Managing Adult Relationships in the
School Community
NABMSE REGIONAL MEETINGS
APRIL 2013
DR JOE O’CONNELL
LIMERICK EDUCATION CENTRE
Context
PHILOSOPHICAL LIBERALISM
DISCOURSE OF DERISION
In any given day……
Tactful/Diplomatic
Need to remain objective
Power of Invisibility
Humorous
Empathetic
Encourager
Ability to relax people
Intuitive
Open body language
Keeping one’s opinion to oneself
Patient
Clarifier
Non threatening
Catalyst
Giver of direction
Motivator
Interpreter
Interventionist
Responder
Brief when required
Open-minded
Ability to remain silent
Good listener
Thinker on one’s feet
Ability to see opportunities
Observer
Summarising
Good questioner
Coordinator
Challenger
Reflective
Clear Communicator
Understanding of group
dynamics
Dr Joe O' Connell NABMSE 2013
If a relationship fractures then conflict abounds
 Conflict arises because the lens through which we view
life leads us to believe that:
Others have, or intend to, frustrate or ignore our
interests or concerns….. a feeling
Proportionality between rational and emotive
thoughts and actions
Think outside of your own emotive domain
Dr Joe O' Connell NABMSE 2013
Communication is central
“Communication is the
essential tool of human
technology”
Lewis, L.P. (1994) Curing Conflict
Dr Joe O' Connell NABMSE 2013
Guiding Principles
 Understand and appreciate roles and
responsibilities and consider context
 Adopt a Professional Approach at all times
◦ Language
◦ Depersonalise situations
◦ Be an active listener
◦ Don’t carry agendas
 The difference between being assertive as opposed
to being aggressive
Dr Joe O' Connell NABMSE 2013
Keep in mind that no issue remains a single
issue!
There are levels of analysis:
1.
Within Individuals
2.
Between Individuals
3.
The group as a whole

Temporal effect of a strong character
Dr Joe O' Connell NABMSE 2013
The variety of relationships!
Dr Joe O' Connell NABMSE 2013
Managing Challenging Relationships
REACTION
Dr Joe O' Connell NABMSE 2013
Personal Reaction to Challenging Behaviour
 Your Style……Social Skills
 Two heads are better than one…………Collaborating
 Kill your enemies with kindness…..Accommodating
 Split the difference….. Compromising
 Leave well enough alone …. Avoiding
 Might makes right…… Competing
Dr Joe O' Connell NABMSE 2013
Personal Reaction to Challenging Behaviour
Each of us is capable of using all
five conflict handling modes,
however, any given individual uses
some modes better than others
whether because of temperament
or practice.
Dr Joe O' Connell NABMSE 2013
The power of the tongue!
The Power of words, the appropriateness of language
The kind word
The gentle word
The angry word
The harsh word
The careless/unconsidered word
Dr Joe O' Connell NABMSE 2013
Respect is essential
 Non judgemental
“No one so thoroughly appreciates the value of
constructive criticism…..
…..as the one who’s giving it”
Hal Chadwick
Dr Joe O' Connell NABMSE 2013
Dealing with Challenging Relationships
 Principal/Parent
 Kindred Code between
Snr Management and
Teacher
 Principal/Teacher
 Principal/Management
Dr Joe O' Connell NABMSE 2013
Principal/Parent
 Acknowledge effort to be
 Parent is naturally




apprehensive
Parent is generally
defensive
Parent has rehearsed
Parent has listened to
their son/daughter
Parent has baggage






present
Listen /Note-taking
Demonstrate mutual
interest, support and
concern.
Show hope, list some
positive
Get them to outline what
they will, can do
Don’t set unreasonable
demands
Revisit Agreement
Dr Joe O' Connell NABMSE 2013
Kindred Code: Principal/Staff
 No confrontation/
 Any disagreement
between Senior
Management and Staff
will permeate
throughout.
 United front at all times
 Professional approach at
all times




disagreement in view of
pupils
Solidarity about decisions
taken
Positive body language
sets the tone for the
school
Review Working Together
Document
Agreement in advance re
scenarios
Dr Joe O' Connell NABMSE 2013
Principal/ Management
 Management is a collective corporate process
 Issues of conflict must be resolved
 Confidentiality is essential
 Procedures need to be adhered to at all times
 Documentation is essential
 Effective communication
 Informed decision making
Dr Joe O' Connell NABMSE 2013
Key Messages
 Distinguish between crisis and controversy
 Know yourself, your approaches, your style
 Appreciate roles and different types of people, invest
in knowing your people
 Take the helicopter view
 Show a route to resolution, don’t become a quick
fixer
 Adhere to any agreed procedures
Dr Joe O' Connell NABMSE 2013
Mo Bhuíochas
Dr Joe O' Connell NABMSE 2013