has
with another person
A persons health status is affected by the
quality of relationships they have
In general, relationships are usually
healthful or harmful
Relationships
Healthful
 Promotes self-respect
 Encourages
productivity and
health
 Free of violence and
drug use, misuse, or
abuse
Harmful
 Harms self respect
 Interferes with
productivity and
health
 Includes violence
(verbal, physical,
mental, emotional),
drug use, misuse,
abuse
Harmful Ways of Relating
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The
The
The
The
The
people pleaser
enabler
clinger
fixer
distancer
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The
The
The
The
The
controller
center
abuser
liar
promise breaker
The People Pleaser
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Constantly seeks the approval of others
Do almost anything to be liked
Use alcohol or other drugs
Described as “doormats” because others
can walk all over them with no
consequences
Sabotage their chances for healthful
relationships because others don’t respect
them
The Enabler
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Support others’ harmful behavior
Deny or overlook another person’s harmful
behavior, such as:
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Make excuses or cover up others behavior
Might contribute to others behavior
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Drinking, gambling, or cheating
Make bets for another with gambling problem
Drink with another who has a drinking problem
Sabotage: don’t require others to behave
responsibly
The Clinger
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Needy and dependent
Feels empty inside and constantly turns to
another person to feel better
No amount of attention or affection keeps
the clinger feeling fulfilled
Eventually “suffocates” the other person
Sabotage: not giving other people space
The Fixer
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Tries to fix other people’s problems
Take on problems that are not their
responsibility
Quick to give advice
Will identify different possible solutions and try
them for the person
Fixers avoid their own feelings and problems
Sabotage: do not want others to solve their
problems
The Distancer
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Emotionally unavailable to others
Keeps other people form getting too close
in a number of ways
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Being too busy to spend time
Avoid sharing feelings
Keep others at a distance to avoid getting
hurt
Sabotage: not risking emotional
involvement
The Controller
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Possessive, jealous, and domineering
Seeks power
Might tell another person what to do, what
to wear, and what to believe
Might monopolize a girlfriend/boyfriend’s
time
Sabotage: not respecting the interests or
opinions of others; dominating
The Center
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Self-centered
Wearing “badge” that says “ME, ME, ME”
They do most of the talking and have little
interest in what you say
Do what they want to do, when they want
to do it
Aren't too concerned with others
Sabotage: focusing on themselves; ignore
other’s needs
The Abuser
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Person who is abusive
Constantly put others down or harm
others
Threaten, begin fights, act in other violent
ways
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Force (convince) another person to have sex
Tend to alternate periods of abusiveness
with periods of gentleness
Sabotage: threatening and harming others
The Liar
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Does not tell the truth
Honesty is a foundation in any healthful
relationship!
Lie about themselves to look good
Pretend to be something they are not
Avoids truth to manipulate others into the
responses the liar wants
Sabotage: lying to get what they want
The Promise Breaker
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Not reliable
Make plans with another person and then
be a “no show,” opting to do something
better that has come along
Might promise to change their ways
People doubt their sincerity and
commitment
Sabotage: not keeping their word
Interactions
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Interactions or dynamics in harmful
relationships often explain why people end
up in such relationships.
People who relate in harmful ways are
drawn to each other.
Some examples match-ups…
The Promise Breaker & the People
Pleaser
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PB makes plans to go to a movie with a
PP
PB cancels the plans when something else
comes along
PP is angry, but keeps anger inside and
accommodates PB with new date
• PB—must learn to keep commitments
• PP—must set limits and share feelings
Controller & Enabler
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C objects when girl/boyfriend spends time
with friends
C is suspicious and accuses
E makes excuses for him/her, “He/She
loves me so much…”
E gives up all her friends for him
C—respect gf/bf’s rights to have friends
E—take responsibility for him/herself
Clinger & Distancer
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C attracted to D because they fear being
abandoned
D is emotionally unavailable
C & D afraid to get close
D runs from relationships; spends time, then
backs off
C chases harder
C- address emptiness; develop self-confidence
D- share feelings and become close to others
What To Do !
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Evaluate each of your relationships on a regular
basis.
Recognize when you must end a relationship,
rather then work it out.
Identify changes in behavior that must occur for
you to stay in that relationship.
Talk to a parent, guardian, or trusted adult.
Have a frank discussion with the other person,
sharing concerns and expectations.
Set a future date to evaluate again.
Application
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Life is full of relationships.
You can prevent, change, and free
yourself from harmful relationships.
You do not have to stay in a harmful
relationship.
Evaluate. Discuss changes. Set and keep a
date to reevaluate!
Watch for others who may be in trouble.
Chapter 11
Lesson 3
Family Health
Empathy
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Sharing and understanding another
persons feelings
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Listening & reading body language
Identification of feelings
Becoming aware of another’s daily struggle
‘You do not know the trouble’s that people do
not speak of !’
Tolerance
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Ability to overlook differences and accept
people for who they are.
Helps develop respect and understanding
Everyone is different
Supports responsible behavior
Nurturing
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Providing the care and other basic things
that people need to grow
Why walk when you can Roll!!!
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Home: Hillsborough, New Jersey
Birthdate: December 1, 1983
After years of being a top medal contender in the
women’s T53 class, Jessica Galli made the leap to being
a world record breaker last season.
Galli was injured in a car accident in September 1991,
but shortly after became involved in disabled sports. In
1998, she attended her first international event, the IPC
World Championships in Birmingham, England, and has
been competing internationally ever since.

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In June 2007, Galli set a new
mark in the 400m at a European
Wheelchair Championships meet
in Switzerland, taking nearly a
half-second off the old mark, set
by Great Britain’s Tanni GreyThompson. Three weeks later, she
chopped another four-tenths of a
second off her time – and broke
two other world records, the
200m and 800m – at the Meet in
the Heat in Atlanta.
A 2000 Paralympic Games silver
medalist in the 800m, Galli says
finishing fourth twice in 2004 in
Athens has motivated her to excel
as she trains for this year’s Games
in Beijing.
Galli graduated from the
University of Illinois in 2006 with a
degree in kinesiology. She is
currently a graduate student at
Illinois, working toward a degree
in health policy and
administration.
Major Achievements:

• 2008: Nominated for an ESPY in the Best Female
Athlete with Physical Disability category
• 2007: Named U.S. Olympic Committee Paralympian
of the Year
• 2007: Three world records, 200m, 400m, 800m –
Meet in the Heat, Atlanta, Ga.
• 2007: Two gold medals, 200m, 400m – Visa
Paralympic World Cup, Manchester, United Kingdom
• 2006: Gold medal, 100m; Silver medal, 200m;
Bronze medal, 800m – IPC Athletics World
Championships, Assen, The Netherlands
• 2006: Two gold medals, 100m, 800m – Visa
Paralympic World Cup, Manchester, United Kingdom
• 2005: Silver medal, 100m; Bronze medal, 400m –
Visa Paralympic World Cup, Manchester, United Kingdom
Types of Families
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Nuclear Families – 2 parents at least 1
child
Single Parent – 1 parent at least 1 child
Adoptive – 1+ children born from other
parents
Extended – Grandparents, aunts, uncles…
Blended – 2 families combine
Couples – can be families w/o children
Don’t over do it
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Even though you may want to help it may
not be needed
Many people who may be physically
disabled, may look like they are struggling
with every day tasks… They my not want
or need your help.
Ask clarification questions and respect
others emotions before you act.